You’re not happy with the sex you’ve been having?
Kate hesitated. She’d never been one who sought revenge or who would ever intentionally make another person suffer in any way. But even though Brock’s game had ended up helping her, he’d had just a little too much fun at her expense. She remembered how he’d pushed her to call him Master. How he’d punished her for not obeying him without question. Oh, yes, he deserved to squirm a bit before she broke it to him that she knew the truth.
It was fun at first. It’s just getting old. We’re always talking about fantasies and trying to live them out. I want to have nice, normal sex once in a while. How do I tell him that?
I’m not a sex therapist, Kate, but the easiest way would be to tell him.
I can’t talk to him like I talk to you. I know it doesn’t make sense, but I trust you.
You’re right, it doesn’t. I could be anyone.
Maybe it’s because I don’t consider you real that I feel like I can be myself with you. I can tell you anything. Will you help me figure out if he loves me?
Does this mean our game is on again? Are you looking for a Master?
Angie burst out laughing. “You have to give him credit for asking. He’s definitely a boundary pusher. Set him straight, Kate.”
Oh, I will. Kate texted: No. But I will describe how it goes with him. In hot, graphic detail. If you help me.
You’re playing a dangerous game, Kate.
You’re the one who taught me to enjoy games, Mr. Elf. Are you in or not?
There was a long pause before he answered: I’m in.
Kate turned the phone off. Her hands were shaking, but she was smiling. “Let him stew on that until I text him tomorrow, right?”
Angie grinned in approval. “I love it. Have you talked to him today? I mean, as Brock?”
“No. He’s been calling, but I didn’t answer because I didn’t know what to say. Do you think I should contact him now?”
Angie shook her head and leaned back against the counter behind her. “You are way too nice, Kate. If you aren’t going to let him sweat a little over this, you might as well tell him everything now.”
Kate chewed her bottom lip. “I didn’t think this would be so hard. I feel guilty already.”
Angie handed Kate the prepaid phone. “Then throw the phone back in the trash and end the game now. Go confess and talk it out like mature adults.”
Kate weighed the phone in her hand. “I should.”
“But?”
“It’s kind of exciting to be talking to Mr. Elf again—even more now that I know he’s Brock.” Kate shook her head in confusion. “Does that even make sense? I mean, is there any way this can end well?”
Angie shrugged. “What’s the worst-case scenario? He finds out? How can he be upset when he did the same thing to you? The way I see it, worst case: He can’t take what he dishes out, and then he’s not the guy for you. Best case: You put him through his paces, and he comes out a better man for it, and one you trust again.”
“I have a feeling you could sell legs to a centipede,” Kate said, smiling reluctantly.
Angie smiled back. “I wasn’t always knee-deep in diapers, you know. I left behind a marketing career for all this.” She waved her arms around her.
“Are you happy, Angie?”
Suddenly serious, Angie nodded. “Yes. I gripe. I miss my friends at work. But this is important. Mike says if I want to go back to work he’ll figure something out with his schedule. The boys are growing so fast—I know we’ll come to that soon enough. But for now, I want to be here with them. How about you?”
Kate traced the edge of the table with one hand. “I feel like I’ve been in limbo for too long. I waited for my mother to pass. Waited for my divorce papers to come in. Now I’m waiting to find out how Brock really feels about me. Meanwhile, I’m doing nothing.”
Angie walked over and put a hand on Kate’s shoulder. “You realize Brock can’t make you happy, right? No one can. Find a goal outside of him and do something to work toward it every day. That way, no matter how this turns out, you’ll be okay.”
Kate stood up and hugged Angie. “Tell Mike I’ll babysit the boys the entire weekend.”
Angie hopped in her embrace. “Are you serious? I thought you and Brock were going away to the Cape.”
Kate shot her a huge smile. “I’ll tell him I want to see how he is with children. A weekend with your kids sounds like a perfect test.”
“Have I created a monster?”
“Do you want a babysitter?”
“I’m shutting up now before you change your mind. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
***
Waiting for his crew to leave for the day was excruciating. Brock wanted to cut his day short and hightail it to Kate’s house, but he didn’t want to let on that he knew anything. If Kate was confused enough to be reaching out to a man she didn’t know, he wanted to make sure he played the situation right.
He hadn’t lost her yet, and he had no intention of doing that now. As he was closing up his office, Linda met him just outside the trailer.
“Did you talk to Kate yet?”
He shook his head and started walking toward the parking lot with his sister. “I’m heading over there now to do just that.”
“Did I tell you that she—?”
Brock stopped. “Lin, I love you, but I don’t want to talk about Kate with you. Let me handle it, okay?”
“I just thought you should know—”
“Linda, it’s been a long couple of days, but there is nothing you can do to make this easier. Kate and I need to figure this out ourselves. You can help me by not getting involved, understand? Don’t call her trying to smooth things over. Don’t talk to your friends about her. Let this play out. Can you do that for me?”
Linda didn’t look happy about it, but she agreed. “I just want you to know I care.”
Brock gave his sister a kiss on the side of her head, then a mock punch to the arm. “I know you do. Trust me, though, I’ve got this.”
A short time later, Brock repeated those words to himself as he rang Kate’s doorbell. “I’ve got this.”
Kate opened the door about a foot and said, “Sorry I didn’t answer your calls.”
“I missed you, Kate.” Kate opened the door the rest of the way. She was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt with her hair tied back in a neat ponytail. He’d never seen her more beautiful, but he didn’t say that. He waited for her to speak first.
“I needed time to figure out a few things.”
“And have you?”
“I think so. But there are things we need to talk about, Brock.”
“That’s why I’m here. I’ll listen as long as you want to talk. Although it might be easier inside where it’s not as frigidly cold.”
Kate backed up to allow him in. “Sorry. Come on in.”
Brock followed her to the living room. She sat in a single chair. Brock chose the couch next to it. She looked nervous. He was tempted to pull her into his arms and kiss her until she stopped worrying, but he didn’t want to push her. She said she couldn’t speak to him as easily as she could speak to Mr. Elf, and he wanted to change that. “You can tell me anything, Kate. I’m not going anywhere. Not unless you tell me to.”
Kate looked down at her hands in her lap and said, “I feel like we’ve been on fast-forward since we met. I haven’t had time to catch my breath. Being with you is exciting, but part of it still feels unreal. Maybe because we’re always playing games or pretending to be other people. I don’t know. Can we tone it down a bit? Just be you and me for a little while and see how that goes?”
“Come here, Kate.”
Kate crossed the space to sit beside him. He took her hands in his. “We can tone it down as much as you want. I rushed you, and I shouldn’t have. I’m happy you feel comfortable enough to tell me this.”
Kate met his eyes. “Honesty is important to me. So is trust. I need more time, Brock. I gave my heart to a man once
, and he trampled on it. I’m not eager to do that again.”
“I’m not your ex. I’d never cheat on you.”
“Or lie to me?”
Brock faltered on that one. He wanted to say he’d never lie to her, but was keeping his dual identity a secret really a lie? “I would never intentionally hurt you.”
“I want to believe that.”
“You will, but like you said, trust takes time. Luckily, we have that, Kate. We have all the time you need.”
“Speaking of time, is it too late to cancel our place at the Cape? Angie needs a babysitter this weekend, and I told her we could do it.”
“We?” Brock remembered the last time he and Kate had visited their friends’ home. They had twins, if he remembered right. Watching them was not exactly the romantic weekend he’d planned, but he wasn’t about to say no. “Sure.”
“You’re really fine with it?”
He gave her what he hoped was his most charming grin. “You’ll be there. That’s enough for me.”
She studied his expression for a long moment, then said, “Okay. I’ll tell her. Thanks.”
They sat there, looking into each other’s eyes, until Brock finally broke the silence. “Have you eaten?”
Kate shook her head.
“Want to make something together?” he asked. “I am gifted at boiling water. And the way I place the pasta into it—well, I don’t want to brag, but it’s inspired.”
Kate chuckled. “I studied gourmet cooking at Le Cordon Bleu. If you make the pasta, I’ll make the sauce.”
Brock stood and held out his hand to Kate. “That’s a deal I’ll take.”
Chapter Seven
Kate decided against contacting Mr. Elf the next day or during the weekend that followed. She eventually had to admit she was enjoying herself so much she’d almost forgotten this was a game.
After cooking together, Brock had stayed over at her place. They had watched a movie and snuggled on the couch, then talked until well past midnight. He told her stories of what it had been like growing up with Linda and all of her friends, many of whom had spent so much time at his house it had felt like he’d been born into a large family instead of a small one. She asked him about his friends and loved that so many of them had been close to him since grade school. Tyler. Chris. Even Mike. They had all played sports together and stayed in the same area for college. His stories had a small-town feel to them, even though Misty Falls was more of a city.
While holding her in his arms, Brock had asked Kate about her friends and family. At first she had been reluctant to share. Her experiences didn’t mirror his. But Brock waited patiently, and finally Kate opened up and told him about her mother and how she’d wanted Kate to have a better life than she’d had. She explained that her mother had kept her separate from the kids in Misty Falls because she’d thought Kate would be happier if she entered into the world of the wealthy. It was why Kate had studied languages, played a variety of instruments, and could recite poetry. Her mother had wanted her not only to break into that world, but also to appreciate everything it had to offer. And to create that opportunity for her daughter, Kate’s mother had worked long hours in Boston, and commuted back and forth to Misty Falls.
“So you weren’t from a wealthy family? Everyone always assumed you were. Even I did,” Brock had admitted.
Lost in her memories, Kate had looked past him. “Appearances were important to my mother. That sounds worse than I mean. From what I remember about my extended family, they were into some dangerous lifestyles. My mother wanted to make sure I knew there was more to life than how she’d been raised. She went to school, tried to make a better life for herself, but she kept getting pulled back into—well, a life she wouldn’t discuss with me. She protected me from it as much as she could, but ultimately she decided only a clean break would work. My mother thought people with money were different. That life with them would somehow be better.”
Brock hugged Kate and kissed her temple. “That’s not true in my experience.”
Kate felt so close to Brock that she shared her inner fears. “Mine, either. Wayne, my ex, was perfect on paper, but he didn’t love me, not by any definition I could accept. He wanted a beautiful wife he could show off at events. I thought I had friends where I lived in Boston, but their idea of loyalty and mine seriously differed when it came to having sex with my ex. It has shaken my faith in trusting most people. Life would be easier if people came with labels.”
Brock hadn’t answered at first, but finally he said, “My father would say you have to dig deeper than a label to discover the value of something. To know the stability of any building, you have to spend time studying it, getting to know its structural strengths and weaknesses. Only then can you decide if it’s worth saving.”
“You test it?”
“Sometimes. But I don’t require perfection in projects I take on. I care more about potential. Some projects are worth whatever it takes to save them.”
Like us? Kate had been tempted right then and there to spill everything and ask him if they could start fresh, but she needed him to confess to her. He didn’t, though. Not even when they slowly and tenderly made love that night. And not the next day, when they woke in each other’s arms and started their day with warm, leisurely sex that left a glow on their faces all day.
No, Brock didn’t appear to be anywhere near admitting to being Mr. Elf, and that was why she didn’t feel badly at all when she and Brock watched Angie’s twins instead of going away to the Cape. She made sure Brock did his share of feeding and diaper duty that weekend, and had to hide a laugh when one of the boys spit up all over Brock’s shirt, forcing him to change into one of Mike’s.
Kate had to admit Brock handled being around children better than she had expected. He spoke to the boys as if they could understand him, and Tim and Tom responded by laughing and grabbing at him, crying only when he put them down. By Sunday Brock was sitting on the couch watching football with a twin boy plastered to either side of him as he cheered on his team. Kate took a picture of them together, needing to capture that moment, although not fully understanding why.
On Sunday night, after Angie and Mike returned, Kate claimed she wasn’t feeling well and wanted some time alone. Brock gave her a gentle kiss and promised to call her the next day. Her plan to make him squirm a little before admitting she knew everything was getting jumbled in her head. She should have felt better after spending so much time with him, but instead she was getting angrier with him and more confused. She went to bed early but barely slept.
The next morning she padded down to her kitchen in her pajamas. She’d thought it would be fun talking to her naughty elf again, thought this game would be as wild as their last, but it wasn’t. She looked at the photo of Brock with the boys watching football together and said, “Why can’t you just be this man? Why do you have to be Mr. Elf, too?”
She was in that state of mind when she sent a text via her prepaid phone: Vanilla sex was not the answer.
He wrote back almost immediately. Vanilla?
You know, nice. Normal.
Isn’t that what you said you wanted?
I did, but I didn’t know it would be so—boring. Kate cringed when she read the words she’d sent. Nothing about being with Brock, in or out of bed, had been boring. She’d said it to hurt him, and that confused her even more. Her game was about finding out if he loved her, not getting back at him.
Right?
Brock had done everything she’d asked him to. She thought that would make her happy. Instead, she wanted to reach through the phone and slap him.
Did you tell him that?
No. Shouldn’t he know me well enough to sense how I feel? Like now, Brock. Shouldn’t you know I’m waiting for you to be eaten up with guilt? How far does this game have to go before you decide I’m worth the truth?
He probably thought you were happy.
Well, I’m not.
What was lacking?
An idea
came to Kate that she dismissed at first. It was a little mean-spirited and not mature at all. Still, she was talking to a man who called himself an elf, who had left sex toys on her doorstep and called them presents. He deserved to get a present of his own. Fun. You sent me some amazing gifts. Maybe I should send Brock a few.
What kind of gifts?
I have an idea, but I don’t want to discuss it yet. I’ll tell you about them later if they work.
Kate turned off the phone and reached for her laptop. She had some online shopping to do.
***
Brock threw himself into work for the rest of day. When he received a text from Kate telling him she couldn’t see him that night, he forced himself to sound casual as he wrote back that he would see her later in the week. He didn’t want to rush Kate, but he was slowly going out of his mind. At least they were back together and, thanks to her texts with Mr. Elf, he had an added insight into where her head was. He didn’t like that she reached out to a man she didn’t actually know instead of coming to him with her concerns, but, since the other man was really him, he told himself it was practically the same thing.
The next day, when he returned home after a stress-relieving two hours at the gym, he found a gift from Kate outside his apartment door. The small, white box wrapped in red velvet ribbon had a card attached that read: I saw this and thought of you. Kate
The thought of the gifts he’d given her had him impatiently tearing the paper off. Disappointingly, it was only Be My Valentine perfume.
He took out his phone to call Kate and thank her, then realized he had Mr. Elf’s prepaid phone in his hand and cursed, dropped it back into his coat pocket, and hunted through his pockets for his other phone. That would not have been good. The last thing Kate needs now is another reason to break up with me.