Chapter 9
Pussface had been watching people around the neighborhood for a couple of hours. He saw ordinary situations: men mowing their shaggy lawns, people riding bicycles together in unattractive Speedos, and others gardening.
“I haven’t seen anything unusual so far,” he muttered while passing lovely one-story homes. One had a blooming rose bush and children’s toys in the yard. The toys were being played with by a little girl with blond pigtails.
“A kitty!” he heard her say. She skipped over to Pussface in her pink-striped dress. He let her pet him a minute with her chubby fingers. “Good kitty-kitty.”
“Okay, I must be going now. I have business to take care of,” the cat said, but before he could walk away, she picked him up, unsteadily. Half of his body dragged on the ground. The girl looked like she was of an age of believing in imaginary friends, so a talking cat didn’t surprise her at all.
“Kitty-kitty, come play with me.” She smiled while rubbing her head on his.
“What have I gotten myself into?” Pussface sighed as they entered the house.
“Shhh,” she whispered and brought him into her bedroom. She dropped him, then closed the door quietly. “My mommy doesn’t like kitties. She-she says they make hew sneeze.” Like most young children, she couldn’t pronounce her Rs.
“Maybe I should go then.” He knew if Idis saw he was wasting time playing, she would be very angry.
“No. Just for an itty bit of time. Stay and play.” The girl pulled a plastic child’s table to the center of the room. She then scooted two little chairs to it. “We awe vewy phosisticated ladies.” She went to her closet after placing Pussface on a chair.
“Can’t I play a sophisticated man instead?”
“No!” she demanded and grabbed herself a big hat with a red ribbon on it. She then took a doll off the bed and began to undress it.
“What are you doing?” he asked, fearing his assumption.
“Like I said, we awe phosisticated ladies.”
“How old are you?”
“Thwee.” She held up four fingers.
“Okay.” Just then he felt her stuffing the doll’s dress over his head. “Agh! I think that’s the arm-hole,” he choked.
“Oops.” She giggled, then put it on right, Velcroing the back together. “That looks lovely, Emily.” She raised the pitch of her voice in an attempt to sound like a proper woman.
“Thanks.” He looked down to the flowered pattern and puffy shoulders. “But the name is Pussface. My witch calls me Pusface, but it’s Pussface.”
“Okay, Emily.” She sat across from him and smiled. “We awe having a tea pawty. We awe pwincesses.”
“How absolutely splendid,” he mimicked a woman’s voice from England.
The little girl giggled and pretended to take a sip of tea out of thin air. Her pinky finger was sticking straight out.
Pussface began to follow her motion with a paw. “Where’s my pinky?! Oh dear heavens, my pinky is missing!” he joked.
“Silly Emily. Isn’t it a beautiful day out?” She took another imaginary sip.
“Yes, a beautiful day to play cricket. And a beautiful day to find Surla.”
“What?”
“Hey.” Pussface’s orange eyes opened wide. “Maybe you can help me.”
“Help you do what, Emily?”
“Have you seen another black cat around lately? Maybe you’ve had a tea party with another talking cat?”
“Nope. Just you.” Her hand pet the top of his head.
“I look ridiculous in this outfit and it feels tight. I think it might be cutting off some circulation.” One of his back legs was feeling a bit numb.
“You’re not playing wight.” Her bottom lip pouted.
“I’m sorry, but I really must be on my way now.”
“Okay.” She picked him up, still not steadily.
“I can walk you know. In fact, I can walk and talk at the same time.” He hoped she would drop him but she didn’t until he was brought to the porch. “I still haven’t figured out how to talk and chew gum though. Maneuvering words around not only my snaggletooth but also gum is—”
“Bye, bye, kitty.” She waved.
“Wait, can you take off this silly dress first?”
“It’s a gift to you from me.” A kiss was blown, then the door shut.
Pussface’s back legs dragged along Idis’s wooden floors. The tight dress made half of his body numb. “I need this terrible contraption to be taken off me as soon as possible, otherwise I’ll have to go to the vet and have my legs fixed,” he grumbled, while sliding into the living room to where the witch sat on her green velvet couch, as usual.
“What’s this?” Idis stood in surprise. “Like I said earlier, you aren’t taking this job seriously.” She glared at the homely cat. “What have you been doing?”
Pussface dragged himself closer to her. “Please, just take it off.”
“Hee hee he.” She laughed at the sight. “You are literally a drag queen. Get it? Not only are you wearing a dress, which isn’t your color by the way, you have to drag yourself around. Hee hee he.”
“It’s cutting off my circulation. Please!” he begged.
After finally getting it off, the use of his legs slowly came back and Idis became more serious. “Tomorrow you will go through the other half of the neighborhood you didn’t get to yet.” She sat back down on the couch and pulled a boot off, exposing a gnarly toe poking out through her red sock. “Then there will be no failing in finding Surla. She couldn’t have gone far. I need my magic. I am tired of doing everything the hard way.” She yanked and yanked at her other boot until finally getting it free. That revealed an even bigger gnarly toe sticking through her socks. “If you fail, Pusface, you won’t know what hit you!” She threw the boot down hard on the floor for emphasis.
“I know. It’s the perfect plan,” Pussface heard while balancing on a tree branch, high enough to see the back of a blond girl, talking on the phone through a second story window. “She has changed so much. You would think someone took over her body.”
“Someone else taking over her body?” the scroungy cat repeated to himself. “This could be a good clue.”
“Yes, she’ll get what she deserves.” The girl laid back on her bed. “Trying to make me look bad. I know. What a tramp. I bet she thinks every guy in school likes her.” She paused. “Well, all the guys do like me.” There was another pause, then laughter. “This should teach her to not be so catty.”
Catty? Pussface listened. His orange eyes glowed through the window. Who is this girl she’s speaking of? He was more than curious to know; he needed to know.
“I’m wondering about Chrissy, though,” she continued. “You can tell she feels sorry for the nerd. I don’t think I should tell her. It will just be you, me, and Lisa that will know… Yeah, she’ll probably blab to Cathy.”
Cathy! I bet that’s the girl’s name. Pussface got excited and shifted his weight when suddenly the tree branch was breaking under him.
“Oh no!” he blurted and hugged the branch with all four legs. Right then it snapped, sending him into the bushes. He laid flat on his back, still holding the branch tight and spitting out a leaf.
“Who’s there?” the girl’s voice called.
Pussface used his last feeling of energy to bolt down the street. He turned, seeing half of the girl’s body leaning out the window, the phone still to her ear.