I’m feeling like things are going more normally now. Like all this stuff with Adam was just this unhappy phase. From now on, it’s just happy happy, joy joy for the rest of the summer.
On the other hand, I have this other feeling that things never stay simple for very long. Like on The Young and the Restless or some other soap opera. Anytime everyone is happy, you just know that a murder or a divorce or a long-lost daughter is going to show up by the end of the show.
So tune in tomorrow, for more of The Tan and the Clueless.
10
All About Seeing and Not Seeing Guys
“Okay, now smile,” Summer directed. She pointed the video camera at Seth, who was standing there, sullen, thumbs hooked in the waist of his jeans, refusing to cooperate.
Summer lowered the camera. “Would it kill you to smile?”
“I don’t even know this Jennifer person,” Seth grumbled.
“She’s my best friend. And she just posted a video of her boyfriend. I mean, this guy she’s sort of seeing, anyway,” Summer amended quickly. “I don’t know if he’s actually a boyfriend.”
“So now you want to be able to show her your guy you’re sort of seeing, anyway?”
“Yes,” Summer said. “I want her to see what you look like.”
“Uh-huh. Have you taped Diver yet?”
“No. That’s not the same,” Summer said impatiently.
“Why not?”
“Because Diver is not a guy I’m sort of seeing. You are,” Summer explained. Lately Seth had been trying to meet Diver. Like he was jealous of Diver, which made no sense at all. “See, Jennifer shows me the guy she’s sort of seeing, and he’s cute and all, so now I have to show her the guy I’m sort of seeing so she’ll realize that the guy I’m sort of seeing is cuter…almost as cute…as the guy she’s sort of seeing.”
Seth just stared at her. “If two guys were doing this, you’d say it was sexist.” Then, under his breath, but loud enough for Summer to hear, “Almost as cute.” He shuddered. “Cute is such a girl word.”
“Like grout is a boy word. You have grout, we have cute. Just like you boys have belching and grunting, and we have actual conversation.”
“Ugh,” Seth grunted. “Camera no good. Camera scare caveman.” He took the camera from her hands. “Caveman need to be bribed.” He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her.
Summer let him draw her down onto her bed. He lay on his back. She lay atop him, kissing his lips, enjoying the feel of his hard body. Then she noticed a familiar whirring noise.
She spun around and saw that Seth had raised the camera over them, pointed it down, and depressed the button. The little red light was on.
“Seth!” She slapped his chest.
“There! Do you see, Jennifer? Do you see how mean she is to me?”
“Seth, turn that thing off.”
“Hi, Jennifer, I’m the guy Summer is sort of, kind of, maybe seeing, part of the time. But she has six other boyfriends, too, although none of them is as cute as me.”
“They’re all cuter,” Summer said, laughing. “I’m kidding, Jen, obviously, duh.”
“What?” Seth demanded. “Are you saying there are no other guys you’re sort of maybe seeing?” He turned off the camera.
Summer started to climb off, but he wouldn’t let her go.
“So how much longer do we have to go on avoiding the dreaded B-word?” Seth asked. “You know how I feel about you.”
“Seth, we’ve been all over this at least six times,” Summer said. “I just am not going to rush into some big commitment. I’m too young. Besides, what am I supposed to do when summer vacation is over?”
“I guess we’d have to figure that out when the end of summer comes around,” Seth said seriously.
“Yeah. You’ll be back in Wisconsin with Lianne.”
“I’ll be back in Wisconsin. Not with Lianne,” he said.
Summer shrugged. She got up, crossed the room, and put the camera down on her dresser. “Can’t we not put me under so much pressure?” Summer asked.
Seth sat up on the edge of the bed. “Sure. I’m sorry. I keep saying I won’t press you, and then I do it anyway.”
“It’s not that I don’t like you,” Summer said. “I do. A lot. I just feel like I’m not ready to get as serious as you want to get.”
“You mean, we’re not getting married next week? Darn. I’ll have to tell my mom the wedding’s off.”
“Very funny.” Summer came back and sat beside him. She took his hand and held it on her lap. “It’s…I know this is going to sound strange, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately. I keep having these dreams about my brother.”
“Jonathan?”
“Yes. I mean, I think that’s what it is. I see this little boy dressed in white. I know, it sounds nuts, I guess, because I never even saw Jonathan. He disappeared months before I was even born. But it’s like the idea of him is coming back, and I think maybe it’s sort of a warning to me.”
“A warning?” Seth looked confused.
Not exactly surprising, Summer realized. This was the first time she’d articulated the feeling that had grown from the mess with Adam and the mess between Marquez and J.T., all combined with Jonathan.
“Look, I know this is silly, but it’s like…like people forget that loving someone and committing to someone can sometimes be bad. I mean, I think about my parents and Jonathan. It’s really messed up their lives in lots of ways, even though they try to not put it off on me.”
“Oh.” Seth nodded. “I get it.”
“You do?”
“Sure,” he said. “You think if you get totally into someone you might get hurt.”
“Right, so the more slowly you take it and the more totally sure you feel, the less likely it is you’ll get hurt.”
“That’s your theory?”
Summer nodded.
Seth tilted his head back and forth, as if he were holding an internal debate. “I guess I can live with that, for now. Actually, it’s kind of nice, in a perverse way. You’re saying if you admit you’re in love with me and then you lose me, you’ll be terribly unhappy.”
“You make it sound kind of obvious,” Summer said. “It seemed much more profound in my mind.”
“The other side of what you’re saying is that if we broke up right now, you’d just wash your hands of me, figure no big deal, bring on the next guy.” Suddenly he pushed her onto her back and lowered his face to hers. “Too bad, it’s not going to work. Because I’m not going to just go away.”
He kissed her and for a while, at least, she forgot why it was that she’d ever even thought of losing him.
By the next morning, she had remembered.
“Because,” she explained to Marquez, who was going through Summer’s wardrobe making rude remarks, “the amount of possible pain is directly proportional to the degree of commitment.”
“Uh-huh,” Marquez said. “Is that geometry? Or algebra?” She held up a bulky sweater of Summer’s. “Why is this here? Even in February it doesn’t get that cold here. This is July. You have, like, one bathing suit and two sweaters.”
“I am trying to discuss an important idea here,” Summer said.
“You want an important idea? I’ll give you an important idea—what are we doing today? We have the day off.”
“I’m going diving with Seth this afternoon,” Summer said.
“Okay, so we have the morning off. I repeat, what are we doing? I’m thinking shopping.”
“I have nothing to shop for,” Summer said.
“You are so wrong. You need so much stuff. And I know you made money Saturday night. You had that ten-top with all the champagne.”
There was a knock on the door. “It’s me.” Diana’s voice.
“Come in,” Summer yelled.
“Diana,” Marquez said. “Out walking in the sunlight? Isn’t that dangerous for your species?”
“Ah, Marquez, as always, you’re every bit as funny as your taste in outfits,” Diana
said as she walked to the center of the room.
“Ooh, right through the heart,” Marquez said. “Diana’s been drinking the caffeinated coffee again.”
Marquez was right. There had been a noticeable change in Diana lately. She seemed preoccupied and yet jumpy with suppressed energy. Noticeably different from the depressed, sullen Diana Summer had gotten used to.
“I just came down to warn you,” Diana said to Summer. “It’s finally happening. Mallory is coming home tomorrow. It’s definite.”
“Oh no,” Summer said. “I won’t be here tomorrow. I’m going on a diving trip with Seth. We won’t get back until late.”
“Lucky you,” Diana said dryly. She noticed the video camera. “Wait, that’s right. You have a video camera, don’t you?”
“Yep. Why? Did you want to borrow it?”
“Maybe,” Diana said thoughtfully. “Are you taking it on your trip?”
“No, I’d end up getting it wet,” Summer said.
“Better and better,” Diana said softly.
“What do you mean—” Summer fell silent. The hatchway in the floor had lifted two inches. She peered and saw a pair of eyes she recognized.
“You can come in, Diver. Diana knows about you. She’s cool,” Summer said. “And you’ve already met Marquez.”
She’s cool, Summer thought. Jeez, you sound like you’re dealing drugs or something. But it reminded her of the fact that Mallory, Diana’s mother, might not be so cool if she learned about Diver.
Diver raised the hatch a few inches higher. “Um, hi,” he said to Diana. “Nice to meet you and all.”
Diana bent over and looked down at him. “I don’t know if this is exactly a meeting. But, you know, nice to…whatever.”
“Come on in,” Marquez said with sudden enthusiasm.
“Um, well…” Diver said.
He seemed even more at a loss for words than usual. Summer knelt down in front of him. “Is there something wrong?”
“Kind of,” Diver said.
“What is it?”
“There was this nail, sticking out of this piling down by the marina, right?” he said.
“A nail. At the marina. Okay.”
“See, I was doing this job.”
“You work?” Marquez said, surprised. “I thought you just sort of absorbed nutrition from the environment, by osmosis or something.”
Diver’s eyes tracked left, puzzled. “Osmosis? I believe that’s a feature of plants, not animals.”
“Diver, what’s the problem?” Summer asked impatiently. “Marquez, stop interrupting. Diver, come on in and tell us.”
“Well, there was this nail. And I kind of caught my suit on it. And it kind of ripped.”
“Ripped? As in—?”
“I was thinking I would just sew it up, right? Only, I don’t have a needle or anything. So I was wondering if you had a needle and thread I could use.”
“Of course she does,” Marquez said enthusiastically. “Climb right on up and we’ll fix it for you.”
“It’s kind of a big rip,” Diver said. “I guess the fabric was kind of old and rotten and it just pretty much fell apart.”
“All the more reason to come right on up,” Marquez said.
“I’ll get you a towel to wrap around yourself,” Summer said, with a scolding look at Marquez.
“A hand towel,” Marquez called after her. “A washcloth.”
Moments later Diver emerged into the living room, wearing a large beach towel wrapped around him. He wiggled and shifted until he could safely produce the bathing suit.
Summer held it up for all to see. The fabric was thoroughly rotted. If it hadn’t torn, it would have soon disintegrated.
“That’s a nasty rip,” Marquez said. “All the way from the waistband down. What a shame. Lucky thing Summer gave you that towel.” She shot Summer a dirty look.
“I’m glad to meet you, Diver,” Diana said, smiling one of her rare smiles.
“Sure,” Diver said, looking mightily uncomfortable. He glanced anxiously from Diana to Marquez. He seemed to have a hard time tearing his gaze away from Marquez, who was eyeing him like a hungry lioness sizing up a juicy lamb.
“So…where are the rest of your clothes?” Diana asked.
He shrugged. “I had this shirt,” he said, looking around vaguely. “I don’t remember where I put it, though.”
Summer tossed the bathing suit to Diana. “That is his entire wardrobe. That and the beach towel he’s wearing.”
“Huh,” Diana said.
“Hmm,” Marquez said.
“You guys, try to be mature about this,” Summer said. They were grinding her nerves now. The two of them leering and all but drooling. After all, Diver had a brain, and a heart, too. If either Marquez or Diana was interested in him they were going to have to recognize that and treat him with respect.
Good grief, Summer chided herself. What am I, his mother, all of a sudden?
“Mature, definitely. Gotta be mature,” Marquez agreed.
“Diver, I think maybe you need some new clothes,” Summer said.
“I guess so,” he agreed. “But how am I going to go and buy them if I’m wearing a towel?”
“Ladies,” Marquez announced, rubbing her hands gleefully, “I believe we have found something to do with the rest of the day. We have to buy this boy some clothes. You two get going, and I’ll stay here.”
“I can put it on Mallory’s credit card,” Diana offered. “Might as well do as much damage as I can before she gets back.”
“I have money,” Diver said.
“You do?” all three girls said at once.
“Sure. I do work, you know. I do stuff like clean boats down at the marina. I have it in a jar, up on the deck. Let me go get it.”
He disappeared outside and they heard him climbing up onto the deck.
“Do you realize that he is the best-looking guy on planet earth?” Diana said under her breath. “I mean, I’m not alone in this, am I? He’s like…He’s prettier than any of the three of us. It’s not natural.”
“Like a perfect specimen,” Marquez said dreamily. “This simple, beautiful child of nature, with this beautiful face, and this beautiful body, and just like…perfect. Uncomplicated and perfect.”
Summer realized she was bridling at their reactions. Not that it would mean anything to Diver. “He isn’t interested in girls,” Summer whispered. “They disturb his wa.”
“His wa?” Marquez said.
“His wa. His inner peace,” Diana translated, much to Summer’s surprise.
“See what I mean?” Marquez said. “Simple. Uncomplicated. No problems. The perfect guy. Of course, he’s going to have to get over this thing about girls. Probably he just hasn’t met the right one. What he needs is someone as calm and simple and accepting as he is. Like me.”
Summer and Diana both laughed.
“So? I could change,” Marquez said, laughing along.
“Oh. No. A terrible thought just occurred to me,” Summer said.
“What?”
“We’re going to leave Diver here, sitting around in nothing but a towel. Seth is coming over to pick me up. We have to be back before that meeting takes place.”
“You had to trust Seth with Lianne, right?” Marquez suggested. “Maybe it’s time to see how trusting Seth is. And if he can trust you with Diver…” She bit her lip and made a suggestive little movement. “I suppose you have dibs on him, right?” Marquez demanded.
“If she does, then I have dibs on Seth,” Diana said. She laughed a little too loudly.
“Dibs?” Summer echoed.
“Dibs. You know, like he’s yours or whatever.”
“You mean like as a guy?” Summer said, incredulous. And what had Diana meant about Seth?
“No, as a pony,” Marquez said. “What are you, getting stupid? Of course as a guy. I mean, are you going to scratch my eyes out if I happen to, you know, become Mrs. Diver?”
Summer realized she was sur
prised by the question. She had reacted to Diver a little that way, maybe, right at first. But since then, it hadn’t occurred to her. She didn’t really think of Diver as a guy in the way that Seth was a guy.
“You’re taking an awful long time to answer a simple question,” Marquez said. “I’m only asking because it would be really excellent to be able to accidentally run into J.T. and Lianne when I was with Diver.”
“Sure,” Summer said. “I mean, of course, I don’t mind. But don’t just treat Diver like he’s some toy.”
“Of course not,” Marquez said. “Now, let’s get him some clothes and dress him up like a Ken doll.”
The girls bought Diver:
1 pair madras print trunks
1 Ralph Lauren blue work shirt
1 pair Levi’s 501 jeans
3 pairs Calvin Klein underwear
3 pairs white socks
1 pair sneakers
1 Miami Dolphins jersey
In addition, Diana bought herself a large over-the-shoulder bag decorated with gaudy glass beads that everyone agreed was hideous and completely unlike anything Diana would ever be seen carrying in public.
Loaded down with their many gifts, they arrived back at the stilt house to find Seth calmly waiting for Summer. Diver was nowhere in sight. Seth explained that he had given Diver an old pair of extra trunks that he kept in his truck and Diver had taken off.
Marquez then threatened to hurt Seth very badly.
11
The Importance of Being Diver
The marina was downtown, not far from the Crab ’n’ Conch. It was a small forest of masts: the tall, elegant masts of sailboats, the stubbier masts of powerboats. Several dozen white-and-blue-hulled boats were arrayed in tight little rows, connected by low wooden piers and adorned here and there with striped awnings, limp flags, flashes of chrome, and deeper tones of weathered teakwood.
The largest boats were out at the ends of the piers, huge wallowing palaces with uniformed crewmen performing maintenance while tanned women lounged in deck chairs drinking daiquiris. Marquez had stopped at her house to change clothes and try to think up some plausible excuse as to why she should be hanging around the marina. She never went to the marina. The marina was headquarters of the tourists she had to wait on at the restaurant.