Tierra sat in her Jacuzu fuming! She wanted to get drunk, sleep, wake up and do it all over again. She hated how Malcolm made her feel. Ever since she was ten she had only been this hurt one time. She never let anyone close enough to her to hurt her. The way she felt now, pissed her off. Malcolm had gotten too close to her wall and he caused damage. That was her job. She was the one that made men cringe. She had all the power. Now she felt powerless and she was not one bit happy about the feeling.
But, as long as she had a bottle of Mascato, she didn’t have to feel a thing. She didn’t have to deal, and she enjoyed her anonymity.
She spent the next several weeks going to work and home, home and work. She didn’t open the blinds, didn’t answer the phone, and went through many, many bottles of wine. She cried. She screamed. She threw things and cried some more. Her only rest was in her Jacuzu… She would have slept in there if she could figure out how to keep the water hot.
It was the middle of the week, around six in the evening. She just arrived home from B.E. and headed to the kitchen. She snatched her last bottle of wine out of the cooler below the countertop and made her way to her bedroom. Once inside she made a B-Line straight into the bathroom, turned on the water, and her Duets CD. She sat the already corked bottle on the vanity top and unzipped her black skirt, stepping out of it as it fell to the floor. She kicked her feet out of her black pumps, pulled her sheer stockings off the legs and slid the champagne colored camisole she wore off over her head, tossing it into the pile with her other clothing items. She yanked the bobby pins out of her hair allowing the tightly wound bun to unravel and fall down her back.
“Stupid!” she called out to her reflection, as she poured herself a glass and made her way to the Jacuzzi and sank into it. She submerged herself to her neck in the water, and bubbles. She promised herself she wouldn’t shed a tear over Malcolm, yet she went through several boxes of Kleenex tissues and all the Butter Pecan ice cream in her freezer.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid! Everyone told me, everyone warned me. But no, I knew better. Now look at me!” she scolded herself. “Ahhh!” she screamed, smashing her hands in the water. The suds spilled out over the edge of the white Jacuzzi onto the tile floor below.
“You’re going to pick all that water up!” Qu joked, standing outside the bathroom door. “I hope you don’t think Brandon or I am going to do it?”
“What the hell are you doing here? Did you come to gloat or something?” she said, taking a sip from her glass. “How did you get in here anyway?”
“You should lock your doors if you don’t want to be disturbed,” he replied sarcastically. “Ti, you know that he’s the jerk right? It’s his loss, not yours.”
“Qu, don’t do that, OK? I don’t need your pity. I’m a big girl. I can handle this on my own. No problems here, I’m fine.”
There was only one way she was going to admit to Qu how badly she was hurting and that was over her dead body. She was never going to allow anyone to hurt her that way again.
“Girl!” he started, stepping closer to the door. “I don’t care how much you act like you’re this powerhouse and nothing can touch you. I know this hurts. You can lie to me all you want, but you can’t lie to yourself. You deserve way better than what he did to you. There’s a way to treat someone like you, and that’s not it. You are a very special lady, Ti. Don’t let what that jerk did… don’t let his actions, have you retreat, and put your wall back up.”
“Yeah, well, I guess you’re the only one who thinks I’m special Qu. What do you care if my wall goes up or not anyway?” she said, taking another sip from her glass.
“What do you mean by that? I have always cared for you!” he replied angrily, offended by her words. “More than I knew, in fact,” he looked inside the bathroom and could see from the reflection in the mirror, Ti was holding a wine glass. He also noticed several bottles of wine sitting around her Jacuzzi. All the candles that sat on the shelf above the Jacuzzi were replaced with glassed and empty bottles. Her hair was frizzed, messy. Though she said she was fine, she looked like she never stopped crying.
There was a silence that lasted a few minutes, but felt like a lifetime.
“Qu,” Ti sighed.
“Yeah?”
“The past few months have all been a blur. Everything I thought was true has been false. Things I thought I was sure of, it turned out I didn’t know anything at all. Now, I’ve had my first heart break. What am I going to do now? What’s the encore to all of this?”
“Tierra, baby girl, for an encore, you need to show that you are still strong. You need to prove to yourself that this hasn’t broken you. You are still a beautiful, strong, smart black woman. OK, so Malcolm was a one of those guys you prayed you’d never run into. But don’t you give up. Maybe he was sent to distract you from the one God really has for you.”
“You know, Sean, Shireece, Jade… in fact, I honestly don’t think there was anyone who didn’t tell me that this wasn’t the man for me. I knew better though, and I just didn’t listen,” she said, lifting her glass to pour another drink.
“Ti, don’t try to drink your feelings away. They will just be there waiting for you tomorrow and the next day until you deal with them,”
“Yeah, well lucky for me Graham’s never runs out of my brand,” she smiled lifting the glass taking a sip.
Qu stormed into the bathroom, with the intention of taking the glass away from her. Unfortunately, in his state of mind, he somehow forgot she was in the Jacuzzi. There she sat, naked and drunk, with bubbles surrounding her caramel frame. For a moment he couldn’t move or speak. It was years since he saw her naked, and even in college it never phased him. They were best friends, PB&J, but lately everything about Ti fazed him. She splashed water at him and he snapped out of his trance, snatched the bottle away from her and walked out the bathroom.
“Aquarian, you bring that back! You can’t do that to me. I’m a grown ass woman you know! I can drink 20 bottles if I choose!” she screamed after him.
He paid her no attention, walked out of the bathroom, through her bedroom, down the hall and into the kitchen. There he poured what was left in the bottle down the kitchen drain.
Tierra jumped out the Jacuzzi in a blind rage and rushed after him. Just as she reached her bedroom door, Qu was on his way back in, empty handed.
“I love you,” he said in a soft tone. He looked up at the ceiling, not sure how to react to her nakedness. “I’m not going to let you destroy yourself over that guy.”
“Why are you staring at the ceiling? “
He rolled his eyes around in his head and pointed awkwardly at her naked body, then looked back up at the ceiling.
“Oh My…” she yelled and slammed the door. “You know, Qu, I never thought you would stoop so low. I don’t need your pity and I definitely don’t need some fake pitiful declaration of love either. I just need my bottle!”
“It’s gone, Tierra. You don’t need it.”
“Are you serious?” she swung the door open, and breathed heavily as she stared at Qu. He was leaning his head up against the corner of her doorframe. He reached his hand out to her, but she swatted it away. “You know what… get out! Qu. GET OUT!!!” she screamed and slammed her hand against the wall.
He could see her body trembling as she screamed at him. She was beyond upset. Anger grew inside him that Malcolm had caused so much hurt to the woman he grew up with. The woman he secretly loved. Everyone part of him wanted to take her in his arms, hold her, and tell her it would be ok. He yearned to confess to her that he loved her and that his love was real, not pity. But as she walked away from him and opened her front door, he knew it was a lost cause. He could tell by the look in her eyes, the woman that she had just become over the past few months was dwindling away and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
He rubbed his chin, turned and headed for the front door.
“I’ll be here if you need me. Ti, you can count on me,” he said in a low tone as he reached the door.
>
“Whatever, just go.”
He did as she asked, and walked out the door, flinching at the sound of her door slamming behind him.
“Lord, please watch over Tierra. She knows not what she is doing right now. She’s in a really bad place and I fear what she may do. Please heal her Father, please,” Qu prayed as he walked away.
Pride or Friendship