Gavin nods into me as I walk into the great room. His hair is slicked to perfection, and he’s got his trolling for hoes douchebag shirt on. But I’m not interested in Gavin and whether or not his dick is going to find a nice tight place to call home for the night. I’m too busy taking in the mega estate that the McCarthy’s not-so-humbly call home.
“Crap,” I whisper. “I forgot how huge this place is.” From the outside it’s mammoth in size with the appeal of an oversized chalet, but inside, it feels like two solid football stadiums could sit nicely in here.
“Yeah, well, Reese doesn’t strike me as a size matters kind of girl.”
“Watch it.” I turn to find her sitting on the floor with Brylee and a few other girls while Warren and his friends hit the hard stuff at the bar. I’m still not sure what I’m doing here other than helping Reese cover for being on my porch to begin with.
A group of girls bombard us and set in on the small talk. A blonde with a ponytail and pink bikini glides her shoulder up against mine. She’s sending all the right signals, but too bad for her because I’m not in the market for a good time. The only good time I want to have is with Reese, and it looks as if that’s being denied, too.
“So where you from?” She flutters her fake, moth-like lashes and grazes my chest with her boobs. I can feel her nipples right through the fabric, and it feels like I just cheated on Reese, right here in the open.
I take a step back, but she charges at me again. “From here—from the lake. Actually, I don’t live on the lake, I live near it—well, pretty near it. And you?” Shit. I look past her at Reese, and she’s still twisted in the other direction while Brylee glares at me from over her shoulder.
The blonde goes on and on, and I nod politely without understanding a single word that speeds from her lips. I try to revert my focus to Gavin who seems to be holding the attention of every other girl in our circle with a story of a bear.
“All right.” Warren gives a loud celebratory hoot. “Let’s get something on the fucking boob tube.” He cuts out the lights, and the oversized television blinks to life. Everyone finds a spot to sit and relax, and lucky for me, the blonde bounces away with her friends.
“Over here!” Brylee waves at Gavin and me, and we head toward the back where she and Reese are sitting against the wall. Warren is taking up an entire couch on his own while pouring a steady stream of beer down his throat. He’ll be knocked out in less than ten minutes at the rate he’s going. It doesn’t look like he’s all that concerned about where Reese is sitting or if she even has a chair.
“Right here.” Reese pats a spot next to her on the floor, and I readily comply. We lean against the wall as the lights go out.
The movie starts, some stupid sci-fi flick about a town that gets eaten by flying sharks. I’ve already seen it about a dozen times and enjoyed it each and every one.
Gavin reaches behind him and tosses a blanket to us then chucks one over to a group of girls who have been complaining the AC is on too high.
“Suck it up.” Warren barks from the front.
“Nice.” Reese rolls her eyes while covering herself to her neck. “Here.” She throws it over my knees, and I scoot into her, effectively making a tent between us. “Sorry about this,” she whispers. “I bet you had great things planned.” Her teeth graze over her lips as if she were hungry for those very things.
I give a quick nod. “Damn straight, I had great things planned.” I give a dirty grin. And in just a few days I plan on unleashing them all.
Reese takes up my hand under the blanket, and I rub soft circles in her palm until her eyes roll to the back of her head as if that’s all the affection she needed to set her off. I let go and run my hand up along the inside of her thigh. It’s so fucking dark in here, especially in the back, I doubt anyone would notice if we went at it full throttle—not that I plan to. Half-throttle maybe. I run my fingers under her dress, and she scratches at my thigh in approval. Her knees open for me just enough, and my hand glides south into her wet slick.
Shit.
I cut a quick glance to her.
No fucking underwear. A slow-spreading smile crops up on my face. Looks like she had a surprise of her own tonight. My chest thumps with a dull laugh as I continue to look straight ahead. I bury my finger, in her, and brush my thumb up over her folds until she’s digging her nails into my leg. I take my time, just staring straight ahead as if I were immersed in the low-budget flick Warren decided to regale us with. I work over Reese, slow and easy, for several more minutes until Reese bucks beneath the blanket and strangles my arm in the process. I can feel her body vibrating beneath me, her heated breath as she pants to completion. I tug her dress down and warm her knee with my hand until that oversized shark on the screen eats the entire damn town.
Reese rolls her head into me, her lips twitching with a smile she’s too shy to give. “Thank you,” she mouths, and I can see the color rising to her cheeks even in this dim light.
I cut a glance to the front, and nobody moves, every single person is either nodding off or transfixed on the oversized screen.
I lean over and steal a kiss right off her lips, easy as pocketing a precious McCarthy heirloom. But Reese was never meant to be Warren’s. She was meant to be mine. I can feel it.
By the time the movie finishes, half of the room is asleep, including Warren who’s still clutching a beer in his hands like it’s all he needs and lucky for him because I’m pretty sure that’s all he’s going to get.
Reese and I head outside with Gavin and Brylee.
“So what did you think?” Brylee looks over at the two of us with a sly look in her eye like maybe she knows.
“Great movie.” I sock Gavin in the arm for the hell of it.
“I wouldn’t know,” he holds Brylee at the waist. “I wasn’t watching.” They take off up the street whispering into themselves, and it sounds like Reese and I weren’t the only ones having some fun on the side.
“I’ll walk you home,” I offer.
“Sure.” She wraps an arm around me as we walk the dirt trail just below the houses. You can still hear the party down on the lake even though it’s almost one-thirty. I’m surprised my dad hasn’t come by to fire a warning shot in the air. He’s not into anything above a sneeze taking place after ten o’clock—especially not on the lake.
“Did you have good time?” I dip a kiss over her temple and take in the sweet taste of her skin.
“Thanks to you it was the best.”
She pulls me in, and I dig my fingers in through the back of her hair. This feels right. Like we really are a couple. But I know we’re not—that summer will end and exemplify just that.
“You want to go to the boathouse?” she offers.
“It’s late. You’ve got to be tired.”
“I’m not tired.” Her eyes plead. “I feel like we missed out on our alone time together.”
I do, too, but I’ll be the last to say it.
“I know”—her eyes catch the moonlight and glitter like their own constellation—“follow me.” She takes my hand and leads me up the stairs to her house. The porch light blinks on, exposing us as we make our way up the walk. I’ve seen them go off at all hours of the night. I know it’s a motion sensor, but still, my heart jumped into my throat, and I half expect her dad to run out with a shotgun. Reese is getting bolder, holding my hand, taking me home—I wonder if that’s a good sign or, more to the point, if she’s getting careless in her cover up.
We make our way to the back and up a series of stairs that lead to the second story.
“My dad and Bev sleep downstairs.” She gives a sly smile as she unlocks the door and lets us in. It’s dark with the exception of a thin rail of light emitting just above the floorboards. I’ve only been in this house a handful of times and that was to help her dad install a new hot water heater when the last one blew out in the middle of a snowstorm. I’ve never been upstairs, for sure not in her bedroom.
“Kennedy’s love shac
k.” She points to a shut door, and the faint sound of panting emits from inside. “Freaky, right?” She gives a quiet laugh. “It’s probably Keith. They broke up like five minutes ago.” She leads us all the way down the hall to a set of double doors at the end, and we slip inside.
Reese turns on the lights then flicks them off just as quick, but the curtains are wide open allowing the moonlight to stream in. I can still make out how huge the place is.
“It was my parent’s bedroom,” she says, locking the door behind us. “Bev made my dad add a new master suite downstairs, so I got the killer room.” She shrugs. “It makes me feel closer to my mom. I’m sure that sounds stupid.”
“No.” I pull her in and hold her like that a good long while, our hips conjoined, her warm belly over mine. “You’re a sweetheart, you know that?” I pull my lips along her cheek until I fall into her heated mouth. Reese plucks at my shorts until they hit the floor, and I’m standing there with my cock in the air like a hat rack.
A wicked grin buds on her lips. “I didn’t bring you here to show you what a sweetheart I was.” She pulls my shirt off, nice and slow, and takes a step back examining me like this, my skin washed blue from the night. “That was really nice what you did for me back there,” there’s a hint of sarcasm in her voice. “And, I want to pay back the favor.” Reese pushes me against the bed and drops to her knees.
“You don’t have to do this.” I stroke her soft hair as she looks up at me.
“Open for me,” she teases, tapping at my thighs until I’m straddling her on either side. She runs her tongue over the tip before lunging down over me.
“Oh, shit,” I whisper.
Reese goes off on me like she’s been skillfully trained in the fine art of giving head. She dips in low, and I’m just waiting to hear her gag. Her cool fingers graze over my balls, and I suck in a breath through my teeth. Reese has got me going, she’s waking up all my senses, and it’s too damn good to not want to share this with her. I reach down and carefully pick her up onto the bed. I lie down opposite her and plant a kiss on the inside of her knee, and she groans. Reese puts her perfect mouth back over my cock while I meander kisses up her bare thigh, lifting her dress over her hips with a simple glide of my hand. I bury a series of kisses in that sweet spot of hers I was loving earlier tonight while she continues the most fucking fantastic blow job in the history of the universe. I flick my tongue over her until she’s scratching at my back again. Reese tastes like sugar, like fucking candy, and I can’t get enough. I wait until she’s hyperventilating before I explode, and this time she pulls away. Her body spasms into mine, and we tremble together as she clutches my neck in a chokehold with her knees. I kiss her thigh, and she quivers before pulling me up next to her on the pillow.
“That was unbelievable.” She leans in and nibbles on my lower lip.
“You’re unbelievable.” I wrap my arms around her.
Reese reaches down and pulls a giant comforter over us, light as air.
“Stay tonight. I want you to.” She looks up at me with those big silver eyes as the moon kisses her features, turning her skin the same beautiful hue as her eyes.
I want to tell her that I love her but hold back.
“Well, if you’re going to twist my arm.” I rumple her hair, and my chest thumps with a quiet laugh.
“Thank you.” She dots my lips with a kiss and twists into me until we’re spooning. “Ace?”
“Yeah.” I flick her earlobe with my tongue before kissing the back of her hair.
“What if everyone knew?”
I stop breathing for a second.
“Then we’d have to own it,” I whisper. “Then it’d be real.”
“It’s already real to me.” She shivers as she says it, and I warm her arm with my hand.
“It’s already real to me, too.” I plant another kiss to her cheek.
I hold Reese like that until her breathing steadies into long, shallow breaths. A seam of moonlight falls over her desk and illuminates a picture of her and Warren at the beach. His arms are firmly around her waist sort of the way mine are now. Reese can deny it all she wants, but after what happened tonight it’s pretty clear she and Warren are still a couple.
I try to fall asleep, but that picture keeps calling to me as the moonlight screams over it with a harsh glare. It says you could never be them. She never hid Warren.
I pull Reese in tight and breathe into her soft, silky hair. Our time together is running through my fingers, swift as sand. Summer is going to come to an end sooner than either of us realize. I only have a couple weeks before I have to get to Yeats. I wonder what she’ll do when she sees me there. Will everything really go back to how it was? Can it?
I don’t think so.
We’re either sealing our love or killing our friendship.
Either way, nothing will ever be the same.
8
Fireworks
Reese
On Wednesday, Ace was stuck down the hill helping Gavin gather firewood or whatever he has him doing. They had to spend the night in Sherman, which is at least four hours from here, and won’t be back until late this evening. All I know is, it was hell without him, and that was just one day, but tonight he’s all mine.
All last year I shed tears over my pillow because I missed his smiles, those insanely deep dimples you could dive into, the way he would wave from across the lake and, now, in a few short weeks, it all goes back to the way it was. I can only imagine those impossibly long, lonely nights without him will sting that much more—now that there are kisses to miss, his warm, strong hands roaming over my body, his amazing tongue. But tomorrow is the Fourth of July, and I’m going to spend it in the most special way possible with the boy I love.
I sigh into my pillow before reaching down and pulling out my mother’s letters. I shuffle them in my hands like a deck of cards, smoothing my fingers over each one as if it were her skin. God, I miss her. This is an indescribable ache that transcends physical pain. It hurts in a jarring way, like a Charley horse or a foot cramp that catches you off guard, and your world stops in that moment, and nothing exists but the pain. It’s that way all the time. Some days I wish I could pull my pillow over my head and never get out of bed, and, if it weren’t for these letters, I wouldn’t have made it through a single day.
I pluck out the very first one she gave me, the one she had me read the day after her funeral.
The fragile parchment unfolds in my hands, the outer edges already stained from a waterfall of tears I shed those first few months. I still cry when I read her letters, the only difference is they’re happy tears. Each time I open one, it’s like she’s holding me in her arms again, and, for a brief moment, the world starts up again, and everything is how it’s supposed to be—almost.
My dear sweet baby girl,
Reese, you know how much I love you—how outrageously much I think the entire universe of you. I beg of you to hold on and be strong. Know that one day far, far away from this day, I’ll hold you in my arms again and dry your tears forever. But, until then, you’ve got a lot of living to do, missy. In no way do I want you moping around the house, or losing yourself in front of the television. I want you visiting friends, playing with your hula-hoop, and turning cartwheels in the yard. I want to hear your sweet laughter all the way up to Heaven. And most of all, I never want to see that precious smile leave your face. You are not a victim and neither am I. This is simply my time to go. I’m lucky in a sense because I was given a pretty accurate measure of when I’d be leaving the planet. It gave me time to create gifts for you through letters. You’ll be getting one from your father each year on your birthday until you’re a ripe old age. I’m sure you’ll get sick of me repeating how much you mean to me, to be a good girl, but I want to remain in your life somehow and this is the only way I could figure out how. I hope you won’t mind my yearly intrusion. I hope you’ll come to look forward to them and that they will never be a source of pain to you. I have a special letter fo
r your wedding day (should you choose that road), and I have a special letter for the day you think you’ve fallen in love. I’m sure it’ll be more than embarrassing to ask your father for that one, so I’ve labeled it “special recipes.” Feel free to ask for it anytime.
One more thing I want you to know, don’t worry about missing me. Missing me will only bring pain. Try to focus on the special moments we shared like our walks to the park, sitting at the edge of the lake and watching the sun dip down over the back of the mountain, camping at the Forbidden Falls. Those moments and thousands like them are a part of who we were, who we are—not the grief, not the pain. Don’t let the sadness pull you in—emerge from it with a smile when you relive each of those special times we shared.
I love you, forever.
You’ll always be my special girl.
xoxo
Mommy
I hug the letter tight and pretend it’s her. I can smell her perfume on the paper. She was so light in my arms those final days. This doesn’t feel that much different. She knew I’d fall in love one day, and she wanted to participate in some small way. My soul sings just thinking about her giving me advice.
Special recipes.
It’s time to find my father.
The house is quiet as a tomb. Kennedy sits in the den watching television, so I poke my head in from the kitchen.
“Have you seen Bev and Dad?”
She ticks her head toward the window. “At the McCarthy’s, helping to get things ready for tomorrow.”
“Why would they be helping?”
Kennedy looks depressed as hell, not at all like her chipper self.
“They’re hosting for clients.” She tucks a pillow beneath her neck and turns to face me with her eyes laced with crimson. “No one does a firework show better than Loveless, so why not.”