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“Yes,” he said, his eyes burned down into hers. “With you. ” He kissed her lips lightly. “You drive me crazy, but I can’t stay away from you. ”
“Take off your pants,” Lil commanded.
“That’s not a question. ”
“It’s not an option either. ”
He chuckled and bent to kiss her again, but she turned her head away. When he lifted his head in confusion she ran a hand over the stubble that was just beginning to show through on his otherwise perfectly smooth face.
She said, “Your pants. ”
An excited flush spread up his neck and across his face. He removed the rest of his clothing with remarkable speed and returned to his initial position, this time his freed erection and pressing against her. He bent to remove her panties, trailing kisses down her stomach as he did.
Once she was completely unclothed, he knelt before her and held her still with a strong hand on either hip. His hands sought and worshipped every inch of her.
With a strong move, he lifted one of her legs and hooked it over his shoulder, opening her wide before him, an opportunity he took full advantage of with his mouth. Lil clutched at the back of his head when his tongue tasted and invaded. Each flick was strategic and sent her head sagging backward in ecstasy.
He stood and their kiss tasted of her own excitement, something that drove her over the edge and she gladly sank to her knees before him, returning the favor. Feeling him swell and jut against her suckling increased her already mind blowing fervor. She cupped him from below and rubbed the area at his base with her thumb, reveling at the moan that escaped him. The muscles of his thighs tensed beneath one of her hands. When she thought he could take no more, she stopped and moved her kisses to his stomach.
“You’re killing me,” he groaned.
“What do you want, Jake?” she asked, knowing the answer but needing to hear him say it.
He hauled her up to her feet and said, “I want to take you now, make you mine. ”
She looked into his golden brown eyes and said, “Do it. Let go and just do it. ”
He lifted her, repositioned her so that her legs wrapped around his waist, and entered her with one powerful thrust. She threw her head back with a cry of pleasure. He took two steps toward the wall and held her there, off the floor, as he pounded again and again, deeper and deeper.
A wave of warmth spread from deep inside of Lil and tingled outward through her, increasing and pulsing through her with each thrust. This was a taking that surpassed any she’d dreamt possible. There was no him, no her… only them and a wild feeling of freedom.
He came with a shudder as her own release had begun to ebb.
“Did you?” he asked and she bit her lip. Was silence a lie if it brought them both further pleasure?
He kissed her deeply and stayed within her.
Without hearing his request, she knew what he wanted. She tightened and released her inner muscles on him, finding a comfortable rhythm that not only brought him back to life within her, but also stimulated her in a new and wondrous way.
He slid himself out of her, picked her up and carried her to one side of the couch. He turned her and bent her over the large, cushioned arm of it. Lil looked over her shoulder at him and shuddered as his hands closed over her hips, holding her still while his ever hardening shaft teased her outer folds. He kissed the back of her neck, trailed kisses down her spine, his hot breath tickling as it excited. When he reached the curve of her buttocks with his lips, he straightened and placed a foot between hers and moved them apart impatiently.
He slipped a finger inside her and continued to kiss the back of her legs, the curve of her cheeks. In and out he pumped until she was clutching onto the couch with both hands and was oh so ready for him. He straightened and she felt him, fully erect again, graze her leg.
Then he was inside her again, one hand on either hip, moving her to meet him, building a rhythm between them that she could not and had no desire to fight. Their first coupling had been amazing, but he lasted even longer this time and her final orgasm was even more intense and devastating as it shook her. She came with a profane exclamation she could not contain and he joined her with one last deep thrust.
Withdrawing, he turned her to him, lifted her again, and sank onto the couch with her sideways on his lap.
“I’ll never look at this couch the same way again,” she joked into his bare chest.
“Ssssh,” he said, but he smiled.
In union, their breathing slowly returned to normal.
A thought came to him that tensed him slightly beneath her in an entirely different way than earlier. “I didn’t use a condom. ” He groaned.
“Shit,” Lil said, sitting straight up in his lap. “You’re right. ”
He rubbed a hand across his eyes as if trying to wipe away his confusion. “I’ve never forgotten before. ”
She had, but that was why she’d gone an additional step. “Don’t worry, I’m on the pill. ”
“It’s about more than that. ” He absently played with the hair that spilled down her back.
“Do you have a disease I should know about?” she joked.
He shook his head and pulled her against his chest. “No, but not using one was completely irresponsible and I…”
This time she was the one who tensed. He was probably more worried about what he could catch from her than the reverse. “And you’re always responsible. Unlike me. I know. I get it. ”
He soothed her like one would a child, running his hand through her hair gently and then cupped her chin. “I’m not judging you. I’m just questioning my own sanity. ”
That didn’t make her feel much better.
“I’m not sure either option is very flattering,” she struggled to free herself from him, but he held her on his lap.
“What if something comes from today?” he asked in his oh-so-obnoxiously-rational tone.
Lil broke free of his hold and stood. “You mean, what if I get pregnant? Wow, you know how to kill a mood. ”
What had felt so right a moment ago now made Lil feel vulnerable and defensive. She was in the process of putting her shirt back on when he stopped her by standing in front of her and taking both of her shoulders into his hands. “I’m serious. ”
She lashed out. “So am I. If anything comes from today, it’ll be my concern, not yours. ”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Fear surfaced as anger. “We are not even dating. We’re just fucking. ”
His face darkened. “You make it sound cheap. ”
She struggled to get away, but he held her there, intent on making his message heard. “I would never leave you with a baby…. my baby. ”
“There is zero possibility that I would terminate a pregnancy. ”
His hands gripped her shoulders tighter. “I know that. I would take care of you. You’d live with me. ”
“Are you serious?” she joked. Jake’s steady gaze held hers. “Oh, my God, you’re serious. ” Her heart pounded in her chest. “I’m not pregnant so we don’t have to have this conversation. ”
“You could be and we do. ”
Lil shook her head vehemently. “Even if you have super sperm and I’m already pregnant, there is no way I would move in with you like that. ”
His hands loosened and massaged her shoulders gently. “You’re right. We’d have to get married. ”
Lil cut in, “Stop. Stop right there. Let’s not go nuts. I’m not pregnant. We’re not getting married. This whole thing between us is just a …”
“Don’t say it,” he said, his hands stilling.
She stopped.
She met his eyes and then looked away, unable to decipher the emotions she saw churning there. “What happens if you don’t say it?” he asked softly.
She studied his broad, lightly haired chest.
“What happens if I don’t either?” he continued. “What if we
just see where this goes?” He rubbed a thumb down her jaw pensively as if he were trying to solve an equation.
Her throat dried, making her first attempt at a rebuttal impossible.
“Let me stay tonight,” he suggested and Lil panicked.
Staying would lead to wanting to believe. Believing would only lead to heartache. Why prolong the process? Lil finished putting her shirt on and hastily slid back into her underwear. Jake was dangerous because he threatened the sensible path she’d chosen for herself. Why couldn’t she have met him back when she’d proudly thrown caution to the wind?
The universe had a cruel sense of humor.
“There is only one bedroom set up and the crib is in there. ” She said and tossed his underwear and pants to him. “You can’t stay. ”
“Come with me to New York,” he said as he stepped back into both, never taking his eyes off of her. “Not tonight, tomorrow. You and Colby can stay with me at my place until we figure this out. ”
Tempting as it was, that wasn’t a life that Lil wanted for herself and her child. “I can’t do that, Jake. I know it doesn’t look like I am–but I’m really trying to make better decisions. For me, for Colby, for our future. Moving in with you is not a good decision. ”
He bent to pick his rumpled dress shirt off the floor, donned it and began to button it absently. “I can take care of you–both of you. You’ll never want for anything. ”
He offered so much and so little at the same time.
“You don’t understand yet, Jake. What I want can’t be bought for me. I want to look at myself in the mirror and respect who I see. I want to be a strong, independent woman so that Colby will grow up knowing what really matters in life. ” She turned away from him. “And so far I’m not doing very well. What kind of example am I for Colby? I barely know you and look at us. ”
He went to stand behind her. Touching her lower back with one warm hand. “Whatever is between us, Lil, it doesn’t change that you are a wonderful mother. ”
Don’t be nice, Jake. I don’t want to like you.
“I wish I could believe that,” Lil mumbled.
Jake wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her gently back against him, talking softly into her ear. “I envy your daughter. She has a mother who loves her fiercely and unconditionally. That’s the gift you will give her. Wanting me doesn’t make you weak or dependent. And I’m not a little boy, Lil. You can’t drive me away with your sarcasm or change my mind about what I want. I don’t know what we have and I don’t know if it will last, but it’s not cheap, Lil. ”
She looked back at him. “Then what is it?”
He was quiet for a moment, then said, “Do we need to label it for you to be comfortable with it? Call me a boyfriend. Call me a lover. I don’t care. ”
Lil turned away again, removed his hands from her stomach and stepped out of his embrace. “I care. And I’m not looking for an empty label, either. ”
He took one of her arms in his hand and turned her to face him. “What do you want, Lil?”
She shook her head and refused to look up at him. I want the stupid fairytale, but who could admit that? She wanted to be loved, needed, cherished–all the cornball stuff she vehemently denied. The best response she could give him was the truth. “More than this. ”