Love.
It’s nearly as terrifying as the wipeout. Hell, love is the wipeout. It pummels you, turns your world upside down until you don’t know what way is up. The only difference between the two, is when you’re underwater, there’s always the surface. When you’re in love, there’s no way out.
I’m not quite sure where I am in this emotion but the longer I’m with Logan, the more I’m tumbling, turning, and lost.
“You all right there, Freckles?” Logan asks as he comes out of the waves and onto the shore. “That last wave got you pretty good.”
I think you’ve got me pretty good, I want to say.
After that we head to Tahiti Nui to catch some lunch, sitting out front and having their Mai Tais and poke bowls, watching the world of Hanalei go by – when we aren’t watching each other, of course. Logan is probably the only person more stunning than the scenery.
We’re careful with each other since everyone in town knows Logan (as demonstrated by every person that passes our table stopping to chat with him), but even though we’re not touching each other or whispering sweet nothings, we’re one-hundred-percent invested. We spend hours there, just talking about everything under the sun, and the more we talk, the more I want him to talk. You know those people you could just listen to for hours, that always have something interesting to say? That’s Logan. Whether it’s his thoughts on local politics or growing up in Australia or whether traveling the world should be as mandatory as a high school education, the man makes me think, as well as feel.
And let’s face it, listening to that accent over and over again gets me as drunk as the Mai Tais do.
But our fun has to come to an end – for now. He has to take over for Kate at reception and I have to start my shift, though he asks me to drop by his house when I’m done.
I get through work with a smile on my face and even Johnny is wondering what kind of crack I’m smoking, and as soon as I’m done, I’m hanging up my apron and heading out into the night. Charlie asks where I’m going – I think he’s a bit insulted that I haven’t been boozing it up with him at the bar since he got back – but I just tell him I’m going for a walk.
Light rain is starting again as I hurry down the street and right to Logan’s. He doesn’t even have to answer the door, he’s waiting for me on the porch with a glass of wine in hand. I take it from him, take him in with my eyes, and then we disappear inside, making a futile attempt to watch something on Netflix before I’m riding him on his couch like a damn cowgirl.
I can’t stay the night though, and when it looks like it’s getting late, I have to go. I make a joke about becoming Cinderella and I’m halfway out his front door before he hauls me back to him, kissing me hard, kissing me so I’ll never forget him.
I walk, crooked, half-drunk on lust and wine, back out into the cooling rain and start walking down the road back to the hotel. I’m smiling into the night.
Then…
“Veronica,” a hushed voice comes from the darkness behind me.
Startled I whirl around to see Kate emerge out from underneath a dimly-lit streetlight.
“What are you doing here?” I ask her, my hand to my chest, trying to calm my heart. Oh my god. Did she see? Did she see?
“What am I doing here?” she exclaims in a hiss. “Charlie told me you went for a walk. Hours ago. In this fucking rain. I was worried so I went to see if Logan knew where you were and, well…what the hell, Ron?” She gestures wildly to Logan’s house, where the lights are going off, Logan inside and having no clue what’s going on. “When were you going to tell me that you’re fucking the boss?”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I give her a shaky smile. “Um, right about now?”
This is going to be a long night.
17
“I can’t believe this,” Kate says, clapping her hands together as she stands there in the middle of the road. I can’t tell if this is a good thing or a bad thing, she’s still so hard to read, and even when she’s happy sometimes she looks like she wants to murder someone – and vice versa.
“It’s not a big deal,” I say meekly, trying to play it off. “We really should head back, I’m getting wet.”
“I fucking bet you are,” she comments as we start walking down the road away from Logan’s house. Talk about awkward. “How long has this been going on for?”
“Um…since Thanksgiving.”
“I knew it!” she says, jabbing me on the shoulder with her finger.
“Well we kissed before. After the luau.”
“Oh my god,” she says. “I mean, I told you, didn’t I? I told you the way he looked at you, I just didn’t know if you’d feel the same. You seemed to hate him so much but I guess that was all an act.”
“Oh hell no,” I tell her. “That wasn’t an act…I just. It’s complicated.”
“No shit it’s complicated! He’s your sister’s husband.”
“Was my sister’s husband.”
“Well they’d still be married if she wasn’t dead.” She pauses, her hand flying to her mouth. “Ah, I’m so sorry. I’m being a bitch.”
“No. Well yes. It doesn’t matter though.”
“That I’m being a bitch or that you’re hooking up with your sister’s widower? Who is, also, by the way, your boss?”
I sigh. “Look, Logan and I started off…when we first met…Juliet isn’t who you…” I have no idea how to explain any of this without exposing Juliet and throwing her under a bus, even if she may deserve it. See, this is exactly why we needed to keep this a secret! I take in a deep breath. “Logan and Juliet didn’t have a happy marriage.”
Kate wipes the rain away from her face. “Right. I guess I could see that.”
“And Logan and I have a history…”
“I thought you barely knew him before you came here.”
We turn the corner to the hotel and I lower my voice. “I don’t expect you to understand, which is why we’re trying to keep this a secret. But haven’t you ever…met someone and you knew that, without a doubt, he was supposed to be with you?”
“No,” she says flatly.
“Well then you aren’t going to get it.” I sigh as we climb up the stairs to our place. “Look, can we just keep it between us. You trust me with all your Charlie stuff.”
“That is so not the same,” she says, opening the door.
I walk in after her. “It is. You keep going back to Charlie for reasons I don’t know and I don’t pretend to know. Maybe he’s awesome in bed. Maybe you like guys who don’t wear shoes. Scratch that – you definitely like guys who don’t wear shoes. But the point is there is something between you guys that’s hard to ignore.”
“His dick is hard to ignore. That’s it.”
I give her a dry look. “Fine. Blame his dick. I blame Logan’s then.”
“Oh my god,” she says, throwing her hands up and going over to the couch, sitting down in a huff. “There’s no way I want to think of Logan that way.”
“You don’t think he’s hot?”
She scrunches up her nose. “He’s hot in an older, burly, Hugh Jackman kind of way, yes. Hot like maybe one of my dad’s younger friends.”
“Kate, he’s still in his thirties, he’s not that old!”
She shrugs. “You’re not thirty yet, so what, you have a ten-year age difference? More? It doesn’t matter. He’s old. A few more years and he’s in silver fox territory.”
“So you admit he’s a fox.”
“I admit nothing.”
“Well he is and I have to ask who the hell your dad’s friends are if they look like Logan.”
She actually seems to think that over, tapping her fingers on her chin. “Well there’s this guy who used to work with my dad…”
“Kate,” I warn her. “Back on track here. I need you to promise not to say anything to anyone.”
“Why, are you ashamed?”
“Me? No. Hell no. But you just proved why people wouldn’t understand.”
She exhales
loudly and flops down on her side. “You’ve turned my world upside down, dude.”
“And he’s turned my world upside down,” I say quietly, taking a seat beside her, lifting one of her legs out of the way.
She lifts her head, studying me for a moment before letting it fall back on the pillow. “Damn. You’re serious.”
“I am serious. I think I’m in love with him.”
I’m in love with him.
Nope, it’s not getting any less terrifying.
Kate groans, covering her face with her hands. “This keeps getting worse. You love him?”
Yes.
I shrug. “No. I don’t know. It’s complicated.”
“You keep saying that.”
“Because it is.”
“Look, Ron, we have a judgement free zone right, so I’m not going to break that. I just want you to think long and hard about this and, nope, don’t laugh at that, it’s not a pun. If you’re actually in love with Logan and this isn’t about hot sex or whatever the old man gets up to, good for you. But no matter what, this isn’t going to be easy. I mean, you know what it looks like. That Logan is a heartless bastard…and he kind of is a heartless bastard sometimes, so that doesn’t help.”
I nod, my heart flinching at those words. “I know.”
“I mean it. What good can come of this?”
I glare at her. “Ouch.”
She sighs and sits up straight. “I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you. I care. Believe it or not, I do have that capacity in me and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“Logan wouldn’t hurt me.”
“I agree. I think the man is head over heels for you and has been for a long time. Kind of like the kid that used to pull your hair and tease you in grade school because he had a crush on you and didn’t know how to show it.” She pauses. “But where can this relationship go? Either you’re just fucking around or it’s going to lead to more and if it leads to more…will it be strong enough to survive what’s going to come?”
I don’t even want to ask what’s going to come. It will be a lot like this but with people being even less understanding. Maybe something worse.
“You couldn’t possibly marry him,” she adds quietly. “Do you know how bad that would look?”
Fuck. Obviously I know this, it’s just been something I’ve tried really hard not to think about. For one, I don’t want to jinx things and assume this relationship is going somewhere, even after what Logan said to me today. For two, I don’t want to think about how people would take it. How do we even explain what’s going on without painting Juliet in a bad light? There’s no way we’ll come out of it looking like decent people. Talk about a fucking scandal.
I look down at my hands. “I know it would look bad. That’s why we’re keeping it a secret and why you have to too.”
“And you’re just going to hide this forever? That won’t work. Believe me. People are already talking about how weird Logan has gotten lately, being all nice and smiling and shit like that. He wasn’t even like that with Juliet, and people are going to start putting two and two together.”
I get up, needing a shower badly and a good night’s sleep. “Well until they start adding things up, this is under wraps. Promise you won’t say a word.”
“I promise,” she says.
I hope for our sake she keeps it.
* * *
* * *
Despite Kate knowing our lurid secret, Logan and I grow closer. Or maybe it’s because of it, I don’t know. After Kate found out, I told Logan right away. He didn’t seem as concerned about the whole thing, not like I was, maybe because she’s on his payroll and because of that, he knows she’s not going to sell us out in the name of hot gossip.
It’s also made it a bit easier for us to sneak around. The last week or so has reminded me of that episode of Friends when Joey finds out about Chandler and Monica, and though we’re not quite that terrible, it is nice to have her cover our asses from time to time.
Like tonight. It’s my day off and Logan has officially asked me on a proper date. He wants to take me to a beachfront restaurant down in Kapa’a where no one will know our names. I have a hard time believing that, but at least it’s away from the prying eyes of the north shore.
And it’s a date. Frankly, I’m fucking giddy. I get to dress up for once. No more uniform or apron, no flip-flops and cut off shorts and trucker hats.
I take my time selecting my most elegant and sexiest dress – a strapless maxi in jade green – and pull my hair back so it’s high on my head, borrowing Kate’s curling iron to add some oomf to a few strands I’ve left loose in an artful way. I do a dusting of golden highlighter over my cheekbones and some peachy blush and enough mascara to let my eyes do the flirting. And, naturally, I’m not wearing any underwear. I’ve discovered I have an aversion to them whenever Logan is around (and his tendency to rip them off is leaving me with less and less).
Of course the trickiest part of any of this is getting to Logan’s since he can’t pick me up from the parking lot at work (that would be a huge tip-off), so I sneak around the complex, heading down the beach and toward Tunnels before I cut inland toward Logan’s house.
The moment I reach his driveway he steps out of the house.
Holy moly.
I mean, hell does he ever look fine. Black pants, a grey polo shirt that shows off just how hard he works those muscles. He looks like sex on a stick.
“How did I get so lucky?” I ask loudly as I open the gate and start down the path toward him.
He watches me in silence, running his hand over his beard, his eyes trailing up and down my body in amazement as I stop in front of him.
“Well?” I ask. “What do you think?”
He gives a slight shake of his head, licks his lips. “Are you sure you don’t want to skip the dinner and just eat in instead? Because, Freckles, I could eat you all night long. Every god damn inch of your body.”
It’s tempting, I have to admit it. But it was only a few nights ago that I made the signature Ohana Mahi Mahi in his kitchen, and even though another night of sex is always worth it, I really want to go out and be with the rest of the world.
“I would rather show you off,” I tell him as I run my hands down the front of his chest and kiss him softly on the lips.
“Can’t say I feel the same way,” he says against my mouth. “You’re for my eyes only, especially when you look like that.” His hand drifts down over my backside, giving my ass a firm squeeze. He groans. “Commando, too.” He pulls away, gives me a pleading look. “I promise I’ll be five minutes.”
“Let’s go,” I tell him with a smirk. “You said the reservation was for six, right? I want to catch the sunset.”
With a whimper, he grabs my hand and leads me to the Jeep. As we drive past Moonwater, I keep low and ducked over in my seat, just in case, and Logan laughs. “Believe it or not, I just saw Charlie in the parking lot. He would have the gums flapping if he’d seen you.” He pats my hand. “You’re safe now.”
I lift my head and look around warily. “I feel like I’m being smuggled.”
“People only smuggle what’s valuable. There isn’t much more precious than you.”
I give him a shy look. “Why, you’re spouting poetry already. So far this date is living up to its expectations.”
“I’m afraid that’s all I got,” he says, slipping on his shades and flashing me a wicked grin. Even though the sun will be going down in an hour, there’s still enough light to make everything soft and bright. It’s my favorite time of day, the lazy winding down toward dusk, and I put down the window to catch the smells of the taro fields and Hanalei River as we pass by, stand-up paddle boarders cruising down it and getting in one last jaunt before night.
The restaurant we go to is down on the east side, the coconut coast as they call it, just south of Kapa’a with the most gorgeous view of the beach and ocean. It puts the Ohana Lounge to shame.
We’re seated at a pr
ivate table, located closest to the shore, framed by wavering tiki torches. Even though it’s the east coast, the sunset here doesn’t fail to be spectacular, the sky slowly turning cotton candy pink and lush coral, the waves reflecting the metallic pastels.
And then, just after we place our order with the waiter, it happens.
“Look,” Logan cries out softly, grabbing my hand. I follow his gaze to the horizon where the water looks foamy, just in time to see a massive humpback whale breech clear out of the water.
Oh my god.
The whale lands with a heavy splash, so close we can hear it from where we are. The water explodes around it like someone dropped a bomb and sprays for what seems like ever, just as two other whales appear, spouting as they get breath from the surface.
Now everyone in the restaurant is noticing, some of them clapping, others taking pictures.
But for me, it’s just Logan’s hand in mine as we watch one of the most spectacular sights I’ve ever seen. We barely notice the drinks as they arrive, or our poke chips appetizer, and for the next twenty-minutes as the sky darkens from rose gold to purple to navy blue and the last splashes of the whales disappear, I’m enthralled, so much so that my heart feels like it’s being stirred until my chest is heavy with a million different emotions.
“Ron,” Logan whispers to me, squeezing my hand. “What’s wrong?”
I look at him and try to smile and it’s only then that I realize that I’m crying. I quickly wipe away the tear, trying to wrestle with everything inside.
“It’s okay,” he says softly, raising my hand up to kiss the back of it, his eyes never leaving mine. “I’ve got you.”
And I know he does. That’s why it’s all so much to handle.
I take in a deep, shaking breath, and try to explain. “One of my best memories of Juliet was when she was ten years old and wanted to be a marine biologist. She was so obsessed with the whales, especially the humpbacks, and I became obsessed too. Because I wanted to be like her. And for a short time, she liked that. We finally had something in common.” My throat is thick as I try to swallow. “She of course moved on and forgot about it and went onto something else and we never had that connection again. But then I see the dolphin doormat at your house and the pictures of whales in the bathroom, and the wood carvings of them in the backyard and I know that was all her doing…she still loved them.”