“You’re not really with Park Reed, are you?”
I put my hands out at my sides, palms up. “Why?”
“You had a stick up your ass over me, but you’ll get with him? Doesn’t make sense.” He chuckles, his eyes roaming over me.
I feel my nose crinkle in disgust. “Don’t compare yourself to Park. You don’t even come close to measuring up.”
I look back up to the stage. Park’s placing the mic back on the stand and I know he’s getting ready to come down here. Jared needs to back up now.
“I have to go,” I add as I push past him. The instant I make contact with him, the night of the party rushes in with a series of bad memories.
“Hey, you should take my number,” Jared calls reaching for my arm. “You can hit me up when he’s done with you.” I jerk away. I don’t want his hands on me.
Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. I glare up at him. He puts his hands up and shrugs.
“Just being honest.”
“No, you’re being a jerk.” I glance back and I can’t see Park on stage anymore. “Look,” I say, “you need to walk away. I don’t want your number. I don’t want anything to do with you. I haven’t since the night you showed your true colors.”
“Yeah. All right,” he replies. “It was nice seeing you, Lulu.” His eyes cling to me as they travel my body. “Good luck with your boyfriend.” The way he says boyfriend makes me want to punch him, but I just turn around and start making my way through the crowd, searching for Park.
Like he has some special radar I’m attuned with, I find him quickly. I wiggle past a few girls circled together talking loudly in their drunken states. And then he’s in front of me.
“Hey.”
“Who was that?” He looks over my head as if he’s trying to locate him.
I wave my hand through the air, brushing away his question. “Jared. He’s just this guy I used to know.”
“Jared?” Park’s eyes narrow. “Jessie’s last roommate?”
I frown at him. “Yeah. You know him?”
“Just what Jessie’s told me. What’d he fucking say to you? Did that motherfucker touch you?”
“I took care of it,” I say. “Shouldn’t you be working?” I remind him.
He shakes his head sharply, taking my hand. “Not until I get you over to Jessie. I know he’ll kick that dude’s ass if he fucks with you again.”
He takes his cell out of his pocket and clicks out a quick text before returning his attention to me. “What’d he say to you? You looked upset.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I say.
“It matters to me,” Park counters, his voice turning almost scary.
“He was just being a jerk. I handled it. You’d have been proud of me.” I wink, trying to reassure him.
“I’m always proud of you.” He squeezes my hand. “But if he comes near you again I’m going to beat his fucking ass.”
I huff out a laugh. “Calm down, caveman.”
“I’m serious, Lucy. I didn’t like the look on your face when he was talking to you. It makes me want to kill him. I’m actually using a hell of a lot of self-control not going after him right now.”
My peace loving parents would be appalled over his speech, but I’m overwhelmed with the desire to pounce on him and kiss him silly. Because not only is it his first instinct to protect me from someone who upsets me, but also for the simple fact that he’s holding that instinct back to stay and make sure I’m okay.
I’m pretty sure I’m falling helplessly in love with him.
***
As soon as the last song ends, Park hops off the stage and makes his way straight to me. Taking my hand, he tugs me out of my seat, and wordlessly pulls me out the door.
“What’s wrong?” I ask as we near his car.
He swings me around quickly, his hands sliding around my hips as he backs me up against the door. His body invades my personal space, making my heart beat erratically how only Park can. “The only thing wrong is that we’re here, talking about what’s wrong, instead of at home. In bed.”
“Oh, you’re tired?” I tease breathlessly.
“Hell no. Sleep is the last thing on my mind. But I do want you in my bed. Naked. For the rest of the night.” His fingers tighten, pressing into my skin in this way that makes my whole body come alive for him. Only him.
“What are you waiting for then?”
“This…” Leaning in, he licks his lips just before touching them to mine. And that’s all it takes. My hand goes to his stomach. I twist his shirt, pulling him closer in order to deepen the kiss.
He draws back, focusing his attention under my ear. “I’m so close to ripping your clothes off right here, right now, in this parking lot.” His mouth drags across my neck as the words leave his lips and I shiver. I know Park undoubtedly has full control over me because I’d let him. I’d let him tear the clothes from my body if he really wanted to. I’d let him do whatever he wanted to me.
His hand slides into the space between my skin and my jeans. My hips automatically move into his touch. He slips in further until the tips of his fingers dip inside my panties and I’m so desperate for him to make contact, a small whimper sounds from my throat.
“Fuck, Lucy,” Park groans. “I don’t know what the hell you do to me, but I have never in my life wanted someone like I want you.”
“Oh, my God,” I moan. “Touch me, Park. Please.”
He retracts his hand and I nearly cry out at the loss. Reaching past me, he grips the door handle. He shifts me to the side and then he’s pushing me into the car. I’m all for a hot and heavy backseat viewing, but he takes the keys from my pocket and starts the engine instead.
“Pout those gorgeous lips all you want, Lucy. I’ll be turning that frown upside down as soon as we get home.” His long fingers settle over my thigh and he squeezes. “And I’ll have you smiling, too.”
I laugh at his devil’s smirk, but it doesn’t come out right. It’s raspy and breathy from the way my insides are twisting with anticipation.
36
Park
“Mine or yours?” I ask, my hands cupping Lucy’s face.
“Yours. It’s closer.”
God I was hoping she’d say that. I practically shove her through the door, kicking it closed behind us. I’m so torn because I want to take my time with her. I want to draw this out, make it last as long as possible, but at the same time, I want to ravage her. I want to eat this girl up and drink her down.
I stop guiding her and she comes to a standstill in front of my bed.
I take a second to appreciate the miracle that she’s here. I love the way she looks, standing there in her tight jeans, her shirt hanging off her shoulder, and her long hair loose and wild. There can’t be anything more perfect.
Her eyes fall over my movements as I stalk toward her. I remove her shirt first, letting it fall to the floor. “I’ve had dreams that begin right here,” I say, my voice low, husky. “Dreams so fucking vivid that when I wake up and you aren’t in my bed it physically hurts. I want you here all night. I want to see the sunlight on your bare skin in the morning. And I want to taste everywhere it touches.”
She nods, the motion fluid, hypnotic.
I flick the button on her jeans and drag the zipper down slowly. Her eyes haven’t left me for a second. I meet her gaze and the sight of that stormy gray makes me suck in a harsh breath. “You’re beautiful.”
Without a word, she takes a step, landing us chest to chest. She works her hands under my shirt, her fingers gliding up my stomach. “You make me feel beautiful when you look at me like that.”
“I’ll never look at you any differently.” I lower myself in front of her and work her pants down her legs. The moment they’re past her feet, she drops to her knees, and her lips meet my neck. Her wet tongue leaves a trail of heat followed by a chill of cold as the air cools it. It feels so good I shiver as instinct has me grasping her neck.
Lucy directs me back, her chest pressin
g into me until I’m lying down. She pushes my shirt up, baring my stomach and most of my chest. Her nails caress the skin there, following an invisible path to my pants. She has them open quickly, releasing me from the restricted space. I thrust my hips off the floor as her hand takes hold of me.
“Get on,” I moan.
She stares at me, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth in a way that makes me jerk in her hand. “Condom?”
“Fuck. In the drawer.” I push myself up and tug my shirt over my head as I hurry to the dresser. I pluck two out of the box and let my jeans fall as I make my way back to her. I watch her unhook her bra and even though I’ve already seen every inch of Lucy, my breath still hitches in my throat.
She wiggles as she maneuvers her panties over her thighs and I can’t stop staring at her. Every single movement—every single twitch of her muscles has me spellbound. I sink to my hands and knees and crawl over top of her. My mouth slams into hers and I follow her as she lays back, our lips never separating.
I feel her take the condoms from my hand and as I move from her mouth to her breast, I feel her place the condom on me. I shift to give her better access as I continue to massage her flesh with my tongue.
She guides me inside and I moan, sinking my teeth into her nipple. She gasps, digging her fingertips into the back of my head and holding me in place. I begin to move, gradually at first, and she feels amazing. I sweep her leg up, positioning myself deeper. The sweetest sound emanates from between those flawless lips and I know this is my heaven. This is my permanent bliss.
“Lucy,” I murmur. “Tell me.” I shift quickly to her other breast, pulling her nipple between my teeth. “Say it.”
She doesn’t ask me what I mean. She doesn’t even hesitate and I realize how important this is.
“I’m yours,” she utters. She places her hands on each side of my face, drawing my head up. Our eyes meet and she brushes her thumb across my cheek. “And you’re mine.”
I go still as I gaze down at her. Something’s just ripped open inside of me with those words. Or maybe it’s been mended. I honestly don’t know what the hell just happened, but Jesus, I want to feel this every second for the rest of my life.
I press my forehead to hers and just breathe.
“You’ve just surpassed all my best dreams,” I tell her weakly.
***
Lucy and I have fallen into an easy pattern over the past week, which basically consists of spending every available moment with each other. It’s actually not been a lot of time with us both back in classes and Lucy working full time. We’ve had two dates. Nothing big—we went out to lunch once and to a movie last night. It’s weird because I’ve never done this whole dating thing before. Not even with Hope. But I like it. I like the small things, like holding her hand, or the way she ordered me a milk when I was out smoking, or how she raised the armrest at the theater and snuggled against me.
The best part is at night when she curls into my side, resting her head on my chest. No matter how busy our days are, we have all night with each other. Sometimes we stay up talking. Sometimes we make love. Yeah—I said make love. I’m not even sorry.
If this is what it’s like, I’m cool with it.
Life lesson number 12: As your life changes, change your rules accordingly. Nothing is set in stone when it comes to living.
I lean back on her bed, waiting for her to finish in the shower. I wanted to join her, but she hasn’t been feeling well. Part of me wonders if it has anything to do with Jared. If that fucker upset her enough to make her sick to her stomach, I swear I’ll kill him. She still hasn’t told me what he said even though I’ve asked a few times. She just brushes it off, but since that night, she’s been tired and queasy. I know anxiety can do crazy things to a person’s body.
Maybe she’s doing too much, wearing herself down.
I hope I didn’t cause this. That was the same night I confessed some pretty big shit. My jaw clenches with the thought.
I watch her when she finally glides into the room. She falls onto the bed, her hair wet and smelling of honey suckle. Inhaling deeply, soaking up her scent, I roll to my side and rest my hand on her hip.
“I love finding you in my bed,” she says quietly. “It might be the best part of my day.”
I lean in and kiss her softy. She grasps my hair and pulls me closer, deepening the kiss. Her lips move with need as her tongue searches mine out and I growl deep in my throat.
Her body stiffens and she pulls back.
“You okay?”
“Hm-mm,” she groans.
“Lucy? What’s wrong?”
Shaking her head, she sits up and takes a deep breath. “I’m really dizzy. I just need a minute.”
Her skin is pale. I push myself up so I can reach her face. She doesn’t feel feverish. Pushing my hand away, she darts out of the room and I try to follow. But I get the bathroom door shut in my face.
So that’s what that feels like.
“Lucy, baby, you okay?”
“What’s going on?” Jessie steps out into the hall shirtless and looking like he just woke up. He rubs his face and yawns.
“She’s not feeling well.”
“Again?”
I nod.
“Damn,” he sighs. As he runs his hand through his hair, I catch sight of something on his inner bicep.
“What the hell’s that?” I tip my head, indicating what I think is a tattoo on his arm.
Jessie’s mouth twitches as if he’s holding back a smile. He crosses his arms over his chest and shrugs. “It’s a bee.”
“A bee.” I deadpan.
Clearing his throat and scratching his chin, he shrugs again. “Yeah. Ya know, a bee, as in B—for Bree.” He touches his inner arm. “This is where her head goes when we sleep. It’s her spot.”
I raise a brow. “Well isn’t that sweet?” I say flatly. “I cannot believe you actually did that. There is no way in hell I’d ever permanently ink my skin with a girl’s name.” He’s been acting like a dumbass ever since he and Bree became exclusive.
Jessie smirks, shaking his head. “First, it’s not her name. Second, I’m not you.”
“Clearly,” I retort.
He opens his mouth to respond, but stops short at the sound of Lucy losing her last meal.
“Shit,” I murmur. “Lucy, you all right?” I hate being on this side. Shouldn’t I be in there with her? Like holding her hair back or some shit? I want to at least let her know I’m here. I reach for the doorknob and Bree pushes me out of the way.
“Idiot,” she hisses as she flings the door open.
Lucy sits back, pressing her back into the side of the bathtub and draws her knees to her chest. Bree wets a washcloth and kneels beside her. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do and I don’t like it. I don’t like feeling helpless. I need to do something to make her feel better.
Bree leans into her and whispers something. Lucy’s eyes snap up to meet mine and she nods her head slowly.
“You need to go to the store,” Bree tells me, her voice firm and icy cold.
“Yeah, whatever she needs,” I say, relieved to have something to do. Someway to help.
“Ginger Ale,” Jessie says. “That’s supposed to help with stomach issues.”
Lucy drops her head and hugs her legs.
“Morons.” Bree huffs out a frustrated breath. “She needs a pregnancy test.”
Wait.
What?
No.
Just wait.
“What the fuck?” Jessie spits. “I’m going to fucking kill you.”
“Wait,” I say aloud this time. I hold my hands up, palms out. I need to think. I can’t think right now. My gaze falls on Lucy and her eyes are shining with unshed tears. She’s still pale and she looks confused. Scared.
That halts my panic immediately.
I step into the bathroom and rest my hand on the door. “Get out, Bree.”
“Oh hell no. You—”
“OUT. Now.??
?
Lucy closes her eyes and trails her fingers over her bare knees. “Give us a minute, B. Please.”
Narrowing her eyes on me, Bree pushes herself up. She pokes her finger into my chest. “You better not say one God damned thing to upset her or I’ll rip your nuts right off.”
“I don’t doubt it.”
As soon as she passes me, I close the door and turn to face Lucy. “You’re pregnant?”
Her shoulders jerk and she sighs. “I think I might be.”
“But we’ve always used—”
“The shower,” she whispers.
Ah, the shower. I almost laugh. The one and only time I don’t use a condom… I shove both hands into my hair and tug. Why did I do that? How could I do that? I wanted her so badly that I didn’t think. I didn’t care. I just needed her and nothing else mattered.
I drop in front of her, resting on one knee. “It’ll be okay,” I say. “We’ll do whatever you want. Hell, we don’t even know yet.”
She smiles weakly at me. “I’m pretty sure, Park. I keep getting sick and my period’s late. I just…” She shakes her head and bites down on her lip. “I’m pretty sure,” she repeats.
“I’ll go get the test. We’ll go from there.” I stand up and offer her my hand. I refuse to believe anything until I have a definitive answer in front of me.
***
The door opens and my eyes automatically go to the thin plastic tube sitting on the counter.
“Three minutes,” Lucy says. Her voice is shaky. I want to comfort her, but I can’t. I’m pissed off at myself and it’s holding me back. And I don’t know what she’s thinking. She probably hates me. I hate me.
If this test comes back positive it ruins everything. I’ll have ruined three lives because I couldn’t fucking bag it.
I don’t know how to be a dad. I’ll fuck it up.
I fuck everything up.
I need a cigarette so badly, but I won’t leave Lucy alone. Damn it. My chest hurts. My stomach is knotted. I can’t lose her. The past couple weeks have been the best of my life. It can’t end now.