He couldn't take the searing hope in her eyes, so he got out of bed and pulled on his jeans. "I can't. Last night was special to me. Being with you again was amazing. But I failed you before, and damned if I'm going to do that again."
Rem jerked back as a pillow hit his back. WTF?
She stood beside the bed, naked, shaking with anger.
"Don't you dare give me that shit, Remington Steele!" she shot back. "You didn't fail anyone. I was the one who ran away and chose not to talk to you. I can't erase the past, but I'll be damned if I allow you to blame yourself. You loved me well. I just wasn't ready."
His gaze narrowed. His dick hardened and throbbed. Holy shit, she was magnificent. Naked, trembling, eyes lit with fire, her white skin held an array of pinkish marks he'd put on her. "Don't throw another pillow at me, woman. It was my responsibility to figure out if something bothered you. I should've known you were pulling away and unhappy. I have to live with that. I don't want to hurt you, but this needs to end with last night."
"No."
He shook his head. "What did you just say to me?"
In pure shock, he dodged the next pillow launched at his head. Cara was mischievous but never would've dared to throw something at him. "This doesn't have to end unless you're too much of a coward to try," she said. "Don't do what I did, Rem. Don't run from this."
Anger shook through him. How dare she question his motives and challenge his decision? With one yank, his jeans came back down. "Beg me for forgiveness, right now, Cara. Or you'll regret it." His Dom voice usually left her apologetic and a bit humbled.
This time, the third pillow hit his shoulder.
"Fuck you!"
"Oh, I will, little girl. You asked for it." She bit her lip, looking for an escape route. Adrenalin flooded his body and his cock was so damn hard it could cut stone. "Run, and it'll be worse."
She ran.
Good. He was looking forward to this.
He launched himself across the bed and snagged her around the waist. Holding on to her wriggling, naked body, she screeched in protest as he threw her down and pinned her to the mattress. He held her wrists in one hand while he quickly donned the condom. Not wasting any time, he pushed her legs open with his thigh, and took her with one strong thrust.
"Oh, God!"
"Fuck, you're so wet," he grit out. "This one's for me, little brat."
Rem fucked her hard and long, holding her arms above her head. This time, it was a simple claiming, a reminder of who was in charge and who she belonged to. In seconds, she was writhing beneath him, looking for more, her hard nipples stabbing against his bare chest in demand. Her pussy clenched around his dick and with one last plunge, he came hard, jerking his hips to spill the last of his seed, roaring her name in satisfaction.
Fully sated, he pulled out and slipped off the condom. Her body was flushed, and her arousal lay sticky on her thighs. Her clit peeked out, dying for attention.
"Very nice."
He climbed off the bed and she sat up, eyes wide with astonishment. "What? You can't leave me like this!"
He frowned. "I'd advise you to remember you got in this position for mouthing off. And throwing pillows."
"Please, Rem. I need you."
Her soft voice trembled with need, and her beautiful body was ripe for the plucking. Rem stood, feet braced apart, and motioned her.
"On your knees. Show me how much you need me."
Cara scrambled off the bed and dropped to her knees. Her gaze trained on him, she waited for permission. Satisfaction cut through him. She was so perfect. Finally, he nodded. "Suck my cock. Make me come again."
She cradled his dick with warm, gentle hands, stroking and teasing from root to tip, then lowered her mouth and took him deep.
Ah, shit.
It was heaven. It was hell. Her wet mouth sucked him tight, and her fingers caressed and squeezed his balls in perfect rhythm. He rocked his hips back and forth, and almost immediately, he grew back to full length. Bumping the back of her throat, she hummed around his cock, breathing through her nose and taking him all in, until he went crazy and grabbed her head, making her fuck him with short, hard thrusts.
He exploded in her mouth, coming down her throat, and she swallowed, licking him clean, before sitting back on her heels. Rem groaned and gripped her chin, looking down at her.
Her face reflected a pure joy from serving him. Pure need from wanting him. And pure grace for surrendering.
"Sir? I'm begging you..."
He struggled for breath. "For what? State your need."
"I'm begging you to fuck me, Sir. I need you inside me."
Rem broke.
With a groan, he pushed her down on the carpet, grabbed another condom, and slid home. This time, he made sure she came fast and hard. With expert strokes, he rubbed her clit continuously until she fell into another orgasm, breaking apart in the grip of his arms.
When they finally collapsed, she asked him again. "Stay with me, Sir. Give us one more chance."
His eyes half closed and he fought the war inside him that screamed for him to give in. To try. But he didn't trust himself not to blur the past with the present. What if he scared her off again and he found himself hurt? This time, he'd never recover. There'd be no hope of picking up the pieces.
No, he had to walk away with a perfect memory. At least, he finally knew the truth and could begin to heal from the past.
"I can't," he said softly. "I don't want either of us to be hurt again, Cara."
Her eyes filled with tears and a broken understanding that ripped him apart. "I learned another thing through the years, Rem. Life is messy. There's no guarantees. I'm okay with it now, because the trade-off is worth everything. But I can't do it alone. You have to want me as bad as I want you."
"Cara--"
"It's okay. I understand." She forced a smile. "May I ask you to please, leave? I need some time alone."
His emotions warred. His gut ached to give in and stay, but his mind locked down and forced his body to leave the bed and get dressed. He paused at the door, his fingers wrapped around the knob.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes. Good-bye, Rem. Thank you for last night. I'll never forget it."
"Neither will I." He dragged in a breath and opened the door. "Good-bye, Cara."
He left the room with an emptiness and searing pain, telling himself over and over it was all for the best.
-Em's EORD-
Chapter Eight
"WAIT A MINUTE. YOU SAW CARA? Cara was your one night stand?" Rafe asked in disbelief.
Rem sipped his coffee and regarded his brothers. They always had brunch on Sundays, which was a good time to catch up, recover from any hangovers and pig out. Rome was ignoring his giant stack of banana pancakes, fork poised mid-flight. Rick stared, mouth half-open like a guppy.
"You guys didn't know anything about this, right?"
Rick shook his head. "Dude, we'd never do that to you. The reason we set up FANTA-C in the first place was to help you get over her. What the hell is she doing in Vegas?"
Rem rubbed his forehead. "I don't know," he admitted. "Not sure if I even asked her. The night was like a whirlwind. "
Rafe propped his elbows on the table. "Did you sleep with her?"
Rem nodded.
"Are you back together?" Rick asked.
"No. She asked me to give her another chance, but it's too much for me."
Rome tapped the table with his finger. "How do you feel about her? Do you want to try again? Did she tell you why she left?"
Rem gave him the brief run-down on Cara's explanation. "I blame myself. I should've known how unhappy she was. Fuck, she had to run away from me in order to be heard. What type of Dom am I? What type of lover am I?"
Rick turned hard eyes on him. "First off, you were in love and would've died for Cara. You're not a mind reader. None of us are. We can only help our women if they tell us the truth, and that's been the downfall of a ton of relationships
. Does Cara blame you?"
"No, she blames herself."
"I still hate the way she did it," Rome said. "But I think you were both at fault. Being a martyr though, doesn't help the situation, bro. You can't change the past, but you can damn well make sure you have open communication in the future. Did you like being with her again?"
It had only been two nights since he left her, and already he felt like he was slowly going out of his mind. He caught her scent around each corner. He'd followed two strange women already because the swing of their hips and shot of red hair reminded him of Cara. He was a wreck, but he hoped with enough time, he'd settle.
Rem groaned. "Hell, yes, I loved being with her. But I'm not up for this shit again. She has this spell over me. I just look at her and I'm hard and all I want to do is fuck her and protect her and make her happy."
Rome winced. "Yep, I feel that way about Sloane. You're done, dude. You still love her."
Rafe nodded. "That's the exact feeling I get about Summer. I don't think it goes away. Believe me, I tried."
Rem looked at his last brother.
"Tara is my life," he said simply. "And if you feel half of what I do for Tara, I wouldn't let her go, bro."
Rem finished his coffee and shook his head. "I can't. It was an amazing night, but it's over. Too many ghosts are between us. If I screwed up once, I can do it again."
"Or maybe you've both learned enough to make it work."
Rem ignored Rome's Yoda comment. "It's better this way."
His brothers shared a meaningful look. "What if you run into her?" Rafe asked.
"Doubt it. Vegas is big, and we don't run in the same circles." Except the BDSM club she'd mentioned. That nugget of information had been bothering him like a grain of sand in his shoe, rubbing him slowly raw. "Hey, anyone know Paul at Chains?"
Rick and Rafe nodded. "Yeah, he's a Dom. Does teaching and introductory classes. You know him?"
Remington shifted in his seat. Fuck. The idea of going into Chains and finding Cara with another Dom filled him with frustration. And anger. He tried to swallow it back. "Seems Cara has been going to Chains to be trained. She said Paul is her teacher."
Rick waved his hand in the air. "Paul is very good at knowing what a sub needs to be comfortable. He usually doesn't have sex with his trainees unless they specifically request it. He's a good guy. Knows his stuff. Still, I'm surprised I haven't seen Cara before. She was probably receiving private lessons."
Rem relaxed. Cara had been telling the truth. She'd learned so much, he figured she had tons of Doms after him, but maybe it had always been just him. Damn, he'd loved being the man to give her multiple orgasms and push her limits. Making her come was addictive. "Thanks. Umm, if you happen to see her at Chains, just let me know."
Rick frowned. "So you can go apeshit on us? Rem, are you sure you're ready to give her up for the second time?"
Rem threw a few bills on the table. "I'm sure. I gotta go."
As he walked out of the restaurant, his brothers' stares called him a liar.
***
Cara stood on the edge of the casino and watched Rem work.
It had been two weeks since their night together. Two weeks of sheer misery and crying and regrets. She understood why he didn't want to try again. But last night, after talking to her girlfriend, the light bulb had switched on and blinded her with a startling revelation.
Years ago, she'd left him. She hadn't fought for their relationship, or tried to reach out to tell him the truth.
This time, she had to be the one to make a stand. For her. For him.
For them.
Deep inside, Cara knew she had the strength to fight. It was time for Rem to see she wasn't giving up. He was still under the illusion she was the type of girl to slink away after losing the battle.
But Cara was a full-grown woman now. And she was going to win the war.
She'd dressed carefully in a simple dark green dress in a stretchy knit that gave under her generous curves. A hint of cleavage was revealed with the V neckline, and a gold chain belt cinched her waist. Her heels were four inch black stilettos. Her hair was twisted up in a loose knot, allowing strands to frame her face and soften the severity.
His shift ended at midnight.
Cara would be waiting.
Right on cue, he switched out with the new dealer, shutting down his station and nodding to the players. His crisp black pants and white shirt hugged his lean figure, and as soon as he left the floor, his fingers were loosening the top buttons and rolling up his sleeves. His long strides ate up the casino floor, and Cara stumbled to catch up.
He had just turned around the flashing game of Sex in the City, when she picked up her speed and bashed right into a hard chest.
Uh, oh.
Her eyes widened as he stared down at her with chilly blue eyes. Damn, he was pissed. She probably should've yelled his name instead of trying to stalk him, and now he thought she was one of those crazy exes.
"What are you doing, Cara?" he demanded.
She swallowed, threw her head back, and went for it. "Coming to see you. Wanted to check if you'd like to grab dinner."
His eyebrow shot up. "It's midnight," he said mildly. "A little late for dinner, don't you think?"
"I know after work, no matter how late it was, you always craved a big meal."
"I don't think it's a good idea," he said.
Cara meant to give her rehearsed speech, but instead found herself babbling. "I don't want to make a pest out of myself, and I respect your decision not to continue our relationship. But I want to get to know you again. As friends."
"Friends?"
"Yes, friends." She stumbled over the word and heard her inner voice scream LIAR. She ignored it. "It's rare to have someone in your life who knew who you really were. God, Rem, I had dinners with your family, and hung with your brothers. I dragged you to art galleys and you forced me to sit through football games. But we were friends before we were lovers. Can't we just have a meal together and talk? No sex. No intensity. Just... talk?"
Her shoulders tensed as she waited. If this didn't work, she'd need to compose a plan B, but Cara hoped he'd be curious enough to give her this. She watched the mingle of emotions flicker over his face. Cara stood her ground. Kept her gaze on his. And waited.
"Okay?"
She jerked back. "Really?"
That half smile curved his lips and her heart did a slow flip-flop. "Really. But no trying to seduce me at the table."
She grinned back. "Deal. Pasta or steak?"
"Pizza. Lots of it."
"You still like ham and pineapple?"
"Damn straight."
She shuddered. "I still hate it."
They laughed and headed over to the fast food section, where a brick oven specialty shop served up personalized pies with a variety of toppings. Rem grabbed a Sam Adams Octoberfest, a Blue Moon for her, two Hawaiian slices, and one plain. They slid into a red vinyl booth with paper plates and drank beer from the bottle. Familiarity settled around them.
"Why'd you say yes?" she asked, taking a sip of the cold, citrusy brew.
He shook his head. "You're direct. I like that."
"You deserve that," she said softly.
Surprise flickered in his eyes. He nodded. "I said yes cause I'm hungry and you've been on my mind. I thought sharing a meal would be... nice."
"I'm happy you've been thinking of me. I've been replaying that night in my mind over and over these past weeks. But I haven't been feeling... nice."
His gaze narrowed. "You agreed no sex."
She bit her lip in guilt. "You're right. My bad. Tell me about your brothers. I've missed them. Are they all here in Vegas with you?"
Rem probed her face to make sure she really felt guilty, and then bit into his pizza. "Yeah, they came out here one by one until they finally recruited me a few months ago. It's nice working with them again, though. We're trying to get Mom and Dad out here for a long vacation."
&nbs
p; "How are your parents?" she asked. She still remembered the warmth and chaos in the household brimming with boys. Rem's mom ruled with an iron hand, and a lot of food. Sunday dinners were a staple, with football on in the background, crowded at the dining room table, hosting meatball eating contests. Cara always felt like she was truly home in the Steele house.
"Good. Dad retired so they're having fun being on their own schedule. Traveling."
"Are any of your brothers married?"
He shook his head. "Not yet. But they're all in committed relationships right now and seem happy. It's nice. Rafe got out of the military so it's good to have him home safe."
Cara sighed. "You have such a tight knit family. I'm glad you're all back together."
"Your turn. How'd you settle on Vegas? Or are you?"
"I am. Bought a little house outside of town. After I left Atlantic City, I headed down south. I craved the sun and the feeling of everything being a bit lighter. I did some odd jobs for a while, waitressing, book store clerk, and then finally I realized I really wanted to go back to school."
"For history? Teaching?"
"Special education. I love it. I always felt something didn't fit with being a professor, or even teaching elementary. But once I began working with special needs children, something clicked. I finished my degree, and decided to head for California to settle. But there were some great opportunities in Vegas, so I tweaked my plan, came here, and fell into the world immediately."
"Vegas isn't too much for you?"
She laughed. "That's what I love about it. You can come to the Strip and have all your desires met. But I have a great job, and live in a really quiet neighborhood, so it's like the best of both worlds."
"You always did hate the winters," he murmured. "You'd wear those godawful socks in neon colors. They were so thick they rivaled my grandmother's."
"Cold feet, warm heart," she recited.
They smiled at each other, and the crackle of electricity zinged in a crazy loop, pulling them a bit closer. She studied the carved features of his face, heavy brows, square chin, the spill of coal hair over his forehead. God, he was so beautiful. God, she wanted him so much.
Instead, she veered back to friendly topics of conversation. She needed him to learn to trust her again. Not the Cara from years ago, but the woman she'd become. They'd already bonded physically, but now, she needed to see if Remington Steele could also like her.