Chapter Twenty One
Can you blame me for not being eager to relate to you that Sunday service at Calvary Chapel? It was to be the last time I stepped foot in that church, and I planned on telling my students that at the end of my lesson. I had my pupils stay in the class room, said I’d be back in five or ten minutes, and closed the door behind me. I thought I’d get away with it, but that’s not the way it turned out. Paul was quick to open the door and conduct the kids into the main room, where they lined up against the wall to listen to what I had to say. I wasn’t going to debate it. I was at his mercy. All I could hope for was that he would stick to his word and leave town after my confession. As much as I dreaded what I was about to say, I took comfort in knowing that Trouble was soon to be out of my life, and for good.
Keith Denny opened up in prayer and song. Before beginning his sermon he introduced me to his congregation—most knew me, but not all. He said I had an important word for them. Keith believed I was going to give some uplifting speech of sorts, not the dark history of my past.
I walked solemnly to the lectern, hated that people were applauding me. My students were clapping louder than any of them. As I stood there, my gaze swept over the sea of faces. Paul was seated in the front row, smirking at me. There was no doubt that he was enjoying this tremendously.
“I… I don’t know exactly how to say this,” I began. I was sweating. There was utter silence in the room, save for a muffled cough here and there. “I want to remind you that we are all sinners. Every last one of us. This includes me. No matter what you’ve done in the past, there is salvation within reach for us all. Did Jesus not forgive Judas after Judas betrayed him? I am an example of this, of a man having gone astray only to be taken in by the merciful hand of God.
“You will be shocked at what I have to confess. But it is important that I do, because there is a message here, one of redemption. Know that I am not the boy I was years ago. The man standing before you is born-again, has been delivered from perdition with the help of the Almighty.”
I glanced at Trouble, who nodded his approval.
“When I was fourteen I did something I forever have to live with. I…” I swallowed. My gaze jumped from one face to the next. “I laid with a girl.” Eyes widened in the crowd. “She was a year younger than me, thirteen. She wasn’t all that bright, was vulnerable and gullible to a fault, and easily manipulated. I did just that, manipulated her into doing what I wanted her to do. We were under a bridge when I took advantage of her. It was short and meaningless, and I felt sick to death at what I had done. Not at first, but the guilt came soon enough.
“At fifteen I broke into some cars, stole things. I was a Godless boy. But it wasn’t all for nothing. Some good came out of it.” I proceeded to tell the story of the ninety-one bucks I stole out of the purse, and how I gave it to a nun, and the miracle that followed it; the money returning to the purse shortly after.
“It was that night that I took my parents’ bible to my room and began reading. It was then that I developed a close personal relationship with God. He forgave me, just as He’ll forgive you for any and all sins, if you’ll but ask.
“So that is all I have to say. I wanted to openly confess to you all, so that you might find some hope in my message, that nobody can stray too far from God to be welcomed back. I hope you will forgive me as well, and keep your faith in me. I suppose this is as good a time to mention it as any: this will be my last day at this church. There is a new church under construction at the other side of town, and if it is God’s will I’ll become the pastor there. Please pray for me that I’m making the right decision, because I’m not so sure that I am.”
I hung my head and walked away from the lectern feeling about two inches tall. I chanced a glance at Keith Denny, who was overtly discomforted and stunned by my revelation. When the first person began clapping, others joined in. Finally Pastor Denny clapped. As I walked away he took to the lectern, cleared his throat and nervously thanked me for my words, wished me luck on my new endeavor before beginning his sermon.
The kids followed me inside the classroom, the last of the procession closing the door behind her. Shortly after, it opened and Trouble entered.
They took their seats in silence. I wiped my sweaty brow and without thought apologized to them for having to witness that. Nobody said a word, and I could hardly blame them. It was Paul who finally brought a voice to the room not my own.
He walked to the back door behind me, faced the students and said, “Everybody has choices to make. Grave choices. Life-changing choices. Aaron here has made some pretty horrible ones, and now you all have to decide if you’re okay with allowing him to teach you about God. Will you guys allow a rapist thief hypocrite to teach you about a God who allowed that little girl to be deflowered in the dirt under a bridge? Your loving God didn’t love Marie too much that day, did he? So the choice is yours. You can leave right now with me, which is the right thing to do, or stay here and suffer this pontificating shit’s lies. Come with me and I’ll teach you the right path to walk. One free from hypocrisy.”
I said nothing. Truth is, I was afraid of him. He was fourteen and possessed the intelligence of a grown man, and brimmed with confidence. I continued to be at his mercy. I’d forever be at his mercy. It wasn’t an empty promise that he made under the bridge. Brooke’s life was in his hands.
Kaitlin stood from her chair. Every head in the room turned to her. She entered the aisle and walked forward, toward Paul. Paul grinned triumphantly.
“Anyone else?” he said.
Silence.
“So be it. Follow the path this asshole is leading you.” He smiled at Kaitlin, opened the door and departed with her into the overflow parking lot.
That single empty seat in the middle of the room would mock me the remaining fifty minutes of the eight o’clock hour.
My lecture was one I had given months ago, about Adam and Eve, of original sin. It seemed fitting. I spoke not a word of Paul. As far as I was concerned, that boy no longer existed.
It was five minutes before the hour when the back door opened and Kaitlin stepped inside, alone, and returned to her seat, her cheeks tear-stained. Freddy was seated beside her, rubbing her back consolatory.
When I released the kids to reunite with their parents, I hadn’t intended to keep Kaitlin behind to ask her what had happened. As I said, in my mind Paul no longer existed. I had already begun removing him from my mind and a conversation with this teenaged girl would violate that. But she did stay behind. She waited until we were alone before speaking.
“You don’t have to tell me anything, Kaitlin,” I said. “I don’t blame you for following him. Okay?” I smiled feebly at her.
“I went out there to try to talk some sense into him,” she said. “I spoke of God and His love.” She looked at the floor before her, eyes glassy. “Mr. Mendelssohn, I know it’s wrong for me to say this, but Paul isn’t like us. He isn’t a boy who will find God. He’s made up his mind. He couldn’t understand why I didn’t share his point of view. He actually said that he…” She looked up at me with a grimace. “He hates God.”
“I know he does,” I said. “That’s his decision. That was courageous of you to try, Kaitlin. It took a lot of guts. More guts than I have. Let’s close the door on this chapter now. He’s no longer going to be a part of this church, just as I won’t. Things will change for the better because of it. Go on to your parents now.”
“I’m going to miss you, Mr. Mendelssohn. I wish you wouldn’t leave.” She left before I could respond.
I wouldn’t see Paul Klein again for seven years.