My lips parted with sudden realization. He hadn’t been able to fall asleep until he’d made physical contact with me.
I closed my eyes, wondering what the heck was going on here. I was only supposed to be helping him out of a bad situation, and yet these feelings were surging and these wants were sprouting. Why did it affect me so freaking, stupidly strongly to realize he needed to touch me before he could settle down enough to go to sleep? I had a bad feeling I was beginning to like this guy more than I should, and I was beginning to want things from him I knew I shouldn’t.
If I kept this shit up, I’d end up getting myself hurt.
I twisted around until I was facing him so I could watch him sleep. My chest constricted with this big, deep ache and I watched to touch his cheek. I wanted to lean forward and set my mouth against his. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and curl in close to his heat.
When I finally fell asleep, I dreamed about him, strange, confusing dreams of us being together and then not together, of him calling me a fat bitch the same way Chance Fairfield had and then spitting on me. And then him rearing back his arm to hit me, laughing the entire time, and telling me no one could ever love someone like me.
I woke on a gasp to my alarm sounding. Beck stirred next to me but didn’t fully wake. I shut up the irritating blare and groaned in misery as I crawled out of bed, sore and extra tired from the bizarreness of my dreams.
Beckett still hadn’t woken by the time I showered and changed and readied myself for the day, so I left him to sleep while I went to the kitchen for breakfast.
All four of my roommates were already up and preparing their own morning meals when I entered. I slowed to a stop, suddenly aware of the last time I’d seen them and what they all knew about me now.
Holding my breath when they turned as one unit, as if waiting for me, I wondered if they were going to kick me out because they could no longer trust me around them. I mean, how could they? I was a known sex videographer.
My heart pounded and palms turned sweaty. Beck and I were going to be kicked out on our asses. I was going to lose the only two friends I’d ever had in Paige and Tess. I was about to be just as lost and alone as Beck was. How the hell would I be able to take care of him now?
Jonah cleared his throat and sent Logan a glance, who seemed to be the one elected to do the talking. Aw, shit. They even had a get-lost speech prepared.
Logan drew in a breath before saying to me, “We decided you were right.” Wait. What? “It’s probably safer if Beck lays low for a while and doesn’t leave the apartment. So he doesn’t have to leave during the days while we’re gone if he doesn’t want to.”
I blinked at him, totally not expecting him to say that. When I repeated his words through my head, it still sounded foreign. Finally, I blurted, “What?”
“Once the hoopla surrounding his case dies down, everyone will lose interest and begin to forget. He should probably wait until then to try looking for a job and new place to live.”
My lips parted. At first, I was speechless. And then I was choked up with emotion. “Really?” I croaked, pressing my hand to my chest. They were worried about Beck and wanted to keep him as safe as I did?
I suddenly wanted to hug all four of my roommates at once. They still supported me and my wish to look after him. After everything they’d learned last night, I wasn’t a repulsive freak to them.
Learning this was more than I could take. My chin wobbled and eyes filled with tears. “Thank you,” I choked out.
“Oh, honey,” Tess cooed, hurrying forward to hug me. Paige was right behind her, wrapping her arms around me as well. Their grips were suffocating and tight, yet warm and comforting. I burst out crying even harder, feeling like a total idiot.
But Tess only fussed, “That’s it. Just cry it out. You’re okay. It’s all okay now.”
“How is it okay?” I blubbered. “I’m freaking crying and hugging people.”
“I know!” Tess, the sadist, laughed. “Isn’t it amazing?”
I found it disturbing, actually, like I should go shower away such an emotional show, or kick kittens, or something.
“Here, we made you breakfast,” Paige offered, leading me toward the table, where there was a plate full of waffles topped with my favorite: powdered sugar, fresh strawberries, and maple syrup.
I blinked and glanced warily at everyone while Tess pulled out my chair for me.
“What the fuck is going on?” I asked as I slowly sank in my chair, before gasping. “Oh God, one of you needs a kidney from me, don’t you?”
Tess laughed as she plopped down next to me. “Oh, whatever. We can be nice to you if we want to.”
“Yeah, especially the morning after you all find out I’m a—” I winced and let out a sigh. “You know I’d never do that to any of you, right? I’ve never overheard anything or taken pictures or—”
“Bailey,” Paige cut in softly, and yet forcefully. No idea how did she that, but the woman had some strange talent with soft force. “We know that. We know you. And this is us trying to convince you none of that matters. We love you all the same.”
I’d just taken my first bite of waffle, and it promptly got caught in my throat. Tears threatened to fall again because I knew I didn’t deserve their support. These guys really were the best friends I’d ever had. Even their boyfriends were amazing, Jonah, the butthead, included.
“Here.” As if reading my mind, Tess picked up my glass of apple juice and offered it to me. I nodded gratefully and scooped it up, gulping so I didn’t have to talk. Then I sat it down and glanced around. Jonah wasn’t paying me any mind, too busy reading the back of the cereal box beside him, but the other three offered me a warm smile.
“I kind of actually want to sing Kumbaya with you guys, or some shit, right now,” I announced.
“Oh, God,” Jonah groaned. “I’ll pass.”
“Yeah.” Logan lifted his hands and scooted back from the table. “I’m sitting that one out too.”
The girls laughed, and everything felt right with the world again.
I plowed through my waffles with gusto and was half-finished with them by the time Beck, looking pretty hot with a wrinkled shirt, messy hair, and a red sleep crease bisecting his cheek, bumbled into the kitchen, yawning and scratching his chest through his shirt.
“Good news,” I hollered with my mouth full of waffle as I lifted my fork full of more waffles in congratulations. “You can stay!”
He slowed to a stop, staring strangely at me, his face frozen with an expression that clearly said he wasn’t aware his stay here had been in question.
So Paige quickly clarified, “During the days. Alone. If you want.”
“Oh,” he said, finally catching on. This his eyebrows perked as he glanced at everyone else. “Really? Are you sure?”
“They’re positive,” I answered merrily for the collective whole. “Now grab some waffles and dig in. They’re awesome.”
I watched him as he hesitantly followed my orders, grabbing a clean plate and then filling it with waffles that were piled on a platter on the counter. He was fairly boring on the waffle front, straight up butter and syrup for him. Yawn. But I wouldn’t hold that against him.
He was still nice to sleep next to, and look at, and dream about…until those dreams turned disturbing. I returned my attention to my breakfast, trying to forget the part where my dream had turned stupid.
“Are you guys heading out to your dad’s tonight or in the morning?” Paige asked Tess as Beck joined the group and seated himself at the other end of the table as me.
“Probably this evening,” Tess said. “You?”
“Us too.” Paige glanced at Logan. “My dad says he has Trace’s old room cleaned up for Logan to sleep in. It’s going to be weird, but Dad seems determined to include him as part of the family, so hopefully it won’t be too weird.”
Beckett glanced curiously between the two couples before asking, “Why are all of you leaving?”
&n
bsp; They turned to him, blinked, and then Paige kindly said, “We’re going home for Thanksgiving.”
He stared back a moment before releasing a breath. “Oh, shit. That’s right. I forgot it was…this Thursday. Holy shit,” he murmured again before turning his gaze to me. “Wha-what’re you doing for Thanksgiving?”
I could see the worry in his eyes. He didn’t know what was going to happen to him when we all took off for the holidays.
“Well,” I started slowly. “I’m scheduled to work at the shop tomorrow morning until noon, and then I have to be back again at the ass-crack of dawn on Black Friday, so I was thinking we could head out early in the afternoon tomorrow and then return later on Thursday after dinner.”
He blinked before lifting a finger. “Wait. When you say we…?”
“We.” I motioned between the two of us. “As in you and me.”
Beckett blinked again before shouting, “What? I can’t go to your family holiday with you. Are you crazy?”
I merely sighed. “Well, what else are you supposed to do? Stay here alone through the holiday? I don’t think so.”
“But…” He shook his head, gaping at me as if I’d lost my mind.
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, just stop. You’re coming with me. End of story.”
He opened his mouth, only to close it. Then he sighed and frowned, huffing, “You didn’t even ask.”
Oh my God! I almost laughed and then I almost groaned. In the end, I drew in a breath before very calmly and politely saying, “Beckett, it would make me feel a million times better if you would accompany me to my dad’s tomorrow and spend Thanksgiving with us and my four annoying brothers, plus one pregnant sister-in-law. So…would you, pretty please with sugar on top, just come with me?”
Again, he faltered. I knew he wanted to decline on principle alone. We all knew how it would look to my family. Single college-age guy coming home with Bailey for Thanksgiving. None of my brothers and probably not even my dad would think he wasn’t my boyfriend. I didn’t blame him for wanting to avoid that kind of mess. But seriously, what the hell else was he supposed to do?
When an alternative hit me, I shrugged. “I guess we could just not to go to my family’s at all and stay here.”
“No,” he cried. “You can’t not visit your family for the holidays because of me.”
“So then you’ll come with me?” I pressed.
He ground his teeth and looked up at the ceiling for a moment before meeting my gaze and reassuring me, “I’ll be fine. I’ll take the truck out into the country for a few days and camp out. It’ll be fun.”
“Right,” I said slowly. “With zero cash in your wallet and zero dollars in your checking account? You’d seriously rather waste what gas you have in your truck and ration out food in the hopes you take along enough that you don’t starve than just come with me and be well fed and warm inside a house with a warm, comfortable bed at night?”
“Dammit, Bailey,” he muttered. “I can’t go with you. I don’t belong there. It would be inappropriate. And, Jesus, you can’t take care of me every second of every day. I refuse to be dependent on you for the rest of my life.”
“First of all, why wouldn’t you belong? I’ve brought friends to Thanksgiving plenty of times before.” I motioned toward my best friend. “Just ask Tess. And inappropriate? What…?” I shook my head before saying, “That makes no sense, so I’m just going to ignore that one and move on to all the stupid dependent bullshit you’re spewing. Your life flipped completely on its axis barely a week ago. And as much as I know you want to, you’re not going to get over what happened to you in a day. It’s going to take time. A long, fucking time. So excuse me for trying to help you out until you orient yourself again.”
When I stood up to leave, he sprang up from his own seat and dodged into my path. “No. Don’t. Just…stop.” He held up a hand and waited until I really stopped and lifted my brows expectantly. Then he blew out a breath. “I appreciate all your help,” he started. “You have no idea how much I appreciate it. But…”
Floundering because he was out of words, I grinned and said, “It’s hard for you to accept help, isn’t it?”
He deflated. “God, yes. You have no idea.”
I chuckled and patted his cheek. “Well, suck it up, buttercup. Because I’m here until you’re one hundred percent again. You better get used to it.”
Chapter 26
BECKETT
I offered to drive my truck, but Bailey insisted we take her car. I’d never thought of myself as one of those macho manly men before who always had to be in control and do the driving, but riding shotgun with her behind the wheel made me distinctly uncomfortable.
Or maybe that was just because she was a freaking insane driver.
“Holy shit,” I gasped, holding onto to dashboard with one hand and my chest with the other as we narrowly missed getting t-boned by a dump truck at a four-way.
“What?” She sent me a harassed glance. “It was totally my turn.”
“No.” I shook my head, still seeing my life flash before my eyes. “No. I really think it was his turn.”
“Was it?” Her brow wrinkled with confusion before she shrugged. “Oh well. Whatever. We lived. Relax already.” She patted my thigh, and my muscles tensed for an entirely different reason. I don’t think she noticed how high up on the leg she was touching me. Just a couple more inches to the right and—
No. I needed to stop being such a dog and thinking that way before we reached her dad’s place. If we arrived. I wasn’t yet convinced we’d actually make it in one piece. According to Bailey, we were only halfway there, with another hour of driving to go.
When she jerked the steering wheel in order to swerve into the lane of oncoming traffic and pass the car in front of us, I gulped and took my eyes off the road, not brave enough to watch. When we made it back into our lane alive, my fingers relaxed marginally around the oh-shit handle.
Needing a distraction, I turned to her and said, “Tell me about your family. What’re we going to be walking in on? Will all four brothers be there?”
“Yep. I mean, I think so. I know my married brother Braiden and his wife, Donna, will be there, since they’re bringing the turkey and stuffing. My oldest brother Brock makes pumpkin pies like nobody’s business, so if he isn’t around, I’ll just find wherever he is and drag him home by the ear.”
I chuckled at that, while Bailey finished with, “We can only hope Booth and Blaine won’t be there, but they still live at home, so I doubt we’ll be so lucky.”
“You have two older brothers who still live at home?” I started to wonder if I’d be the type who could return to the nest after college, when it struck me afresh: I was no longer welcome home, and I no longer attended college, so all my pondering was moot.
Something akin to grief overwhelmed me. It swirled through my chest with a tight, achy hopelessness until Bailey’s voice pulled me from the soul-sucking vortex.
“It’s not quite as lame as that, even though they’re both totally lame. They actually work for my dad on the farm, so they’re more like live-in hired hands than lazy, freeloading grown children, even though grown children is exactly how I’d describe them.”
I glanced at her, clinging to the light she provided at the end of my tunnel of pain. I don’t know how she always did that. Just when I started to feel lost and disheartened, she said or did something practical yet quirky, and I was once again okay. She was my path back to reality, and she didn’t even know it.
“You sound like me describing my sister. It was totally fine for me to call her an annoying pest, but I always wanted everyone else to think respectfully of her.”
When Bailey sent me a confused glanced, I grinned. “I didn’t mean to insinuate that your brothers were lazy freeloaders, and I’m sorry it came out that way, but it was a super kickass sister gesture of you to set the record straight, anyway.”
She blinked, and a second later, dismay lit her face. “Oh my God, I did jus
t totally defend those two assholes, didn’t I?”
With a laugh, I nudged her arm. “It was sweet.”
“Sweet?” She looked even more horrified than ever. “That’s even worse.” Pointing a threatening finger my way, she growled, “If you ever tell them I said something nice about them, I will cut you.”
I lifted my hands, unable to stop chuckling. “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.”
She sniffed right before her shoulders slumped. “I mean, of course I love my brothers. I just don’t…”
“Want them to know that,” I finished for her. “I totally get it.”
Bailey glanced at me, and I could see in her gaze, she knew that I did. But that seemed to confuse her. Her eyes narrowed slightly as if she couldn’t trust whatever connection we had between us where we actually understood each other.
Another stray thought flickered through me. I was glad to be here with her. I felt happy, and despite everything, there was a strange peace inside me. I was actually grateful the last week had gone the way it had, because it meant I ended up here in this car with her. There was honestly nowhere else in the world I’d rather be.
I relaxed back in my seat and grinned a smile of pure satisfaction.
That was, until Bailey simultaneously slammed her brake and horn, and then began cursing the truck who’d just pulled out in front of us before it decided to drive too slowly for her taste.
Heart pounding and muscles coiling with tension, I jerked upright, big-eyed as I glanced around to make sure we were still alive.
We were, thank God.
Okay, so maybe I was glad I was here with her, but it still would’ve been nice if I’d been in the driver’s seat.
* * *
You’ll never believe it, but we made it to Bailey’s family farm without wrecking Bailey’s car or running over anything or anyone in the process. Miracles did happen.
Waiting until she’d killed the engine, I unwrapped my fingers from the passenger side’s door handle that may or may not have permanent imprints of my fingerprints now, and I took in her childhood home.