EMPEROR: Why do you tell me that?
BEGGAR: Because I consider you stupid.
EMPEROR: What else do you think of me?
BEGGAR: You have a feeble voice, therefore you are timid; you ask too many questions, therefore you’re a flunkey; you try to set traps for me, therefore you’re not sure of anything, even the surest thing; you don’t believe me but listen to me all the same, therefore you’re a weak man, and finally you believe that the whole world revolves around you, when there are people far more important, myself for instance. Besides, you are blind, deaf, and ignorant. As for your other vices, I don’t know them yet.
EMPEROR: That doesn’t look good. Don’t you see any virtues in me?
BEGGAR: You speak softly, therefore you are humble; you ask many questions, therefore you seek knowledge; you weigh up everything, therefore you are sceptical; you listen to what you believe to be lies, therefore you are tolerant; you believe that everything revolves around yourself, therefore you are no worse than other men and believe nothing more stupid than they do. Besides, you are not confused by too much seeing, don’t bother with things that don’t concern you, are not made inactive by knowledge. As for your other virtues, you know them better than I do, or anyone else.
EMPEROR: You are witty.
BEGGAR: Every bit of flattery is worthy of its reward. But I am not going to pay you now for paying me.
EMPEROR: I reward all services done me.
BEGGAR: That goes without saying. That you expect approval reveals your vulgar soul.
EMPEROR: I hold nothing against you. Is that vulgar too?
BEGGAR: Yes. For there is nothing you can do to me.
EMPEROR: I can have you thrown into a dungeon.
BEGGAR: Is it cool?
EMPEROR: The sun doesn’t penetrate there.
BEGGAR: The sun? There’s no such thing. You must have a bad memory.
EMPEROR: And I could have you killed.
BEGGAR: Then the rain will no longer fall on my head, the vermin will disperse, my stomach will no longer grumble, and there will be the greatest quiet that I’ve ever enjoyed. Λ messenger comes and speaks softly to the Emperor.
EMPEROR: Tell them I shan’t be long. Exit messenger. I shall do none of those things to you. I am considering what I shall do.
BEGGAR: You shouldn’t tell anyone that. Or he will draw conclusions when he sees what your actions are.
EMPEROR: I do not find that I am despised.
BEGGAR: Everyone bows to me. But it means nothing to me. Only importunate people trouble me with their chatter and questions.
EMPEROR: Am I troubling you?
BEGGAR: That’s the stupidest question you have asked today. You’re an impudent man! You do not respect a human being’s essential privacy. You do not know solitude, therefore you want the approval of a stranger like myself. You are dependent on every man’s respect.
EMPEROR: I rule men. Hence the respect.
BEGGAR: The bridle too thinks that it rules the horse, the swallow’s beak thinks that it steers the swallow, and the palm tree’s topmost spike thinks that it pulls the tree after it up to heaven!
EMPEROR: You are a malicious man. I should have you destroyed if I wouldn’t then have to believe that it was out of injured vanity.
The beggar takes out the hurdy-gurdy and plays.
A man passes quickly and bows.
BEGGAR puts away the hurdy-gurdy: This man has a wife who steals from him. At night she bends over him to take money from him. At times he wakes up and sees her above him. Then he thinks that she loves him so much that she can no longer resist the impulse to gaze at him at night. For that reason he forgives her the little deceptions which he detects.
EMPEROR: Are you at it again? Not a word of it is true.
BEGGAR: You can go now. You’re becoming coarse.
EMPEROR: That’s incredible!
The beggar plays on the hurdy-gurdy.
EMPEROR: Is the audience over now?
BEGGAR: Once again now they all see the sky beautified and the earth more fruitful because of this bit of music, and prolong their lives and forgive themselves and their neighbours, because of this bit of sound.
EMPEROR: Well, at least tell me why you simply cannot bear me and have yet told me so much?
BEGGAR nonchalantly: Because you were not too proud to listen to my chitchat, which I only used to forget my dead dog.
EMPEROR: Now I am going. You have spoilt the best day of my life. I should never have stopped here. Pity is no good. The only thing in your favour is the courage to speak to me as you have done. And for that I’ve kept everyone waiting for me! He leaves, escorted by the soldiers. The bells ring again.
BEGGAR one sees that he is blind: Now he’s gone. It must be before noon, the air is so warm. The boy won’t be coming today. There’s a celebration in town. That idiot just now is going there too. Now I have to think again of my dog.
Driving out a Devil
Translator: RICHARD GRUNBERGER
Characters
The girl • The lad • The mother • The father • The night-watchman • The schoolmaster • The mayor • Farmers A single-storey farmhouse with a very large red-tiled roof. There is a bench in front of the house. An evening in August.
I
The lad and the girl are sitting on the bench.
LAD: Lovely evening.
GIRL: There’s a dance on at the Red Cow tonight. Heard the band?
LAD: A couple of trumpets.
GIRL: Mother won’t let me go.
LAD: Why not?
GIRL: Says it’s dangerous.
LAD: Ah, you got to watch out.
GIRL: You can hear it all the way from here now. That’ll be the wind.
LAD: Might have a storm. Today was a scorcher.
GIRL: Stars should be out soon. Then I’ll have to see to the cows.
LAD: Lucky them.
GIRL: Why?
LAD: Because you have to see to them.
GIRL: A lot of good that does them.
LAD: Don’t see to me, do you?
GIRL: Don’t have to.
LAD: Don’t want to, you mean.
GIRL: There won’t be any storm if you ask me.
LAD: Have to get out of your bed if there is.
GIRL: Down to the parlour. So Mum can pray.
LAD: Sooner than pray in bed.
GIRL: Nearly time for those cows.
LAD: There aren’t any stars I can see.
GIRL: You bet not.
Pause.
LAD: What’s that mean?
GIRL: Something.
LAD: Better say.
GIRL: Better hell.
LAD: You going to?
GIRL: Not to you, silly.
LAD: I’ll make you pay for that.
GIRL: You make me laugh.
LAD tries to kiss her: Go ahead, laugh then.
GIRL: That was nowhere near my mouth.
LAD: That’s what you think.
GIRL: So you think it was, eh?
LAD: You know it was.
GIRL: Bit too dark for you, is it?
LAD: Ah, I’m scared.
GIRL: Get that arm away. I don’t like it.
LAD: That’s your arm, that is.
GIRL: That’s the arm I mean.
LAD: It’s all yours.
GIRL: I’m off to the cows.
LAD: Got legs too, have you?
GIRL: Then into bed.
LAD: Legs and all?
GIRL: What’s that supposed to mean?
LAD: What?
GIRL: All that nonsense of yours.
LAD: I don’t give it a thought. Look, there are the stars.
GIRL: Do you usually see to the cows too?
LAD: You pulling my leg?
GIRL: I suppose it rings when it’s pulled.
LAD: I don’t get you today.
GIRL: You’re not with us any more, are you?
LAD: Was I?
GIRL: You’ve mucked
it all up.
LAD: What have I said?
GIRL: Nothing. That’s the trouble.
LAD: You’ll hear something different now, though.
GIRL: I should think so when you see who’s coming.
2
The mother enters.
MOTHER: Good evening, Richard.
LAD: Evening.
MOTHER: Have you done the cows yet?
GIRL: Plenty of time for that.
MOTHER: But not for you to do them, eh?
GIRL: Oh? Why not? Gets up.
LAD: We’ve been having a long talk about the cows.
MOTHER: Is she as fond of them as all that?
LAD: She says she’s got to see to them.
MOTHER: And doesn’t.
LAD: You know how girls are.
GIRL: A lot of experience you’ve had!
LAD: Not hard to tell that.
MOTHER: It’s much too late to be out.
GIRL: I’ve been at it all day.
LAD: That’s a fact.
MOTHER: Thick as thieves, aren’t you?
LAD: It’s a fact, though.
MOTHER: The bell will be going for prayers.
GIRL: I can stay out till then, can’t I?
MOTHER: You’ll have to be in for that.
LAD: Go on, why?
MOTHER: Because it’s the proper thing.
LAD: And supposing it’s nicer out here?
MOTHER: That’s just why.
GIRL: Ah, it’s dangerous out here.
MOTHER: What do you know about it? I won’t have that way of talking. You don’t know anything.
LAD: But it’s a fact.
MOTHER: What, another one?
LAD: It does happen.
MOTHER: Nothing happens. Go and do the cows.
GIRL: It’s much too early.
MOTHER: What do you mean, too early? It’s pitch-dark.
LAD: Light enough to be seen.
MOTHER: But not to see the cows.
GIRL: I can see a donkey all right.
MOTHER: Don’t take it amiss, Richard. She’s very young.
LAD: They always are at that age.
GIRL: Clever.
FATHER’S VOICE: Missus!
MOTHER: He’s calling. We’ll have to go in. Good night, Richard.
LAD: Good night. Can’t she stay out a bit longer?
GIRL: No. I’m off.
LAD: Till the stars are out?
MOTHER: You get down to those cows. Goes inside.
LAD: Why don’t you want to stay?
GIRL: Because I don’t feel like it.
LAD: She’d have let you.
GIRL: Only because I didn’t feel like it.
LAD: Is that why you didn’t feel like it?
GIRL: Think what you please.
LAD: I’m not thinking at all.
GIRL: I’m off.
LAD: Better, or they’ll beat you.
GIRL: You been listening?
LAD: Yes: smack smack.
GIRL: You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
LAD: I quite like it.
GIRL: Don’t you take anything seriously?
LAD: You wouldn’t want me to.
GIRL: What ideas you get.
LAD: What have they got against it, I’d like to know?
GIRL: Against what?
LAD: People getting together.
GIRL: You having me on?
LAD: Do you think they could be right?
GIRL: Me? Go on.
LAD: There you are.
GIRL: Father and Mother do, though.
LAD: Why?
GIRL: They don’t know me.
LAD: You know yourself, though.
GIRL: And I know you.
LAD: Smart friends you’ve got.
GIRL: Well, I’m going in.
LAD: Tired?
GIRL: And if I am?
LAD: Then I’ll carry you in.
GIRL: Fall flat on your face, you will.
LAD picks her up: Think so?
GIRL: No. Let me go. Suppose they see us.
LAD: They’ll see us all right.
GIRL: Let go of me.
LAD: Give us a kiss.
GIRL: My mother …
LAD: Doesn’t like the idea. Puts her down.
GIRL: That wasn’t nice.
LAD: Yes, it was. You kiss pretty well.
GIRL: That’s why I’m going in now.
LAD: All right, better go.
GIRL: Now you’ve satisfied the animal in you.
LAD: Want me to stay, then?
GIRL: I didn’t say that.
LAD: Stars are out now.
GIRL: I’ll see to the cows, then.
LAD: Been no thunder today.
GIRL: Any objection?
LAD: Yes. There’s a crack in your wall.
GIRL: Anything wrong with that?
LAD: Nothing wrong. On the contrary.
GIRL: Oh, you and your nonsense.
LAD: When it’s thundery.
GIRL: Well, what?
LAD: A fellow can see you.
GIRL: Can’t he see me now?
LAD: Not in your slip.
GIRL: Is that what they see when it’s thundery?
LAD: Ah, when you’re saying your prayers.
GIRL: And you’ve seen it?
LAD: Like to know, wouldn’t you?
GIRL: You’ve seen nothing.
LAD: That’s right: nothing to see. Only that your slip’s darned on the right shoulder.
GIRL: It’s not true.
LAD: Want me to show you?
GIRL: What else do you know about?
LAD: Sleep over the byre, don’t you?
GIRL: Is that something else you saw through the crack?
LAD: You haven’t been sleeping there all that long.
GIRL: Who told you that?
LAD: I’ve seen worse lookers.
GIRL: Oh, get on.
LAD: Much worse lookers.
GIRL: Seen them, eh?
LAD: You’re not the worst of them.
GIRL: Swank.
LAD: Maybe. But you’re all right up front.
GIRL: Pooh, you dirty old man.
LAD: What’s dirty about being all right up front and not flat as a pancake?
FATHER calls from the house: Anna!
The girl is scared.
The lad puts his arm round her waist; they listen.
GIRL: Let go of me. I was scared.
LAD: You might be scared again.
GIRL: I’ll have to go in. I haven’t any excuse now.
LAD: Because the stars are out?
GIRL: Yes. And because he’s calling.
LAD: Put your head here and you won’t see the stars.
GIRL: I’m not putting my face there, though.
LAD: Why? It won’t bite, will it?
GIRL: I’ll take it away at once, though.
LAD: You do that.
GIRL: I’m sure they can see us.
LAD: It’s pitch-dark.
GIRL: But you’re to take that hand away.
LAD: Which hand?
GIRL: That one and that one. No, you can’t.
LAD: But I can, you see.
GIRL: No, I’ll have to go in.
LAD: You’ve got such a soft body.
GIRL: You’re hurting.
LAD: Can you see me?
GIRL: If I look up.
LAD: That means you’ve got your eyes shut.
GIRL: Leave me alone.
LAD: Does that hurt?
GIRL: Let me go in. Don’t!
LAD: You’re so warm.
GIRL: And you’ve got cold hands.
LAD: They’ll warm up in no time.
GIRL: Look out! They separate.
LAD: Bloody hell. Slips behind the house.
3
The father arrives.
FATHER: What’s going on, Anna?
GIRL: Is that you, Father?
FATHER: What are you up to?
GIRL: Nothing. Just sitting.
FATHER: Sitting, eh?
GIRL: Yes, I was feeling tired.
FATHER: All by yourself too?
GIRL: Yes. Nobody ever comes to visit us.
FATHER: Nobody comes, eh?
GIRL: Should I see to the cows now?
FATHER: I should think you bloody well will see to the cows.
Hits her. I’ll teach you to gallivant about at night with boys and get yourself a bad name!
The girl goes off crying.
The father exit in pursuit.
LAD: Ah, now she’s copped it. Now she’s ripe. Now for the other thing. Exit.
The bell rings for prayers.
4
Candlelight in the parlour.
MOTHER puts her head out of the window: Such a beautiful evening. You can smell Bellinger’s wheat all the way up here. Nice wind. Pulling her head in: Days like this aren’t easy. I’m glad the night’s come. Her head disappears. The light goes out. Cassiopeia is visible above the roof.
5
Enter the lad with a ladder. He moves quietly.
LAD: No light. So let’s go. I’ll comfort her. It’s always good when they’re crying. It goes with a swing then. The old folk are quite right. He leans the ladder left against the unseen front of the house. People can see you out here. This way they won’t have anything to worry about. Climbs the ladder. At the top: Hey! What’s happening?
GIRL’S VOICE: For God’s sake. Suppose they saw you.
LAD’S VOICE: All the more reason to open the window wide.
GIRL’S VOICE: But you can’t come in here.
LAD’S VOICE: Is that what your old man said?
GIRL’S VOICE: You’ve got some cheek.
LAD’S VOICE: There we are. Nobody’s going to see me now. Silence. Wind. And a bed creaks.
6
The father approaches down below from the right. Listens.
FATHER: A fine bloody business. In the middle of the night too. Sees the ladder. Hullo there. Takes the ladder away. That’s for a start. Fetches a cudgel, reappears and goes off right. Then a sound of stamping on the stairs and a shrill scream, followed by thumps.
FATHER’S VOICE: Open up! Christ and damnation! Bloody cow!
7
The lad and the girl climb through an attic window on to the roof, shutting the window behind them.
LAD: Sh!
GIRL: He’ll kill me.
LAD: Shut up.