A series of sleepless nights soon merged into many roas for Jaylind, roas filled with memories of time spent with Anies. Four roas they spent together, connecting to the cast-net, Jay having simulated sex with Anies and dozens of other women and girls. Jay hid her joy well when she returned home—going straight to her room, not talking with anyone, keeping her disinterested, disillusioned attitude. But during the nights she rolled over Anies’ image in her mind—her touch, her caress, at least those things that Anies did in her mind. Jay didn’t care that the experiences weren’t real, that they only happened in her mind. The sensations she felt there were so much more powerful than those she felt in real life. One kiss triggered so much in her whole body, one touch brought back feelings of virginal bliss each and every time. Jay knew she was becoming Anies’ slave; she would do anything to experience those things again, and would do anything not to give them up. As she opened the exit from the service tunnels leading onto Core, for a moment she felt the depth of her servitude, of her utter dependence on what only Anies could provide. Anies waited across the street for her, her eyes scanning the passersby, betraying a more analytical, calculating side to her persona. Then she noticed Jay, and the naughty sweet smile crept on her face, her body slouched a little heightening the small curves she had. Jay walked slowly to her, prolonging her anticipation for pleasure, for excitement.
“You look tired.”
“I’m not, just some things to do,” replied Jay, trying to appear disinterested. “You know.”
“Yeah.”
She moved closer to Jay, her hands cupping Jay’s rear, bringing her body next to Jay.
“What things do you have to do? No one works on Novan.”
Jaylind thought for a moment at all the toil she had done over the past few roas, mostly hauling scrap metal out of the cell, loading it into carriers. She may have been tired, but no one there could get out of work. Especially not the daughter of the Coss.
“Where I’m from, I work. Maybe that’s why I’m here.”
Anies looked down for a moment, then up into Jay’s eyes, grinning wide as if she just swallowed prey. She almost bounced in Jay’s arms.
“I have a surprise.”
“What?”
“I found someone who can give you an implant!”
“What?!” The scream escaped before Jay knew any better, but only a few turned to look at her. Anies cupped her mouth, and laughed.
“Yeah, my father knows some people, and I cast to one of them. You could get it tomorrow.”
Jay’s mind raced with joy. To no longer live that pathetic life with the Iganinagi! To always feel good, to get anything I want, whenever I want it.
“Where?”
“Close. About ten mroas away,” said Anies, pointing off in the distance.
Jay took her close, as close as she could, and kissed her, Jay’s tongue swimming in hers. She hadn’t been this happy in too long a time.
“Could you do me a favor?” asked Anies coyly, her hand trailing along Jay’s arm.
“What? Anything?”
“I want to see where you live.”
Fear stole quickly into Jay’s heart, an emptiness filling her soul.
“I . . . I don’t know.”
Anies looked up at her with innocent, wide eyes, pushing her sex closer to Jay’s.
“Why?”
Jay thought on that question. Why not? Anies was about to give her a whole new life, make Jay happy beyond her dreams.
“Why do you want to see it?” asked Jay, as Anies smiled, and ground against her.
“I like you. I want to know where you come from. Hopefully, you won’t forget about me, once you get your own implant. We could still have a lot of fun together.”
The debate in her mind was a purely academic one, as Jay would have agreed to anything she wanted, to get an implant of her own. She was still her slave, and in the depths of her mind, knew she would do far worse things for Anies, just to experience the cast-net again.
“It’s a little far off,” warned Jay, thinking about trying to avoid all the guards with Anies in tow. “And it will be rough going.”
“I’ll do it for you, Jay.”
Jay smiled, not fully appreciating those words, what they would have meant coming from a lover at her age. Her mind was only on the implant, and the short roas she needed to wait before getting it.
“Come on.”
The journey was a battle with herself, one part of Jay wanting to run there as quickly as possible, and get the deed done, the other part of her realizing this was Anies’ first time down this path, through tunnels and service-ways dark and dangerous. Jay forced herself to go slowly, helping Anies through the rubble, over the chasms and divides. They stopped often, with Anies complaining she hadn’t done this much walking and climbing in her life. She looked around a lot, and Jay had little to offer in terms of comment, as she was only just getting used to the terrain. To Jay’s surprise, it was easy getting past the guards Nemosini had stationed around the perimeter of the cell, as complacency had begun to set in, and a part of Jay was even a little worried that if she could make it by them so easily, who or what else could also.
Eventually, they arrived at the outskirts of the cell. Jay could see the people building, talking, laughing. A fire was going in the center of the cell—Kleder had gotten his grill going, and the cell was in for its first feast. She took Anies around the gathering, around the shanties, to her dwelling. Jay took her through the back door quickly, going into the small basement under the kitchen Jay always wanted to bring Sullise into.
“Well, we’re here.”
“Wow. So you are one of the Iganinagi,” whispered Anies, looking at Jay with admiration.
“Yeah, I don’t like ‘em, though.”
“Why?”
“Because they suffer!” cried Jay, pounding her fist against a wall. “They do everything the hard way. I . . . I never liked them! And I’ve seen what they do to people. I’ve seen them kill people who begged for mercy, men and women. I’ve seen them kill children, only five cas old. I think anyone that kills someone that young is the worst kind of thing, something that doesn’t deserve to live.”
“You know these globes are dangerous places. You’ll understand that, once you’re on the cast-net for a while.”
“Then why didn’t they give me an implant?” demanded Jay. “Why keep me in the dark, only seeing a few things on the AV unit? If they wanted me to understand what they did, then they should’ve let me see what they fight. As it is, I know nothing that could justify their actions.”
Jay thought of her mother, sword raised, beheading a girl the same age as her sister, thinking somewhere, that little girl had a mother, and father, who were forced to watch their precious joy die.
“I don’t know what I’d do if something like that happened to my sister.”
Anies nestled close to Jay. “How sweet! I’ll have to meet your sister, someroa. Wait . . . I hear something.”
Up above, some footsteps could be heard coming into the kitchen. Jaylind heard some movement, as they paced around the kitchen. Anies could nest much more with her implant, as the two figures above were casting.
^Where’s Jaylind?^
^Who knows. Out exploring again, I guess.^
“It’s my mom,” whispered Jay as quietly as she could, “and Themis, a Coss of a nearby cell.”
Anies shrugged, feigning innocence, as she nulled her mind and focused on their cast.
^I wish she would stop,^ cast Nemosini. ^It’s too dangerous around here. Too many places we haven’t secured yet.^
^She’s getting to be a young woman. She will have to face some dangers on her own, especially as your daughter.^
^I know, I know. Sometimes I think it was wrong to shelter her as much as we have from the evil of Novan. But we all know what the implant can do, the addiction that is so difficult to overcome. I’ll never forget what happened to Rolost’s son, and I couldn’t go on living if it happened to Jay.^
>
^I think she doesn’t understand why we are Iganinagi,^ cast Themis. ^And that is a dangerous thing.^
As Nemosini paused, Anies stood further up to nest their thoughts more clearly.
^Will you be ready for the meeting with Theia?^ asked Nemosini.
^Yes. I have the last cell settled. I still think it’s dangerous for all of us to be in one physical place at the same time, even if it is in a plaza as big as Nelljin.^
^Yeah, but we need to rebuild the morale of our people. And we need to build ours, for a start. Theia is new, and knows she needs to interact with us personally.^
^Theia is a strong warrior, but I have doubts about her leadership,^ cast Themis. ^I only hope Aiella was right about her.^
^You know she’s been an integral part of my life for a long time. I’ve seen her progress from a bragging grunt to a capable Coss. She’s helped me in many ways, and I wouldn’t be a Coss without her help. I know she’ll be fine! Come on, Kleder has been pestering me about attending this first feast. We can’t disappoint him.^
They left, much to the relief of Jaylind. Anies smiled at Jay, something unknown to Jay behind her eyes.
“Thank you for bringing me here.”
Jay looked over at her, smiling in the darkness of the basement, pressed close against her body. For a few moments she forgot about her experience on the cast-net, forgot about the complexity of sensation it afforded, and instead was captured by the immediacy of the moment. Jay grabbed her and kissed her, wanting to take her now, in the dirt, in the dark, so close yet so far from everyone. Anies gently pushed her away.
“Come on. We better leave.”
“Why?” asked Jay, not wanting to let Anies out of her embrace.
“I know your people. If they find me, they won’t let me go,” cast Anies, pushing Jay aside, making her way out of the basement. “Then you’ll never get your implant.”
Jay sighed, and then followed Anies, acknowledging the truth in her words. They hurried out of the cell, making their way back up to Core cautiously.
It was late when Jay finally got back home. She slipped in, going quietly to her room in the dark. She could hear her mother in the other room, fighting with Nulin. Jay sat down on her bed, a feeling of relief spreading over her for a moment.
“I saw you!”
She was startled by a loud whisper. It was Minnlis. Jay relaxed, and started to straighten her room.
“What do you mean?”
“You brought another girl here!” cried Minnlis as she stepped out of the closet. She was a small thing, but with great anger in her eyes. Panic spread over Jay’s face.
“What do you know?” demanded Jay, with her hands on her hips.
“I saw,” said Minnlis slowly. “I was down there.”
“What were you doing down there?”
“I like to get away sometimes. It’s loud where we are now. I take my Patty, and we sit in the dark, and dream of good things. Why did you bring her here?”
“You wouldn’t understand,” said Jay with a frown.
“I might.”
Jay smiled at her. “You might understand, but it wouldn’t be fair to you.”
“Are you going to see her again, Jay?”
Jay thought about it.
I want to be with her! I want to spend every roa with her, laugh with her, explore the cast-net with her. But mom would never let me leave. Her own daughter, go into exile? She’d kill me first.
“Yes, I guess I am.”
“You can’t!” shouted Minnlis, as she stamped her little foot down. Minnlis had the spirit of her mother, and the soul of her father. She looked at Jay with angry eyes, and Jay looked back with a condescending smile.
“What are you going to do?” wryly demanded Jay.
“I’m going to tell. Mom!”
Panic, thick and strong, took control of Jay’s arm and hand and before she knew it, Minnlis lay on the ground, stunned. She didn’t realize how much she wanted this, how much she would do to get it. She stood for a moment, looking at her hand, then to Minnlis, silent and unmoving.
“No!”
Jay dropped to her knees, tears forming in her eyes.
“Wake up, wake up! Oh no, I’m so sorry. Please, wake up.”
Jay grabbed her up by the shoulders, and started shaking her, trying to get her to wake up. She never felt such panic before, and barely knew what she was doing. It took a few tils before the sound of the snap registered in her mind, before Minnlis’ limp head truly sunk in, before the tears flowing from her eyes turned to rivers, and a pain gripped her stomach and heart, merciless in its strength and depth.
In the shadows Jay carried her heavy burden, wrapped in a sheet. The feast was drawing to a close, and as she waited for a few people to pass by, she watched as others gathered around the open grill. They were laughing, talking, with little children running and playing. She saw men and women she knew since she was a child relaxing for the first time in a long time. They had borne the brunt of the work—building her mother’s house first, then gradually filling the small town. Jay looked around, and though it was meek, though it was humble, those buildings gleamed with a worth nothing she ever saw before matched. She felt such guilt at her complaints, the distance she kept from those who cared for her. She set down her burden for a moment, and sobbed into her hands. Part of her wished Prodal, or Kleder, would come over, discover what she had done, and somehow make it alright. She desperately wished that, thinking for a moment that she would go over, and confess, and abase herself in front of them. But she couldn’t stand the thought of their looks, of their disappointment. Her mother would be humiliated, but more, much more than that, her father would be broken. His daughter dead, and his little girl responsible?
It would kill him. I should just leave, and they can think we ran away, and dream that we are still alive.
She made her way to an incinerator recently set up. The door opened quickly, much too quickly. She wanted to struggle, to feel pain, something to take her mind off of this deed that needed to be done. The glow of the fire danced in front of Jay and she stood for a moment, thinking on Minnlis’ face, her laugh, her little foot stamping up and down. Jay opened the blanket, revealing her beautiful face that was now quiet, and cold. She wanted to say something, but couldn’t get out the words. She kissed Minnlis on her cheek, then held her close, with all her strength. She let out one sob, a moan of grief and despair. Then Jay hefted Minnlis’ body in her arms, and dropped it down the chute. She slammed the door and ran off, trying not to think of what would happen to her, wishing she could be burning in there with her.
Chapter 9