“I think so. I was up early.”
I’m not ready to say good night to her when we reach her door, but I do. Leaning over, I lay a swift kiss on her cheek, then back away.
Outside, I stroll the grounds by myself for a while. When I return, Axel’s bike’s still in the parking lot.
“Tha fuck?”
“You seen Heidi?” I ask Murphy. If anyone seems to always know where she is, it’s him.
“A little while ago. Why?”
“She was supposed to be going for a ride with Axel. But his bike’s still here.”
A flash of anger, hurt, jealousy, something like that flashes over his face and he jerks his chin toward the door of the room she uses when she stays here. Storming over, I bang on it a few times. When I look for Murphy he’s all the way down the hall going into his room. “Big help,” I grumble.
There’s rustling, a low murmur, and noises on the other side of the door, so I bang on it again.
Heidi throws it open, nervously running her hands through her hair. “Oh. Hey, big brother, what’s up?”
Yeah, Heidi never greets me like that. Obviously, they were up to something. Looking past her, I find Axel sitting on the bed, staring at his feet.
“I thought you two were going for a ride?”
“We are. We were just hanging out.”
I’m torn. No doubt, in a couple hours, the party will move to the clubhouse. I don’t want Heidi around here for whatever dirty shit my brothers get into. But I also don’t want her taking off and spending the night with this little punk.
“It’s gettin’ late.” Axel hasn’t been riding long enough that I feel comfortable with him taking my sister out on the back roads around here. I think the little shit realizes that’s what I’m implying.
“I’m always careful with her,” he says.
Heidi’s jaw clenches, but she doesn’t argue with me, thank fuck.
“All right, all right, we’re going.” As she turns around, I swear she mumbles something that sounds like, “Rather do it in my bed anyway,” but I ignore it.
I ever actually catch them in the act, it will be a different story. One where Axel ends up with bullet in his crotch.
Axel stands, and she grabs her leather jacket. “Are you going to stand in my doorway the whole time?”
Christ, she makes me crazy. Even if she’s almost an adult, she’ll always be my baby sister.
I follow the two of them downstairs, but instead of being annoyed by my overbearing ass, Heidi turns before getting on Axel’s bike and wraps her arms around me. “Are you going to get some rest? You look tired,” she says softly. Her eyes search my face and she doesn’t seem to like what she sees.
“I’m fine. I won’t rest until you call and tell me you’re home safe, though.”
“Are you coming home?”
“I gotta stay up here and make sure things don’t get out of control.” I look past her and point at Axel. “That’s not an invitation for you to stay over.”
He holds his hands out in an innocent who me? way that doesn’t fool me one bit.
“I’ll send someone by to check on you.”
She rolls her eyes. “Don’t you dare. I’m fine.”
Shouting from the woods keeps getting closer. Party’s moving toward the clubhouse. I want to get inside and check on Mariella. Maybe I should insist Heidi spend the night here instead. If I thought she’d stay in her room and out of trouble, I would.
“Would you rather stay up here?” I ask her.
Her mouth twists and she cocks her head to the side. Toward the noise in the woods. “Normally, I‘d say yes, but…”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
She grabs me again for another hug, and I hang on to her longer than I’m sure she’d like me to in front of her boyfriend, but I don’t give a fuck.
Axel shakes my hand, and they take off.
I’m not sure why I have such an ache in my chest watching her go.
As I push through the crowd in the living room to get to the stairway, Sparky waves me over. Not surprisingly, he’s high as fuck. “Heidi okay?” he asks. He’s always had a soft spot for Heidi. Not in a creepy way. More like the protective way he worries over his plants.
“Yeah, Axel just took her home.”
“Oh, good. She’s good for him.”
“Yeah? He good for her?”
“Don’t know yet, man.”
I hold my hand out and he misses bumping my fist by about a foot. Shaking my head, I sprint up the stairs. At the top, I hesitate. I want to check on Mariella, but I don’t want to bother her if she’s sleeping.
A muffled cry comes from her room. Jesus Christ, if something happened to her when I was supposed to be watching—
I knock on her door. A few light taps at first. With all the noise going on, the cry could have come from somewhere else.
There’s another one, and this time it’s definitely from her room. I knock harder.
Her door swings open. Light from the hallway spills over her face, red and tear-stained.
“What’s wrong? Did someone bother you?”
“No,” she answers softly.
“I didn’t mean to wake you. I thought I heard something.”
Her cheeks turn even redder. “I still have…I still can’t.”
Reaching out, I place my hand on her shoulder, pulling her closer. “What?”
“Nightmares. Every night. Even though today was such a good day. They never stop.”
Shit.
“I’m sorry.”
She shakes her head and tries to back away. I hate knowing she’s suffering like this. “Is there anything I can do?”
“You’ve already done so much for me. Thank you.” I tighten my hold on her shoulder and turn to check the hallway.
“Do you want to come stay in my room? Not for…just for…you know, tonight?” Christ, I’ve never had so much trouble getting a woman in my room before. Getting them out, sure.
“No. You don’t want me. What if you…?”
I snort because she’s the only girl who’s interested me since she moved in. I know how traumatized she still is from her time with the Vipers MC, so I won’t do anything about it. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to.
Right now, though, I just want to do something to give her some peace. “Come on. You know you’re safe with me,” I say, piling on what Blake always calls my “Teller charm” by lowering my voice and pulling her a little closer.
“If you’re sure? I do think I’d feel better.”
She ducks back in her room and grabs her pillows and a blanket, then lets me lead her down the hallway.
My room’s neat and clean, the way I left it. Mariella crawls into bed immediately, tucking herself in the corner with her back to the wall. “Good?” I ask.
“Yes, thank you.”
A few minutes later I slip under the covers. It kills me, but I keep my distance. I’m hovering around the edge of sleep, when something soft bumps against me. Startled, I open my eyes. I can’t make anything out in the dark, but I feel Mariella next to me. “You okay?” I whisper.
She doesn’t answer.
Christ, she smells good. Like cinnamon and coconuts. I want to bury my face against her neck and kiss—
This is a problem.
Afraid she’ll wake up with my morning wood tucked against her ass, I stuff an extra pillow in the space between us. I wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her close.
Somehow I will myself to go to sleep.
For the first time in a very long time, I feel safe.
In my sleep, I must have twisted and found my way next to Teller. As if my body trusts him to keep me from harm.
“You okay?” he whispers.
I don’t know how to answer him, so I pretend to be asleep. His warmth soaks into my back, relaxing and comforting.
He shifts and something soft presses into my back.
A pillow.
A barrier between us.
Did he do tha
t so I’d feel protected?
Or does he think I’m used and disgusting and wants some distance between us?
I have my answer a few seconds later.
He gently pushes the hair off my cheek and kisses my temple, murmuring, “You’re safe with me, Mariella.”
Today’s a big day for the Upstate charter of the Lost Kings MC.
Our Prez found his Queen and he’s locking her down tight. It’s the first wedding we’ve held at our clubhouse and everyone’s working to make sure things are perfect for prez and his first lady. I was up early discussing our agenda for church with Rock and then rounding up the brothers for the meeting.
Now I’m waiting for my best friend to get his ass to the clubhouse. I really want to see Heidi before we get swept up in all the wedding stuff.
I catch a glimpse of Teller’s truck through the front window.
Finally.
Heidi walks in first. A dress covered in plastic draped over her arm. Like an idiot I stare at her for a minute without saying anything. I swear she’s more beautiful every time I see her. “Ready for your trip down the aisle, Bug?”
The corners of her mouth lift as she approaches and lets me wrap her up in a hug. Behind her, Teller rolls his eyes and points a finger-gun at his head. I’m guessing Heidi gave him grief this morning. As her eighteenth birthday’s barreling down on him, he’s finally realized trying to control her is a battle he won’t win.
“You’re walking with me?” she asks.
I’m so caught up in the feel of her against me. Her scent surrounding me that it takes me a second to process the question and answer it. “Hell, yeah. You didn’t want to walk with your brother, did you?”
Soft laughter flows out of her and she covers her mouth with her hand the way she’s done since she was a kid. “No.”
Teller’s watching us with narrowed eyes, and I reluctantly pull away from Heidi. He gives me a chin lift. “I promised Trinity I’d go check on the prospects out at the site.”
“Okay.”
He tilts his head toward Heidi in a watch her gesture Heidi absolutely notices. “I’m not a kid. I don’t need a babysitter.”
“I ain’t a babysitter,” I tease. Teller glares at me again. Can I trust you with my baby sister or not? his face seems to say. We’ve been best friends so long, I can pretty much figure out what he’s thinking. I nod at him and he heads out to the site where the wedding’s taking place.
Members from our downstate charter and a couple other LOKI charters are here for the wedding. Two clubs we’re friendly with are also attending, so whether Teller asked or not, today is a day I absolutely plan to look out for Heidi. When we were kids, Teller protected me when no one else would. In turn, I’ve always had his back. Together, we’ve always looked out for Heidi. That will never change, no matter how old we are.
By age eight, I’d already lived a life full of disappointment and turmoil. She doesn’t remember, because she was only a baby, but Heidi was the sweetest thing in my world. She made it impossible not to love her. Teller and I did our best to provide her with everything her parents should have and failed.
Even today, I’d kill anyone who hurt her.
I love her. I can’t have her because she’s only seventeen and I’m twenty-five. She’s made it damn hard too.
Or at least she used to. Before her boyfriend Axel wormed his way into her life.
“Are you okay?” she asks, glancing up at me with the sweetest, concerned expression on her face.
While she can be a hellraiser when she wants to be, Heidi also has the biggest heart of anyone I know.
She twists her hands into the plastic covering her dress nervously, and I realize I’m still staring at her like an idiot.
“Yeah.”
“Oh.” A nervous smile flickers over her lips.
“That the dress?” Unfortunately, I’d had to escort the girls to the dress shop. I bitched about it mightily, but I got to spend time with Heidi, so it wasn’t all bad.
She glances down at the bag. “Yes. I’ll probably look silly.”
I doubt that. I may know fuck-all about dresses, but she could wear a pair of coveralls and still be the most beautiful girl in any room.
“You’re beautiful no matter what,” I finally answer.
“Thank you.”
“Are you excited?”
“Oh, yes. I love Hope so much. I’m so happy she’ll be an official part of the family now. She and Uncle Rock are so perfect together.”
Her enthusiasm makes me smile. Hope’s sort of mothered Heidi since the day they met. Something Heidi’s never had, but always needed.
“Have you seen Axel today?”
My jaw tightens at the sound of his name. “Yeah, he’s down at the site doing last minute decorations, cleaning and stuff.”
“Oh. Where’s Hope?”
“Down in Trinity’s room, I think.”
She raises the arm her dress is draped over. “I should probably go put this on.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“I’ll see you later.”
* * *
“KNOCK, knock.”
I’ve never been in Trinity’s room and I’m not sure I’m welcomed now.
The door swings open, and Hope’s friend Lilly waves me inside. “Yay! Heidi’s here,” Lilly yells.
I’m still rattled from the way Murphy’s gaze roamed over me out in the living room. No, rattled isn’t quite the right word. Warm and tingly?
“Hi, Heidi,” Hope greets.
“Don’t move,” Trinity warns. “Hey, Heidi,” she says without looking at me. She’s focused on lining Hope’s eyes with dark brown eyeliner. A bunch of nail polish is lined up on the desk next to them. One’s a glittering gold that I’m instantly jealous of. I glance down at my own short nails. Last night, I’d painted them a bright plum to match my dress, but now I wish I’d thought of something more fun.
“Are you sure the polish will dry? Shouldn’t we do that first?” Hope asks as Trinity starts sponging foundation over Hope’s forehead.
It must not be the first time she’s asked. “Yes,” Trinity answers with exaggerated patience.
Hope tilts her head at the space next to her. “Come. Sit. Tell me what you’re up to.”
“She’s nervous,” Lilly whispers to me.
Trinity sets the foundation down and picks up one small clear bottle. “Shit. My fast-dry topcoat is hard as a rock.” Trinity bites her lip as she keeps trying to wiggle the brush around.
“What’s the closest store? I’ll go grab another bottle,” Lilly offers.
“Are you sure?”
Lilly rolls her eyes. “Yes.”
Trinity writes down the directions to Wards. The clubhouse is so far out in the country, it will take Lilly at least an hour to drive there and back.
“Don’t move. I’ll be back. Heidi do you want to come with me?”
“No, thank you.”
“You can use my bathroom to change if you want,” Trinity says.
After closing myself inside, I pull the dress out and inspect it for wrinkles or lint. It’s one-shouldered, so I had to buy a special bra for it, but it’s the most grown-up thing in my closet.
Once I’m finally in it, I need someone to help with the zipper. “Trinity?” I call out.
She opens the door and I don’t even have to ask, she automatically moves behind me and pulls up the zipper.
“Perfect,” she says.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, Heidi! It looks so pretty,” Hope gushes when I come out.
“Thanks.”
They go back to last minute wedding talk, and there are a few dirty jokes that I’m pretty sure are in reference to my uncles Rock and Wrath—ew.
“I’m starving. Do you mind if I go grab something to eat?”
“Not at all. You know where to find us,” Hope says with a giggle. I guess she’s nervous.
“Do you want me to bring something back f
or you guys?”
Both of them say no.
This end of the clubhouse is surprisingly quiet, considering the big event that’s about to happen. I’d kind of like to say hi to Uncle Rock, but I’m not sure if he’s upstairs or out at the wedding site.
As I’m about to step into the dining room, I run into Murphy.
“Sorry.” He reaches out to steady me with a hand on my waist. “Wow.” The way he stares at me heats my skin and I pull out of his grasp.
* * *
FOR SEVERAL LONG, uncomfortable seconds, I forget how to breathe. I stare at Heidi for so long, she fidgets, nervously tugging at the skirt of her dress.
“Stop,” I say, reaching out to still her hand.
“It looks awful, doesn’t it?”
Absolutely not. I may know fuck-all about dresses, but it’s perfect on her. “No. You’re gorgeous, Heidi. That’s a pretty color on you.”
Her cheeks flush and she glances down at her feet. “Thanks.”
I’m not lying. The purple suits her dark hair and eyes. The bare shoulders and skirt that falls right above her knees aren’t too bad either. But it’s the damn top of the dress, fitted tight to her curves, that’s making me edgy.
Curves I shouldn’t be noticing.
Curves I don’t want anyone else noticing.
I’m so quiet, she twists her hands in her skirt again.
Words. Where are my fucking words? Fuck. I saw her in the dress when she bought it, but somehow she looks so…different now. “You’re beautiful. I’m just not used to you looking so grown-up, that’s all.”
“Oh.” Her face brightens, and I feel like an ass for making her doubt herself for even a second.
I finally manage to shake myself out of my stupor. “Why aren’t you with the bride?”
“I’m hungry. I had breakfast, but it was hours ago.”
“Let’s get you some food then.”
Slinging one arm around her shoulders, I pull her to my side and walk her through the dining room and into the kitchen.
“I have something for you.”
Her eyes widen. “You do?”
“Yup.” Opening the fridge, I dig around until I find the container I hid in the back so no one would touch it.