Now she had to call him on the past. “Don’t you remember what it was like to have nothing? To be so desperate that you’d do nearly anything? Because I do.” She’d been desperate enough to take any risk before.
And she’d paid the price for those risks. Her chill was getting worse. “Just how long have you been controlling my life?”
“I’m not—”
“When you called me a few weeks ago and told me that my sister was in danger, I wondered how you’d gotten my number so easily. But I mean, since I was your employee, that was probably easy enough for you to swing, right? You’ve had total control over me, and I didn’t even know it.”
A furrow appeared between his brows. “I owe you,” he said, his voice deep and intense, “more than I can ever repay. Is it so wrong that when I got a little money, I wanted to help you? This company was going under. I bought it, pumped some capital in…and I saved your job and the job of every person here.”
“Ethan…”
“With my background,” his laughter was gruff, “trust me, I could use a PR firm of my own. Over the years, I’ve learned plenty about the value of spin.”
Her temples were throbbing. “I don’t understand any of this…I just—”
“You didn’t pack a bag.”
She blinked at the abrupt change in topic. “No.”
“And you got up this morning and came to work, as if nothing at all had happened.”
“You’re what has happened to me.”
He sucked in a deep breath. “I know.”
Wait—what?
Again, that half-smile curved his lips. “But I guess everyone has to have a weakness, right? Even the villains?” Then his knuckles brushed over her cheek. “You’re mine. I let others know that, and now we’re both in trouble.”
“Ethan…”
“I did a lot of thinking after I left you last night. You want to stay here. You want this city. This life. Fine.” His hand lingered against her cheek. “But until I’m sure you’re safe, you’re going to have it with me. That’s why I made the big reveal at this office today. Why I had to show myself here. Until the danger is past, I’ll be here with you. We’ll be working together.”
Her stomach did a somersault.
“And when it’s safe…” His smile slipped. “I can walk away again, if that’s what you really want.”
What she— “Sometimes, I think you’re crazy.”
“Of course, I am.” His immediate response. “Crazy and very bad for you.”
She inched closer to him. “Then why do I feel this way?” She hated it. Loved it. Most of the time, Carly was sure she was walking around in some kind of weird half-life state. Other men didn’t make her react this way. Other men just left her cold. But Ethan…
Always, Ethan.
“I want to do right by you,” Ethan said, voice soft. “You want to stay here…” His jaw hardened. “Then I am going to stay at your side. I’ll make sure any threat that comes your way is eliminated.”
“And the FBI?”
“I’ll handle them. They’ve been dodging my steps for years. At this point, I know just how they work.” His hand started to drop. Her fingers rose and caught his, holding his hand in place. After not wanting to touch anyone else for so long, she almost felt desperate for his touch.
Wrong. Carly knew that the way she felt for him was wrong on a dozen levels.
So what?
“You just have to trust me,” Ethan told her. “I’ll get you through the storm that’s coming.”
There was no reason to trust him. He’d deceived her already. She wouldn’t be a fool. Wouldn’t blindly give in to him.
But…
Her choices were limited. He owned the business, her home, and in this murky world of danger that she found herself in, Carly knew that Ethan understood the risks far more than she did.
So maybe she wouldn’t trust him. Maybe she’d use him to get through the darkness heading toward her.
And then she’d figure out just what the hell she needed to do with her life.
Run far and fast from Ethan?
Or stay close.
Carly cleared her throat and tried to get back to some actual business. If it was business. “Is the Reflections’ campaign even a real thing?”
“Very real.” His head bent toward her. “It’s a new club I want to open in New York, and you’re the PR agent in charge. That is…if you still want to work here. If you don’t want to throw the job in my face and walk away.”
“I want to walk,” she told him. Did she? Really? Carly wasn’t even certain. “But I can’t. So tell me about this job…” She let his hand go. She tried to focus on business and not on the way he made her feel.
Ethan…he knew all her secret shames. All of her pains and her needs.
And Ethan…he was the one man she shouldn’t let get close to her.
So why was he the one she wanted most?
***
It had worked. At six o’clock that evening, Ethan watched the city below him. Most people were heading out—it was the weekend, after all. Time for them to get loose and wild. Or maybe just time to relax.
Carly hadn’t left yet. She’d stayed at the office all day, working hard on plans for Reflections. Before his big reveal to her, he’d wondered if she’d run the instant she saw him. He’d been prepared to chase her. But she hadn’t run.
She hadn’t slapped him, either. Another win.
She’d just stood there, so heart-breakingly beautiful, and she’d nearly gutted him, just with a look.
Hurt. Betrayal. Everything he did was to protect her, but Carly didn’t see that. She just saw pain. She saw him.
Maybe that was all he was to her. Pain.
Maybe he should have stayed a memory for her, nothing more but—
A knock sounded at his door. “Come in,” he called, without glancing back. He figured it was his assistant, coming in with a last check of the day.
But when the door creaked open, the faintest sweet scent drifted to him. Her scent. His eyes closed for a second, and his hands fisted in front of him.
Don’t hurt her again. Whatever the hell you do, don’t hurt her.
“So…” Her voice reached him easily. “What’s supposed to happen now? Are you going to be my shadow all weekend? From this threat that I don’t actually see coming?”
He turned to face her.
“I don’t know how you intend for this to work.” She stood in his doorway, looking uncertain and far too lovely.
Don’t fuck up. Don’t.
“Just who is it that you think will be coming after me?”
“Quincy Atkins had a brother. One who didn’t exactly take it well when the guy vanished.” He saw her shoulders tense. “Unfortunately, I learned that Daniel Duvato was trying to contact that guy…shortly before Daniel’s rather well-deserved death.”
“You think the brother will come after me?”
“I think I want you safe, and I don’t want to take chances.”
She seemed to absorb that.
“As for this weekend…I thought you might want to come with me and see Reflections. I mean, it is your project. So getting a first-hand look at the place should benefit you.” He tried to sound casual. Not like he was offering her a date. That would be sleazy, all things considered.
Right? Or would she be open to—
She looked down at her watch. “I-I have an…appointment first. But then I’d love to see the place.”
What kind of appointment? He bit back the question.
Her gaze slid toward him. “Don’t worry. I’m not meeting with the FBI.”
“Never said you were,” he murmured.
“Don’t lie,” she chided him. “Special Agent Monroe called me twice today, and I refused to talk to him both times.” She sighed softly. “The guy is going to keep dodging my steps.”
He’d have to deal with Monroe.
“I’m not ready to talk with him.” She firmed her should
ers. “But I do have another meeting that can’t be delayed.”
A meeting? Or a date?
“I’ll have my driver take you over.” After her attack this morning, the last thing he wanted was for her to be out alone.
“Thank you,” Carly said. “I’d…appreciate that.”
Shock rolled through him.
“What?” Carly asked, tilting her head to the side so her hair slid over her shoulder. “Did you think I wouldn’t appreciate a ride? Seriously, Ethan, my day has sucked. Getting a ride in a fancy car isn’t something I’m going to argue about.”
Great. Then maybe she wouldn’t argue when she realized he was going with her.
He grabbed his briefcase and headed for the door. He wanted to take her hand, but he controlled that impulse. For her, he would try and act the gentleman.
She’d been willing to kill in order to keep him safe. A man never forgot a woman who’d done that for him.
They rode down the elevator in silence, and when they headed through the glass doors of the building and out into the busy city streets, he wasn’t particularly surprised to see Agent Monroe standing at the corner.
But when Monroe saw him, the guy glowered.
Ethan’s car was waiting right out front. As Ethan opened the door for Carly, he gave the special agent a friendly wave…
With his middle finger. Then he climbed in the car after her. The door shut with a soft thud and Carly gave him their destination address.
When they pulled away from the curb, he didn’t look back to see if the FBI agent was following him or not. Right then, he wasn’t doing anything that would get him in trouble.
That part would come later.
***
Having a car take her through the city was nearly heaven to Carly. Traffic was insane, of course, but then, it was New York, so how could it be anything else? But when Ethan’s driver pulled to a stop in front of Dr. Nelson’s building, he didn’t seem to have any trouble finding a place to park. Mostly because Carly realized the guy had just made a spot for the sleek car.
A privacy screen separated them from the driver, and that screen had made her feel far too conscious of her close proximity to Ethan.
“Who are you meeting?” Ethan asked her.
Her hand had already gone to the door handle, but she hesitated. “You know so much about my life. Surely you know this part, too?” And she hated that. Hated that her soul was so bare. “If this is going to work…” Carly didn’t even know that this was, not yet. An uneasy relationship? An alliance? She cleared her throat. “If we’re going to get through the next few days, I really think it would be better if we didn’t lie to each other.”
His fingers feathered over her shoulder. “I’m not lying to you. I have no fucking clue who is waiting in that building. It could be a lover. It could be a PI. I own the public relations company, yes, but I didn’t push into your whole life.”
Didn’t you? It sure felt that way to her. She was so unbalanced, so unsettled…and maybe that was why the truth came out. “Quincy broke a part of me.” That was the way she’d felt. “Before you got there that night…before you broke in…” Say it. Say it. “He raped me.”
The silence in that car was stark. Stunning.
Terrifying.
She opened the door and risked a glance back at Ethan. The car’s interior light shone down on him, and he’d gone absolutely white. The only color in his face was his blazing eyes.
“I know you suspected.” He’d arrived after she’d already been attacked. But this—this was the first time she’d ever said those stark words to him.
His hands were clenched at his sides.
“You and I, we didn’t talk again, after that night…” Her heart was slamming into her chest. Get out of the car. But she didn’t move. “It was hard to get over it.” Why am I lying? It wasn’t hard. Freaking impossible. I still hurt.
“Baby,” his voice was a rasp. “You’re ripping out my heart. I’ve wished a fucking thousand times I’d gotten there sooner.”
She shook her head. “Then maybe his men just would’ve killed you.” Quincy almost had killed him. “I don’t blame you. I-I hope you know that.”
“I blame my fucking self.”
She had to blink away the tears that wanted to fill her eyes.
“If I could,” Ethan continued, his voice still so rough and ragged. “I would kill that bastard again. Only it would be slower. And he’d beg for the end.”
She shook her head. Hard. “That isn’t the way. It isn’t the way to get better.” And she was better. A nightmare hadn’t woken her up in weeks. So she still had trouble getting close to men. At least she didn’t vomit after a man touched her. She’d done that, the first time she’d gone out on a date after the attack.
But then she’d started her therapy. She’d been determined not to let Quincy or his ghost win.
And he won’t.
Maybe something had broken inside of her, but she’d rebuilt herself. Piece by piece. “My shrink is in that office. Dr. Nelson. I’ve had therapy, on and off, since the attack.” Dr. Nelson was the therapist she’d started to see after her last doctor had moved out of town. She’d been seeing Dr. Nelson for about seven months, but…
But this is the end now.
She put her heel down on the pavement. One, then the other, and she slid out of the car. The driver stood a few feet away, waiting, no expression on his face. “You okay?”
“Yes, fine. Thank you. For asking…and, um, for the ride.” Carly nodded to him. “I’m Carly, by the way.” She’d been so nervous before that she hadn’t introduced herself to him. Ethan had a way of doing that—making her forget pretty much everything else.
“Charles.” His head inclined toward her and he gave her a brief smile.
She wanted to smile back, but her emotions were spinning out of control. She’d lied when she told Charles that she was fine. Fine wasn’t even an option.
Carly could hear Ethan behind her. Climbing from the car. Part of her wanted to break and run away. Another part wanted to see just what he’d say to her.
She’d never told another lover the truth before.
He isn’t your lover. You shared some hot kisses with him long ago. And, okay, maybe recently, too. But he isn’t—
He turned her toward him. His hands were gentle on her. So incredibly gentle. Ethan’s fingers curled under her chin as he tipped her head back and she stared into his eyes.
“I should have gotten there sooner.”
Carly shook her head. No, hadn’t Ethan heard her? The attack hadn’t been on him. Quincy had been a sick, twisted psychopath. He’d—
“No one will hurt you again, Carly. If they try…” He bent and kissed her. Softly. Carefully. Like she was some delicate treasure to him.
She wasn’t, of course. But…
“If anyone tries,” he whispered against her lips, “I will fucking make him wish for death.”
Such a gentle touch, such a terrifying promise…because she knew he meant those words.
“You are perfect. Know that. Always have been. Always will be,” Ethan said as his forehead pressed to hers. He just—held her there, with traffic around them, with people hurrying past on the sidewalk.
“You sent me away,” Carly whispered. He probably didn’t know about her trip to the psych ward. Now wasn’t the time for that bombshell. One painful past reveal was enough sharing for the moment.
He flinched. “I thought I was helping you…Getting you away from me and the danger in D.C.”
But she’d needed him. So much.
Why had she called out for him in that psych ward? What had she really thought that Ethan would do for her?
“I hope you understand,” he whispered into her ear. “I hope you know…you are still perfect. Still strong and good, and that bastard didn’t do anything to alter who you are.”
Her arms were around him. She was holding him just as tightly. The tears were back, and she didn’t stop them. S
o what if a crowd could see them? She needed this moment. She needed Ethan. A man who knew all of her secrets and still told her—
You are still perfect.
“I missed you,” she confessed to him. Probably a huge mistake, but she was past the point of being able to stop. Their relationship—good, bad, fucked up—it went too deep for her to hide that truth from him.
“And I think part of me might have just died without you,” he told her.
Her breath caught in her throat. She looked up at him.
“You were always the best thing in my life,” Ethan said. “You were the good one. And without you…you don’t really want to know what I became.”
She wanted to know everything about him.
“Go on inside,” Ethan told her. “I’ll be waiting for you when you come out.”
Right. Her appointment. Dr. Nelson.
Slowly, she pulled away from Ethan. Her gaze searched his once more, and she was surprised because she could have sworn that she saw a flash of pain in his eyes.
Ethan…in pain.
That was something she’d never liked. “I’m okay now,” she told him, oddly driven to comfort him.
He gave her a slow smile. “Baby, you always have been. Even at seventeen, you were the strongest woman I’d ever seen.”
Her heart raced faster as she turned away from him. There were tears on her cheeks, but for some reason, her steps seemed lighter as she hurried to her appointment with Dr. Nelson.
***
Ethan watched Carly until she’d disappeared into the tall, gleaming building. He pulled in a deep breath, one that seemed to hurt his lungs. His hands had fisted when she walked away, and he wanted, so badly, to drive those fists hard and deep into—
“Uh, Ethan?”
He turned at the question and found his new driver/bodyguard watching him with worried eyes.
Charles West was dressed in a light blazer and jeans. His dark eyes showed a hint of worry as he glanced from Ethan toward the building. “Is everything all right, boss?”
He was sure Charles had overheard plenty. The tall, deceptively strong, African American guy had many talents—and few weaknesses. Ethan respected the fellow for a whole hell of a lot of reasons, but he didn’t trust him. Not even close.