Big fat secret
Series One by
Beci Masuba
Smash words edition
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Copyright © 2011 by Beci Masuba
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Big Fat Secret
It was a weekend, with nothing to do, Isabella went to her online dating site. She had a couple of messages. Isabella hated having a picture on profiles; she usually just made up a fake name and put in a fake picture because she doesn’t anyone knowing its her or people knowing she looking like. Isabella was dark skin, average height (5’6) a little (actually way more than a little) on the fat side. As if all that wasn’t enough to un-boost a girl’s self esteem, Isabella was clinically shy, and for the life of her she couldn’t find a way of overcoming this; oh and she had very low self esteem.
This time however, she put in her true details (ok, so she just put in a picture of her face and ‘omitted’ a few essential details). It kind of gives her bit of confidence every time she comes online and sees that she has a message. Sometimes the messages are from people she calls ‘pervs’ you know, the kind of people who are only into fat girls because its their fantasy or something stupid like that. Anyway it works both ways, Isabella is too choosey on whom she talks to (I mean if you are going to talk to someone to make you feel better, wouldn’t you be just a little bit choosy too?) Not that she will ever meet any of them of course, she just wants to talk to them to feel better about her self.
Today she had got a message from Anthony; he seems like a nice guy. They have been talking for a month now and he wants to meet Isabella – which of course she won’t. They were meant to have a date on Saturday; Isabella changed her mind, but not at the last minute (it was like on Wednesday though). Anthony was so mad but she thought he would stop talking to her, which he didn’t. He became all sweet and everything. It continued like that until one day she finally decided she will go on the date with him. They had been chatting online and on webcam a lot in the last month, so he knows what he’s getting into. Isabella believes that once he sees her face to face, he will totally lose interest and that will be fine with her. She needs to find another person to boost her confidence, its getting too cling with Anthony.
Ok, ok, ok I know what you are thinking by now ‘’ man! This girl Isabella is freaky crazy!’’ maybe I am or maybe I am not, I am still trying to figure out whether I’m crazy or not. The truth is I am just an ordinary girl. I am a university student (ok, maybe that’s not giving me much credibility) studying nutrition – (yeah just think how weird it is, a fat girl learning about healthy foods, but she can’t get enough down your throat to save her life!). I have very low self esteem, and confidence. I thought going to university could challenge my downfall but nothing is happening so far, all-well! I have friends (of course I do; what did you think I was a loner), but I don’t spend much time with them, I tend to spend more time alone and trying to do course work and reading. Oh, and I spend a considerable amount of time on my laptop – I even gave it a name! Enough of this babbling – so I have being trying to figure out how my life got to this point, this is why I have decided to write this diary entry.
Feb 01 2010
To day as has been like any normal day ……. For me that is. Spent the whole day in bed. I did do something though; I ready a book the whole day, warmed up lunch and had pizza for dinner. Dom (my flat mate) asked me to go for a movie but you know me being me I said no….. I feel bad because now I have no reason why I’m always alone in my room. Mum called today, I don’t know why when she calls these days I just feel so bad -you know - horrible afterwards. I just feel like I want to crawl under a rock and die sometimes you know. Its all these books that I keep reading I swear – they just get all these ideas in my head and those ideas become my ‘escape’ when I feel alone blah blah blah whatever. I also get the feeling that something is wrong back home,, just a feeling. Sometimes I feel like my family (mother) don’t love me anymore, you know – they avoid my calls and plain exclude me from their lives.
I want to be someone else sometime you know, someone not me……I have been looking at career options – ii want to become a dietician though I don’t think a lot of people will want to take diet advice from a very fat dietician – anyway, more talk on this subject later. I planned to go on a diet today,,, I don’t want to spend a lot of money junk food you know student budgets. Maybe I will start tomorrow,, I think, wake up early in the morning do the work, take a bath clean , my room. Maybe that will boost my self esteem a bit higher.
I want a love life though, a real one not the ‘make me feel better online talks’ I don’t know if I want to have sex now or later when I’m married but I want a sex and love life (oh, and I’m a virgin too; did I forget to mention that?). Maybe or maybe not there something wrong with me,,, I don’t know if or not I love myself… JL
The girl sitting next to him looked very nervous, she kept clicking her hands and looking around like she is looking for a way out… man was this a mistake? Should he have waited until she become more comfortable with him? But if he hadn’t pushed for this date today, she wouldn’t have ever met up with him and he knew it. Isabella was a very beautiful girl, but he had a feeling she didn’t think so. Sometimes when they talked on the webcam he could see her blushing every time he told her she was beautiful, or when ever he said something nice about her. He knows that she is shy and he was trying everything he could to make her feel comfortable, and get her to talk – which was a bit like pushing a child to speak in full sentences when the child is just learning to talk.
Ok, so Isabella wasn’t the kind of girl he usually went for; but due to recent events Anthony found out the hard way his usual girls were only after one thing. His buddy Sam told him about the online dating site that he gets his hook-ups from. Not that he just wanted to hook up with Isabella. He wanted a long term relationship. Some people might find it hard to believe this, what with all the stories in the media about him; But Isabella was that kind of girl – Anthony needs to have a woman to love, care for, spoil and cuddle with; but she also has to be into him, and like him for the man he is, and not what he can offer. It’s always being like this for Anthony, he has had friends in their thousands since he started school but none of them he could really say were his true friend. Well with the exception of Sam, they had being friends since they were in diapers. Their parents were friends and it was only inevitable that they become friends, but they become best friends of their own accord.
The girls in his life have always wanted him for the things he can give them. Anthony doesn’t mind buying gifts or spoiling his girlfriends, but there comes a point when he just feels empty inside even when he had a girlfriend – this is why he has such a long line of ex-girlfriends. He was 26 years old and he wanted to find a woman he can be sure likes, no make that loves him for him the man not his job, or his money or his parentage. Isabella was just the girl he had in mind. She was warm, gentle, beautiful, and down to earth. He was sure she liked him and she didn’t even know who he really was, he just have to convince her to properly go out with him.
‘You’ve being very quiet Bella, talk to me’
‘So, what do think of the food? I told you I wasn’t a very good cook.’
He had suggested that they go for a movie, and then come back to her flat and cook something to eat together so she doesn’t get too much out of her comfort zone. ‘The food is good, believe me, you are a much better cook than you give yourself credit for’.
‘Thanks, that means a lot’ she said ‘so you like it then?’
‘Yes Bee I do, it’s delicious. So, you make up your mind to be my girl girlfriend?’
‘You know I want to be, I just don’t get why want to be with me’.
‘You are sweet, down to earth, not to mention beautiful, I have grown to care about you for the last few weeks we have been talking. I know you care for me too.. .’
‘I do’
‘So, go out with me, be my girlfriend.’
‘Ok’
‘Ok, ok you will go out with me? You will be my girlfriend?’
‘Yes Ant I will be your girlfriend.’
‘You know, you will have to be seen in public with me. I want to hold your hand, kiss you whenever I want. You will have to talk to me.. .’
‘Hey! Don’t tease me! I talk to you, I can hold your hand in public...Umm, the kissing in public thing will have to work on for a while, but you can be sure that I want to kiss you especially in private.’
Isabella looked at the man in front of him, he was handsome, tall, at least 6’2 athletic build, with lots of muscles just was way Isabella likes her men. He had a good tanned skin and just by looking at him, she knew that Anthony can get any woman he wanted and yet he was here with her, he wanted to be with her,,,Isabella. This made her nervous; she was ok talking, teasing and joking with him when she was in the comfort of her own room, in front of her laptop. But now here he was, all huge and intimidating and gorgeous that she had a dry mouth and she couldn’t even form an intelligent sentence – how can such a wonderful creature be interested in her?
Stay turned for series TWO of Big fat secret