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  Transcriber's Note

  Where changes have been made to the text these are listed at the end ofthe book.

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  cover art]

  frontispiece]

  BILL THE MINDER

  _Written and illustrated by_

  W.HEATH ROBINSON

  NEW YORK HENRY HOLT & CO. 1912

  Edinburgh: T. and A. CONSTABLE, Printers to His Majesty

  TO

  THE GOOD CHILDREN OF CHLOE AND CRISPIN THE GATHERER OF MUSHROOMS---CHAD, HANNIBAL, QUENTIN, RANDALL, NOAH, RATCHETT, NERO, BIDDULPH, KNUT, AND THE TRULY VIRTUOUS AND BEAUTIFUL BOADICEA, THIS BOOK IS MOST HUMBLY AND RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED BY THE FAITHFUL NARRATOR OF THEIR EVER-WONDERFUL ADVENTURES.

  CONTENTS

  CONTENTS

  PAGE

  BILL THE MINDER 1

  THE KING OF TROY 15

  THE ANCIENT MARINER 33

  THE TRIPLETS 51

  GOOD AUNT GALLADIA 65

  THE DOCTOR 79

  THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN 97

  THE SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN 115

  THE INTERVAL 133

  THE REAL SOLDIER 147

  THE WILD MAN 165

  THE MUSICIAN 183

  THE LOST GROCER 199

  THE MERCHANT'S WIFE 213

  THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS 227

  THE SIEGE OF TROY 241

  THE END 255

  LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

  COLOURED PLATES

  FRONTISPIECE

  THE KING OF TROY COMPELLED TO ASK HIS WAY _To face page_ 30

  THE SPORT OF EVERY MER-KID " 48

  HE WAS ALWAYS AT HAND " 58

  I FELL FROM MY POSITION " 72

  THE LORD MAYOR HELD A LONG COUNCIL " 88

  THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN " 110

  BASIL HERBERT DEVELOPS A CHILBLAIN " 122

  AND LEFT HIM TO HAVE HIS CRY OUT " 140

  REGINALD COMPLETELY LOST HIS TEMPER " 156

  HARMLESS INDEED WERE OUR JOYS " 168

  AND PLAYED IT FOR MY DELIGHT " 190

  FOLLOWED HIM AT THE GREATEST SPEED " 208

  BRINGING WITH THEM A LITTLE OLD MAN " 216

  THEY CAME UPON A GREAT STONE SPHINX " 230

  CLOSELY OBSERVED FROM THE WATCH TOWERS " 244

  BILL THE MINDER

  PAGE

  TITLE-PAGE 1

  HEADPIECE 2

  HIS HOWLS BECAME TERRIFIC 7

  ALWAYS INVENTING NEW WAYS OF MINDING 10

  YOUNG TOOTH-CUTTERS FORGOT THEIR TROUBLES 11

  THE ONLY MINDER OF THE DISTRICT 13

  TAILPIECE 14

  THE KING OF TROY

  TITLE-PAGE 15

  HEADPIECE 16

  HE CLIMBED THE RICK 18

  HE COMMENCED HIS TALE 21

  WHAT A TIME WE HAD 26

  TAILPIECE 31

  VIGNETTE 32

  THE ANCIENT MARINER

  TITLE-PAGE 33

  HEADPIECE 34

  I SIGN ON AS CABIN BOY 39

  I WENT ON WITH MY SANDWICHES 42

  FOR YEARS WE SAILED 47

  TAILPIECE 49

  VIGNETTE 50

  THE TRIPLETS

  TITLE-PAGE 51

  HEADPIECE 52

  ENDEAVOURING TO COMFORT THE OLD MAN 55

  WE GREW UP IN COMPARATIVE HAPPINESS 58

  THE TRIPLETS ACCOMPANY THE ARMY 63

  TAILPIECE 64

  GOOD AUNT GALLADIA

  TITLE-PAGE 65

  HEADPIECE 66

  I JUST MANAGED TO REACH THE EGGS 71

  I ANGLE THE AIR 72

  I ERECTED MY POLE ON THE SAND 73

  ITS OLD STATELY SELF AGAIN 75

  THE DOCTOR

  TITLE-PAGE 79

  HEADPIECE 80

  FAR SOONER HAVE THE MUMPS 83

  THE PUFF BAKER 87

  TREATED WITH DELICIOUS JALAPS 88

  AS SOME PATIENT PREPARED HIS DOSE 89

  THE VERY SPARROWS GREW THIN 91

  POSTCARD 94

  POSTCARD 95

  TAILPIECE 96

  THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN

  TITLE-PAGE 97

  HEADPIECE 98

  BOWING POLITELY TO THE PILLAR-BOXES 103

  THE CHURCH STEEPLE HAD BEEN REMOVED 104

  STANDING ALONE UPON THE WALL 106

  DANGLING BY HIS LEGS
109

  TAILPIECE 113

  VIGNETTE 114

  THE SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN

  TITLE-PAGE 115

  HEADPIECE 116

  I TOOK LEAVE OF MY SORROWING FATHER 120

  HARDLY DISGUISING HIS EFFORTS TO IGNORE ME 121

  THEY WERE COMPELLED TO SEND FOR A PHYSICIAN 125

  THE IMPROVEMENT WAS MAINTAINED 129

  DISCOVERED A CLOVE KERNEL 130

  VIGNETTE 132

  THE INTERVAL

  TITLE-PAGE 133

  HEADPIECE 134

  I FELL ON TO THE PARSNIP 137

  THEY ALL ONCE MORE STARTED 138

  ON THEIR ADVENTUROUS JOURNEY 139

  THE WHOLE CAMP WAS FAST ASLEEP 142

  TAILPIECE 145

  VIGNETTE 146

  THE REAL SOLDIER

  TITLE-PAGE 147

  HEADPIECE 148

  THE REAL SOLDIER 153

  'BUT HOLD!' CRIED THE PRESIDENT 156

  'YOUR FATE BE UPON YOUR OWN HEAD' 157

  FLOUNDERING ABOUT IN THE SEA 159

  IN EXPECTATION OF THEIR LEADER 161

  TAILPIECE 163

  VIGNETTE 164

  THE WILD MAN

  TITLE-PAGE 165

  HEADPIECE 166

  I PLEADED MY CASE 169

  AND KILLED IT ON THE SPOT 173

  WE COOKED ONE GREAT STEAK 177

  TAILPIECE 181

  VIGNETTE 182

  THE MUSICIAN

  TITLE-PAGE 183

  HEADPIECE 184

  SHE NOW MADE OFF TO THE WOODS 189

  HE WOULD CLIMB TO THE TOPMOST BRANCHES 190

  SWEEPING THE DEAD LEAVES 195

  WITH NO OTHER WEALTH THAN MY CONCERTINA 197

  TAILPIECE 198

  THE LOST GROCER

  TITLE-PAGE 199

  HEADPIECE 200

  AFFECTED BY HIS STORY 205

  PLUMP INTO THE RIVER WE WENT 206

  THERE GREW IN FRONT OF ME A GREAT MOUND 209

  SNEEZING AND SNEEZING 211

  THE MERCHANT'S WIFE

  TITLE-PAGE 213

  HEADPIECE 214

  MOPING ABOUT THE COMMON 219

  KEPT HIM OUT OF MISCHIEF 223

  GLORIOUS TARTS AND SWEETS 224

  IT DIDN'T MATTER HOW MUCH YOU ATE 225

  TAILPIECE 226

  THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS

  TITLE-PAGE 227

  HEADPIECE 228

  THE HEADS SERVED FOR DOLLS 233

  YOU ARE NOW OUR ONLY HOPE 234

  I FISHED AND FISHED AND FISHED 237

  TAILPIECE 239

  VIGNETTE 240

  THE SIEGE OF TROY

  TITLE-PAGE 241

  HEADPIECE 242

  PLAN OF SIEGE 245

  THESE PARCELS WERE NOW LABELLED 248

  AND PACKED HIM OFF TO PERSIA 251

  TROY BECAME THE HAPPIEST TOWN 253

  THE END

  VIGNETTE 256

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  BILL THE MINDER]

  Headpiece]