Read Billy Whiskers: The Autobiography of a Goat Page 3


  _Billy at the Soda Fountain_

  After Billy Whiskers had left Mr. Biggs, he trotted slowly downthe road wondering where he would get his next meal for he wellknew he would never dare go back to Mr. Biggses after upsettinghim in the geranium bed and causing all the mischief he had therethat day. But being a goat of a cheerful frame of mind and usedto looking out for himself, he did not worry much, and decided hewould enter the first garden he came to, and make a free lunchoff the vegetables, or go into a turnip patch and feast on themfor if there was anything he doted on it was nice, sweet turnips,fresh from the fields.

  He had gone some distance, and no patch or garden appearing thatwas not enclosed by a high, barbed-wire fence, he commenced toget discouraged. Feeling hungry and thirsty he was about wishinghe had behaved himself at Mr. Biggses so he could go back, whenhe came to a turn in the road and there before him stood a framebuilding, with the door open and over the door a large picture ofa white Polar bear sitting on a cake of ice, drinking a foamingglass of soda-water, while in a circle round him sat littlebears, each with a glass of something cool to drink.

  "This is just the place I have been looking for," thought Billy,"where thirsty animals can get a drink." So in he walked, much tothe fright of a party of picnickers, who were sitting around alittle table drinking soda-water and lemonade, and eatingice-cream.

  The man at the soda fountain on seeing Billy was so surprisedthat he forgot to turn off the fizz he was putting into a glassof soda he was mixing, and it foamed up and ran up his sleeve andall over everything.

  This caused the young people to laugh, which made the young manbehind the counter mad. He picked up a bottle of ginger-ale andpretended to throw it at Billy, but alas for his intentions! Heraised it too high; it hit a large bottle of syrup that stood ona shelf behind him, breaking both bottles at the same time, andinstead of hurting Billy, he got a sticky bath of syrup and ashower of ginger in his own eyes. This was adding insult toinjury, he thought, and this last mishap turned the laughter ofthe crowd into a scream of merriment which did not lessen hisanger in the least. He grabbed a broom that stood near by andjumping over the counter went for Billy, who all this time hadbeen standing still, doing nothing but looking at the man andwaiting for him to give him a drink of some kind.

  When Billy saw the man jump over the counter with the broom, heknew he was after him but at the same time he made up his mindthat he would not leave that store until he had had a drink ofsomething,--man or no man.

  So when the man made a lunge at him with the broom, Billy made aquick rush at the man and planted his head in the middle of thefellow's stomach sending him sprawling on the floor where helanded in the midst of a shower of tooth-brushes he had upset ashe flew by the show cases.

  This catastrophe frightened the girls and boys who had beensitting sipping soda and laughing at the man, and there was a madscramble to get out but Billy was too quick for them. He wheeledround and butted the tail end of one fellow's coat so hard thatit sent him flying clear through the open door and out into theroad where he landed in a mud-puddle.

  Then he turned and went for the girls who were all huddledtogether against the wall, screaming and crying with fright. Hewalked up to them. As they saw him coming, they thought theirtime had come and threw up their hands to cover their eyes andscreamed harder than ever. But he only took a bunch of green waxgrapes off the hat of one of the girls and commenced to chew it,and he would have left them alone but one of the boys who waswith them came to their rescue and tried to drive Billy away bygiving him a hard blow with a chair he had picked up. Thisinfuriated Billy and he gave the whole bunch of girls a butt andthen turned and went for the boy, who was holding the chair highover his head ready to strike. Billy stuck his long horns intothe boy's chest and laid him flat on the floor in an instant.Then he walked up on him and planted his two feet on his breastwhile he lowered his head, licking the boy's face all over withhis tongue. This made the boy furious but he could do nothing asthe goat was heavy, and with his weight on his chest he thoughthe would smother.

  By that time the soda-fountain man had recovered his breath andcame at Billy again with his broom raised ready to strike. Billysaw him coming and left the boy he was standing on, and ranbehind one of the tables. Then the chase began; round and roundthe tables and chairs went the goat with the man after him,upsetting everything as they went, until the store looked as if acyclone had struck it, with the foaming soda-water and ice-creamrunning all over the floor.

  When Billy thought he had tired the soda man out he ran out thedoor and sent those that were standing there scattering like aflock of chickens. All you could see for a while were bluestockings, black stockings, white petticoats and heels as thegirls ran screaming in all directions. Each girl thought Billywas behind her, but was too afraid to turn round to look, so keptrunning until she had reached a place of safety, either climbinga fence or getting behind something; and then when she turned tolook there was no Billy Goat in sight, for Mr. Billy haddisappeared in a small grove behind the store.

  After Billy had left them he went on through the woods until hecame to a little shanty with a small clearing behind it, wherecabbages, turnips and such things were planted, and as the gatewas open he walked in and began to help himself for he saw at aglance that everything was shut up tight and that there was noone at home.

  After eating all he wanted he walked up to the porch where he sawa nice pail of water. This he drank in a twinkle and while doingso thought of that mean soda-water man who would not give him adrink.

  "But I don't care," thought Billy, "this tastes better, and I goteven with him anyway."

  Billy looked round and saw a straw-stack at the further end ofthe yard and a low shed, which backed up to another shed in thenext yard. Billy noticed for the first time that there wasanother house and yard adjoining the one where he was and fromthere he could hear voices saying, "Good-night." Then all wasstill and he walked to the straw-stack and lay down in itsshelter and was soon fast asleep.

  He had no idea how long he had been asleep when he heard a womansay, in a high-pitched voice:

  "Rooney, I told you, you would leave that gate open once toomany times and some one's cow would get in and eat up all thecabbages; and now look, some cow or horse has been in here andeaten and trampled down all of our nice young cabbages andturnips. I've a mind to shake your head off, so I have!"

  Then the same voice raised itself and called "Tim, Tim, come hereand see what mischief has been done!"

  Billy lay still and looked in the direction from which he heardthe voice sound, and presently he saw a short, fat, red-headedboy come around the corner of the house. They went to the cabbagepatch and began to replant the cabbages that he had trampled downand not eaten, when all of a sudden the woman looked in thedirection of the straw-stack and spied Billy.

  "Begorry, Tim, what is that? A big white dog or what, down by thestraw-stack?" asked Mrs. Rooney.

  Tim looked and said: "No, mother, it is a goat. Let's drive himout; he is the one that has done all the mischief," and as hespoke he picked up a stone to throw at Billy.

  "Put down that stone and what are ye about, Tim Rooney? Don't yeknow a fine Billy goat is a nice thing to have in the family? Andit is luck he will bring us by coming to us himself. Put him inthe shed, and to-morrow you can hitch him to your cart and makehim haul the cabbages to market."

  Tim pulled up a bunch of nice, fresh carrots and approachedBilly. With these he induced Billy to follow him to the shedwhere he locked him in for the night.

  After fastening Billy in, Tim went off and left Billy to takecare of himself the best he could, and he soon found a heap ofstraw which he curled himself upon and was in dreamland in notime.

  He had been asleep for several hours when he was awakened by adog barking at the moon, and he was about going off in anothernap when he thought he heard the bleating of a goat in the shedadjoining his.

  He pricked up his ears to listen and sure enough he heard itagain very distinctly,
and at the same time he saw a large knothole in the board partition that divided his shed from theadjoining one, so he got up and went to look through it to see ifhe could not see the goat he heard bleating.

  Into the next shed the moonlight was streaming, and lying on apile of straw in the light he saw a beautiful white Nanny goat,that made his old heart palpitate with delight, he was so glad tosee one of his own tribe again.

  Nanny lay there unconscious of his presence; apparently bleatingin her sleep, she lay so still. As she did not move Billyconcluded to awaken her so he bleated "Good evening" to her. Hehad only gotten half through his salutation when she jumped upquickly as if she had been touched with an electric wire, andlooking around with a frightened stare, said:

  "Good gracious, how you frightened me! Who are you, and where areyou, for I see no one?"

  "You can't see me, but I am here all the same, at the other sideof the shed, looking at you through the knot hole. My name isBilly Whiskers and I come from nowhere in particular and I ambound for the same place. Now, tell me your name and the name ofthe people you are living with."

  "My name is Nanny O'Hara and I live with a family of the samename but I belong to their eldest son, Mike."

  "And does he treat you good, my fair friend?" asked Billy.

  "Oh, yes," answered Nanny, "as well as boys generally do, but heoften makes me pull heavy loads and forgets to feed and water mesometimes."

  "Oh, the brute," said Billy, "to make anyone as handsome as youpull heavy loads. How I wish I could help you, for I am strongand used to pulling large loads. The next time he makes you do itjust run into a tree and upset his cart, or better still, runaway altogether and find someone else to live with."

  "Oh, Mr. Billy, I would not dare do either, I am so timid."

  "Hark, here comes some one and we must not let them hear ustalking," said Billy, "So ta-ta, I'll see you to-morrow."

  Sure enough they had heard some one talking. It was Tim Rooneyand his chum, Mike O'Hara, whom he was bringing to show his goat.As they unfastened the door, Billy heard Mike say:

  "I tell you, Tim, what I will do if he turns out as fine a goatas you say he is. I'll give you a dollar and a half for him."

  "So ye'll give me a dollar and a half, will ye? Well I likethat--a dollar and a half for the finest goat ye ever laid yourtwo eyes on! Not much--what do ye take me for, an idjet? I don'twant er sell but if ye'll offer injucements enough I may thinkabout it, for we have no cart or harness fine enough for sohandsome a goat as this one."

  "Well, open the door and let's see him," said Mike.

  Tim opened the door and there stood Billy Whiskers in all hisglory with his most dignified expression mixed with a littledisgust, for had he not heard himself valued at _a dollar and ahalf_,--he that had brought _twenty dollars_ in his day!

  Tim tied a rope around Billy's neck and led him out of the shedand then the bargaining began again.

  "Well, since I have seen him," says Mike, "and find he is prettylarge, I'll raise my bid to two dollars cash."

  "Not on your life will I sell him for _that_," said Tim.

  "Then how does _three_ strike you, or you keep your goat for Iwon't pay another cent. It costs too much to keep a big goat likethat; they eat up everything on the place."

  This Tim well knew and as he was short of money and a circus wascoming to town the next week, he decided to let him go. But notwithout one last effort to get a little more out of Mike. NowMike had a hunting knife Tim had long coveted, though it had arusty blade and a wobbly handle, so he said:

  "I'll tell you what I'll do, Mike. I'll let you have him forthree dollars cash and your hunting knife with a package ofcigarettes thrown in."

  "All right, it's a go!" said Mike. So Mike took hold of Billy'srope and led him into his yard and thus Billy changed hands oncemore and became the property of Mike O'Hara.