Read Billy Whiskers: The Autobiography of a Goat Page 9


  _Billy and Nanny Are Married_

  After leaving the boys the two goats trotted on and soon came outon the other side of the wood and saw before them a beautifulvalley. Grazing peacefully beside a little brook that ran throughit, they saw a herd of goats. And at the upper end of the valleybeyond them they saw a large old-fashioned farmhouse with itsstables and outhouses.

  "Nan, let us go down and introduce ourselves to the head goat ofthe flock and see if they won't let us stay with them for awhile.There are so many of them that the farmer won't notice us amongthem when he drives them into the stable to-night, and it will bea good place for us to stay until Mike stops hunting for us, forI know he won't give us up in a hurry and is probably looking forus now, and I don't propose to live with such a common family asMike belongs to, for until now I have only lived with first-classfamilies."

  Nanny agreed to join the goats so the two trotted down the hillbleating as they ran to attract the attention of the other goats.The goats soon heard them, stopped eating and looked up, and whenBilly and Nanny were within speaking distance the leader of thegoats, a large black fellow, walked out to meet them.

  Billy introduced himself and then Nanny to the old goat who inreturn told them his name was Satan and that he would be glad tohave them join his flock, adding that he was always glad to getahead of boys, as he had received some rough usage at their handswhen younger.

  "If we see Mike coming after you, we will all form in a circlearound you and Miss Nanny so he can't see you."

  All that day Billy and Nanny stayed with the other goats whonever tired of hearing the new-comers tell of the adventures theyhad had, some of which seemed impossible to those country goatswho had never been off their own farm.

  That evening when the farmer drove the goats home he did notnotice Billy and Nan until he had got them into the littleenclosure where he always drove them to be fed; but when hestood by the fence with his arm on the upper rail counting them,his eye detected Billy immediately as he was so much taller thanany of the other goats, even old Satan, the leader.

  "Ho, Ho!" he thought to himself, "where did this fine goat comefrom, I wonder," and when he went to drive Billy apart to get agood look at him he spied Nanny who was trying to hide behindBilly.

  "So my fine goat, you have brought your mate with you?" And Billywho was not afraid of any man or thing, bleated back that he had,though I doubt whether the man understood him or not.

  The man walked round and round Billy taking in all his fine pointsand talking to himself all the time, but when he saw the giltshining on Billy's horns he stopped and stared in astonishment.Then he slapped his knee with his hand and said: "Well, I swan! Ibet that goat has run away from the circus that is in town for Idon't know how else he got his horns gilded."

  Everything went smooth as silk for three nights but on thefourth, had you been looking you would have seen an unusualcommotion among the goats when they were turned loose aftermilking time to graze in the meadow during the night, as theywere allowed to do when the weather was fine; and to-night was anideal night with a low hungry moon that lit up everything asbright as day.

  I know you are anxious to hear what the commotion was all about,so will tell you. Billy and Nanny were to be married by the oldparson goat of the flock, and then they were all going to breakthrough the neighbor's fence into his turnip patch and eat up allhis turnips.

  It is needless to say that this scheme originated in Billy'shead, though from Satan's name you would have imagined it morelikely to have come from him; but in reality that goat was asmeek as a lamb and Satan should have been Billy's name by rightsfor in his heart he was as mischievous as Satan.

  The wedding went off beautifully and the groom, minister and allthe others kissed the bride and you never saw a sweeter one thanpoor little meek Nanny with her gentle ways; and to think she wasgoing to marry a goat twice her size and as fiery tempered as shewas mild! But people frequently marry their opposites, and whyshould not goats?

  After the wedding they all ran skipping and jumping over to theturnip patch and when they got there Billy, Satan and two otherold goats threw their weight against the fence and with a crashit caved in and the whole flock of goats climbed over the brokenrails into the field where they feasted until daylight.

  The farmer who owned the field happened to look out of his windownext morning while dressing and saw the goats. He hurried intohis boots, and hatless and coatless, started out of the housecalling to his dogs to follow him.

  And the first thing the flock knew, several dogs were barking andbiting at their heels. Billy kept close to Nan and when a dogcame up to them he hooked him howling up into the air. Soon thegoats were all on their side of the fence again and the neighborwas fixing up his fence as best he could, scolding all the timehe did so, saying:

  "I'll sue Farmer Windlass for the damage his pesky goats havedone, so I will, for the hateful things have eaten up all myturnips, tops and all!"

  Several days after this when the goats were all in the meadow,and Nanny was lying down under a tree for a nap, Billy, who wastired of the monotony of going day after day to the same place,stole off and went up to the house to see what amusement he couldfind.

  When nearly there he came to a white-washed rail fence thatseparated the pasture from the lane that led to the house. Thishe went over easily by taking it at a running jump. Then hefollowed the lane until he came to the house, the yard of whichwas separated from the lane by a picket fence; but as good luckwould have it the gate was open, so Billy walked in and wentaround to the kitchen door for he heard voices in the parlor,which is an unusual thing in the country as they generallyentertain their company in the sitting room. Immediately Billyknew they must have company for dinner.

  "I'm lucky," thought Billy, "I have come just in time to getsomething good to eat, but I must be careful and not let them seeme or they will drive me back to the pasture. I will walk on thegrass so my hoofs won't make any noise and listen under thewindow, and when the cook leaves the kitchen I will go in andsteal something good."

  While standing under the window with his head cocked to one sidelistening, he noticed that the outside cellar doors were open. Hestarted to go down cellar and see what he could find, for he knewthey would put all their good things in the cellar until time tobring them up to the table.

  Tiptoeing his way along, he sneaked down the cellar stairs andthere before him on a table were twelve plates of salad allgarnished and ready to be served. The salad was delicious as itwas cool and crisp and made of chicken served on young lettuceleaves garnished with radishes. It was so palatable he ate it allup even licking the plates; he had never been told it was badmanners to lick your plate.

  Then he saw a floating-island pudding, with the whites of eggsheaped up high and dotted with candied cherries, floating on thecustard underneath. He ate part of this, getting his head coveredwith eggs. Next he spied several cakes covered with icing whichhe licked off. Next he saw an ice-cream freezer. Now he had neverseen an ice-cream freezer before so he thought it must containsomething good if he could only get the top off to see what wasinside. In trying to get it off he upset the whole thing and asthe ice rattled out on the floor making a terrible noise, he lefteverything and ran for the cellar door just in time to escape thecook who had heard the noise and had come down the inside stairsto see what was the matter.

  Billy ran around the house and seeing the front door open and noone around, as they were all in the dining room, he went in andup stairs. Here he nosed around smelling things and upsettingthings generally, when he came to the bed where the ladies hadlaid their wraps. On one of the hats he saw a bunch of greenleaves; of course, he thought them real until he tried to eatthem and the wire stems were in his mouth. Then he tried to eat abeautiful red rose on another hat with no better success so heleft them, and was just leaving the room when he saw another goatcoming in. He stopped to look at the goat and the other goatstopped to look back. Then he lowered his horns and shook hishead, which the other goat
did also. Now it made Billy mad tohave a goat mock everything he did, so he bleated for him to stopimmediately or he would hook him down the front stair. The othergoat opened his mouth to bleat but no sound came from it andBilly stared at the new-comer harder than ever but the strangergoat only stared back. Then Billy bleated, "You get out of herein double quick time or I will have a fight with you!" The goatopened its mouth as before but no sound came from it and itcontinued to stand in Billy's way and stare right in his face.

  This was too much for Billy. He had given him warning to get outof the way and he would not, so now he was going to make him, andhe went for the goat intending to butt him out of the door. Butinstead of his head feeling the soft side of the goat he hitsomething hard which broke in a thousand pieces cutting his headand making the blood flow down his face. When this happened Billyknew he had been fooled and had butted his own image in a mirrorand that there had been no goat there.

  The crash brought the ladies from the dining room headed by Mrs.Windlass but when they got to the foot of the stairs to come up,they saw a large white goat standing at the top with bloodflowing down his whiskers. The sight of the blood as much as thegoat made one lady faint and all the others ran in differentdirections while Billy scampered down and out of the house.

  He was making for the pasture again as fast as he could when hemet a big turkey cock which spread his tail and swelled himselfout intending to keep Billy from passing, but when Billy came upto him he quietly hooked him on top of the shed where he left himwith all the pride knocked out of him and his feathers drooping.

  Billy kept right on and was soon in the pasture. When Nanny sawher Billy all bloody she commenced to cry and wanted to know whohad shot him. Billy told her he had not been shot and that he hadonly cut his head a little on a piece of broken glass. Thisexplanation satisfied Nanny and she asked no questions. NaturallyBilly did not explain how he had hooked his own image.

  Billy walked over to the little stream that flowed through thepasture and let the water run over his head and face and soon alltrace of blood was washed away, and when the farmer looked themover that night to find the goat with the bloody face, that hiswife had told him had done all the mischief, he could find none,so he took it for granted that some stray goat had come in anddone all the damage, and once again Billy got off without beingpunished for his misdeeds.