Robert is in his usual perch at the Stratford, mug of beer in one hand, the other feeding his face with popcorn. I thought I would find him here, where else do you go after you get laid off.
“Going to drink away six months of pay?” I ask as I climb up on the stool next to him. I place an order for my own mug of beer.
“Not in one sitting, figure I will stretch it out over a few days, get my monies worth.”
“So what’s to be done? We are both out of work with a tiny fortune.”
Robert sucks away at his beer looking around the dilapidated bar. He doesn’t answer me right off, but pauses to light a cigarette and puff on it lost in thought. “I dunno. I saw this coming, hell who didn’t company is losing money, they had to move what they can off shore. “ Another long pause as we watch a reporter in front of our company probably doing a report on the layoff’s but with the juke box howling nothing can be heard.
“Would ya?” Robert asks without looking at me. I know what he is asking, would I do the reporter. I look her over, middle aged with a bit of paunch, would hate to see her without makeup; nothing sadder than an aging reporter who got hired 25 years ago because of her looks.
“Yeah, but I wouldn’t tell anybody” and I know I am lying. I would have to tell my friends and anyone that would listen every time I saw her on TV.
“I’d do it if I could do her right now, as she’s reporting just coming running up with my cock out, bend her over and start humping. Now there would be something for the evening news. Wild man rapes reporter, the unedited version at 9.”
“So back to the question, we are now unemployed, and Robert I don’t think you are going to be finding work as an anonymous rapist. Whatcha gunna do?”
“I’m going to finish this cigarette, go home, masturbate a few times and then get rip roaring drunk, Not necessarily in that order. What are your plans now that you are a free man?”
I have been thinking about this since I was let lose. My options are as good as Roberts, pretty much nothing. I wonder how Walker is doing down in the cave, or Erik in his jar on the shelf. Each of them seem to have everything they need, odd both of them spend a lot of their time in a burial place. “I think I’ll go camping for a long, long time. What other options do I have? I can send in my keys to the mortgage company and head out. This economic downturn is not going to end soon and I don’t really care. I was not made to sit in a damned cube writing code that has to be upgraded every time we get a new server, every time Java deprecates something. I’m tired of it!”
Robert pulls on his cigarette and looks at me “You’re serious aren’t you? Is this why you have been off in the woods all this time? Learning how to survive out there and all.”
“The basics are common sense, cleaning fish, hunting. But you can live near the edge of society, big cities have food banks, few jars of peanut butter and I will be set for a month. I’m going to miss beer, but I figure mother nature will provide me with something. “
Robert looks at the old drunks drinking away their retirements. “I always wanted to be one of them, that isn’t much to ask for is it? I just wanted to make it long enough to be able to drink all day and sit around on my ass. “ The old drunks notice us looking down the bar to them and one waves a grizzled hand. If I had worked for a few more years I might have made it. Time to put everything on Craigslist and move in with my mom.”
“So that’s your plan? Sell it all and give up. I would rather be homeless or living in a tent than living with my parents. Hell anything is better than that.”
Robert stubs out his cigarette and finishes his beer. “I’m going to miss this place but being poor now I’m going to have to get used to drinking at home. If you are serious about heading out in a canoe, let me know. Not sure what I am going to do but it sounds fun for a few days. Not sure about doing it the rest of my life.”