CHAPTER XXXVI
TELLETH SOME PART OF A NIGHT OF AGONY
When at last I opened my eyes I found myself in a place of gloom andvery stiff and sore; therefore I lay where I was nor sought to move.Little by little, as I lay thus 'twixt sleep and wake, I was aware of apallid glow all about me, and lifting heavy head, saw the moon low downin the sky like a great golden sickle. And staring up at this, of asudden back rushed memory (and with it my hopeless misery) for now Iremembered how, but a few short hours since, my dear lady hadprophesied this new moon. Hereupon, crouching there, my aching headbowed upon my hands, I gave myself up to my despair and a corrodinggrief beyond all comforting.
From where I crouched I might look down upon this accursed lake, amisty horror of gloomy waters, and beholding this, I knew that mygentle, patient comrade was gone from me, that somewhere within thoseblack and awful depths her tender body was lying. She was dead, hersweet voice for ever hushed, she that had been so vitally alive! Andremembering all her pretty ways I grew suddenly all blind with tearsand, casting myself down, lay a great while sobbing and groaning untilI could weep no more.
At last, sitting up, I wondered to find my head so painful, and puttingup my hand found my face all wet and sticky with blood that flowed froma gash in my hair. And remembering how I had fallen and the reason ofmy haste I started up and forthwith began seeking my knife and hatchet,and presently found them hard by where I had tripped. Now standingthus, knife in one hand and hatchet in the other, I turned to look downupon these dark and evil waters.
"Goodbye, my lady!" says I, "Fare thee well, sweet comrade! Beforeto-morrow dawn we will meet again, I pray, and shalt know me for truerman and better than I seemed!" So, turning my back on the lake I wentto seek my vengeance on her destroyers and death at their hands an itmight be so.
In a while I came to that torrent where the water flowed out from thelake, its bed strewn with tumbled rocks and easy enough to cross, thewater being less in volume by reason of the dry weather. All at once Istopped, for amid these rocks and boulders I saw caught all manner ofdrift, as sticks and bushes, branches and the like, washed down by thecurrent and which, all tangled and twisted together, choked this narrowdefile, forming a kind of barrier against the current. Now as I gazedat this, my eyes (as if directed by the finger of God) beheld somethingcaught in this barrier, something small and piteous to see but whichset me all a-trembling and sent me clambering down these rocks; andreaching out shaking hand I took up that same three-pronged pin I hadcarved and wrought for her hair. Thus stood I to view this through myblinding tears and to kiss and kiss it many times over because it hadknown her better than I. But all at once I thrust this precious relicinto my bosom and stared about me with new and awful expectation, forthe current which had brought this thing would bring more. So I beganto seek among these rocks where the stream ran fast and in each pooland shallow, and once, sweating and shivering, stooped to peer atsomething that gleamed white from a watery hollow, and gasped my reliefto find it was no more than a stone. None the less sought I with aprayer on my lips, dreading to find that white and tender body mangledby the cruel rocks, yet searching feverishly none the less. Long Istayed there, until the moon, high-risen, sent down her tender beam asthough to aid me. But of this time I will write no more, since evennow it is a misery to recall.
At last, I (that knew myself a man about to die) turned me towards ourhabitation, those rocks she had called "home," and reaching the plateauI stood still, swept alternately by grief and passion, to see this ourrefuge all desecrated by vile hands, our poor furniture scatteredwithout the cave. And presently I espied her three-legged stoolstanding where she had been wont to sit to watch and cheer me at mylabour; coming thither I fell on my knees, and laying my head thereonwetted this unlovely thing with my tears and kissed it many times. AsI lay thus, much that she had done and said (little things forgot tillnow) rushed upon my memory; her sweet, calm presence seemed all aboutme soothing away the passion of my grief. And in this hour that was toend my miserable life, I knew at last that I had loved her purely andtruly from the first, and with such love as might have lifted me toheaven. And kneeling thus, I spake aloud to this her sweet presencethat seemed to hover about me:
"O Damaris, beloved--as thou, to 'scape shame, hast chosen death--indeath I'll follow thee--trusting to a merciful God that I may find theeagain!" Then uprising from my knees, I came out from the shadows, andstanding in the moon's radiance, looked heedfully to the edge of myaxe, and with it gripped in my hand, went out to find death.