Chapter 12 | Courage
My eyes burned from the sun beaming through the window. They were not open but I could see red through my eyelids and I could hear the TV on the entertainment station.
“…it’s been a long month for Lily Blair Evans. Her career seems to be coming to a halt when she was diagnosed with schizophrenia…” the TV broadcaster said.
Who is watching that?
“…Lily’s manager put out a statement today saying the actress is quote doing much better quote. Just a while ago she accused her husband of drugging….”
I tried to open my eyes but they felt like they were glued shut. I tried to lift my arm but my whole body felt stiff; I could not move one inch.
“…Lily has been put under close observation in this hospital behind me, so she isn’t an endangerment to her unborn baby…”
BABY! I tried to lift my arms up again but I could not. It felt as if it were stuck to the bed. I tried to move my feet but they also felt locked to the bed. I could only imagine my eyes puffy and purple because the pain they brought.
“Lily—”
The TV turned off and my heart raced—I tried to yell but nothing came out my mouth. I opened my right eye; then, the left—they began to tear up as they finally opened wide.
The room did not look familiar at all. I was not in the same hospital as I last remembered. I tried to pull my arm up, but, then I soon realized I was strapped to the bed; my feet were too. I shook the strap hard on my hand, trying to get loose. However, they wouldn’t come off.
“AHH!” I gained energy to scream a horror film scream.
“Lily?” Paul came running to my side. “Shhh, be quiet,” he whispered as he closed the door.
“AHH!” My mouth would not close—I couldn’t stop screaming. “Take me out!”
“Okay, okay, okay.” Paul ran to my bedside. “I’ll let you out if you promise not to freak out on me.”
Why would I freak out on Paul? Then, I realized I was still screaming—
“Calm down!” Paul snapped and slapped me in my arm.
I had never witnessed him so irritated by me, so I stopped screaming. He untied my straps from the bed with shaky hands as if he were about to pass out. I watched him as he struggled to remove my restraints without making too much noise.
“Paul?” I said.
“Yeah?” he said as if he were afraid.
“Where am I?”
“You’re at a new hospital,” he said in a tone that was more content.
“Ouch!” I screamed as he lifted me to sit up. I felt like I had been in bed for days—maybe even weeks. My body smelt like death, my breath smelt like the worst morning breath ever, and my legs ached. I touched my stomach; there was a hard bump. My eyes grew large in disbelief. Baby.
“Hmm…” Paul’s red eyes narrowed—it looked as if he had cried for days.
“What’s this?” I said.
“You’re pregnant.”
“What?”
“Yup, you’re like four or five months already! You act like you don’t know!”
“Because, Paul, I don’t know. I don’t even know what is wrong with me. One minute I am in perfect health planning the next day and then, I wake up in the hospital grasping for another day—”
“Is it Jason’s baby?” Paul said.
“I didn't even know I was pregnant!”
“IS IT JASON'S BABY?”
“Duh…you think I’m some kind of slut?”
“I cannot believe it.”
“Believe what?”
“Oh my god, it’s true,” he mumbled.
“What is true?”
“Everything; one minute you are goo-goo gaga over the baby, the next you want to murder someone. You are driving everyone nuts. Look at me, I think I gained like ten pounds and I have wrinkles now,” he sobbed.
“And you’re blaming me?”
“Who else would I blame?”
“Maybe that box of doughnuts to your left?”
We stayed silent for two minutes as we both stared off into space. I watched his face crumble into pieces as the seconds went on. I grabbed his hand and he began to cry again.
“Hmm…what is today’s date?” I said, trying to change the subject.
“September sixteen.”
“September?”
“Are you okay?”
“Stop asking me that. Do I look okay?”
“Well, these last few weeks you have been acting, like, like…Kathy. If you don’t stop taking drugs you’re gonna end up killing the baby. We wouldn't want that...would we?”
I gathered my thoughts and realized I really did lose my marbles. I was officially off my wagon. Every line that represented a crazy person was for me. I remembered the last night I felt sane—at the police station, which was in August.
“Where is Jason?” I was hoping Paul would say jail.
Paul rolled his eyes. “He went to New York yesterday night.”
“New York?” I sighed.
“Yeah baby, I know everything.”
“What exactly do you mean by everything?” I said.
“I really don’t know.”
“Do you believe me or do you believe Jason?”
“Yes, I do believe you,” he paused, “it’s just you scared me, baby!” He gave me a hug and began to cry again. “I have never seen you so insane. You’re on all these meds that I think is nonsense because you’re pregnant. We have all these nurses coming in and out, afraid that you will kill the baby by taking some drugs. Jason keeps doing stupid interviews saying you tried to stab him, which I know is not true. We have all these men coming to pray for you. Baby, I thought you were going to die…seriously. It's like you're possessed!”
“I remember nothing.” I took a deep breath and stared at the pills that were on a tray. “I take all these?”
“Yeah, they put you on some sleeping pills,” he began to whisper as if I should not know.
“Why were they giving me those?”
“It was Jason’s idea,” Paul said as he kept his head down. “Based on the fact that you keep taking drugs—”
“But, I’m not taking drugs, Paul. You know that.”
“Hmm.”
“You said you believed me.”
He sighed and stood up over me. “Lily, I have to tell you something. Don’t interrupt me!”
“Okay—”
“Jason scares me. I think he is the one drugging you. Every since he left, you haven’t thrown any fits and you finally woke up,” he said so fast, I had to pause to gather his words.
“I knew it!”
“But, that is just my hypothesis.”
“So, you know about the whole France thing and my juice theory?”
“Well, I know what the detectives told me about your claims. Everything adds up in my book though,” he said as he wiped his tears. “I’ve been doing some research on your theories.” He got up, brought his messenger bag to my bed, and took out a pile of papers. “Okay so you remember that night, when I called you about Mike and I was all like, ‘where’s Jason’?”
“Yeah, yes I do.” I really did—I remembered how panicky I was when I thought he heard the conversation.
“Okay, I discovered he was listening and he heard the whole conversation. Don’t ask how I know this; I just do.” He handed me the same mug shot of Jason that Mike had. “Okay, you told Mike that the juice had some kind of drugs he was giving you to result in your death.”
The word “death” gave me chills down my spine. I did not want to believe Jason really wanted me dead. I never really considered it much. The only reason I had subconsciously thought about it, was that his ex-wives died mysteriously. That was a atrocious thought. “Wait, you think Jason is trying to kill me?”
“Well, yeah, he is trying to kill you. Why else would he be giving you drugs?” he snapped. “Isn’t that what you told Mike and Calvin?”
“How do I even know it’s Jason the one doing it? What if i
t is someone else?”
“Who else would it be?” he said. “And it wasn’t until you met Jason that you were going to the hospital for drug overdoses.”
“Okay your right,” I sighed as I remembered my hospital stays. “I always had a feeling. I just didn’t have anything to prove it.”
“Back to what I was saying...that day, they issued a warrant and Jason had found out. I’m pretty sure he knows someone who told him. So, he cleared the house and all the drugs he had. That is when he began saying that you were paranoid and all this crap. He told them about your past and all this other nonsense. Of course, detectives are going to believe a sane person over…well…you,” he explained. “I researched some drugs on the black market. Some pills they had make people feel like they’re crazy or out of control if given in a large amount. Eventually, the body crashes and the person dies. I know you Lily and I know you would never do drugs. And even if you were, where would you be hiding them? I cannot imagine you, going out to meet a drug dealer. You’re too much of a wimp and a coward.”
“Ooh thanks…wimp is such a nice word,” I said sarcastically.
“And, your whole money thing, he knew exactly what he was doing. I mean come on, look at his past. This isn’t the first time he has done something like this. I think he planned this—from the whole coming to that meeting. He knew Ana wasn’t going to come. He knew he would end up taking you on a date that day. He researched you; he knew your weakness and strengths; if you have any strengths besides telling on people.”
“So, I am a loser is what you’re trying to say?”
“Were you not listening?”
“I don’t think I’m that much of a wimp.”
Paul laughed. “Lily, if I were to punch you right now, you wouldn’t do anything. That is why people like Jason choose girls like you.”
“Why?”
“Because you don’t know how to stand up for yourself.”
I stayed quiet as I thought about how he insulted me. It also reminded me of my reoccurring dreams. However, I was a coward and a wimp. Ever since I could remember, people always had control over me—even Kathy. Mothers are supposed to control their children, but Kathy insulted me since I was a child. And I never did anything about her or the many other people who did the same thing.
“We just have to deal with it,” Paul said, breaking the silence.
“Why would I deal with it?” I laughed. “I can be dead in a few days.”
“I’ve been watching him this past month; all his moves. I know them. He hasn’t given you anything strange. I’m pretty sure he knows he will get caught if he tried too since you were restrained. Plus, the baby—he doesn’t want to harm it. I believe the baby was part of his plan too.”
“I’m done with dealing with bad people.”
“Why the change now?” he teased. “Are you upset because I called you a wimp? It’s true though.”
“So, that should change.”
“What does that mean?”
I winked and smiled at him. “My question is what does he want from me?”
“Money is the root to all evil,” he said. “He came at the right time.”
“What do you mean, right time?”
“Yeah, at your most vulnerable state,” Paul snapped as if I should know.
“Vulnerable state?”
“Yeah, the headlines about your mental disorder—”
“But how would he have known if it happened the same day we met?” I said.
“Um, I don’t know…maybe he’s smart,” Paul snapped.
“I need to do something about him. But what can I do if I’m taking all these pills? They’re not helping obviously—I was strapped to a bed.”
“It’s okay; I switched them to sugar pills. Jason and his nurse, who probably is not even a certified nurse, insisted you take them. They said the ones from the hospital weren’t good enough or something crazy—I don’t even think that’s legal.”
“You think a murderer cares about legal situations?”
Paul ignored me and pulled out a Ziploc bag with white powder in it. “Do you know what this is?”
“What is that?”
“The answer,” he smirked.
“You mean, this is the stuff he was giving me?”
“Yes.”
“How’d you find it? Why didn’t you give it to the cops?” I asked. “I should call Mike again and tell him—”
“We don’t need Mike,” Paul smirked. “Well, I found it a few days ago under a bump in the carpet at your home. I would have given it to the cops but there is no proof that Jason had this stuff.”
“Well, thanks for nothing. You got my hopes all high.”
“But this is good…you know why?”
I stayed silent thinking about what he meant. “To test it on him?”
“Whoa, I didn’t think of that. I was thinking of taking it to a lab here in the hospital. However, your idea is way better!” he giggled. “But, you wouldn’t do it.”
“What do you mean, I wouldn’t do it,” I snapped.
“Lily, let’s be honest. You’re miss goody-goody. You would never have the balls to drug Jason. I remember when you were sixteen, you beat yourself up for flushing your fish down the toilet.”
“Well, it’s time I grow some balls and handle things myself. If no one else believes me, I guess I have to handle him myself.”
Paul grinned and handed me the bag. “I have to see you do it, to believe you.”
“Fine, it’s a date.”