Chapter 18 | Glitter
I held my composure as everyone stared at me as I tried on new clothes at the mall. Word was already out about what had happened between Jason and I. I did not expect the media to make a big deal out of it. Then again, the media would do anything to torture a young soul.
I held my gut in as I squeezed into a size two jeans.
“At least someone else has gained some weight—”
“Ana?” I ran and jumped into Ana’s arms as she entered the dressing room. “What are you doing here?”
“I live at the mall and when I saw paparazzi outside and they weren’t for me, I had to see who was here,” Ana said, who was surprisingly twice as heavier than I had last seen her.
“Can we just start over and be friends again. I hate being alone,” I cried. “It will be like old times, just you me and Paul.”
“Paul?” she gasped.
“Yeah.”
“I thought you guys weren’t on speaking terms anymore. Why the sudden change?”
“He came to visit me a few days ago for my birthday—”
Ana kissed me, “I forgot it was your birthday. What kind of friend am I?”
“It’s no big deal. I didn’t even do anything special.”
“So, Paul visited you, eh?” Ana rolled her eyes.
“Yup, he told me how he’s working for you and needs a job.”
“He’s not working for me,” she snapped. “Are you joking?”
“But, he said that.”
“Why would he be working for me and then say he needs a job. He is obviously lying. Me and him haven’t talked in months.”
“Really? He made it seem like you two have been talking every day,” I said.
“Well, Lily, there is a lot you don’t know.”
“Like what?”
“Did Jason really hurt you last week?” Ana said, changing the subject. “Because I know some things and I’m afraid if I tell them to you, something will happen to me.”
My eyes narrowed. “What is it?”
“Whatever you do, Lily, promise to avoid Paul.”
“Ana, what are you trying to say?” I gasped.
“I don’t know; it’s just my crazy imagination!” she cried.
“No, what’s wrong, Ana? Something is wrong…”
“Did Jason ever tell you about his anger issues? His depression? His past? His mother?” she said.
“Anger issues? Depression? No he never told me anything.”
“Well, I don’t know why he didn’t. It would have saved you a lot of trouble.”
“Like what?”
“Oh, nothing. There I go again, being nosy. Jason used to say how nosy I was.”
“Ana? What are you trying to tell me? Do you know something I don’t know?”
“Can you promise me you won’t hurt Jason?”
“I don’t know...at my rate...”
“Okay make this other promise with me, but you can’t tell Paul…” she said.
“What is it?”
“When I was at Paul’s house I found things…”
“Like what?”
“Just promise the next time you’re at his house, look for a plastic Target bag.”
“Ana, if there is something you’re trying to tell me…tell me NOW!” I snapped.
“The thing is I don’t know what it is I’m trying to tell you. I don’t know what I saw,” she cried.
“What did you see? Do I know what it is?”
“You’ve talked about it.”
“Talked about what?”
She sighed. “Let’s just say, I don’t think you’re as crazy as people are telling you.”
“Ana, what the hell do you know?”
“I can’t explain it, but just go to his apartment today and look for the plastic bag! And please stay away from Jason!” she cried.
“You told me to avoid Paul; now you want me to go to his apartment?”
“Just do it!” she cried and ran out the dressing room.
I ran after her, but she was too quick and was out of sight. For a newly fat girl, she was pretty fast.
Later that day, I let myself into Paul’s apartment as he rested. I found myself staring off into space pissed off because Ana would not tell me what she knew. I thought to myself and wondered if I would go to prison for a crime (i.e. attempt to kill Jason). It was not as if I did not have a wonderful life. I had done more things than people would do in a lifetime—from winning awards—to traveling the world. I felt proud of myself. I would probably get jail tattoos and dye my hair pink or dance around like a Lady Gaga video—it was not that bad, right?
I looked at my cell phone and there were over fifty missed calls and thirty text messages. Leslie and Frank called me for most of them. Jason’s name was on the missed called list—unfortunately, he was not dead.
I tried to focus my mind on a new plan—find a plastic bag. There were many plastic bags lying around the room.
“She had said something about a plastic bag,” I remembered. “And to promise to look in it the next time I was at his house.”
I looked around the messy apartment—no plastic bag. I hopped around the kitchen that I had paid for, looking for any bag. I opened a Forever 21 bag and bangles fell out onto the floor—nothing odd. I opened another bag and it was a card for my nineteenth birthday—I smiled, it was cute.
Paul’s sudden screams scared me, so I ran toward his room. I peeked into his room, but he was sleep. I forgot he sometimes screamed in his sleep. Without waking him, I shut his door halfway.
I ran out to the dining area, nearly falling with my slippery socks. I ran to the table and slipped on a bag that was on the floor, making a loud banging noise.
“Dammit,” I said as I realized I ripped the bag open with my feet.
Old receipts, papers, and notebooks flew out the bag and I hurried to pick them up before Paul awoke.
“Carpet-Man. Change your carpet today,” I read a receipt. “Pure white carpet, $10,000?”
I paused. Why would Paul have receipts to white carpet? I looked around his home and he had no carpet—just wooden floors.
“…Jason Lawson has a son…three wives…” I read off a paper. What is this? “Jason went to the store today; he bought three hundred-dollar shoes. Jason goes to China. Jason just signed a contract with MTV for a reality show…”
Then, I realized what Ana must have seen—this is the plastic bag! I tore open the plastic bag with my sharp teeth and a diary and orange prescription bottles fell out onto my lap.
“Lilly Blair Evans,” I read on the prescriptions bottles, which were full of the same M&M-like pills. “What the hell is this?” I paused, “Rat poison…arsenic, $51.89…”
I stood up and peeked to see if Paul had woken up yet—he had not.
“The carpet!” I shouted, finally realizing it was the receipt for the carpet in my house. “These files on Jason? My medication?” I hyperventilated. “What is going on?”
Then, I noticed a glitter journal on the floor. I tore open the lock on it with my teeth and began to read:
Entry 12:
Today, I just got the best news anyone would ever have. In Lily’s new will she put ten million dollars in my name! But, god forbid if she dies—but it wouldn’t hurt—if I’m a millionaire!
I flipped through the pages with a confused frown—hoping that what I was thinking was not true. It could not be true.
Entry 556:
I just got the wonderful news that Lilly is pregnant—NOT! I’m hoping with all my heart that it’s not Jason’s. She doesn’t deserve him.
I stopped reading and listened for Paul—he was still sleep. I knew Paul had suspicions about Jason too—I wondered why he did not tell me before. I opened the journal and continued where I left off...
I wish she would just leave. I had him first. But, I blame myself—I shouldn’t have listened to my heart.
I shut the journal afraid to read anymore. I would be fuming if anyo
ne went through my journals. I scanned through the notebook and there were over one thousand pages of entries. Some had photos on pages. One was a picture of me with devil horns drawn on it. I paused and stared at a photo of him and Jason—at a water park—holding hands. And another image of them in topless selfies. My eyes narrowed as more photos of Jason were in the journal—hundreds and hundreds of photos of Jason fell out. Some I had never seen in my life. One page caught my attention—because it said ‘Dear Lily…’ as if he were going to send it to me.
Dear Lily,
If you are reading this, something wrong has happened. Either I’m in prison or I’m dead. I’m sorry that anyone would have to read this…and it’s really stupid for me to write this—but yet I’m still writing—I tend to write everything.
I am a man, who is the slave to a rich beautiful woman—who has the life I so long for. You have everything I want and everything I could only dream about. And when I get something I truly love, you take it away from me.
You are so ungrateful. You have a mother who tried her hardest to be there for you and yet you pushed her away. You have a dad who sends you letters and writes songs about you. You have a sister who would do anything for you but yet you tried to kill her. Now, you have a man who is in love with you named, Jason. However, Jason is playing us both. He is using you! I don’t know if I should tell you because I would be in trouble too.
I met Jason at art camp. We instantly had a connection—so I thought. Let’s just say I got drunk/high and told him things I shouldn’t have.
I told him about the will and your mental disorder. I joked and said how if you died my life would be complete with millions. But, he was serious. He used me. He had me thinking he loved me—I was a fool. I didn’t believe he was gay, but he claimed he was. He would call me “Paul boo” and all these cute names—I fell in love. He had this unbelievable control over me. I never knew a strong-minded person like me could be easily brainwashed. He had me so wrapped around his finger; he convinced me that we would kill you and run away together—rich. Every day he told me about how good our life would be. We would work together to get you out of here. He broke the plan into three parts. Part 1: marry you. Part 2: get your money account information. Part 3: kill you and make it look like a suicide.
But, I had no idea, you would end up getting pregnant and him just ignoring me! When I found out you were pregnant with his baby I went mad. He began to ignore me. Every time I tried to tell him about the pregnancy, he would say, I'm glad she's pregnant. I like women not men! I was so jealous and upset! While you were in and out of consciousness, I dug dirt on him. I learned that Jason had been scamming and using people for years. People like us—brainwashes them and kills them. He did it before to his ex-wife, Daisy.
But, I’m such a wimp—I couldn’t hurt you. You’re my best friend—
With my pinkie, I soaked in the tears and tried to hold my breath in. I had an ugly expression and I jumped to my feet and stormed into Paul’s room in rage. I stared at him as he peacefully slept.
With all my strength, I yanked him up to sitting position, waking him up. “What is this?” I threw the journal on his bed and all the glitter scattered over his face. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”
He narrowed his eyes and let out a breath of air. “I can explain!” He threw his face in his palms and began to cry.
I smacked his arm as hard as I could. “Don’t, I read it.”
“Lily, please, let me speak!”
“How could you? For a guy? You would betray me for a guy?” I cried.
“Let me explain.”
I began to punch Paul all over his body. “If you were my true best friend, you would have explained yourself a long time ago. You have me going insane and you knew what was going on this whole damn time! Unbelievable!”
Paul began to cry harder as he pulled me in closer. “I know I’m so stupid. I didn’t want you to find out like this. I love you, baby. I wrote the letter and was going to mail it to you—”
“Mail it to me when? On my deathbed?”
“I’m so sorry,” he screamed in shame.
I stared into Paul’s big brown eyes and I knew he would never do anything to harm me. To get him to his boiling point, someone would have to have something huge on him. “What does Jason have against you that would make you do this to me?”
“If I tell you, then I have one more person who can blackmail me.”
“Paul, I would never blackmail you.”
He began to cry harder and I patted his back in comfort. He began to cry uncontrollably as he rested his head on my lap.
I smacked him on his head, causing him to cry harder. “Paul, tell me…I know you wouldn’t hurt me,” I said at ease as I continued to smack him. “If you don’t tell me…”
“Okay, I’ll tell you, Lily!”
“What is it?”
He sighed and began to whisper. “I was involved in the Marlon hit and run.”
“Huh?”
“I hit kid Marlon and killed him. I drove off because I was so scared.”
“How does Jason know that—”
“He saw me do it—he videotaped it—videotaped me panicking and trying to hide his body.”
I pushed Paul away in disgust. “Explain yourself…”
“After the music award show, I went to the after party. I was drunk and I hit him with my car. Little did I know, Jason was outside the club taking a smoke break and saw me that night. He videotaped me trying to hide his body on his Blackberry. That’s why I wanted to get away from town, so I went to the art camp for two months to ease my mind.”
“Why didn’t you tell the police you did it right away?” I said.
“I would go to prison!” he shouted.
“But you would rather team up with Jason to kill me for money?”
“I know it doesn’t make sense.”
I shook my head in confusion. “It really doesn’t.”
Paul blew his nose and tried to hug me but I pushed him away again.
“So, what did he do?” I said, breaking the awkward silence.
“Who?”
“Jason.”
“He was like the lover I always wanted.”
“So…he’s gay?” I said.
“No,” Paul said.
“Huh?”
“He lied to me.”
“He pretended to be gay?” I said.
“Yeah.”
“So, Jason is a criminal?”
“Yes.”
“He isn’t gay?”
“Yes.”
“And he used you to get to me.”
“Yes.”
“So, since he had info against you, he used you to get to me. But, truth is he was gonna get away with all the money and use someone else for more loot?”
While frowning, Paul scratched his head in confusion. “I think so. He killed his ex-wife Daisy. He told me,” Paul said. “It scares me because I have no idea how he was gonna get away from me. Was he going to kill me too?”
“Most likely, or probably use your identity.”
“Whoa.”
“Then, explain who was drugging me? Jason, right?”
Paul walked over to the window and broke down in tears again. “I don’t want to talk about this.”
“But, you have to. I need to know. This has been driving me insane for the last year!”
“Okay, okay…”
“Well…”
“Well, I found some sedatives on the black market that come as powder and pills,” he said.
“And you gave them to me in my drinks,” I said.
“Yeah, the first time was when you first went on a date with him—”
“He put them—”
“No, I had put it in your pasta and it made you sick.”
I thought back to that night. I remember I thought I was food poisoned by the sushi.
“Jason told me, if I didn’t put them in there, he would tell the police about the
hit and run. So, I did it only in fear of my future. I knew it wouldn’t kill you, because I gave you a low dose. It would only upset your stomach.”
“But, it made me sick.”
“But, it didn’t kill you. Jason didn’t believe I did it, so he forced me to put it in your coffee the next morning in front of him, and that’s when—”
“When I came downstairs…and you said it was fiber.”
“Yeah, and we did it numerous times. Every week it got worse. He convinced me to give you larger doses.”
“And you did it?” I said.
“And he would get mad at me because he said I was giving you such low doses, but I didn’t want to hurt you. However, he would double it up and that’s when you began to go to the hospital for a ‘drug-related issue’.”
I smiled at an unusually pissed off moment. “All this while he was acting like he was your lover? Did you guys kiss behind my back?”
“Gosh no…he hated me. And when I would ask him about us, he would just ignore the fact we were ever together. He punched me once.”
“So, he wasn’t your lover then?”
“He told me straight up the week we found out you were pregnant that me and him were over. He said if I ever talked about us to anyone, he would hurt me.”
I smiled. “He controlled you like a puppy.”
“I hated him after that. That’s the day I convinced you Jason was trying to murder you—it worked because you believed me.”
“But, before that when I was at that nut home, you could have told me the truth.”
“I had to cover my butt.”
“True.”
“And he would laugh so hard when you would end up in the hospital.”
“You could have killed unborn Simon.”
“That’s the thing; he didn’t sedate you when you were pregnant. That was all you. The only thing we did was mess with your mind.”
I held up the receipt. “Like changing the carpet and moving my stuff?”
“Exactly.”
“So, nothing happened between you guys?” I asked.
“Nothing…after he got into your account—”
“Which was part two, right?” I said.
“Yeah. He told me to leave him alone or he would post the video on YouTube and hurt Ana and me too.”
“He threaten your life?”
Paul crossed his arms in anger. “He said he only used me to get to you.”
I laughed, “Karma.”
“Huh?”
“That’s karma!”
“What do you mean?” he snapped.
“You drove drunk and took a life, so when you wanted happiness with a person, it turned around and bit you in the ass. You deserved what you got.”
“And what about you? This isn’t about me…you’ve done things in the past—”
“I’ve done nothing to hurt others. So, don’t even say it’s karma to me,” I snapped.
“What about Kathy? You never treated her like a queen. That woman cared for you all your life.”
“Maybe, because she wasn’t a queen.”
“And what about trying to kill your sister?”
“Don’t bring that up,” I snapped again.
We both shut up as thoughts formed in the air. I tried to think of other questions to ask. I had so many.
“What about that cash we found?” I said.
“Well, Jason didn’t completely take all your money. He took less than a million for taxes as he said and Kathy needed some for her medical bills. She didn’t want you to know really how sick she was all these years.”
“Did Kathy know about Jason?” I asked.
“A part of me believes she did,” Paul said.
“Wait…a criminal pays taxes? Why would Jason care to pay taxes?”
“Well, since he is Jason Lawson, he would—”
“I really don’t know what to say, except I hate you,” I said.
“Me?” he whined.
“Yes,” I cried.
“Why?”
“This is clearly your fault.”
“Well, what the hell do you want me to do?”
“Take it back,” I cried. “Everything.”
“Well, I can’t. I’m sorry if I ruined your life. I ruined my life too, you know. I had to live knowing I killed a child and that I would be an accessory to murder of my best friend.”
“I may be the mental patient here, but even I know that I would never hurt a best friend because of a threat. And not only that, but Ana is involved now because she apparently knows everything.”
“I was in love!”
“Love? You were not in love. Jason didn’t love you for obvious reasons. One, being he wasn’t even gay. Two, he was using you for me.”
“We still don’t know for sure…”
“Of course we do!”
Paul rolled his eyes. “You have no idea what it’s like for me to never have a loved one.”
“Your parents?”
“My parents hate me.”
“But you visited them—”
“I lied…I haven’t spoken to them in years. They disowned me years ago. That’s why they hate you too.”
I bit my nail. “I didn’t know.”
“So, of course a fat guy like me, when he gets attention from the new cute guy, is going to fall in love and get butterflies. Of course I would do anything to be his one and only.”
“You’re deranged!” I laughed. “You are so insane that you would do anything for love.”
“Love makes you do crazy things.”
I began to sob. “Paul…I love you. Does that count? Ana loves you, does she count?”
“Hmm.”
“You would kill for his love but not mine.”
“I would do anything for your love, Lily.”
“Prove it…do anything for my love, not his.”
“I will.”
“It’s too late, Paul.”
“It’s not.”
I sighed, “Do you think Jason really loved you?”
“He said he did, Lily.”
“But do you believe it?”
“He knows I loved him.”
“But does he love you?” I said.
“His actions never showed it,” Paul said.
I smiled. “Now, you got me all thinking about love and what it is.”
“Some people would do anything for love. Even if it’s wrong—I know I have.”
“You wouldn’t kill for a love but you would kill to be loved. And that is something you will have to learn about. You will never find a person to care for you, when you turn against them. I truly loved you, Paul, and would do anything for you. And you stab me in the back for him?”
Paul stopped crying and smiled. “You thought Jason loved you. You’re an idiot.”
“If calling me an idiot makes you feel better…okay whatever. I’m not an idiot. I know Jason never loved me. I can get that through my schizophrenic head.”
“At one point you did.”
“Yeah, before I knew what he was after. Thinking that he loved me has made me even more insane.”
“His love brought you insanity.”
“Exactly.”
“Why are we talking about love?”
“Because that’s one word that drove us nuts. It was a word that I didn’t abuse enough.”
“What do you mean abuse?”
“I never told Kathy to her face that I loved her. I never really tell anyone I love them—”
“Love is just a word. Your actions show it,” he said.
“I never really showed it toward her,” I said.
“You did…trust me…she knew before she passed that you loved her.”
“How do you know that?”
“Actions speak louder than words.”
We grew silent for a few minutes. I began to think about Kathy and Paul was right. Although she drove me insane sometimes, she knew I cared for her. I knew she cared for me too. I grabbed my things
and walked toward the door.
Paul jumped up and followed behind me. “Where are you going?”
“I have a plan,” I winked.
“If you go outside you’ll get hurt. Um, Jason is probably looking for you!” Paul snapped.
“I’m a big girl. I can handle this.”
“Lilly, are you going to tell on me?”
I paused, “Maybe.”
“Will you forgive me?”
“Don’t count on it.”
“Huh?”
“You ruined my life. And that’s something I can’t forgive.”
“What about forgive and forget?”
“I only forgive when I can forget. And I will never forget the crap I went through because of you.”
“Lily, I love you though.”
“If you really love me, you will turn yourself in for the Marlon hit-n-run. Then, I’ll believe what you said is true.”
“You don’t believe me?” he snapped.
“I don’t know what to believe.”
“So, you will believe me if I turn myself in?” Paul sobbed. “What if I don’t turn myself in?”
“Then, I won’t believe you,” I snapped and continued to walk out the room. “And that means you really don’t love me.”
“Wait, where are you going?”
“I’m going to go find Jason.”
“Why?” he cried.
“This whole situation needs to end now.”