“Fourteen?!”
“Yes, fourteen. Maybe we knew we weren’t going to have all the years we should have had. We had to start early.” I was happy that Blake told me about him and my sister with so much love. I think Blake was finally making peace. He could talk about Janie without hating the world for taking her from him. He spoke of her with great admiration.
“Did you keep doing it after that?”
“Well, yeah! Well until her mom caught us, but at least we were fifteen and not fourteen.”
“Oh my God, Sarah caught you? Like actually doing it?”
“Yup, Janie was sitting across my waist, moving up and down when Sarah walked right in on us. We didn’t mean to do it; that happened a lot too.”
“You mean you couldn’t keep your hands off of her.”
“You see that’s the thing, Janie was the conniving instigator. Janie couldn’t keep her hands off of me,” I smiled again. Go Janie. I wondered if that was something you had to work up to or if it was just something I could never have. I would never be able to be the one in control. I’d die.
“What did Sarah say?”
“She screamed at us, called my dad, threatened to shut him down, and took her out of piano.”
“But you still saw her?”
“Every chance I got. Sarah knew, they all knew. By the time we were sixteen things were back to normal and Janie was on the pill.”
“Did she, you know.”
“What?”
“When you had sex. Did she go all the way?”
“You mean come? You can say it. It’s not a bad word. And yes she did. That’s why she couldn’t keep her hands off of me. Once she knew I could make her do that, she couldn’t get enough. You’ll be ripping my clothes off as soon as I’m in the door,” he teased with another kiss.
“I doubt it, but you can think that if you want. What else?”
“Well, she was an amazing piano player. Her dad hated her playing that stupid thing. He wanted her learning the ropes so she could step into his shoes and run his kingdom. Janie could have cared less about that business. She was her own person and nobody was going to mold her into anything. Believe me; Holden tried like hell. The first time she got cancer—,”
“I don’t want to know that part, Blake. Just the happy parts. Not the sad ones.”
“Okay, but the first go around of cancer helped play a part in this,” Blake said, stretching over his head for his phone. The muscles in his stomach tightened and I saw the bulge protruding his shorts as he stretched. Blake rolled to his back and pulled me to lay in his arms while he held the phone above us, I liked this position too. My frown went from his phone to him.
Facebook? I watched while Blake pulled up the profile. Blake was on her Facebook. I couldn’t see his face, but I could hear the smile in his voice while he shared Janie’s Facebook with me.
“She only had one friend.”
“That’s because she hated Facebook. It started as a joke one night, we did it to be funny. She started them both; mine and hers. Guess what her very first post was?” Blake asked.
“I love you?”
“Nope. It was, just ate some grapes and sat on Blake’s face,” he laughed.
“Seriously?” I laughed too.
“Yup, that’s the crazy shit she did. Look at this,” he said, sliding his thumb over the posts to one of her still in high school. It was the crotch of a teacher in front of a class. The caption said, See told you he had a big one.” I laughed and read down through with Blake the banter between the two of them. There were pages and pages of posts that Blake shared with me. It was such a happy, sad love story, especially when her post disappeared and all was left was his.
I miss you.
I love you.
I can’t take it.
I’m never going to make it.
Goddamnit, Janie. Why?
Happy Birthday baby.
I love you so much.
“Okay, that’s enough,” I said, feeling the anguish in the messages in the days following Janie’s death. Blake had almost four years to heal, I barely had five months. I didn’t want to feel that pain, I didn’t want him to feel it. This was supposed to be a happy time, not sad.
“Wait, this is what I wanted to show you,” he said, getting away from the sad days of his life. Blake went to the photos and scrolled with his finger, we were laughing again in no time. Every time Janie posted a picture to her one, and only friend she captioned it; usually with something dumb and they were all directed at Blake. He stopped on a photo of the two of them, both sporting bling heads.
“Halloween?” I asked looking at the photo. Janie wore a strange, yet beautiful chrome, shiny dress. It was obvious that she was bald, but it was coved with a custom made beanie. The silver cap was covered in sparkling gems and she wore a neon green daisy as a corsage. Blake matched, wearing a silver tuxedo with his vest and tie matching Janie’s green daisy.
“Nope, prom. Janie didn’t want to go because of her hair. With Sarah’s help, I had these costumes designed. You should have seen her face when I showed up on prom night in mine. I could tell she had been crying when she turned to look at me from her window. She swiped a tear and slapped her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. Sarah delivered her dress and I told her that her space ship would leave in twenty minutes. She assured me she needed an hour and I gave it to her.”
“Oh, my God, Blake. I love that you did that for her, but I still don’t get how you can love someone that hard, but not Pea. Help me understand that.”
“I love Pea. I was afraid of loving Pea too hard. What if something happened to her?” I understood exactly what that meant. Blake was afraid to love her. “It was easy until you showed up. I wasn’t used to seeing her laugh or play. I thought I was just supposed to dress her in pretty clothes and teach her to be a lady. I didn’t want to get too close. She didn’t really do anything when I was around, so it worked.”
“Yeah, well that’s because she couldn’t speak English, soooo,” I smartly relied.
“Shut up. Regardless of the idiot that I was, I was afraid of being too attached.”
“I understand that and I don’t, so let’s just go get ice cream.”
“What?” Blake laughed, closing his phone, “That’s why I fell in love with you. You have no idea how alike you two are. You make me live.”
Twenty Nine
“I didn’t know what you liked. I grabbed chocolate mint, because that’s what Janie liked. I hate it. I got vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate too,” Blake said, carrying in the stash of ice cream from the dining room.
“I hate chocolate mint, but Pea loves it, sorry.”
“Ugh,” he laughed.
By the time we’d finished eating ice cream it was nearly midnight and I’d learned a lot about Janie and I wished I had the chance to know her. Having a sister to confide in would have been awesome.
“I’m glad you’re a real prince. I was worried there for a second,” I informed Blake, setting our bowls to the coffee table.
“I feel like I know what you’re talking about, but tell me anyway.”
“Like you were trying to be someone else. Like Holden does with the whole Zazen identity.”
“I was trying to be somebody else.”
“Blake?” I quietly said from his side.
“Hmm?”
“I’m in love with you too.”
“You are?”
“Very much so.”
Blake turned me on the sofa and slid to my body, “I worry about how young you are.”
“Why? Would it matter if I was fourteen?” I asked, placing my hand on the side of his face. Blake smiled, knowing exactly what I was talking about. It wouldn’t have mattered. There was something between us that age couldn’t change; something bigger than the both of us put together.
Blake kissed me and slid his hands up my ribs and I slid out of his tee-shirt. I raised my hips while he slid me out of my shorts and then my panties.
r /> “Tell me what you feel now,” Blake whispered from above me. His hand slid down my thigh and his eyes followed. I couldn’t answer, but the quivering of my stomach showed how busy the butterflies were.
“Just kiss me,” I panted. And he did. Everything I felt before was heightened. This time was different; this time was because he loved me, not because he was using me. I didn’t even try to stop the moan, I don’t know if I could have if I tried. “Blake, the condom,” I said, breathlessly, while we kissed frantically with everything we had.
“We don’t need it. You’re on the pill and I haven’t been with anyone in months. We’re fine,” he said between hot wet kisses.
“Yes we do. I’m not taking any chances.”
Damnit.
“On what?” He asked, straightening his arms and pulling away from me.
“On getting pregnant,” I informed him of the obvious.
“Ever?”
“Blake, I thought we were done talking?” My clitoris felt like it was going to explode from the throbbing. My hips were dancing and my pulsating nub begged for the attention from his fingers. Why would he even think I would want to take a chance on bringing a child into this mess? He’d just got done telling me the saddest love story ever, my mom died, of cancer, my grandma died of cancer, and now my sister. My kids were doomed before they were ever conceived. No thank you.
“I’ll pull out,” Blake decided and slid into me easily. My eyes rolled back when his thumb blanketed my clitoris with my own arousal. Every inch of him was felt while he moved in and filled me with his cock. My eyes darted to the right in search of the black and silver clock. We were downstairs. How was I going to time what was going on?
“Stop looking around. Relax,” Blake rasped, lifting my right leg over his shoulder. I turned toward the city lights, trying not to be embarrassed with this new positon, “Yes, I hit the privacy on the glass. Look at me, Mikki.”
Well hell.
“I’m trying.”
“Close your eyes.”
“No. That makes it worse. I’m fine. It feels amazing. I swear.”
“Yes, but it feels amazing to me too, and I can only take so much. I want you to be happy too.”
“You have no idea how happy I am. If you would have asked me five months—,”
“Makayla?”
“Uh?”
“Shut up. I’m trying to fuck you.”
“Oh, okay.”
Once Blake knew I wasn’t coming that way. He pulled himself to a sitting position and moved me to his lap.
“I hate this,” I assured him. I hated when I had to face him. I couldn’t be one of those girls. I wasn’t into sex like that.
“You do not, just rock your hips,” Blake ordered, finding my throbbing clit with his thumb. I did what he told me to do and it did feel crazy awesome, especially when my mind was distracted with his lips. Blake’s lips kissed and sucked on my neck, tugged on my nipples, and devoured my mouth while my hips slid up and down, rocking on his cock. The clock over the table in the foyer said it was half past midnight and I wondered how long we had been at it.
“Get off,” Blake said, stopping his lips.
“What? Why?” I asked.
“Because I am ready to shoot my load and your body is as rigid now as it was the first time I touched you. You’re not going to come like this.”
“Just go, Blake. I’m fine and it feels good. I’m enjoying it. I promise I am.”
“No. Get up for a second. We’re going to try something else.”
“We are?” I was fine with that. I liked the way the vibrator felt, but that didn’t change the fact that it still wouldn’t allow him success. I wasn’t wired that way. Not all girls can orgasm. Cosmo says so.
“Yes, move.”
I stood naked, wondering if Blake really did hit the privacy button on the glass or if all of New York was watching me ride him on the sofa, “What are you doing?” I asked when he walked me to the piano bench and made me sit. Was he going to make me play?
“Blake?”
“Shhh.”
“On here? Why? What if it breaks?”
“It’s not going to break. And don’t worry I’m not going to fuck you on it.”
“Will you stop saying that word?”
“No, because I like it. I don’t find it dirty at all. I find it to be incredibly sexy and when you hear me say the word fuck, I say it with the upmost respect. Got it? I love to say fuck. I love where my mind goes when I say it. I love it as much as I love the word pussy, not because it’s dirty, but because I find it unbelievably erotic. My provocative fingers saturated with your excitement could never be anything but pure. Only shallow people make it anything but, okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” I agreed, watching him push the button on the privacy glass.
“You ass,” I taunted, but smiled with him. Idiot. Now all of New York watched me bouncing up and down on his lap.
“Close this eye,” Blake requested, kissing my right eye closed, “And this one,” he continued, doing the same with the other one. “You have to be very, very still. Don’t move, okay? Okay?”
“Hmm mmm,” I mumbled something incoherent.
“Promise you won’t move until I tell you to. That goes for opening your eyes. Don’t move a muscle.”
“Promise.”
“Good, now take a deep breath. Do it again.” Again, I audibly sucked air in through my nose, filling my lungs with what he thought was going to relax me. His breathing exercises, nor his attempt to relax me would work for what he was trying to accomplish. I already tried it and it didn’t work. I didn’t protest though. It made me feel good that he was going that extra mile to make me happy. And I loved every minute I was with him, regardless of what we were doing.
“Don’t open your eyes. Keep them closed.”
“Okay!” I snapped.
“Shhh, now you have to breath deep again. Give me three deep breaths.”
I internally shook my head, rolled my eyes, and let out of huff of air, but appeased him audibly and took his three deep breaths. He whispered for me to keep my eyes closed one more time, before I heard the piano note. My heart sputtered a little when I heard it. Sarah’s Whisper? Blake was playing the piano. My mind wondered when he’d last played it and then I wondered why he thought a sad dying song about a little girl without a say of whether she lived or died was going to make me relax.
Wow. Blake was ridiculous. I knew without opening my eyes that he was feeling it, that his eyes were closed and his body moved with emotion. I couldn’t have opened my eyes had I wanted to. I found myself leaned into his side, swaying with him. I don’t know what I was, if I was relaxed or what to call it, but the emotions were so high. I didn’t feel what he wanted me to feel. I felt raw, vulnerable and exposed. Layer by layer, sensations were peeled away, leaving me unadorned and unprotected.
“Keep your eyes closed,” Blake whispered with the last sad note. I didn’t trust myself not to cry. I could have ugly cried all over his bare chest, but I didn’t know why. I didn’t think of anything the entire three minutes. My mind was at a complete rest and I wasn’t aware of anything or anyone around me. The only thing I felt for three minutes was the music; the impact of every single note.
I swallowed the saliva I’d been holding in my mouth and kept my eyes closed. I felt Blake’s hand run up my back and around my waist. With a gentle tug, he pulled me to a stand while whispering kisses to my neck, “Keep your eyes closed.”
The keys sang from my ass while the legs of the bench squealed on the floor.
“We’re—,”
“Shhh, don’t talk. Don’t do anything but what I instruct you to do,” Blake’s kiss kept me from replying. I had a feeling I wasn’t the first girl Blake had ever had on his piano, but I tried my best to refrain from thinking about that. With one graceful lift I was sitting on top of the piano and my bare feet were rested on the keys.
Towering above Blake, he pulled our naked bodies together and
hugged me to him. His hands worked my body like he was molding me, like he was remembering every inch of me. His lips were just as powerful and I devoured his mouth every time they moved close enough. Blake whispered for me to keep my eyes closed while his hand closed around my throat, he guided me to gently lay back. The keys called out of tune with my heart when Blake repositioned my feet. We were going to break a piano worth thousands of dollars.
My legs suddenly snapped shut when I felt what I know was Blake’s mouth, “Blake, oh my God. Stop. I’m not ready for this yet,” I tried to push his head away but his tongue sliding up my slit again caused me to stop fighting.
“Just keep your eyes closed, baby. Don’t think about anything but what I am doing to your pussy.” That was said with a stroke between every letter or two. How was I supposed to protest?
“Aahh,” I called out. Blake circled my clit with his lips and sucked while his tongue danced around my clitoris. Oh. Wow. My breathing stopped when I felt a finger sliding in and out of me while another one lightly guided over the pucker in my ass with every entering thrust.
My hands relaxed above my head while I listened to Sarah’s Whisper in my head and paid close attention to every single sensation Blake brought out of me.
“Blake?” I whimpered, feeling the toppling. It was there it was peeked and I could tell it was real this time.
Blake stopped all movement and pulled me up by my wrists. Our lips met while he slid me down his body and over his cock, “I want to feel it,” he explained. I felt him slide all the way in, before I felt the wave return. The out of tune notes played out heightening the awareness of something so explosive words could never explain. The overzealous breathing mixed with the sounds our bodies made while colliding into one and the notes coming from the piano was powerful.
“Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck,” I called out dropping my head. Something out of this world happened. My head lost all support, my arms stiffened, the butterflies moved to the ardent feelings between my legs and a scream escaped all on its own. Blake held my hips, grinded his into mine, and massaged my nub while I exploded around his cock. Our eyes locked and he stilled inside of me, shuttering with every pulsating grasp around his cock. I rode every single wave while my eyes felt him feel it. I may have been my first time toppling over, but it wasn’t just the orgasm I was feeling. It was more, something I can’t explain. I was supposed to be there. Right there with Blake and Pea. I was home.