“I bet they’re drunk,” Blake decided. I laughed, agreeing with that statement.
Pea ran to the yard, pulling away from Sarah when she saw us. She wasn’t sure who to go to, me or Blake. I didn’t give her a choice. I ran to her.
“Oh, my God. I missed you soooo much.”
“Did you barrow daddy from the jail?” Pea worried.
“No. He doesn’t have to go back.”
“Ever?” Pea asked, letting Blake take her from my arms. She clung to him and he embraced her, feeling her. He really felt her and I felt the tears swell in both my eyes.
“What about the car?” Pea asked, raising her head, “Did you borrow it?”
“Yes, but I had permission this time,” I promised, taking her back. I couldn’t help it I missed the shit out of her.
“I’m sorry, Blake. I should have known you would never take anything from me. I don’t know how to make it up to you,” Barry said from the fancy porch.
“Blake has something to tell you too,” I said, sliding Pea down my body.
“I do?” He asked.
“Yes,” I said, looking to Pea.
“What, Makayla?” Blake questioned with a frown.
“Hey, come here. I want to show you the baby kitties. They’re under the porch and I need to take one home, because Sarah said I could,” Pea, exclaimed, pulling me toward the porch.
“Okay, you go pick one out and I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Okay. I want the black one. He has a white eye.”
Sarah waved an arm toward Aliza, placing refreshments on the gazebo table. I waited for her to pour the wine and disappear before I turned to Blake and took his hand, “Tell them, Blake. They have a right to know.”
“Know what?” Blake asked, confused.
“Why did you do it? I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want them to know her.”
“What’s she talking about, Blake,” Barry asked.
Blake went white and then swallowed before he started, “I didn’t know how.”
“How to do what, Blake?” Sarah asked.
“When Farrah told me that the in vitro worked, I was pissed. I told her to get rid of it.”
“In vitro?” Sarah asked again. I left Blake’s side and slid across the bench to her. Her hand trembled in mine and I think she already knew.
“Do you remember when Janie was seventeen and we took off for three days?”
Holden studied Blake and answered, “Yes, I wanted to call the cops, but Sarah wouldn’t let me.”
“I didn’t want to upset her,” Sarah replied in a frail voice. She was remembering. I smiled an encouraging smile at Blake and he continued.
“That was right before she was going in to have both her ovaries cut out. Janie cried for three days, because she wasn’t going to be able to give me a baby. I took ten grand out of my father’s life insurance money. The money I refused to touch because he left us. I was going to show him. I would never touch his money; I didn’t want it, not until Janie was hurting. No matter how many times I told her I didn’t want stupid kids anyway, she still cried. Thanks to her new friend Ryan Ford, we found a guy behind the scenes of the social security office. He was able to fix her age, and all we had to do was take her social security card and a forged birth certificate to the DMV. We smoothly explained that she’d lost her license and they exchanged them for the adult age of eighteen.”
“Oh my God, I fought and fought with the funeral home over that. I had to dig through everything to get the correct date on her stone,” Sarah yelled.
“Hey, um, I’m going to just go eat ice cream and then I’ll find the kitty, okay. She has chocolate mint?” Pea interrupted, coming to me. I moved my arm around her waist and kissed her cheek. That one was for Janie.
“Gross. Now you’re going to smell like a peppermint patty. Okay. I’ll come in a few minutes.”
“Okay.”
I stared after Pea and then turned back to see how Blake got out of that one, “Yeah, I know. I should have told you then. I wanted to.”
“Tell me what, Blake?” Sarah pleaded, needing to hear him say what she already knew he was going to say.
“We went to a clinic over on Harbor Street and saw a fertility specialist. Janie went over her condition with him and he went through her medical records. Although she couldn’t carry a baby, he assured her that he could give us our baby. We would just need someone to hold on to him for nine months or so,” Blake stopped and looked around at all our faces, waiting for a response. Nobody said a word. His head went to his lap and he took a deep breath, “The day Janie had a seizure we were getting it on over the kitchen table.”
“We don’t need to know everything,” Barry was the one to inform him. It was a little bit funny. To me anyway.
“Yes you do. We were so happy. We were going to find out if we were going to have a baby in three more days. Janie wanted to cook. Cook, or do drugs. We cooked, but ended up burning everything up because we were too pumped to be serious. I thought she was messing around. I didn’t know something was wrong. Her body dropped to the table and she shuddered a little. It wasn’t until I saw her arms stiffen and her hands do some sort of weird arthritic thing that I knew something was wrong.
“We found out three days before the good news that she had cancer again, only this time they couldn’t just take her ovaries out. They couldn’t get to it without killing her. I begged Farrah to abort the baby. She wouldn’t do it.”
“That’s because Ryan overheard your conversation. I don’t know this to be fact, but I’m guessing Ryan had something on her. I’m pretty good at getting her to talk. I bet I could find out, or it could have been straight up for the money, who knows.”
“How do you know that?” Blake asked.
“Farrah told me. Ryan knew she was carrying a Holden baby. He couldn’t have Janie anymore, you were already at the top, and he saw the dollar signs. But why did you hide it? That’s the part I don’t understand. Pea would have been loved from the time her tiny little eyes opened. That’s the only thing left for me to hate you for. Janie wouldn’t have wanted her to be tucked away for the first three years of her life in a penthouse, only brought out on special occasions for Farrah’s publicity. Why didn’t you tell someone?”
“I don’t know. Dumb. Holden walked in on the conversation at my office one day. She was on speaker phone and I was facing the window. He didn’t hear it all, only the last part of it.”
“Farrah was crying, begging you to try. She said Janie was gone and she wasn’t coming back. She specifically yelled that she was carrying your child and for you to give her a chance,” Barry remembered, “I could have thrown you out the window that day. But then I forgave you after a few days, because I knew how Farrah was around you. I knew that she was probably there for you when you needed someone and a child came from the way you were coping.”
“I was pissed that you would think I would have done that, and then Farrah talked me into not telling anyone, she promised to share the parenting. Nobody seemed to care and the lie just became the truth. That is until Ms. Fancy Pants shows up here,” Blake smiled and winked at me.
I snorted and smiled back, “Ryan was already working on you. You were going down and there would be no one left to take over for Zazen Resorts but him. Plus he was about to be the hero and come to you with the news about your granddaughter,” I explained, filling in missing pieces that even Blake didn’t know, “Out of the blue I show up and mess everything all up. Unlike Blake, Ryan did his homework and he paid attention. He knew who I was and there wasn’t a doubt in his mind. At first he thought he could win me, but then Blake here stopped the investigation and wouldn’t let me go around him. Ryan knew Blake was distracted with me. He knew Blake was leaving work early, spending weekends at home, and going to the zoo.
“Ryan used those few months to solidify his plan. The only trace that could be found came from Blake’s computer at home. That either means I did it, Blake did it, or Ryan did it
. I don’t know when he was in our house, but my money was always on Ryan. Blake was home alone with Pea the day his door was busted in. Larry the elevator attendant called me to tell me Blake had been arrested, Farrah had Pea, and they were looking for me. All the money showed up in my name with no trace of where it came from.”
Holden added more to the puzzle, “Except for Ryan. He was the one who brought the suspicious activity to my attention. I couldn’t believe it when the trace came back to your home computer,” Barry explained, “That is when I washed my hands of both of you. I knew you showing up here wasn’t because you wanted to give me a chance to make things right. I didn’t know who Blake was anymore, and I knew it was a conspiracy.”
“I would never take a penny from you. And I’m sorry I kept Pea from you. I guess I was afraid of making her real, of loving her as much as her mommy and then losing her. I can’t survive that again, but I can’t not love her either, and I’m ashamed of myself for trying. It took Makayla shooting me in the head with a Nerf bullet to see that.”
“Pea? Janie?” Sarah questioned, covering her mouth and, squeezing my hand.
“Wait,” Blake said, straitening his posture. “How did you get Pea?”
“I kidnapped her.”
“I know that. I was interrogated for your whereabouts. How did you get her?”
“It was rather easy. Her new nanny had her at the park in a pretty little dress, Pea was standing on the sidewalk while the nanny talked to someone on her phone. I feel really bad for this next part, I promise,” I explained, “I pulled the two dollar sling shot from my pocket and loaded the little pebble. As soon as the little boy screamed, I yelled Pea. The crowd ran to see what was wrong with this crying kid and Pea ran to me. I changed her clothes in a porta potty and was out of there before anyone even missed her. We jumped under a bridge and stayed there until dark.”
“And that’s when she called me,” Sarah added, giving another piece, “I tried to tell her not to call me and that she was going to go to prison for kidnapping. I tried not to get involved.”
“What? What do you know about any of this, Sarah?” Holden fired.
“I had to. I heard the desperation in her voice. She prayed to me through that phone like I prayed to God so many times. Mikki would have cut her fingers off one by one for that baby if it would have kept Pea from going back to Farrah. I got in contact with an underground protection program for battered woman. With the help of a lot of persuasion and twenty five thousand dollars, I was able to get two new identities. Jenna and Penelope Bradford lived in a little house in Idaho where they were supposed to stay and live happily ever after,” Sarah explained.
Sarah was right. I pleaded for my life that day. I bought a cheap prepaid phone and begged for her help. I had no one else to call. Holden thought I was part of a scheme to steal money from him, Blake was in jail without bond, Grace would be the first place they looked, and Farrah was a bitch. Sarah was the only person I could think of to help me. And thank God she did.
Thirty One
After the best night of my life, I tried to sleep. Insomnia was the result of too much excitement for one day. I was too high to sleep. I crawled out of bed and wrapped a soft robe around my body. Smiling back at Blake, I tiptoed out to the kitchen.
I tried to turn around and leave before he saw me, but I was too late. Shit. I wasn’t ready for this talk. I had an amazing day and I didn’t want to ruin it by giving Holden the hateful speech that I rehearsed so many times in my head. I didn’t want to go back to bed angry.
“Mikki?”
“Hey,” I said, turning back to Holden. I walked over to the sink and got a drink of water.
“I didn’t know she was sick.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said, leaning against the sink.
“You have no idea how much it hurts me that you came to me and I pushed you away.”
“I hated you for it for a long time, maybe up until this day, but I don’t hate you anymore. I don’t have room for that, and you shouldn’t either.” Wait. What? That’s not the speech. That’s not the one where I told him how much I hated him and where to go. Everything that I had worked up in my mind that I wanted to say to him didn’t seem to matter anymore. Me telling him how I lived in poverty while he rode around on a high horse didn’t seem so important anymore.
“You’re a good soul,” Holden said, standing. I didn’t move when he walked toward me. Holding both my arms, he kissed my head, “I don’t want to have room for that either,” he added, leaving me with a white envelope addressed to him. I looked down to it and up to him, “I wish I would have read it the day I got it.”
I stared after Holden and looked at the long envelope in my hand. I knew it was my mother’s writing. I knew it as soon as I saw the C in our last name, I curled the bottom of mine like that too. I set it on the table and stared at it, afraid to touch it. After a deep breath, I looked around for a pen. Finding one in a cup over the window, I sat down and stared at the envelope some more. The pen touched my skin and I started the tip of a feather. Forrest’s feather.
My mind drifted through my life; my blessed life. I would go through it all over again. Maybe every cause did have a purpose. Maybe my mom and Janie had to suffer to ensure the connection with Blake and me. Maybe Blake had to go to jail to ensure Ryan and Farrah were stopped. If it was all for Pea then it was all worth it.
By the time I pulled the flap from the fold, my arm was decorated with my life and the numbers on the microwave said twelve, fifteen. I breathed a deep breath and removed the single sheet of paper. The trifold page opened to a letter addressed to Barry.
Barry,
Please don’t disregard this letter, I need you more than ever. I know I promised not to contact you, but I don’t know who else to turn to. I know you’re going through hell right now with losing your daughter, but Barry you have another one that is going to need you more than ever.
This is also my second bout with cancer, this time in my pancreas. It spread a lot faster this time and we missed it. Holden, please, she’s seventeen and she is all alone. I can’t leave her knowing she doesn’t have anyone to love. She’s so pretty, Barry. Wait until you see her. She reminds me a lot of Janie. Remember how you tried to keep her in dresses during the grand opening in Atlanta? She was in jeans every time you turned your head. I may have bought her a pair or two.
Barry, she doesn’t deserve this. She’s a good girl, and she’s given up her life to take care of me. If anyone deserves to be happy, it’s Mikki. She’s so strong and independent. Her perseverance is that of a Holden. I’ve never met a more determined individual in all my years. Next to you, this girl can do anything she puts her mind to. Give her a chance. If it’s something she strongly believes in, she won’t give up. Just give her a chance Holden.
I love her so much and I need to know she’s okay. I need to know you’re there for her. She’s a Holden, so don’t forget that when she tells you to go to hell a few times before she cracks. Trust me on this one. But don’t give up Holden. Please don’t give up. Call me. Please. I’m begging you with the last breath of my life. Please come and get her.
P.S. Don’t worry about her smelling like a peppermint patty, she hates chocolate mint.
Please tell her every day how much I love her. Tell her every day how special she is.
With all my love,
Victoria J. Carlie
I swallowed a dry lump in my throat and let the tear run down my cheek and across my arm. My eyes watched the tears mix with the ink and I swallowed again. Black rain streaked my arms and a sob escaped.
“Makayla?” Blake questioned from the door. I heaved in a sob and looked up from the black rain.
“Nobody told her I was okay. I told her not to go. I made her leave not knowing,” I cried.
Blake didn’t pull me to my feet; he dropped to his knees and wrapped me in his arms. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and cried. Bottled up emotions flooded my soul. I couldn’t stop it, and I
didn’t want to. This was me letting go. This was me choosing to be happy and live my life to the fullest with every day I was blessed with.
Blake held me tight, until his shirt was full of ugly cry, “I’m sorry,” I apologized, finally coherent enough to stop acting like a crazy. I placed my hand over the black rain on my arm. I wasn’t trying to hide it; I was simply placing my hand over the jagged edge heart. I was holding my mom’s heart.
“I sent you a friend request.”
“A friend request?” Blake questioned, holding both my hands.
“Yes, for Facebook,” the whole thing felt silly all of a sudden.
Blake smiled and kissed my lips, “I accepted it when you were showering.”
“You did?”
“Yes, I would love to be your Facebook friend. I can’t wait to see what you post.”
“A lot of Pea, probably,” I giggled.
“I love it. What do you want, Mikki? Do you want to go back to New York?”
“Are you still going to work for Holden?”
“I don’t think so. What if we found some little theater and taught a couple of kids how to play the piano?”
“Really? I love that,” I agreed.
I was going to love Blake harder than he loved me, and I was going to love Pea the way my sister would have loved her. I was going to let Grace and Sarah be my mother’s when I needed advice. And I was going to be the best mommy to Pea I could be. I didn’t care where home was. Blake and Pea were home. As long as I had them, I was home.
My arm was washed from the black rain, Pea was asleep with her arm missing again, and Blake was in my bed. I folded my arms over my chest and smiled in his arms, happily at the life ahead.
Breathing a relaxed breath, the tips of my finger felt it first and I then stopped breathing…
The End
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Jettie Woodruff, Black Rain
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