Chapter 15 – Friends, Admirers
Jesca strode along the battlements of the high city. The parapet circled the entire edifice and was, nominally, for defense. Practically, the cliff face was defense enough, and there had been precious few winged assaults during its history. Jesca half suspected other reasons. For the monarch to be able to view the city under their protection. Or to get out of the stink of court. Or, as she did now, to burn of excess energy.
She was still worked up over her meeting with Gwendolyn. It wasn't as bad as meeting a Grey Elf, but it was nearly as fraught with second guessing and strategic thinking. Only this time, Gwendolyn had seemed quite human. The import of what she had said was staggering, but so much was these days. No matter. Jesca had cast her dice. She had to mentally move on.
To her next meeting.
Jesca saw her a good distance away. Perched on the edge of the parapet on the most prominent tower. She was hard to miss, being so pale against the dark grey of the stone. Jesca remembered the day they had met as children. The army brats of the elite. She had refused to tell anyone her name. So Jesca had given her one, based on her pale, pale skin and hair.
“Hello Bianca”, said Jesca, as she approached.
Bianca took a deep breath, as if she had been holding it, and then turned away from the precipice. “Hello Jesca”, she said in a flat tone. Jesca was used to her expression being one of sullen irritation. She was fierce and passionate about what she wanted, and let no one or any social decorum get in the way. But when Jesca looked in her eyes now, they were as flat as her voice. The fire that had burned there was now ash. “How did it go with Gwendolyn?”
Jesca blew air through her lips. “Unexpectedly, of course.” She turned and sat against the parapet, side by side with Bianca. “Turns out some of what you reported from the Grey Elf might have been a personal message to her. Of course it might not have. Apparently there's a magical Tower of Londra that's proof against nearly everything. Could be some of the royal family escaped to it.”
Bianca furrowed her brow. “The bit about the princess?”
“Yes”, said Jesca. Bianca grunted.
Bianca had been fixated on the Ævatar project for so long. At many times she was the only one who saw value in it. Well, it made the difference. The gods were all dead. But Bianca paid a terrible price. She lost her soul. It was an intangible part of her being, but it also was the key to magic. She had been a mage most of her life. But now she couldn't even create a wisp of light.
“Are you sure you don't want to try another stint in the army?” asked Jesca. Bianca had served for six months in the shield wall when she came of age. Jesca remembered some officers discussing her, and being reluctantly approving.
Bianca shook her head. “I'm too willful to be a trooper, and I don't have the patience to be an officer”, she said.
Jesca nodded. She could see that. “How about espionage? I'm sure Jack could use someone of your talents.”
Bianca snorted, a little fire returning to her eyes. “I'd kill him before I took any orders from him”, she said harshly. Like just about everyone else, Bianca hated the spymaster. There was still one copy of the Six Books of Magic at large. An enormous potential threat since the highly refined understanding of magic given therein was what enabled all the wonders of their empire. It had been Jack's mistake that caused the breach. No one had forgiven him. Least of all himself. Which is why he was still the best person to try to track it down.
“I could always use another personal bodyguard”, said Jesca.
Bianca shook her head again, but without any harshness. “I've lost my perception”, she said. “I can't act, I can only react.”
“Just because you don't have soul doesn't mean you aren't a person”, said Jesca. “We all knew Lilly before she gained a soul...”
“Yes, yes”, said Bianca, cutting her off. “It doesn't matter. I'm not talking metaphysics. I can't anymore. It's just... what I feel I am capable of and not capable of.”
“We'll find something for you”, said Jesca. “You don't have to...”
“I just can't be near people”, said Bianca, forcefully. Jesca stopped pushing. Bianca's hands were clasped tightly together. “I can't be near people”, she said again, more quietly. “Everywhere I go. Everyone knows who I am. Everyone knows what I did.” She drew a few deep breaths. “Everyone's been affected. Doesn't matter if it is positive or not. Doesn't matter if it's all in my head. I feel it. From everyone. Everywhere. 'There's the one who killed all the gods.' If they aren't saying it, they're thinking it. I just can't bear to be around it.”
Bianca drew her arms tightly around herself and shuddered. Jesca let her be for a while, then, very tentatively, put her arm around her. A year ago that probably would have earned her a quick dagger in the ribs. But not now. Bianca relaxed slightly into her and her breathing grew more even. Jesca leaned her cheek very gently against her.
“I get that too”, Jesca said, voice barely above a whisper. “It's easy to say that you didn't do it, that it was all the Ævatar going out of control. But that's not how you feel. It's easy to say that I didn't have anything to do with it. It wasn't what I asked you to do. But I'm still the one that gave the order. I still bear the responsibility for what happened. Even if it's all inside my head.”
They sat in silence for a while. Eventually Bianca straightened up, and Jesca withdrew her arm. “So you see that I must go”, said Bianca finally.
“I see that you feel you must go”, said Jesca. “I feel the same.”
“But you do not”, said Bianca.
“You've found a way to leave, yet still carry on your duty. So you can absent yourself, but still feel useful.” Jesca sighed deeply. “I haven't.”
Bianca nodded curtly. Then she stood, and turned to look over the parapet again. “Will you say goodbye to Lilly for me?” she asked.
Jesca stood up and leaned beside her. Both of their gazes watched some raptors riding in the thermals above the city. “I will”, said Jesca. “She will insist you come and visit occasionally though. She's already talking about a birthday party.”
Bianca snorted. “As our duties permit”, she said. “Although I'm not sure I'll be good company.”
Jesca smiled. “That's OK”, she said. “None of us really are.”
“Odd”, said Bianca. Jesca looked at her quizzically. “Odd that Lilly is turning out to be the most normal of the three of us.”
Jesca nodded. “I wouldn’t have put money on that. But I can't deny it. Birthday parties are the furthest thing from my mind right now.”
“Did I slaughter the gods for nothing?” asked Bianca, trying to sound light. “Do you not have peace of mind enough to plan a party?”
Jesca lowered her head and grasped the pommel of her ceremonial sword. “No”, she said quietly. “That just cleared the decks for whatever is coming next.”
“And what's that?” asked Bianca.
“I don't know”, said Jesca. “I just get this feeling.”
“We both know there's a lot that goes on just inside our heads”, said Bianca.
Jesca turned and looked at her straight. “Then why does the feeling go away when I'm not wearing this?” She placed her sword on the balustrade before them. The blade was bright, with the coat of arms of Romitu etched into it. The guard was more fanciful than functional, with colorful inlaid enamel. The handle was dark green leather which set off the large emerald glinting in the pommel.
Bianca swallowed heavily. “That's the stone from the Ring of Kings?”
Jesca nodded. She reached out and touched a facet. “One of the older heirlooms of my office. And, apparently, one that actually has some functional value. It was allegedly made by the Hearth Mother and blessed by all the gods of Romitu.”
“Well”, said Bianca calmly. “At least you know it hasn't ceased to function now that they're all dead.”
Jesca pursed her lips, and then swept the sword back into its sheaf. “Whatever it is, it's happeni
ng soon.” She shuddered. “Having second thoughts about going?”
“I'll be more help to you freeing someone else up. You'll have a good team of mages back in place of one who can't do magic anymore”, said Bianca. “They'll be glad to be back in your direct service.”
“I have many admirers, Bianca”, said Jesca slowly. “But I have few friends. I will miss you.”
“I have few friends too”, said Bianca. “And no admirers. I will miss you as well.”
They embraced one final time as a messenger approached.