He leaned a little closer to me. “You always breathe in audibly just before you speak a lie. You still feel emotions; you just think they are gone because they’re not out of control anymore.”
“If that gives you peace of mind, so be it. I lost several key emotions, and right now I’m numb.”
“Are you, now?” he said as his hand reached for my waist.
“Don’t,” I said as I let my eyes fall.
“Don’t what?” His lips breathed against my temple.
“The first time you kissed me, it was for proof. Like I was applying to be your girlfriend and you wanted to know my qualifications. The second time was to tick off Britain. Now you are going to kiss me just to see if you are my prince, if you can wake me from my emotional sleep.” I stepped back. “Relationships aren’t built like that.”
Long before I felt his emotion shift to agony, I felt horrible for saying that—after I felt that, I just wanted to find a hole to hide in. Because it was a lie. Each time he’d kissed me before, I could swear the Earth moved beneath my feet. His mind right now had reflected images that led me to believe he felt the same way. He let me see every memory he had of when our lips touched, in both the present and the past.
Last night when he took me home, we went to one of my hangouts. There I saw Anna, the girl Britain had cheated on me with. Of course, Britain showed up a few moments later. We ignored him and in our own way put on a show for them. Drake leaned into me and kissed me in that crowded diner. It was so slow and so sensual that he had to brace his arm around me when I began to sway. We left right after that, giving the illusion that we wanted to continue our embrace in a more private setting; truth was, I just had to get out of the public scene because the emotions that ranged from shock to jealousy were slicing into my soul, shredding me to bits.
“You can think about our first and second kiss any which way you want. I know what my intentions were. What I was feeling. I knew it the first second I saw you.”
The first time I saw him conscious, he wasn’t even in his body; he was in The Realm on the brink of death. I pulled him back from that cliff, not caring what it would cost me, which would have been my life if Landen weren’t there to save me—he was the healer of our little dysfunctional group.
I smirked. “You did smile when I pulled you from death’s door. You smiled because you thought that Willow had saved you.” Shut up, Madison. You know that’s a lie.
He reached to pull my chin up again. His other hand clenched my waist. “I smiled because for the first time in this godforsaken life, I saw love looking back at me. I saw devotion. I smiled because I knew you were in love with me. That alone brought me back from death.”
Angry tears welled in my eyes. “And what did you do right after that? Let me think. Right, you told Willow that it didn’t matter that she found someone that looked like her, that you loved her soul.”
Those dark eyes became denser; the pull in them had me under his spell.
Anger saturated his emotions. “We have been over this at least three times now, Madison Marie. You of all people should know that the palace is haunted. That I have to say and do things in certain rooms to fool said ghosts or demons.”
“So you were on stage?” I said with ire in my tone.
“I’m always on stage. And if you think for one second I was going to give Donalt or any other demon a reason to target you, the one soul that gets me in a glance, then you have lost your mind, too.”
Truth. But the words still hurt. “If ruling a damned kingdom doesn’t pan out for you, then you should sign up for improvisational acting; you have a raw talent.”
My words brought pain to his eyes and regret to his soul. “I can’t do this, Madison. I can’t spend every precious second I have with you defending what I have done, how or why I feel the way I do about Willow. At some point, she was in a past life of mine, and I have been groomed to believe that she was mine, that she would be my queen. I knew her energy was off the first time I saw her, but I assumed it was because of this hell that I knew was about to break loose. I assumed that my own emotions were taking her in differently. Every time I even bothered to mention to Alamos that she was not right for me, within hours something would happen to her, to me, to the kingdom, to my family. Something that put me right at her side. I’ve been played, and I’m over it. If you truly have no emotions, then you are bound to see all of this with reason. You will be able to see my actions as they were—a mistake that I was forced into. And if that is the case, then forgiveness should be given to me.”
Bold. Especially since I could sense he didn’t believe that reason was on his side.
“And if I did still have emotions, as you think I do?” I pushed, knowing I could still feel anger and jealousy all too well.
“Then I’m prepared to prove to you that under it all…I was looking for you.” My heart hammered so loudly that I was sure that he had heard it. He absently glanced to my chest, then to my eyes. “Am I forgiven …?”
I hated it when he did that. When he demanded an answer to a question that I had created on my own. If I told him that being with him right now was bringing me back around, he would take it as a sign that we could overcome the recent past and find a way to get to know one another. If I told him I had no emotions, then I would have no choice but to see the logic in the path he had taken and give him the forgiveness he was asking for, but I was not a liar; until I could look at him and not see Willow, I would not be able to get over this bitter jealousy that was eating me alive.
“Logic always needs proof.”
He sighed, then clenched his jaw. After a brief moment, he said, “Pack your bags.”
“Let me see if I understand this. You’re asking me to move into a palace? A place where you have to ‘act’ like you’re in love with Willow for the sake of God knows how many dark people or lurking Escorts, and by watching you do that I will have proof that you were looking for me all the while?”
Those eyes did a slow once over on my slightly trembling body. “I know you still feel my emotions, Madison Marie. So, yes. Even if you had to watch me do that, you would know where my true emotions lie.”
Silence erupted all around us as our underlying issue, Willow, was placed on the table.
“I’m not going to lie. I do love her…it’s just not the same kind of love.”
I felt sick to my stomach and had to step away. I liked it better when I was numb.
He gripped my arm. “I grew up at her side. Saw her every single month. I’ve watched her die and come back to life. In the last few months, I have been through hell because of that girl. I went through that hell with my head held high simply because I love my people and I have been told that the only way to save them was to love her. So I did. I do.”
He sucked at wooing girls. I wanted to be lied to right now. He was too blunt for me.
He dipped his head so he could catch my gaze. “Madison Marie, I have never looked at her the way I look at you.”
“And how do you look at me?” I asked in the firmest voice I could manage.
An ironic smile lit upon his eyes. “The same way my dad looked at my mom…you have caused me to relive every single word my father said to me when I was too arrogant to listen to him, and that hurts just as bad as the rejection you have given me from day one.”
My ability to see into the thoughts of others had given me the perfect tool to analyze Drake at his core. I was never able to see everything I wanted, but I knew for sure that most of the time his thoughts centered on his dad. That when he looked at Willow, he heard his father in his mind, telling him he would know when he was face-to-face with his soul mate. That the way he saw the world would instantly change. He tried to see the world differently around Willow, but the only change was how much darker it became, how much more impossible the world seemed.
Even though I never met his dad, I felt like he was talking to me, too. The way I saw the world did change when I discovered that Drake was real, litera
lly.
Drake had killed his father by accident just a few months ago, and he was nowhere near over that. The old me wanted to fix him, tell him that he would move through this, and then ensure that he did. The new me, the one that was going to exploit this lack of fear I had, wanted to chase obsession. If I went with him, I would find a way to do both—and maybe, just maybe I could figure out if I had the will to forgive this boy that I had longed for.
I trusted him to keep me safe, to keep me alive to fulfill the fate before me, and that says a lot.
“If I come with you, I have conditions,” I stated evenly.
“Listening.”
“You are going to give me free reign to chase my obsessions.”
He smirked and then nodded once.
“You are going to keep me safe.”
“Always,” he breathed.
“And you are going to take me to meet your dad.”
I knew from being around Willow and Landen’s family that there was a dimension that was filled with peace and bliss; in this place, the soul of Drake’s father, Livingston, resided. His other brothers, even his mother, had seen him there. Drake was the only holdout, and I really believed that if he faced the ghost of his father he would see that that man forgave him instantly.
Drake swayed as if a stagnant force had struck him.
After a moment, he spoke. “I have conditions, too.”
“Listening.”
“You sleep where I tell you to.”
Oh, was that a dare? Bring it.
“Done.”
A sinful smile echoed on his forbidden lips.
“We chase your obsessions together,” he said as he raised his brow.
“Do you not have a kingdom to run?”
“Oh, I do, but the death of their king was announced. This morning, the court was placed in mourning. Call it a vacation for me. My calendar is empty at the moment, and when the mourning is over I will be courting my queen. So, you are stuck with me for a while.”
I was only supposed to play the part of a queen courting him for a night, a few occasions after that point. Seemed that everyone here had neglected to see past that point. I guess they were waiting to see if we all survived, and if we did then they would have to come up with a new plan.
I nodded once to tell him I agreed. There were worse things in life than being stuck at Drake Blakeshire’s side.
“And I will not take you to meet my father until my cold heart finds warmth.”
That blew my mind. This boy was the very definition of heat; at least that’s the sensation he seemed to effortlessly inject into my very core.
I lifted my brow. “I’m calling your B.S. You’re not cold. Never have been.”
“Madison Marie, you have seen how cruel I can be.”
That was true, too. The dimension he ruled was ruthless. If you did the slightest thing wrong, you were put to death. Drake never executed anyone that didn’t really deserve it, but he had stood side by side with priests who had hurt innocents, and he didn’t stop them. He thought because I could see those actions I would agree with him, but the thing about seeing the living is that you see their perception of their actions. In his mind, he was biding his time, waiting for his queen so then he would have the power to stop all of the evil.
“I see a boy that needs to stop dwelling on his past and learn to look ahead to the future.”
“I could say the same about the beautiful woman before me now. So then, the question becomes are we going to give each other that chance?”
See how he does that? Takes my words and wraps them back around, forcing me to answer questions that I didn’t have the courage to. “I don’t buy that every word you have said to Willow has been for show.”
“Not all of them were. Not the ones before I laid eyes on you.”
“You told her you loved her in Chara after you met me,” I snapped back.
He wasn’t surprised at all that I called him out on that. He smiled darkly. “Maybe I was looking to elicit a reaction from you. Maybe I was a little ticked off that you were hung up on some boy that had no right to hold you as far as I was concerned. Maybe, just maybe I knew you would see that, and I was trying to see if you gave a damn.”
“He never held me. Untouched,” I said just under my breath, feeling both instant joy and anger surfacing within Drake. He was happy I was faithful to his memory but furious that he could not say the same, at least not about his past lives.
“I don’t play games, Drake. I may like a mystery, a bit of wit, but I do not play games.”
His eyes moved rapidly across me. “I’m sorry,” he said under his breath.
“For?” I breathed, feeling how sorry he really was deep in my soul. I felt sick. I’d pushed him too far; he was telling me that whatever this was had to end.
“For testing you.”
I closed my eyes, feeling utter relief. I had to learn to shut up. Not to nag on old arguments. Guilt absorbed me. I was the one that tested him, in every way.
“If I’m going with you, I need to get dressed,” I said as I opened my eyes and nodded for him to leave.
He stepped back and leaned against the vanity before crossing his arms.
“Seriously?”
A sinful smile echoed on his lips as he turned his head away.
He wanted to play? Fine, let’s play. When you don’t have fear, you develop nerve.
Slowly, I let my towel fall. I grinned on the inside when I saw him tense and heat come to his stoic, blank expression. The room was submerged in the scent of roses; it was intoxicating to my soul.
With more care and ease than I should have had, I dressed in the dark jeans and tank top that I had brought into the bathroom with me. I acted like he wasn’t even there when I brushed out my hair and started to pull the long dark strands into a French twist, so that I would in some way match the formal world he was asking me to step into.
“Leave it down,” he said under his breath.
I ignored him and pulled it tightly into place. Just as I put the last pin in the twist, he moved so he was standing behind me. I stared at his dark, taunting eyes next to my reflection, wondering how bad it irritated him that I didn’t listen to him.
“What’s wrong, Drake? Do I look too proper for you? Do I look too different from Willow now?” I asked slyly. Dammit, I did it again. I needed to learn to shut up.
That comment only intensified the anger I could feel from him.
He stepped forward so that his body was against mine. I held in the breath that wanted out as his hands clasped my waist. I felt his fingertips on the tender skin just beneath the rim of my jeans.
I saw that wicked grin that came to life right as I tensed. “No,” he murmured as his lips hovered just below my ear. Slowly, seductively he moved his lips so that they were touching my neck. Instant fire hotter than any lava ripped through me as a gasp left my lips and my head fell back, inviting him to continue his pursuit. He pulled me tightly against his firm body. Just when I was sure my knees would buckle, he stopped his tender kiss that had turned every inch of my skin crimson. “I just wanted to hinder this temptation for now.”
Damn. He matched my play.
As if he could read my thoughts, his grin grew. “I agree that games of the heart are fruitless," he said as he glanced over my reflection in the mirror, "but we can play these games. All. Night. Long.”
“Drake Blakeshire. You are dangerous,” I breathed.
“Perhaps,” he said under his breath as he grabbed my bag from the counter.
Chapter Four
~Drake~
I had to walk out of that bathroom before I let every raging emotion in my body take control. That woman was a drug to me. She brought out the king in me, that harsh tone I had been groomed to use, yet somehow she brought out the real me, too. My very aged soul.
Chrispin was in the doorway. He caught me slowly raking my hand over my face, trying to get control. I glanced to the direction of the bathroom that was thr
ough a small closet and decided I didn’t want anyone, at least not any male, near her. I ushered him out of the bedroom, finding my other brother Marc in the hall waiting on me.
Marc could be my twin in the right clothes. He was the oldest. In a very real sense, if any of the nonsense my mother was speaking about before were true, then Marc was the first born in the Blakeshire bloodline. He was the born king, and more often than not he had to play that role for me, and he hated every single second of it.
“Mom thinks you ran,” he said to me evenly.
“We couldn’t let that happen until I give her an heir, now could we?” I responded coldly.
Neither of my brothers seemed to have any idea about what I was talking about, so I dropped it. Our mother was an angel in their eyes. Mine, too, but I knew her. They only had very young memories of her, and the recent ones she had given them showed her as a grieving widow who was fighting for each of her sons’ happiness—which was true in its own way, but still. I was the only son she had sacrificed, so I had a right to be a little ticked off right now.
“You want to run, say the word. Maybe that will keep Landen and Willow here,” Marc chided.
I knew exactly why they wanted Landen to stick around here. It was a secret that two future kings had shared as lost boys long ago. Landen didn’t want his fate any more than I did. I would be damned if I would forsake the bond we had built years ago any more than I already had.
“You two think you can keep him here?”
They both looked away, knowing they couldn’t.
“I’m not running. I have earned a break. She comes first.”
“You can stay here as long as you want,” Chrispin offered.
I weighed my options right now, with Madison Marie first and foremost in my mind. There had been an epic battle at the palace tonight. Donalt was lurking. I knew if I took her to her wing, she would be safe, but I wanted it to be perfect before I did. She had to be exhausted, and even though it would not take me long to get her back to Esterious, I knew she would not rest when she got there. Apparently, she had an obsession in my palace she wanted to chase, which was fine with me. But I also knew she would use that as a distraction, place what was building between us in the back of her mind. Call me selfish, but I didn’t want to be second on her mind, not until I knew she understood the real me. The non-king Drake.