I gazed at him, trying to imagine the world without him. “I would still have done it, Brendan.”
“Then you’re a fool.” He looked pained.
I forced myself to smile. “So they say. Now can we go?”
He gripped my horse’s bridle. “You’re a good friend, Cara.”
I laid my hand on his, wishing I could be more than a friend to him. Neither of us moved until the horse whinnied, and Brendan seemed to snap out of a spell. “You’re right. We should move on.”
***
We set up camp for the night in the same spot so we could wait for Rumble to return.
“This feels like a waste of time,” Brendan said as Bran started the fire.
“We need to wait for Comhaill.”
“Comhaill?”
“Oh, that’s Rumble’s real name. I used to call him Rumble in my head because his voice is all… rumbly, and it kind of stuck.”
Brendan gave me an astonished look. “Why didn’t you just ask him his name?”
“Deorad’s children have no names,” I said without thinking. “He barely remembered the name his mother gave him. The children would give each other nicknames. Like Vix.”
“Deorad was a madman,” Brendan muttered.
“He was a product of Sadler’s influence,” I said. “Sadler encouraged him and probably even told him what to do. He was punishing Deorad. He was punishing everyone.”
Brendan scowled.
“But it worked out in the end. I know Scarlet’s safe in the Darkside because half the court is related to her.”
“You call them relatives,” Drake said scornfully. “They’re nothing.”
“So Sadler told me,” I snapped. “Tell me more, Drake.”
“Don’t start.” Drake gazed at the fire. “Those people are nothing to me.”
“Your loss,” I said smartly. “They’re everything to me.”
“People wonder how you do that,” Dymphna said. “How you can care for the savages.”
“The fae are the fae to me,” I said. “All shades of the same colour spectrum. I saw savagery on my first night with the fae, back at the festival. Not a lot can top that.”
“I can see that,” Dymphna said. “But your capacity for forgiveness always surprised me.”
“I should have reached full capacity after you tried to kill me,” I said wryly. “But we have to get over ourselves now. There are more important problems.”
“Will this Watcher really be able to help?” Bran said. “Who is he?”
“He watches,” Drake said in a faraway voice. “He stops the Hauntings from flooding the realm. He’s neither human nor fae, so it stands to reason he has information the rest of the realm doesn’t.”
“He’s certainly an enigma,” Brendan said. “I just worry how far this journey will take us.”
“I prefer this to sitting at court listening to people argue.” I slipped off my boots. “I don’t know how you two haven’t lost your minds.”
“It can grow tedious,” Brendan said with a smile. “But I’m sure you’re manipulative enough to manage.”
“They let me off easy because I gave them Scarlet. It’s amazing what an heir does.” I looked at Drake and cleared my throat. “But, um, there’s no rush, right?”
He stared back, looking uneasy. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Just that… maybe people should wait to have children until this blight situation is sorted.”
Drake's expression was still suspicious.
I raised my eyebrow at Brendan, who added his voice to mine. “Cara has more experience with these suffering children,” he said. “Perhaps you should listen this once.”
“This once,” Drake scoffed. “The two of you would tell me what to do for the rest of my life if I let you.” He stormed off into the darkness.
Dymphna rose wearily to her feet to follow.
“You too,” Brendan told Bran, who reluctantly headed after Dymphna. “What is it?” Brendan asked, moving to sit next to me. “What are you afraid of?”
“The mirror,” I whispered. “I saw Sorcha dying in childbirth in the mirror. It could come true.”
“Why would you care?”
I pulled my knees to my chest. “I don’t know. It just seems wrong to let it happen. I told her, but she doesn’t care. Maybe she doesn’t believe me. I don’t know. But her child will be Scarlet’s sibling, and as much as I love to be angry with Drake, I don’t want his wife and child to die.”
Brendan looked taken aback. “You truly amaze me sometimes.”
“Maybe you need to spend more time in the human realm then. I’ve been told they’re trying for an heir, and I think she loves him.”
“The banshee?” He raised a brow. “That’s unlikely. She loves power.”
“Remember when Cathal poisoned my wine? Drake drank it, and Sorcha was devastated. She killed that lineage consultant arsehole in front of everyone because she was so upset. I’m telling you, she loves Drake.”
“And what about you? I seem to recall you were upset, too.”
I blinked. “Not upset enough to kill anyone.” I thought of Rat’s murderer and looked away.
“What’s troubling you?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
He slipped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. “All right.”
I couldn’t help leaning against him. “I’m not the same as I was, Brendan.”
“Nobody stays the same.”
“I’m not good.”
“The fact you’re worried about that makes me think you are still the same Cara,” he said gently. “If you weren’t good, why would it even concern you?”
I smiled. “And you call me manipulative.”
“I’m not lying.”
“I know.” I resisted the urge to sink into his arms and stay there. My feelings had been changing so slowly that they had surprised even me. “Do you ever wonder what would have happened if he hadn’t been able to hold on to his body, or if you had been summoned to a different body instead?”
“All the time.”
We sat there in companionable silence until we heard the others. I was starting to understand that he had always been there for me when I needed him, but I'd waited too long and lost the courage to make anything happen between us.
***
When I woke up the next morning, Rumble was asleep next to me. Dubh was gnawing on grass, and everyone else was still asleep. I debated waking Rumble, but when I sat up, his eyes opened.
“Hey,” I whispered. “You’re back early.”
“I didn’t wait.”
“Is Marie okay?”
He nodded. “I left her under the care of Líle and Vix. The Miacha woman is caring for the baby, but she didn’t seem hopeful.”
“Did you go to court?”
“I warned Fiadh of what was happening in her territory. As far as I know, she’s planning to return this week to root out any remaining traitors.”
“Okay. Was everything else all right?”
“No problems as of yet,” he said.
“You must be exhausted.”
“I never need much sleep. Was all well in my absence?”
“Yeah.” I shifted positions to get more comfortable. “We saw the sinkhole. It was all kinds of terrifying. It could happen anywhere.”
He nodded. “You’re sure we can solve these problems before they cause more chaos.”
“Chaos,” I muttered. “Do you think this god of Sadler’s is doing all of this?”
“Yes.”
“Me, too. Does that mean we have to fight him to get this to stop?”
“Perhaps.”
“So, how do we stop a god?” I asked.
He stared at me. “I have no idea.”
“Try to rest. The others will be up soon.”
He closed his eyes. I tried to relax, but it was pointless. I had too much on my mind. Defeating a god seemed out of the realm of possibility, even
if some old stories and a random comment from Líle made it seem as if we had a chance.
As the morning brightened, I snuck away from camp to bathe in a nearby stream. Dubh followed and grazed close by after inspecting the water. I floated, remembering all the journeys I had been on before in the faery realm. Maybe I was too stuck in the past. I stepped out of the stream. It was time to look ahead.
Dubh suddenly neighed as though furious and ran at something. A voice shouted out in pain. I quickly dressed then went to see what was going on.
Dubh had a hold of Bran, who was looking sheepish. “I was just looking for you,” he protested. “The horse is crazy.”
“He’s a good horse,” I said.
Dubh released Bran, who rubbed his shoulder and glared. “We’re having breakfast and then leaving.” He turned and headed back to camp.
I patted Dubh’s nose. “The best horse,” I whispered.
Dubh and I strolled back to camp as I plaited my wet hair as best I could without a mirror. The smell of breakfast had my stomach growling. Everyone was up, and Bran was still scowling.
Brendan gave me a quizzical look. “What did you do to Bran? I merely sent him to find you.”
“Well, Dubh objected to him spying on me while I bathed,” I teased.
Colour flooded Bran’s cheeks. “I wasn’t spying! I didn’t see anything, I swear!”
I giggled at the look on his face. “Relax. This is the kind of glorious payback that happens to people who bother me all day long. Dubh just has a sense of humour, and you apparently don’t.”
Bran grumbled under his breath—something about never bringing treats to contrary horses again. Within an hour, we were back on the road, this time looking for the entrance to the Watcher’s tunnel. Brendan and Drake didn't remember the way as clearly as they'd both imagined they would, but I eventually caught sight of a familiar copse of trees.
“I think it’s this way,” I said, leading the others. Dubh snorted as if in agreement and upped his pace.
Brendan kept pace with me. “This is the longest Bran has gone without speaking, I’ll have you know.”
I glanced over my shoulder and laughed. “He’ll get over it.”
“Will that woman’s baby survive? It looked so ill.”
“That’s how most babies on the Darkside look. I hope she’ll be okay. The Miacha have been pretty good at helping.”
“I’m sorry for them,” he said. “There’s no reason for children to suffer like this. I see now why your Darksiders see Scarlet as something of a miracle.”
“I should thank you for what you did for her. You were kind of amazing.”
He let out a surprised laugh. “Haven’t I been telling you how amazing I am since we met? But really, I did nothing.”
“You stopped me from acting like a demented person. Scarlet suffered because I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“You can’t protect her from everything.”
I kept my eyes straight ahead. “I can try.”
Soon, we reached a familiar hillside. If I stood on Dubh’s back, I would be able to see the castle and the Hollows.
“This isn’t going to be pleasant,” I warned the others when they caught up to us.
“It was never pleasant,” Dymphna said.
“It’ll be worse now. We’ll all be alone, remember.” I looked at Bran. “If you feel miserable or scared or anxious, it’s because of the tunnel. It goes underground, so the worst of the blight affects it. Before, just one cave part of the tunnel was bad, but this time, the entire thing could be shitty. Are you ready?”
“If everyone else can do it, I can,” he said.
“Rumble, you’ll be most used to the sensation. I’ll lead, and you take up the rear in case anyone gets the urge to run.”
They all protested, but I remembered how low everyone had felt in the tunnel the last time we had been there. It had to be worse now, and I wasn’t taking any chances.
“You’ll take the rear,” I repeated.
Rumble nodded, and before anyone could stop me, I headed to the mouth of the tunnel with Dubh. I drank in the sunshine and tried to remember how happy Scarlet made me. We would need to remember inside the tunnel.
“Just think of happy things,” I said, stalling. “When you feel like killing the person in front of you, just think of a memory that makes you feel good and concentrate on that until we come out the other side.”
I took a deep breath.
“We can do this,” Dymphna said.
“I know,” I said. “We should just get through it as quickly as possible.”
I gripped the reins, and Dubh walked right into the tunnel. We all held lit torches, but the light couldn’t penetrate the darkness no matter what we did. The shadows twisted and darkened. I urged Dubh to step as quickly as possible through the narrow tunnel, and I tried to take my own advice. As misery crept across my skin—a clammy sensation that made me instantly depressed—I thought of my daughter and the happiness I felt when I first saw her face and the joy of holding her and watching her smile. It helped through the first part of the tunnel, but I was surprised by how many times the face of a golden-haired king popped into my mind, too.
Chapter Sixteen
My torch died. As if by the same gust of wind, so did everyone else’s.
“Just keep following me,” I said. “Dubh will lead the way.”
The others were so silent that I was afraid they weren’t there anymore. Looking back wouldn’t help because the cave was pitch-black and suffocating. It tasted like mould and felt like drowning. I knew all about drowning; I had almost accomplished that often enough.
Brendan started to hum a song that had been on my mp3 player. It seemed ridiculous in a blighted cave underground on the Darkside of the faery realm. I burst into nervous giggles.
“Really, Cara?” Drake said.
I heard the amusement in his voice, and my edgy nerves relaxed another inch.
“Sorry.” My anxiety switched off as the giggles took over. And I knew exactly what to do. I pictured Scarlet in my arms, and I sent that feeling outward. It echoed against the walls and shrouded all of us.
“What are you thinking about?” Brendan asked, a strange note to his words.
“Scarlet, and her little face, and her little fingers, and her little chubby arms, and her little legs, and her little—”
“We get it,” Bran said dryly.
“And that patch in her hair is adorable. I don’t care what anyone says. And her funky little eyes.” My voice died away as I remembered that the person who had given her those eyes was three horses behind me. “Anyway, I was thinking about her.”
“What else?” Drake asked, his voice almost choked up.
Hesitating, I held on to the reins a little tighter. “She still has a baby smell. I can’t get enough of it. I sniff her hair all the time. It’s so weird, but she smells so good, like… like home.”
“Where is home?” Brendan murmured.
I smiled in the dark. “Wherever she is. Once, back when we were staying in my grandparents’ house, it was warm, so we went to the beach. And every time she touched the sand, she would screw up her nose like it was the grossest thing ever, but then she’d try to eat it a second later. And the water was kind of cold, but we went paddling, just where the waves lapped in, and she kept making this squealing sound whenever the water touched her toes. Anya was panicking because she thought Scarlet was crying, but she was laughing. It was like… she was so excited and nervous about the water that she couldn’t get the laughter out quite right.”
“I once brought Eithne to a zoo,” Dymphna said. “With my husband. He said every child goes to the zoo, so we went, and it was awful. The animals were so depressed that I thought about setting them free.”
I burst out laughing again. “Did you go to the farm?”
“Yes. It was very odd. Did you know there’s a fake cow there?”
“I’ll have to take Scarlet when she’s a bit older.”
r /> “That’s what I liked about the human realm,” Dymphna said wistfully. “Parents do things with their children. They don’t send them away or ignore them. They expect to love them, and they try to make them happy. When Eithne hugs me, I feel like something inside of me is melting, and I want to do whatever I can to make her happy.”
“There are so many fun places to take them,” I said. “We should take the girls on trips to the human realm and bring Setanta.”
“Isn’t it lovely and warming how we’re not invited,” Brendan said, but I was too interested in the sudden light ahead of us to care.
“We’re here,” I said eagerly. “That was quicker than I remembered.” I reached the entrance first, eager to get into the sunshine.
The Watcher rose from his seat on a fallen branch and tipped his cap at me. “Here at last. I’ve been waiting all day.”
***
The Watcher’s house was just as I remembered it. The Wife ran around making sure everything was just so for our dinner. The pale-pink twin pixies giggled and fluttered their eyelashes at the men. The Watcher’s hound snored in front of the fire.
“How did you know we were coming?” I asked, digging into the stew as if I hadn’t eaten in days.
“The birds.” The Watcher winked. “They tell us many stories. How is Líle?”
“She’s slowly getting better.”
“Maybe someday, she’ll be herself again,” he said. “She suffered, that one. But she had the strength of will to hold on when others would have given up.”
“Does she still have the other memories?”
“She'll always have them.”
A shiver ran down my spine. Líle knew more than she let on.
“You know why we’re here then,” Brendan said, “and why we came to you.”
“You want to know about the rift.” The Watcher puffed on his pipe, much to the Wife’s consternation. “And I’ll tell you as soon as you’re done eating. Wife, leave them be.”
He went into the living room. The Wife grabbed the pixies by the ears to lead them out of the kitchen.
A scream sounded in the distance, and Bran jumped.
“It’s okay,” I said. “You’ll get used to it. It’s just the Hauntings.”