“Everything has changed,” Drake said. “I sometimes wonder what would have happened if we hadn’t taken that journey.”
I looked over my shoulder, but the others were out of earshot. “What do you mean?”
“I would be king of the realm. Sadler wouldn’t have had a chance to get branded. I wouldn’t have married… who I married.”
“But Brendan would be stuck in the Fade.”
“Brendan,” he said bitterly. “The one who always wins.”
“He’s suffered,” I said, surprised by the anger in his eyes.
“And he’s been slowly taking everything from me since he returned.”
“You took a chunk of his kingdom,” I said. “And his banshee. And his daoine sídhe. He hasn’t taken anything from you.”
“If you can’t see what he’s doing, then you’re a fool.”
“You always want to blame other people. Have you ever stopped to think about everything you’ve given away?”
I rode on, desperate to be away from him and my complicated feelings toward him. Sometimes I hated him so much, and then I felt guilty because of Scarlet. His sadness made me feel guilty when I warmed to Brendan or when I was happy or when I got to have the things he hadn’t wanted. It was easier to never be around him. I worried he might never stop warping everything I felt just by his presence.
I slowed at the mouth of the Hollows. The twin mountains rose up around me. Every time we had passed through them, we had been attacked. There was nothing but death at the Hollows, and that had to change. I stepped onto the path on my black faery horse, wearing my black riding clothes, and I held my head high. The Hollows belonged to my family now, and I had nothing to be scared of. But there were still eyes in the pockets scattered across the mountains. The Hollow Hills was a hiding place for pathetically deformed creatures who had been transformed by the blight, although now they saw me as their leader. It was probably too late to save them from their fate, but I could stop the same thing from happening to anyone else. I thought of Scarlet and Setanta and Marie’s limp baby. Never again would the children of the Darkside be forgotten.
I called out to whomever was left, “There’s food at the castle. Tell them I sent you.” But even as I said it, I knew they wouldn’t go. And nobody wanted to see what Sadler had done. I would have to force myself to look at them.
I was halfway through when the others caught up. I halted Dubh and waited for them. A whisper sounded across the hills, but it died down when Rumble reached my side. We carried on in single file, each court represented, and we reached the end unmolested.
“Well,” Brendan said when we were clear. “That was a first.”
“We can camp nearby,” I said as the first peek of a lilac moon began to appear. “It’s late.”
We settled down in a place where I had camped before. It was seemingly untouched by the blight, but when we made a fire from wood we found close by, a tart smell rose from the black and sticky embers.
I made sure to sit next to Bran, who was still looking shell-shocked. “You doing okay?” I asked as I passed him a cup of tea.
He nodded, staring into the fire. He wrapped his fingers around the cup. “I’ve never felt anything like it.” He looked at me as though for the first time. “Thank you.”
“There are some advantages to having a human around on the Darkside,” I said with a smile.
“You heard the Watcher,” Brendan said, eyeing us over the fire. “We were meant to be as one. It’s no coincidence that humans have borne the fae some of the strongest offspring.”
I couldn’t stop myself from glancing at Drake when I heard that.
“If it wasn’t for Cara, we would never have made it past the Black Marshes,” Dymphna said.
“If it wasn’t for Cara, we wouldn’t have journeyed to the Fade at all,” Drake said, in the same bitter tone he had spoken with earlier.
Brendan raised his cup. “Then I am grateful that humans are the most loyal creatures in the realm.”
“Apart from sprites and brownies,” I said.
He laughed. “And the occasional special pixie.”
“To humans,” Bran said. “For… the things they can do that we cannot.”
“Shut up now.” I was grinning. “We can’t even do proper magic.”
“Magic is overrated.” Brendan sounded as if he might even mean it. “So,” he added after a moment, “where do we go first?”
“The Guardian kind of found me last time,” I said. “I was on the run from what I think were clurichaun, and I kind of bumped into him. But he took Brighid’s flower from me and planted it by his tree. If we can find the flowers, we’ll find him. If not, we can just ask every tree we pass.”
“Why do I get the feeling she’s being serious?” Dymphna asked.
“Because she is,” Rumble said. “It will be a long journey.”
“Wouldn’t it be great if the first trees happened to be right next to the stone?” I yawned. “Where does this Yvette person live anyway?”
Brendan raised his brows. “This Yvette person lives at the very corner of the realm, a place that wasn’t even liveable in my day. Her entire clan lives there, and they’ve built up quite a fortress to protect themselves.”
“How come nobody knows them?”
“They are a private people.” But a glimpse of uncertainty crossed his face.
“There used to be a library there,” Bran said. “I remember hearing stories of it as a child.”
“The tower,” Brendan said. “I had half forgotten it. It was huge, more like a temple than a tower. It housed artefacts and ancient books.”
I perked up. “A perfect place to keep a legendary treasure. And those old stories about the treasures.”
Brendan shrugged. “One would hope. But it’s a library no longer. They may have kept everything in the library intact, but it’s a home now.”
“It sounds more like a kingdom,” Dymphna said. “A fortress, an army, a clan nobody really knows. Where did they come from? What bloodlines do they belong to? What kind of power do they have?”
“The lineage consultant assured me that they've been rooted there for a long time. They’ve established themselves. They have wealth and power and a fertile piece of land.” He frowned again. “But it wasn’t fertile before. I remember visiting once with my parents. We were on a tour of the realm, and my mother wanted us to see the library.”
“What was it like?” Drake asked.
“The land was a rock in the middle of the ocean. I remember thinking it looked as though someone had arbitrarily pinned it there. It didn’t seem like a part of the realm. One foot in a certain direction, and you found yourself in a permanent thunderstorm. The sea lashed against the rocks as if trying to destroy it. I don’t know how the library could have been built because we had to walk up uneven steps cut in the rock to reach the building. It was almost like a lighthouse. My mother told me that on a clear day, you could see the entire realm from the top of the library. That was why it was so special. But it was perched there, as though it could topple over at any time, and I thought it was a terrible place to house the realm’s most prized possessions.”
“What was inside?” I asked.
His eyes glazed over. “I don’t remember.”
I didn’t believe him, but I didn’t push the issue.
“How could a thriving clan survive on a rock?” Rumble asked.
“That was a long time ago,” Brendan said. “Most of the land has changed. Perhaps my memories of the old maps are wrong.”
“How will we know where to look?” Bran asked. “How will we even know if we see this stone of destiny?”
“In the old tales my people tell,” Dymphna said, “the treasures disguise themselves from those seeking power and show themselves to those on a noble quest.” She smiled. “This is a rather noble quest. Perhaps the treasures will make themselves obvious.”
“The spear didn’t show itself to me as anything but a piece of wood,” I
said.
“Then why did you use it on Deoard?” Drake asked.
“It’s hard to describe.” I frowned as I thought back. “I was drawn to this little jewellery box. There were bits of crap inside, and I just felt like it was important. When I touched the stick, I felt strange, and then I saw it.” I held out my hand and flexed my fingers. “I left a black handprint, and the wood just soaked it up.”
That sparked another memory I had forgotten. “Ronnie once told me that the fae’s greatest treasures look plain and ordinary. That they keep their weaknesses close. I got it into my head that Sadler was keeping the stick for a reason, so I took it. And when he noticed, he freaked out. Bekind hid it for me, and Sadler went on a rampage around the castle. He thought Ronnie had taken it, I think. She was living in the castle because he was letting her torture Deorad. She thought I was having her child. It was really weird. Anyway, when Sadler sought her out, she was already gone. That’s how I knew the stick was important. And it had to have something to do with Deorad or he wouldn’t have gone crazy looking for Ronnie.”
“Maybe the spear didn’t want him to find it,” Bran said.
I shivered to think of the little wooden stick having a mind of its own.
That night, I slept between Rumble and Bran. Away from the court, all of the separation rules had melted away, and we were back to camping together like seminormal people.
I dreamt I was in Brighid’s garden again. Three women were running and giggling as I chased them. “Wait!” I called out. “I can’t remember the rules!”
A hand on my shoulder froze me to the spot. I couldn’t see the women anymore.
“The stone,” one of them whispered into my ear.
“The sword,” the second said from somewhere behind me.
“The cup,” the third said from my feet.
I couldn’t move anything but my mouth. “There’s a spear,” I said. “You forgot the spear.”
“You already know it,” they said as one. “It’s already ours. Three more, and then it’s done.”
“Then what’s done?” I asked, but I already understood in the dream.
“The power will be ours, and you will choose your reward.”
I suddenly realised I wasn’t alone in the garden. There was someone else hearing the same instructions.
“The child?” the new voice said. “That’s all it will take?”
“Everything we want will be ours.”
I blinked, confused. Had they ever been talking to me?
“No,” a voice whispered in my head. The other conversations looped as if on repeat, but the voice in my head was different. It spoke only to me. “No,” was all it said. “No, no, no, no, no…”
I sat up straight, my heart racing. Screw the faery realm and the messed-up dreams it gave me.
“Bad dream?” Brendan asked from the fire.
My mind cleared as I looked around me. Camp. Right. Everyone was asleep but Brendan.
“Want some tea?” he asked, giving me a curious look.
Nodding, I climbed over Bran’s wings and joined Brendan at the dying fire.
“It’s late,” I said.
“Did you dream?”
“I think so. It was weird. It didn’t make sense.”
“There must be something in the air out here that gets into our minds without us realising.” He handed me the cup. “I dreamt of your hounds. Those animals were growing before my eyes, I could swear it.” He glanced at me. “It was a good gift.”
“You gave me a good gift, too.”
“I had another at first, but it didn’t seem appropriate. Although when I heard of the cú sídhe, I wished I had stayed with my original idea.”
“What was the gift?”
The corner of his mouth lifted. “Perhaps I’ll give it to you in the future instead.”
“You didn’t need to give me anything. But I appreciated it. I thought maybe you wouldn’t show up to the ceremony.”
“We’ve all come too far to give up on one another now.”
I took a sip of hot tea and burned my mouth. I looked at Brendan. He was in a pensive mood. “Are you looking forward to seeing Yvette again?”
“That’s an odd question.” He didn't meet my eye.
“It sounded pretty normal to me.”
“Odd for you to ask.”
“They told me what will happen if you marry her, and what will happen if you don’t.”
His lips pressed together in a line before he replied, “I’m sure they did.”
“You told the lineage consultant that you would never marry.”
“I did. And I meant it then.”
“But not now?”
“You must have learned by now that a crown is a prison,” he said softly. “My decisions and actions have to come from a place that is good for the realm and for my kingdom before I do what's good for me personally.”
“None of us want to be miserable forever. Your parents loved each other, didn’t they?”
“They did, and they kept it a secret as much as possible. It was a badly kept secret, to be fair, and it was why the realm was eager for them to move on despite their popularity. They thought I would be a better king because I was the heartless one. How foolish I was instead.”
“Do you think they regretted anything?”
“No,” he said. “They were so consumed with each other that it became harder for them to rule. They wanted to consider each other’s feelings before the realm, and that couldn’t be allowed. Even I thought ill of them, the sentimental pair. Sometimes, I think I felt left out, and that made me… opposed to their way of life. I didn’t understand.”
“Marriage sounds terrifying either way.”
“At last, we agree on something.” He took my hand. “And I’m sorry you’re the one with experience.”
I squeezed his hand. “Marriage is pretty bad when you hate each other. There’s never a moment when you can be content or feel safe. At least, if you trust the person, you have someone you can talk to who will listen to you.”
“Will you ever forget how badly Sadler treated you?”
“I don’t think I should forget it. If I forget, I might turn into him.”
“That would never happen. Your conscience is too loud.”
I stared at the rings on my finger. “Even before I knew about the fae, I knew marriage wasn’t for me. Having to spend so much time with another person—I imagined I would turn into my mother, lose my identity completely.” I sucked in a breath. “And the rest.”
“You would never let anyone hurt Scarlet.”
I was the only one hurting people lately. Brendan looked depressed, and I wanted so badly for him to smile again.
“People don’t fall in love straight away.” I avoided his questioning gaze. “Sometimes, it builds up over the years and kind of creeps up on you.”
“Does it?” he asked softly.
“Maybe, if you married her, that would happen for you. Maybe you would learn to love each other, and it wouldn’t be so bad. What’s good for the realm could be good for you, too.”
“Is that what you really think?”
No.
“I’m going to bed. I’m tired.” I leaned over to kiss his cheek. “You deserve to be happy. You’ve earned it. That’s what I really think. If marrying her would make you happy, then I’ll be the first to wish you luck.”
I didn’t look over to see his reaction because I was too busy hiding mine.
Chapter Eighteen
Two days later, we found ourselves still fruitlessly searching the Great Forest for a flower that didn’t seem to exist. Brendan and Drake decided to lead us to the place where they'd found me after my solo adventure.
“You must have some idea,” Brendan said. “Look around. Does anything look familiar?”
“Everything’s been looking familiar for the last two days,” I said. “Let’s just walk and see if anything… let’s just go.”
“The Guardian may not want to
be found,” Dymphna said as we walked on foot, leading the horses behind us.
“If the forest dies, where does that leave the Guardian?” I asked. “He has to want to help us.”
But there was no sign of him or his tree spirits all morning.
“It’s too hot to walk anymore,” I complained.
Drake stretched out his silvery wings. “We’ll stop as soon as we come upon a good place for the horses to drink.”
By mid-afternoon, we were all done. We rested until the day grew cooler. We ate then relaxed, and the only sounds were the leaves rustling in the trees and the lapping of water. But there was something in the atmosphere that reminded me of the Darkside.
“I can feel it.” My voice was loud in the relative silence. I sensed the others turning to me, but I stayed on the ground, staring up at the patches of sunshine and green. “It feels like the Darkside. The blight is here.”
“I feel it, too,” Bran said. “It reminds me of that tunnel.”
“It’s not that bad yet up here,” I said, “but anything that lives underground must be suffering. Although the Watcher said that water and air were weakening. Maybe we’re breathing in the blight and drinking it.”
“He also said a stick was made of fire,” Bran said. “Am I the only one who sees how little sense that makes?”
“It’s figurative fire,” Dymphna said. “The kind that can burn the blight from your body without a flame.”
“We need to find the Guardian,” Drake said, sounding frustrated. “Are you sure you met him, Cara?”
“He called himself the Guardian, and he came out of a tree. What more do you want? I gave him the flower, and he sent me to find you. They’re listening.”
“Who?” Dymphna asked.
“The trees.” I lay back down. “They’re always listening, and they talk to each other.” I closed my eyes. The rustling sounded more like whispers, echoes of words we had said to one another. “If we wait, someone will come. We’ll help each other. Everything will work out.”
“I think she’s had too much sun,” Drake said. “Or someone slipped her some wine.”
“Smartarse.”