“How did you get here?” Gran asked.
“We have no food, so we set up a path between the realms so we can buy what we need. We snuck away through the same path today.”
“I don’t understand,” Granddad said. “What does any of this even mean? Are you coming home?”
“No,” I said softly. “I can’t come home. Not now. They need me. I’m… their queen now.”
“But you’re just…” Gran shook her head. “I was going to call you a child. You’re anything but a child.”
“Because I’m considered a serial killer in the human realm?” Sadler hadn't been my first victim.
A gasp escaped her lips. She couldn’t look at me then, and I felt a twinge of regret for shocking her. It was so much easier to judge myself—and forget the brutality of the courts—when I was safe in the human realm. Away from the faery realm, it was harder for me to justify the things I'd done. But I was already on this path. I couldn’t veer off, or all would be lost.
“Scarlet is our princess,” Vix said huffily. “Cara couldn’t leave with her even if she wanted to.”
A shiver ran down my spine. That was too true. “Somebody needs to take charge, and I’ve survived, so it’s me.”
“You’re a queen,” Granddad said slowly. “In the faery realm. This is madness, Cara.” But he laughed, and that set me off into nervous giggles.
“I know. It’s crazy. But that’s how things stand. There’s going to be an official ceremony soon. I would invite you, but… it’s too dangerous. For all of us. I can’t have people I care about around me because they’ll just be at risk. Scarlet’s in so much demand that she’s safe.”
“Are you safe?” Granddad asked.
“It doesn’t matter as long as Scarlet is,” I said firmly.
“You can’t stay there forever,” Gran said. “Not forever.”
“I’m going to ride out this storm and figure out what to do from there,” I lied. I couldn’t imagine returning to the human realm for good and losing all of the magic and madness forever. Even sitting in that little house, I ached to go back. It would feel like going home.
“You would leave?” Vix began in a huff.
“Vix,” Rumble said warningly. “Enough.”
Vix glared at me.
“I’m not planning anything either way,” I said. “We don’t know what’s going to happen.”
We stuck to safer subjects after that.
“What happened when you left?” I asked Zoe.
“I don’t remember much,” she said.
“She had another episode on the way,” Líle explained. “She was delirious. When we came back to the human realm, she calmed. We took her here because… well, questions.”
“Yeah, I get that,” I said. “No episodes since?”
Zoe shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. “Nightmares sometimes. Are you leaving Scarlet with us?”
I shook my head. “I can’t. It’s too dangerous to do that right now.”
“It’s a pity she can’t have the best of both worlds,” Zoe said.
I sank deeper into the chair. “Maybe someday.”
“I’m going to return to the faery realm. I’ll join you in the Dark Court as soon as I tie things up here,” Líle said. “I should have come already, but…” She glanced at Zoe. “I swore to protect Scarlet, and I will continue to do that.”
“You swore to do that while you ran with her. That’s over now.”
“It’s just beginning,” Líle said. “You need people you can trust around you.”
I ran my hands over my face. “I don’t know. It could be risky. For you, I mean. You’ve worked for both kings. People could get the wrong idea about you now.”
“Let them.” Her eyes sparked and glistened with fire, and a knot I hadn’t realised was still in my chest loosened a little. I needed a familiar face in the Darkside.
“Are you sure?” I whispered.
She reached out and squeezed my shoulder. “I made an oath of my own. You may not realise it, Cara, but the promise you persuaded me to make saved my life. I know how things work in the Silver Court. You need all the friends you can get.”
“They’ll call her a spy,” Vix said loudly.
“It’s none of your business.” Rumble nodded at Líle. “They’ll see you protecting the child. That will be enough for them.”
Zoe squeezed my hand. “I can’t say I wish I was going back there, but I do wish you could stay here. Don’t leave it so long next time. Come back to me, okay?”
I wrapped my arms around her and relished the contact. Zoe was human and full of love. There were no agendas. She cared about me and Scarlet, no matter what I did. “I’m sorry about everything. You will always be my best friend, Zo. You’ll always be…” I hiccupped a sob.
Zoe held me tighter. “I know. I’m sorry if I sounded like I was judging you in the faery realm. I never got the chance to tell you that. I just worry about you, but it was never my business. I shouldn’t have made you feel guilty for doing the best you could in the circumstances. You’re right. It’s a different world, and you have to do different things to survive.”
“No, you were right.” I pulled back and wiped a tear. “You know me better than anyone. I’m too much of a coward to ever put my trust in…” I squeezed my eyes shut. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m just glad you’re safe.”
She held my face in her hands, her blue eyes glistening with tears of her own. “Don’t forget who you are,” she whispered. “Remember how far you’ve come by being yourself. Don’t let them believe you have to be cruel. Don’t forget to feel.”
“But the mirror, Zoe.”
“Fuck the mirror! It showed you an image, but maybe it was a metaphor. Maybe it showed how you'll end up if you keep blocking off your feelings. Maybe what you saw is just a possibility of how you could end up on the inside when you don’t let yourself feel.”
I pressed my face against her shoulder, trying not to fall apart completely. She would always know what to say to make me feel better. She would always anchor me to a world that was real. I needed that for Scarlet, too. I had to find a way.
“We need to get back,” Vix said.
I knew she was right. We said our goodbyes, and I tried to control my sudden homesickness.
“I’ll check the perimeter before we leave,” Rumble said.
I nodded and turned away from my grandparents to wipe my eyes. When I cleared my vision, I saw Vix staring at me. “What?” I asked.
“It’s just that—”
The clash of swords drew our attention. “Líle, stay here,” I cried as Vix and I ran outside. And then I stopped short in surprise.
Rumble was wielding his sword against a familiar faery king on my grandparents’ grass.
“What the hell is going on?” I demanded. But both men were too concerned with attempting to lop each other’s heads off to pay any attention to me. Brendan’s red-gold hair shone as he whirled around Rumble, faster than my bodyguard but not as bulky. With alleged giant’s blood in his heritage, Brendan was taller than every man I knew, barring Rumble, and they appeared to be a good match.
Vix yawned and leaned against the wall. “I wouldn’t have run so fast if I'd known it was him.”
“Vix, help me stop them!”
“Why?”
Brendan jumped into a somersault and landed in a crouch, avoiding the swinging of Rumble’s sword. Both men were large, but Rumble was broader. Brendan spun and swung, but Rumble parried.
“Stop it!” I called out.
“They’ll get bored eventually,” Vix said, sounding uninterested.
But Brendan’s eyes were gleaming with bloodlust, and Rumble wasn’t holding back. The fight continued for less than a minute. Then Rumble drew blood, and that provoked an intensified reaction from Brendan. I watched in awe as he moved faster than I had ever seen. There was something raw and frenzied about it all.
“You’re enjoying this,” Vix said in disgust.
/>
I glanced at her long enough to show my disapproval. By then, Brendan was swinging harder, faster, and more aggressively than before. Rumble parried again, and they struggled, pushing sword against sword.
“That’s enough!” I shouted, getting too close to them.
Rumble knocked Brendan’s arm, and his sword came close to my chest, slicing a tiny slit in the fabric. I gasped in alarm, feeling every nerve ending go on alert. My skin prickled at the sensation.
Rumble disarmed Brendan, but the king pounded the top of Rumble’s helmet. It cracked, and Rumble stumbled backward.
Brendan ignored him and searched me for injuries. “Did I cut you?”
With a huff of frustration, I shoved him away. “You big bully! Leave him alone.”
“Him?” Brendan gestured at his bleeding arm. “The lunatic cut me.”
“He defended his queen. You’re lucky you still breathe.” Vix spoke lazily, but one look at her told me she was cowed.
“Why are you here?” I asked. “Why are you fighting my bodyguard?”
“He’s your bodyguard?” Brendan looked Rumble up and down. “Humph. A good choice.” He settled his gaze on me then, and I got caught up in memories of events that felt as though they had occurred a century ago. “I told you I would protect your family. Someone is always watching. When I heard you were here, I thought I would… make sure nothing was wrong.”
“I’m not running away, if that’s what you thought,” I said. “I just wanted to make sure everyone was okay here.”
“The child is here.”
I shrugged. “We snuck out.”
“You’re someone else’s problem now. I had almost forgotten.” His eyes narrowed, that bloodlust still firing. I had to calm him down if I wanted to talk to him properly.
I turned to look at the others. “Give me a minute, please. Inside. I’ll be fine.”
Rumble hesitated for only a second before shoving Vix toward the door. When they were inside, I turned to Brendan.
“I thought… I don’t know. I thought I’d have heard from you,” I said, trying to hold his gaze.
His green eyes roamed my face. “And I thought we'd said all we had to say. In my court, I’ve been busy dealing with the aftermath of your little display with Sadler. What you did actually affects my people, Cara, and you put a dent in their faith in me.”
“I’m sorry!”
He looked startled. “I’m usually the one apologising.”
“I didn’t plan the way it went down. I didn’t plan on being a queen or regent or whatever the hell it is I am now.”
He ran his hands through his hair. “You didn’t trust me to protect you.”
“You told me not to trust you. You warned me I was forgettable, that you would never want to keep me.”
“I said that when—”
“It doesn’t matter! I can’t take that risk for Scarlet. I can’t. I have to know she’s safe, and the only way I can do that is to give myself an advantage in the faery realm.”
“This obsession has clouded your already-selective memory,” he said, frowning. “You remember the bad and never the good.”
Obsession. That had always been my problem. I latched on to ideas that I thought would fix problems, make me happy, and change the world around me. I always aimed for goals that were out of my reach. Even my human friends used to joke about “Cara’s latest obsession.” I had been obsessed with Drake making things right, and lately couldn't stop thinking about Scarlet’s safety. Brendan was right. He had given me more reasons to trust him than not, but I hadn’t been brave enough to rely on him. More than that, I was terrified of being hurt by him because that would mean losing him.
“Drake would have been more powerful than you,” I said, panicking. I had seen in a strangely quick flash that I didn’t want Brendan to hate me. Ever. And his mood had clearly soured since I'd seen him. “He would have used that.”
“You’re angry with him,” he said slowly. “That’s understandable.”
“What? That’s not it! Didn’t you hear him?” I seethed with anger at the memory of Drake offering to spare Sadler. “He would have taken it all, just to be more powerful than you. That was more important to him than even killing Sadler.”
“He claims it was a trick to force Sadler to end his deals peacefully with this god. In fact, he says that you ruined his plan to the extent that you may have cursed us all.”
My hands shook. Had I made a mistake? “No, he… no! I saw it in his eyes. He would have killed for that power. He would have done whatever it took, including saving the man who would have turned him against you.”
“Don’t pretend this act was all for me. Don’t play with me like that. Not again.”
And then I realised: he thought the feelings I had projected when I kissed him had been a lie.
“If you imagine I wasn’t thinking about you when…” I touched his arm, and he winced. “I forgot you were hurt,” I said, losing track of my argument. “Can I help?”
“I’ll survive.” He gripped my arms. “But will you?”
I relaxed at his touch. “I’m trying to.”
“Look at you—always able to tell us what we need to hear.” His sudden laugh was harsh. “Always the survivor.”
“It’s not my fault. I didn’t want any of this, Brendan, and you know that.”
“I bring a powerless human into my home who not only has a child by one king but marries and murders another and then steals his throne. Do you truly believe anyone suspects that this was not your plan all along?”
“Sadler forced me. You know what he did to me. How can you talk like I wanted any of that to happen?”
His expression remained hard. “Does it matter? Do you think my court will ever trust you now? The great manipulator. From nothing to a queen. How she must laugh at the Green king’s naivety.”
“Brendan, stop this. Stop acting like we’re not friends.”
He let out a sharp breath. “Friends. Is that what we are, Cara?”
“You know the truth.” I took his hands. “You know who I am in the ways that count. And I know who you are.”
“Do I? Do I know who any of you really are underneath?” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Or am I just outmanoeuvred by a…” He shrugged off my touch. “I hope you don’t get yourself killed, Cara. I really do.”
A lone tear rolled down my cheek as I felt another friend slip through my fingers.
He brushed it away from my cheek without hesitation, but he dropped his hand just as quickly. A sharp pain shot through my chest. I had experienced an instant attraction to Drake, but Brendan and I had developed what I thought might be a true friendship. And then I had ruined it.
But I couldn’t let go so easily. “Please come to the ceremony. Please be there for me, Brendan.”
“Goodbye,” he whispered. He turned to walk away.
“I miss you,” I called out after him.
He hesitated for just a second, and then he was gone.
Chapter Four
The androgynous twin emissaries, Caellan and Fallon, returned to court and were met with a different kind of chaos. They looked bewildered as they were invited to join me at a table. The new thrones weren’t finished yet, and I didn’t see the point of looking down on people anyway—I had decided sitting across from people at a table was a better way to deal with the crowds.
Almost identical, the fae before me were slight and slender with a rich cocoa colouring to their skin. I wasn’t sure if I could trust them, but before Grim knew who they were, he had remarked on how good they were at their jobs. For now, that was enough for me.
“We did as you said,” Caellan, the one with the mole under his left ear, announced. “We separated and personally invited the kings and their trusted subjects to the ceremony.”
“And the daoine sídhe?”
“She’s in the Silver Court with her daughter. She accepted the invitation.”
“Okay, tell me what happened
when you approached the kings. Green Court first.”
Fallon’s shimmering wings twitched. “I was the one who met with the Green King. He saw me in his study, as a matter of fact.”
“And who was with him?”
Fallon arched a brow before answering. “A brownie and the bodyguard-turned-general. I heard rumours that they are his trusted pair and that he will see nobody without them.”
I resisted the urge to bite my fingernails. “So, what did he say?”
“I gave my speech, and he graciously listened. He then thanked me, and bade me to thank you, for the invitation.”
“But did he say yes? Is he coming?”
Fallon hesitated. “He said he would send his reply in due course.”
“He didn’t say no.”
“He didn’t say yes, either.”
“What does that mean?” I asked, frustrated.
“I assumed he wished to assess the risk with his trusted advisers.”
I nodded as though I weren’t disheartened. “That makes sense. How were you received?”
“Very well. I was fed and given a room for the night. It was more than adequate. I met up with my brother the following morning.”
“How did the court itself react to you?”
He inhaled deeply. “They were neither rude nor friendly.”
“How was the Silver Court?”
“A strange experience,” Caellan said. “I was received in a large hall in what was once the Unseelie castle. The king and queen do not sit close to each other. Some subjects go to the king. Others plead to the queen. She sits with the leanan sídhe while the king sits with the daoine sídhe. The court, including the leanan sídhe, openly mocked me.”
I groaned at my ancestor’s rudeness. “I’m so sorry. Donella’s a megabitch.”
“Er… quite. The queen was embarrassed. The king sat very quietly until I finished my speech. He told me he would attend the ceremony. And then he picked one of his own subjects out to be made an example of.”
“An example?”
“For mocking me, my lady. He killed him in front of me, and for the first time, the queen moved to his side to join him. It was… ceremonial. They offered their own subject up as a sacrifice to their god.”