Dazed from the overwhelming sensations, I shook my head, trying to clear it as my feet touched the ground. Then the whole room was spinning.
No. I was. He turned me around, the tie tightening on my wrists as he moved me.
“Wiggle your fingers,” he ordered.
I blinked, confused.
“Can you move your fingers?” he asked.
I didn't bother trying to figure out why. I just wanted him to move things along. The need inside me was growing and if I didn't get some satisfaction, I knew I’d explode. As soon as my fingers moved, he fisted a hand in my hair and yanked my head back, sending needle-like tendrils of pain through my scalp, pain that merged with the heat inside me, fueling it.
“Are you wet yet?” he asked against my ear as he slid his free hand down my torso, my belly, between my legs. Without any warning, he pushed two fingers inside me. The sudden intrusion made me cry out and I tried to close my thighs, trap his hand until I adjusted.
He yanked harder on my hair and kicked my ankles apart, the movement forcing his fingers deeper inside me.
“You move when I say you move, or when I move you.”
He pumped his fingers into me and I shuddered. I was wet, but he wasn't easing me into this. Another stroke and I moaned.
“Say you understand.”
“I understand.” Then, because every inch of me was desperate, on fire, I added, “Fuck me already, dammit! I’m dying here.”
“Not yet. You don’t want it enough.”
I could almost hear the smile in the smug bastard's voice.
“How would you know?” I tried to push down on his hand, but I didn't have enough leverage.
He chuckled. “Because you’re not begging me.”
He kissed a path down my spine and I shuddered when I felt the edge of his teeth scrape over me, just above my butt. He fucked his fingers in and out of me, harder, deeper. I flinched when he slid the finger from his other hand between my cheeks.
“Have you ever had anal sex?”
I flushed, but answered honestly. “Sort of. My last boyfriend tried it.”
“Did you like it?” His thumb ran down the seam of my ass.
“No. It hurt and he stopped.” I didn't add that part of me had always wondered if that had been the real reason he'd broken up with me a few weeks later. “I don’t think he knew what he was doing. I know I didn’t.”
Ash slid his thumb forward and I tensed as he gathered the moisture from my pussy and dragged it back to where he circled my anus before doing it again and again. “I know what I'm doing. And you'll like it, Toni. Even when it hurts, you’ll like it.” He pressed his lips against my shoulder even as his thumb teased me. “I'm going to make you feel so good.”
Even though my stomach was churning with nerves, I didn't doubt he meant what he said...and that he could do it.
The fingers in my pussy kept up their steady rhythm even as his thumb began to apply pressure. I whimpered as he began to work his way past the tight ring of muscle. The muscles in my legs started to tremble as he finally penetrated my ass, pushing in and out in counterpoint to his fingers.
Relentless, he brought me teetering right to the brink before he stopped and I rocked against him, desperate. It wasn't enough. Hands bound and tied overhead, I could barely move. Without any conscious thought on my part, I did exactly what he said I would do.
I begged.
“Please, Ash. Please.”
He surged upright, his hands leaving me suddenly empty. I would've protested, but then his arm went around my waist to steady me. The next moment, he was inside me. He pinned me between his body and the wall, taking me hard and fast. His cock swelled, thicker, harder, his thrusts bruising. I could hardly breathe as he drove the air from my lungs.
I didn't care about anything except the feel of him moving, taking.
Who needed oxygen, really?
That satisfaction lasted approximately ten minutes before I was cursing him again.
“You're a bastard, Ash. You know that, right?”
He'd stopped, just shy of a climax that I knew would've redefined the word.
He’d fucking stopped.
And then he'd picked me up and tossed me, facedown, on the bed. In a matter of only a couple minutes, he hogtied me. My hands at the base of my spine, my feet to my thighs, and he’d even taken the time to braid my long hair and twist the end into the restraints. I was completely and utterly helpless, every cell in my body vibrating with the need for release.
He bent over me, one hand on the back of my neck. The soothing circles he was making with his thumb felt like it should have been at odds with the rest of what he was doing, but it felt more like a reminder that I could trust him to eventually give me what I needed.
“Are you asking me to stop? You remember your safe word. All you have to do is say it and we'll be done.”
I gritted my teeth. I knew he'd do it, knew he would stop if I said that simple word. He'd never force anyone to do something they didn't want to do. That, I knew, was the real question. What did I want?
I closed my eyes. I knew the answer. I'd always known the answer.
Him.
I wanted him.
“I won’t say it.”
He expelled a breath so faint that I almost didn't hear it. But there was no mistaking the twitch of the fingers on my neck and I suddenly realized that he'd been worried I was going to tell him to stop. Knowing how much he wanted me helped ease my anxiety and mentally prepare myself to accept whatever it was he was going to do next.
One cool, slick finger slid down the crevice between the cheeks of my ass. There was a faint, unfamiliar scent in the air, something I didn’t recognize until Ash began to stroke the entrance to my ass, and the cool, slick wetness began to warm. Lube. I gasped when the warming sensation spread everywhere he touched.
Clinically, I knew what he was doing, and clinically, it should have been enough to cool the fire raging inside me.
It didn’t.
Part of my brain reminded me what it had felt like before, how it had hurt, but another part reminded me that Ash would take care of me, that he'd make sure I felt good. That I could trust him with this part of me.
“I’m going to put my finger into your ass now.”
I groaned and tried to shove my face into the bedspread, but I couldn’t. Whatever he’d done with my hair had me completely and utterly trapped. My back and neck arched so that I couldn't hide my face. Then he was pushing inside me and I froze from the shock and the sensation. He pumped back and forth as my body tried to figure out if the intrusion hurt or not. He never gave me the time to reach a conclusion before adding a second finger. This time, I cried out at the burn as my muscles stretched. Fingers flexed on my hip as he held me in place, working the first two digits of his other hand in and out.
When I felt a third finger pressing against me, I tried to protest, “Ash, I don’t...”
“Don’t think, Toni,” he said roughly. “Either say the word or don’t. But don’t think. Feel.”
Suddenly, he brought his free hand down on the curve of my ass, lightly, and then harder, the sting and the burn mingling into an inferno. For an eternity, my world narrowed to the fingers pumping in and out of me, his palm hot against my skin. Pain and pleasure. Fire and flame.
Then he stopped.
Again.
While I gasped and shuddered, my brain and body trying to process the sudden loss, I felt the bed shift behind me. I tensed, understanding what was coming next. I tried to wiggle away, but he caught my hips.
“You know what you have to do if you want me to stop,” he said.
He paused for a moment and I knew he was giving me my chance to back out. If I said it, he'd stop and I'd never get this chance again. But if I didn't say it now, he was going to follow through.
Several seconds passed and I didn't say a word. My heart thudded against my ribcage and I knew that, right now, my silence was consent.
I f
elt the head of his cock against my entrance and he fisted his hand in my braid. As he yanked my head back, he drove his hips forward, pushing past the ring of muscle.
His voice was harsh in my ear. “You told me to do my worst. You said you could handle it. Handle me. Let's see, shall we?”
With a snap of his hips, he was balls-deep inside me and a scream tore from my throat. I squeezed my eyes closed, tears slipping out as he held himself locked inside me. His cock was thick, pulsing with his own need, but he stayed still as my body struggled to accommodate him.
Just when I thought I'd adjusted to the sensations, he withdrew. I sucked in a shaky breath and tried to brace myself. I could do this. I could take it until he was finished. I could give him what he needed.
Then he sank back inside.
But it wasn’t a deep, driving thrust, full of pain. It was slow and easy, drawing a whimper from me as the burn in my ass shifted to something different.
“You’re going to come,” he said, the word a deep, silken promise. He pulled my hair, the gesture rough, a sharp contrast to the almost gentle rolling motion of his hips. “You’re going to come, and then I’m going to ride your hot little ass until I explode. You hear me?”
“Yes,” I breathed the word. My hands closed into fists, then opened again. I'd never known I could feel this much.
He kept talking to me, promising pleasure, promising how good he was going to make me feel, how good I made him feel. The words blurred together until only the sound of his voice remained. Everything became a mix of heat and sensation, and pleasure rode the sharp edge of pain. I gasped out his name and struggled against the bonds, desperate for something, anything that would bring me closer to a climax that, only a few hours before, I would've said was impossible.
Then, without warning, it slammed into me and I screamed for the second time. Ash growled behind me as my muscles clenched, spasmed. So caught up in the sensations that rippled and shuddered through me, I was only dimly aware of his hips pummeling against me, his flesh slapping against mine. It should have hurt, and I had a feeling it would later.
But for now, it was the sweetest, most exquisite agony, the sort of pleasure that is painful in its own right simply because the body has no way to contain it all.
It was everything I’d been missing.
He'd kept his word.
Chapter 6
Ash
If I didn’t let myself think too much, I probably could've been the most satisfied I’d ever been in my life.
I’d had good sex before. I’d had partners who aligned with my needs in ways I hadn’t imagined possible.
But I'd never had anybody like Toni.
I never would've thought having someone who pushed and challenged me would be more satisfying than having a total Submissive, someone willing to automatically bend to my every whim.
It just went to show how much I knew.
Now, Toni was curled up against me, her hair damp from our shower, her skin smelling of my soap. It had taken every ounce of self-control I had not to take her again in the shower. For once, someone else's needs had come first. She'd been so tired and I knew she had to have been sore. She'd tried to hide it when I'd cleaned her, but I'd caught the little winces, the sharp intakes of breath. She'd practically been an anal virgin and I knew that, no matter how much I'd prepared her, I'd also been rough and she was going to feel it.
If I hadn't known how hard she'd come or seen the sleepy satisfaction on her face, I would've felt guilty for what I'd done. But I couldn't regret it, none of it. Not with the sound of that scream of pleasure still echoing in my ears. Not with my cock aching from how hard she'd clamped down on it when she'd come.
And definitely not with her tiny body curled against mine. She'd settled there as if she'd been made for it, her eyes closing almost immediately. Her breaths were soft and steady, and I tried to focus on them, let them lull me to sleep.
I tried not to think, but my brain didn't want to obey. Toni had helped me forget for a while, but I couldn't escape the thoughts forever.
Where was my sister?
I hadn’t heard from the kidnappers in days. Too many days. I didn’t let myself count them because if I did, I thought I might go insane.
But I knew it had been too long.
Had they already killed her?
But why? They'd asked for a ransom but hadn't given me a chance to pay it. And I would. I'd give them everything I owned as long as they gave her back.
Had something gone wrong?
Maybe she’d seen them and they’d decided it was too big a risk.
My gut clenched and I pressed my face into Toni’s hair, needing the feel of her to ground me.
I didn’t know what I’d do if something happened to my baby sister. For so long, she’d been my world. The beginning, middle and end. Even before our parents died, everything in my life revolved around keeping her safe and happy and now, without her in it...with the thought of a world without her in it, I felt like I’d been cut adrift. There was no focus and my world was just one giant, empty ocean.
I clutched Toni tighter. She made a small sound under her breath, but didn’t pull away. Instead, she covered my hands with hers and held mine in place. Her touch grounded me, steadied me. Made it so I could breathe again.
I inhaled the scent of Toni’s hair, focused on the feel of her body pressed to mine. But it wasn't the sensuality of her, the knowledge that, beneath my t-shirt, she was naked and that I could find comfort inside her. It was her presence, the fact that she held on with unwavering certainty to the belief that my sister would come home. It was knowing that she was here, that I hadn't driven her away.
With her in my arms, sleep came easier than I expected.
Dreams came even easier.
Isadora stood at the railing, staring out over the small private garden she’d designed and helped bring to life. She’d gotten down on her hands and knees and planted every single flower even though I’d told her she didn’t have to. We had staff for that, had hired landscapers to take care of everything, including the garden. She’d laughed and told me it wasn’t any fun if she couldn’t do the work.
She glanced over at me and smiled, the affection in her olive green eyes making my chest hurt. She tossed her thick black curls and turned her face up to the sun.
“You’re so serious, Ash. Why are you always so serious?”
“Why are you here?” I asked. Confused, I looked around. “How did you get home? Did the FBI find you?”
“Nope.” With her usual impish smile, she lifted a finger to her lips. “Shhhh...it’s a secret.”
“Are you...” I couldn't bring myself to say it, to ask it. If I gave it voice, then it could be true, and that was a truth I couldn't live with. “Where are you, Iz? Tell me.”
“I can't tell you because you don't know. This is a dream, silly.” She turned to face me. “You don’t think I’m really here, do you?”
“Then why...” I scowled.
“I’m just you, big brother. You never listen to yourself, but sometimes you listen to me. So your subconscious is pretending to me, hoping you’ll listen to yourself better if you're me.” She grinned.
“This is giving me a headache,” I growled, frustrated.
“Everything gives you a headache, Ash.” She shoved off the railing and took a step toward me. A few steps away, she flung herself into my arms, the way only Isadora would do. “Lighten up. Live a little.” Her expression grew serious. “Love somebody besides me.”
“Besides you my sister? Or besides you my subconscious?” I countered, not wanting to go where I knew she was heading.
She smacked me on the arm. “Don’t be a smartass.” She brought her hands up and cupped my face. “Life is too short to never let yourself have one real thing for yourself. That’s what Mom and Dad wanted for both of us. A happy life. Love. Don’t shortchange yourself.”
She held me for a moment longer, then let me go, turning to the short stone wall aga
in. She leaned over it...and leaned...and leaned.
And then she was falling.
I lunged for her despite the fact that I knew there was only a short drop into the garden. I reached for her, leaning over the wall myself.
Only there was no garden on the other side.
Just an empty, gaping void.
And she was gone.
I jerked upright.
Breath sawing in and out of my lungs, I looked around, trying to orient myself.
Toni was sitting too, staring at me, and I wondered if I'd called out my sister's name in my sleep.
The phone rang and I realized that had been what had pulled me out of my nightmare as much as that void. I gave myself a mental shake as I snatched up my phone. A glance at the clock said it was still well before dawn.
“This better be good.”
“And good morning to you too, Sunshine. I have news.”
I blinked, trying to place the voice. Finally, my sleep-dazed brain started to work and I made the connection. “Agent Marcum?”
Across from me, Toni stiffened at the name.
Then the agent's words registered.
I have news.
“Isadora,” I said, my voice stilted. The dream still loomed large in my head and all the fears I'd had in those last surreal moments came flooding back. It’s too late. I wasn’t good enough, fast enough, strong enough. I hadn't been able to protect her.
“Take a deep breath, big guy,” Marcum said, her voice gentler than it had been a moment ago. “We have your sister.”
“She’s...”
The word lodged in my throat as the words clicked.
We have your sister.
Have, not found.
Sister, not body.
I didn't even remember leaving the bed.
One moment I was sitting upright with the sheets pooled around my waist. Then I was standing. Toni clambered out of the bed, staring up at me, her eyes wide, face pale. Without even thinking, I reached for her and she twined her fingers with mine.
I forced myself to ask the question, but found I couldn't finish it. “Is she...?”