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Suddenly my perspective telescoped outward. A moment of vertigo as my head adjusted. I was climbing the Needle.
I saw the rock and heard my breath, and now I was aware of the sunlight, too, warm on my shoulders. It almost soothed the permanent throbbing along my neck and in my skull—almost.
The sun was warm, but the wind was cold, whipping against my legs. I realized they were bare. I wore my favorite old pair of cargo shorts.
A dream, then.
Smiling, I climbed faster. I couldn’t fall—this was a dream.
Carden was waiting for me, seated on the plateau near the top. I wondered for an instant why he was there if we were supposed to remain apart, but then I laughed, understanding. “Anything can happen. I’m just dreaming. ”
He smiled down at me, reached out his hand, and pulled me up and over to join him. “Anything can happen. ”
I sat and dangled my legs. They were so small in comparison to his muscular thighs, thick like tree trunks swathed in plaid wool.
“Wait, is that…is that a kilt?” The wind was cold on my smiling cheeks. “You didn’t wear that when you climbed. The wind…I would’ve noticed. ”
He leaned down, speaking close to my ear. “You’re saying you would’ve peeked up my plaid?”
The way he’d nudged his shoulder to mine set my heart pounding. I nodded to the preposterous scale of our legs, side by side. “I look so tiny, compared to you. ”
“You’re just right, compared to me. ” His broad hand covered my thigh, squeezed, warm on my chilled skin.
My body crackled to life. Thirst clawed me, and I rubbed my belly. Desire robbed my words. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came. I wasn’t good at this—not even in dreams.
“Do you know what your problem is, little flower?”
My problem? I pulled back to meet his eyes. “This is supposed to be my dream. ”
“Your problem is that you underestimate yourself. ”
“Oh, that. ” I sighed. “Some people think I overestimate myself. ”
“Those people are fools. ”
“You don’t mean it. This is just a dream. ”
He leaned closer until his face filled my vision. His eyes—they’d reminded me of honey, and in the daylight they looked golden. “Then we shouldn’t waste it talking. ” He fully cupped my chin and tilted up my face. He brought his mouth a whisper away from mine. “I’ve wanted to taste you again. If this were my dream, I’d not waste it talking. ”
I sank into the warmth of those eyes.
Carden was so close now, close enough to shelter me from the wind. Close enough to kiss. I could kiss him. I could fall into him, and what would it matter? After all, it was just a dream.
I wanted to kiss him. I’d wanted it ever since the moment our first kiss ended. This was just a dream, after all. It wouldn’t count.
“Just a dream,” I whispered. I closed the distance between us.
There was pounding. I gasped.
My heart?
Again, pounding. Was it the headache?
Carden faded. The rock disappeared.
Knocking. The sound was knocking.
Mei-Ling mumbled a complaint from the next bed. She was asleep, and we were in our dorm room. I was lying in bed, face crushed into my pillow.
I actually had been dreaming. Disappointment swamped me. Disappointment and need. If I ignored the knocking, could I fall asleep right back into the same moment? I needed to kiss him again, even if it was just in my dreams.
The person knocked again. That roused me. I quickly hopped from my bed. Whoever it was would wake the whole dorm and it’d be seen as my fault.
I swung open the door. “What the—”
A dark figure loomed in the doorway. The ambient moonlight made his eyes glow. Carden.
Stepping inside, he closed the door and pressed his body against mine. His voice was a hoarse rasp in the darkness. “You called me. ”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“What are you doing?” I shot a look at Mei, still sound asleep. I couldn’t risk her seeing us. “You’re going to get us in trouble. ”
He laughed quietly. It was a low, seductive sound. “Vampires don’t get in trouble. ”
Instantly, I became aware that all I wore was my nightgown. Granted, it was flannel and came below my knees, but still, I was braless, cold, and after that dream, feeling very, very vulnerable. “You were banging hard enough to wake the dead. ”
His eyes swept me from my head to my bare feet. “And you’re lovely enough to rouse them. ”
I hastily grabbed my fleece and zipped it up to my neck. “Well…it was too loud. ”
“I barely knocked at all. ” He raised a finger, pointing into the darkness. “Listen. ”
I paused. Sure enough, the dorm was utterly silent. It was the middle of the night. “I don’t get it. It was so noisy in the dream. ”
He took a step closer. “You dreamed of me?”
I stepped back, babbling nervously. “Why are you here anyway? Because you’re not supposed to be here. ” I shooed my fingers at him. “Turn around. ” I snatched my leggings from the edge of my bed and quickly stepped into them. I felt too exposed, though I feared clothing wouldn’t do much to rid myself of the feeling. “We’re not supposed to see each other. I thought we were…you know…severing. ”
“Are we truly?” He snuck a look, peering at me in the darkness. There was a question in his eyes. “Because you just summoned me. ”
“I can summon you?”
“It’s more that I felt your need for me. Felt your desire to preserve our bond. ”
Preserve the bond?
“I don’t,” I stammered. “Didn’t. ”
His lips peeled into a naughty smile. “Tell me about this dream. ”
It was fresh in my mind, how badly I’d wanted to kiss him. My body still wanted him, my blood pulsing hot just beneath the surface of my skin.
“Ah. Even now, I sense your desire. ” Inhaling deeply, he took my arm and gently tucked it in his. “What did we do in your dream?”
His proximity wasn’t helping the whole break-the-bond thing. I tugged my arm. “You should go before you wake Mei. ”
Because I did want to break the bond. Right?
He must’ve sensed my hesitation, because even though he let go of my arm, he gave me a wink. “You’re right, of course. We shouldn’t wake her. I’ll take you elsewhere, little turnip. ”
“Turnip?” I squeaked. “I thought little flower was bad. ”
He beamed. “In this dream, I called you little flower?”
I glared. “Maybe. ”
“Would you like me to call you little flower?”
“Of course not. ”
“Come with me, little flower. ”
I edged back. “I thought you wanted to stay apart. ”
“You wanted it. ” He stepped closer, only this time I didn’t step away—I was too mesmerized. He was focused only on me, his eyes hooded and so intense in the shadows. “I can stay away from you no longer,” he said in a husky whisper. “My need for you is too great. Your need is too great. ” He traced a single finger down my cheek. “I feel it calling to me across this island, all day and through the night. I’ll no longer bear it. I must take care of you. ”
Care. It sounded so good. Was that my secret desire? I was so tired and so alone. …But those weren’t good enough reasons to be with someone.
When I took too long to say anything, his expression turned grim. “You’re uncertain. ”
“I just don’t know if this is…right. ” The moment I said it, I felt how cold the room was.
“Please tell me, Annelise. And consider your answer well. ” He stood straight, and it put distance between us. “Do you wish to break from me? You have but to say the word and I will leave this island and we will be severed. ”
“You m
ean like a temporary thing, to break our bond?”
“More than temporary,” he said grimly.
“Would you come back?”
“I am done with Hugo and his kind. ”
“But where would you go?”
“There are places for such like me. ”
I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. “So you’re saying I wouldn’t see you again? Ever?”
He gave a solemn shake to his head. “You will not be bothered by me again. ”
It felt like the floor dropped from under me. But I made myself stand tall. I made myself consider it. I had to let my mind go there. I’d said I wanted to break the bond. This had been my idea.
Practical considerations occurred to me. “How would you, you know, feed?” If Carden was nothing to me, then why did my head fill with a flurry of random worries? His safety, his feeding.
He gave me a flat look, and I put up my hand, aghast. “Oh no, never mind. I take it back. Don’t answer that. ” The thought was too unbearable. Him with another girl. And Carden was charming and handsome—if we parted, there would be other girls.
If severing from him was really what I wanted, then why did the prospect make my heart hurt worse than any ache I’d known these past days?
I pictured being alone again. Carden cared for me—it was the first time since my mother that someone cared enough to put me before anyone else. Could I let that go? Let him go?
Something in his eyes shuttered, closing from me. “I apologize for the trouble this has caused you. In the past, I have blamed you for our situation, but you had no way of knowing. You came to me an innocent, and the blame lies solely on me. ” His attitude became businesslike. “You will find the severing difficult. There will be days hence of pain, but you are strong and will bear it as you have borne so much else. Be on your guard against all who would harm you. You will survive our parting—”
“No,” I cut him off. The thought of losing him, just the thought of him leaving this room, made my gut clench. I knew what I wanted now—the truth of it rang through me. I tried to remember why I hadn’t wanted to be bonded to him.