“Not exactly.” Jareth says dryly, kicking Charlie’s corpse with his boot. “And as you can see, even two zombies can cause a ton of damage when let loose. With Lucifent’s help, Pyrus will be able to raise an entire army. He’ll defeat Slayer Inc. and then move on to take over the world.” Jareth’s face twists in disgust. “He’ll treat humans as glorified cattle, enslaving them and draining them for their blood and then dumping them in mass graves when they’re bled dry.”
“Which gives Hades’s rival, Satan, a bunch of extra souls,” I realize aloud. “So he can win their little Hell population competition.” So that’s why the Lord of the Underworld cares about any of this. He’s a competitive bastard, to say the least.
Jareth nods. “You can see the problem here.”
I let out a frustrated breath. “God, we were so stupid. We thought we’d try to make things better. And instead we’ve screwed everything up.”
Jareth pats me on the knee. “I’m sure you had the best of intentions,” he assures me. “But yeah. You kind of did.”
I frown. “Well, it’s sort of your fault, too, no offense,” I remind him. “You’re the one who’s setting up the whole Project Z thing to begin with, by hooking up with Tacky Queen of the Zombies.”
Now it’s Jareth’s turn to blush. “You’re right,” he says, after a pause. “At the time I was so full of hate. All I wanted was revenge against those who stole my family away. I didn’t care what it took—I wanted to destroy Slayer Inc.” He squeezes his hands into fists. “But Rayne, you have to believe me—I had no idea of Pyrus’s plans to turn against the human race. I trusted him, like everyone did back then. I thought he’d just use the zombies to take out the vampire slayers, then put them back to rest.”
“But instead he decides to launch a vampire apocalypse,” I say with a sigh.
“He always was a bit of an overachiever.”
“So what are we supposed to do?” I ask. “I mean, are we too late to change things?”
Jareth shrugs. “I don’t really know,” he says. “Project Z was abandoned the first time around, after Slayer Inc. killed Lucifent. Magnus came to me and told me he didn’t feel it was right to take on Slayer Inc., even after what they did to his Master. Especially not with zombies, which could so quickly spiral out of control.” He rakes a hand through his hair. “At first I was not pleased by the turn of events. After all, I’d put a lot of work into charming the zombie queen and getting her on our side to make this whole thing happen.”
“Yeah, well, she does seem pretty hooked on you,” I agree, not able to hide the bitterness in my voice. “It must have been really tough pretending to be infatuated with someone so tacky.”
Jareth raises an eyebrow. “Do I detect a note of jealousy in your voice, Miss McDonald?”
I groan. “I know it’s stupid,” I admit. “But at the same time, I’m pretty much at my wit’s end. I’ve tried everything to win back your love. Instead I’ve only succeeded in scoring your utter annoyance.”
He looks surprised. “Are you saying the past me hasn’t succumbed to your Raynie Day charms?”
“That’s putting it mildly.”
“Well, then the past me is clearly insane,” my boyfriend declares. He grabs me and kisses me soundly on the lips. When I open my eyes, we’re no longer in the dark alleyway, but in a luxurious hotel suite. Nice. Jareth leads me over to the bed and pulls me close. I relax in his arms, breathing in his warm scent.
“If only this weren’t a dream,” I moan after a moment, squirming out of his arms. It only reminds me too much of what I left behind. What I’ll probably never be able to regain. “I can’t even tell you how hard it’s been. To see your face, but not your smile. To know that all we shared—all those memories I have of you—don’t exist in your mind. And I feel like I’ll never get them back.”
Jareth reaches out, tracing my now zombie-brain-free cheek with a gentle finger. “I love you, Rayne,” he says softly, gazing upon me with adoration. “And I’m sure the past me will someday love you, too.” He smiles. “Just keep putting yourself in his path. I’m sure you’ll grow on him, just like you grew on me.”
“Yeah, like a freaking fungus.”
“Oh, Raynie,” Jareth says, laughing. “You have to trust me on this. The past me might appear, on the surface, to be a cold, hard barnacle. But remember, I’m just protecting the squishiness inside. The part of me I’m desperately afraid of getting hurt.” He smiles down on me. “Get past that wall I’ve erected like you did the first time around. Show me you’re worth trusting. And I promise you, the past me won’t be able to help but fall in love with you, all over again.”
“I hope you’re right,” I mutter, crawling back into his arms. I might as well enjoy the dream romance while it lasts. “Because it’s hard enough to go around saving the world, without having to worry about saving my boyfriend as well.”
“But I’m worth it, right?” Jareth teases, kissing me playfully on the nose. “No matter what the effort?”
I can’t help but grin. “I suppose so.”
“Rayne, Rayne! Wake up! Wake up!”
I groan in annoyance as rough arms shake me awake. “No!” I cry as I feel the dream slipping away and reality rearing its ugly head. I try desperately to chase the sleep—to find Jareth again for one more kiss. One more caress. One more sweet whisper in my ear.
But it’s too late. I’m awake. And my sister’s responsible.
“Why did you have to go and do that?” I moan mournfully. “I was having the best dream ever.”
“Yeah? Well, I was out living a nightmare,” Sunny grumps, plopping down beside me in bed. I glance at the clock. It’s only eight thirty. I would have expected her to be out way longer.
“What happened with Magnus?” I ask, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and sitting up in bed. “Didn’t things go well?”
“They started out okay,” Sunny replies. “I mean, I think he really likes me and all.”
“Well, that’s good…”
“Not really. Not when he still thinks I’m his intended blood mate.” Sunny looks at me, eyes wild. “He wanted to turn me into a vampire, Rayne. Like tonight. He’s convinced I’m in danger and figures the best way to keep me safe is to turn me immortal.” She shakes her head in horror. “It was awful.”
Hmm. A devoted vampire boyfriend who wants to turn his true love immortal to save her from harm? I should only be so lucky. “So what did you say?” I ask, already guessing the answer to my question. My sister is nothing if not predictable.
Sunny sighs. “I said no, of course. I mean, what else could I say? But oh, Rayne, you should have seen the look on his face when I turned him down. It nearly killed me, he looked so disappointed.”
I groan. God, I wish I had my sister’s so-called problems.
“I’m sorry,” I begrudgingly tell her. “But Sunny, disappointing a vampire is the least of our worries now.”
“Oh?”
“I’ve learned what Project Z stands for and, well, let’s just say it’s not ZOMG awesomeness.”
My sister leans forward anxiously. “What is it? I tried to ask Magnus, but evidently Pyrus hasn’t clued him in yet.”
“Probably for good reason.” I lean over and whisper in her ear.
“Oh my God,” she cries. “What are we going to do?”
“I’m not sure,” I say with a shrug. “But I think it’s time I pay a little visit to Slayer Inc.”
17
I can’t believe how badly my hands are shaking as I reach up to knock on the front door of Slayer Inc. Manor bright and early the next morning. I mean, what’s my problem? This is my future employer we’re talking about. The one I’m destined to serve. And this time it’s not like I’m here to stage some prison break. I’m applying for a job. A job that, in my time, I already have, so obviously I’m more than qualified to get it.
Yet I can’t help but feel a little nervous as I wait for someone to answer my knock. For example, how am I going to e
xplain to Vice President Teifert that I already know my destiny? Last time around he had to corner me onstage in the drama department to break the news that I had a new career path I never wanted. So he’s going to be a tad surprised when I beat him to the punch this time. Not to mention when I tell him about the zombies.
I wonder if I should tell him the truth. About the time-travel thing. Would he believe me if I did? Would it help my case? Or would he just decide I’m crazy and slam the door in my face?
Well, it appears I’m about to find out. A hall light switches on and the front door begins to creak open. But it’s not Vice President Teifert on the other side.
It’s Spider.
I stare at my best friend, unable to believe my eyes. What the hell is she doing here, at Slayer Inc. Manor? Is there some kind of LAN video game party being held that I wasn’t told about? (Because that and school are the only times I ever see the girl more than ten feet away from her computer.)
She stares back at me, as if equally surprised at my presence. (I guess I’m a bit far away from the old PC as well, now that I think about it.) “Rayne,” she addresses me after a pause. “Um, what’s up? What are you doing here?”
“I was about to ask you the same question.”
Her gaze darts from left to right and she lowers her voice before answering. “You probably won’t believe this,” she says, “but I was at school yesterday, minding my own business, when suddenly the drama teacher—Mr. Teifert, I think his name is—pulls me aside. And he says the weirdest thing! You’ll never guess.”
Oh God. “That once a generation there’s born a girl destined to slay all the vampires?”
Her eyes widen. “How did you know that?”
“Long story. Don’t ask.”
“Well, anyway,” Spider continues. “That girl destined to slay the vampires? That’s me! I’m the destined vampire slayer—just like on Buffy! And here I always thought I was nothing more than a dorky gamer girl who’d probably get stuck sitting on my ass in some lousy help desk job for the rest of my life. But it turns out, that’s just my cover. In reality, I’m a freaking vampire slayer. Isn’t that the coolest thing you ever heard in your entire life?”
No, it’s pretty much the least cool thing, to be perfectly honest. Not to mention the most ridiculous. Spider isn’t supposed to be next in line after Bertha to become a vampire slayer. I am.
“I’m afraid there must be some mistake,” I say, feeling bad about saying it out loud. After all, she looks so thrilled about the prospect of her new employment. But the sooner she realizes it’s all some kind of botched paperwork, the better in the long run.
Her smile fades. “Excuse me?”
“Yeah, as in you’re not the chosen slayer. I am.”
Now she’s frowning. “I don’t think so. Mr. Teifert was pretty clear…”
“He must have confused me with you,” I say, laying a hand on her shoulder, giving her my best sympathetic look. “It happens.”
“Since when? It’s not like I’m your twin sister! We look nothing alike.”
“Maybe not to us, but you know how grown-ups can be. And between you and me, I think Teifert’s a bit nearsighted. Not that he’d ever admit it.”
“Rayne—”
“It’s okay. I’m here, reporting for duty. You’re off the hook.” I glance at my watch. “In fact, if you head home now, I bet you’ll get back in time for some morning PvP with the guild. I know you need your battle points—”
“Rayne, listen to me! I’m not going to just go home and play video games!” Spider retorts, gripping her hands into fists. “There’s no mistake. I’m the destined slayer. Teifert even told me they injected me with some special nanovirus. If I did go home to play video games, he could activate it. And I’d be killed.” She glowers at me. “So yeah. I don’t think there’s any mistake here. Except the one you’re making.”
I stare at her. It’s all I can do not to have my mouth drop open in disbelief. Could this be true? Could this weird alternate future universe we’ve created for ourselves really have skipped over me for the slayer gig? I suppose it could happen. Maybe they learned I was the one who broke Sunny and Magnus out of jail? Or that I was present when Bertha was murdered? Maybe they assume, since I’ve been hanging out with vampires, that I’m no longer the best candidate to serve Slayer Inc.’s interests.
I feel a weird tug of disappointment in my gut. It’s funny—back when I was first informed of my slayer destiny, I thought it was a nightmare come true. But now, being left out—being turned down for a job I was supposedly born to do—I feel like breaking out in tears rather than jumping for joy. I guess I hadn’t realized how much my role as a slayer had become part of my personal identity.
Do they really think Spider will become as good a slayer as me? Better even? And what if war between vampires and slayers does break out? Will she end up getting slaughtered by brain-hungry zombies?
No. She is innocent. Naive. She has no idea what she’s up against, and it’s my job to save her from herself. “Spider, look,” I try to reason. “I know right now this probably seems kind of cool and all. But trust me, you don’t want to do this. It’s not all glamorous and fun. In fact, it’s really dangerous.”
“What, you think I can’t handle myself?”
I groan. “You can’t even stay alive when we play World of Warcraft. And that’s only virtual slaying.”
My friend scowls. “Oh, that’s nice. Real nice, Rayne.”
Sigh. I didn’t mean to offend her. “I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m just worried about you. That’s all. Now is Teifert in there? I need to speak to him. It’s very important.”
Spider frowns, standing in front of the door. “I’m not supposed to let anyone in…”
“I’m not anyone. I’m your best friend,” I remind her. I make a move toward the entrance. To my surprise, my so-called best friend leaps into my path, whipping out a stake from her Feed bag. I sigh.
“Really? This is how you want to play it, Spider?” I ask. “Really?”
“I’m sorry, Rayne,” she says in a tight voice. “But my orders are very clear. Anyone tries to get into Slayer Manor?” She shrugs. “I’m supposed to stake them through the heart.”
18
I stare at Spider in disbelief. Is she freaking kidding me?
“Um, dude. I’m not even a vampire. Why the heck would you go and stake me?” See, this is reason number one why she’s completely wrong for the job. She doesn’t even get who’s stakeable and who should be killed with alternative weapons.
“And how do I know you’re not a vampire?” she demands.
“Um, let’s see. For one thing, I’m standing out in bright sunlight. I don’t have any fangs. I had a garlic tofu scramble for breakfast and I’m wearing a cross necklace,” I say, pulling out the necklace in question from under my blouse. A really cool Gothic cross I got on Etsy. “And if you step aside, I can show you how I can walk into Slayer Manor without any sort of invite whatsoever.”
“Yeah, but what about that sparkle on your left cheek? Explain that, vampire!”
I roll my eyes. “Hard Candy glitter eye shadow. Which I borrowed from you, if I’m not mistaken.” I pause, then add, “And just FYI, if you’re really planning to go through with this whole slayer gig? You should know that real vampires don’t sparkle.”
Her face twists in exasperation. “Fine. So you’re not a vampire. But I still have to kill you if you try to come in. Teifert said so and I don’t want to get written up my first day on the job.” She looks at me pleadingly. “So could you please just walk away or something? Make me look good for my boss?”
“Believe me, I’d like nothing more. But I can’t. I have to warn Teifert about a really big threat. It’s a matter of life or death.”
She shakes her head stubbornly. “No can do, Rayne. I have my orders.”
“Fine.” I sigh. “Go on, then. Have at me.” This ought to be good.
She looks at me, her face twisted in confu
sion. I look back at her, eyebrows raised.
“Any time now,” I encourage her.
She takes a hesitant step forward.
“Hey, isn’t that Steve Jobs over there in the woods?” I ask, suddenly turning my head and pointing my finger off into the distance.
Predictably, Spider turns to look. (Because, you know, it’s completely reasonable to expect her dead computer icon to be strolling through the New Hampshire countryside.) I take my advantage, diving past her, up the porch steps, and toward the front door.
My friend shrieks, realizing she’s been tricked, and whirls around, reaching out and grabbing me by the back of my shirt, yanking me backward. For a total slayer noob, she’s surprisingly fast on her feet. With her other hand, she fumbles for her stake.
I groan. “Really, Spider? I told you, you can’t kill me with a stake.” Seriously, this is getting so old.
“What makes you think it’s a stake?” she demands. Then, to my surprise, she waves the chunk of wood in my direction and flames shoot from its tip.
Holy crap! I leap to the side, narrowly missing getting flambéed by my best friend. “What the hell is that?” I cry. How did she manage to score some magical flamethrower when all I got on day one as a slayer was some stupid stick that I had to carve myself? So unfair.
“Um, Teifert gave it to me. He said I might need it.” Spider says proudly. Then she glances over my shoulder, her pride fading into distress. “Um, I didn’t know it’d do that, though.”
I follow her gaze and realize she’s succeeded in setting the porch on fire. Whoops.
Spider pushes past me, trying to fan out the flames. But she only manages to make them rise higher with her waving hands. She shoots me a desperate look. “Um, help?”
I stare at her. “You just tried to fry me like a crème brûlée. And now you want my assistance?”
“Please, Rayne! I don’t want Teifert to dock my pay for damages!”