I was scared of me.
“Did you guys have a fight or something?” Nicholas asked quizzically.
I shook my head. “Will you come with me?”
“To the front door?” He frowned. “Seriously, Solange, what’s going on?”
I flashed my fangs at him. “What if his mom opens the door?” Even if I kept my mouth closed she’d take one look at my bloodshot eyes and assume I was on drugs. Neither of which was the first impression I was keen to make. Nicholas, at least, could pass for human.
“Oh.” He ambled ahead of me and rapped on the door. I hovered nervously behind him, pulling up the hood of my hoodie from under my jacket.
Kieran’s mom opened the door, just as I’d feared. She was more fragile looking than I’d thought she would be. I’d assumed she’d be muscular and tough like my mom, or earthy like Lucy’s mom. She’d been married to a vampire hunter after all, before Hope murdered him. But she seemed frail, her hair wispy and soft around her face, which was so thin it was nearly gaunt. Even the pearls around her neck looked too heavy for her.
“Yes?”
“Sorry to bother you, Mrs. Black,” Nicholas said politely. “We’re friends of Kieran’s.”
She smiled, her hands fluttering at her throat. I tried not to stare at the blue veins pulsing there. “Oh, are you from the school as well?”
“Um, no.”
She peered over his shoulder and saw me. “You must be Solange,” she said softly. “You’re just as pretty as Kieran said.” Her eyes were moist, as if she might start weeping. I shifted nervously from foot to foot and tried to smile without showing even a hint of teeth.
“Mom, who’s at—” Kieran cut himself off as he came around the corner and saw us on the porch. “Solange.” I pursed my lips. I couldn’t even say hi or ask how he was. There was a bandage around his neck and shadows under his eyes. I could see the mark on the back of his hand from where the IV drip had been attached. “Mom, I got this,” he said gently. “Why don’t you go back inside.”
She fussed shyly. “You should invite your friends in.”
“I will.”
She smiled at me again and went to the kitchen, where a kettle was soon whistling.
“We should stay out here,” Kieran said when he was sure she was out of earshot. “She doesn’t know you’re a vampire.”
“How is that even possible?” I asked.
“She was never part of the Helios-Ra, even when Dad was alive. And now she rarely leaves the house.” He shrugged and then winced when the movement pulled at his wound. “Hunter’s the only one from the League she’ll even talk to, and I asked her not to say anything.”
Nicholas raised an eyebrow. “Dude, what happened to you?”
“Vampire,” he answered, not looking away from me. “They kept me at the school infirmary for the day but I’m okay now. Lucy brought me in.”
Nicholas stilled. “Lucy found you?”
Kieran nodded, not catching the sinister edge to Nicholas’s too-calm and too-polite voice. “Yeah, in the woods.”
“Alone?” Nicholas prodded. “She was alone and she found you during a vampire attack?”
Kieran glanced at him when the grinding of Nicholas’s teeth alerted him. He tried an easy smile. “Afterward,” he assured Nicholas. “When it was all perfectly safe.”
He was lying to protect me.
Again.
Because I hadn’t been perfectly safe.
Not even close.
“It’s like she does it on purpose.” Nicholas reached for his cell phone, muttering under his breath as he dialed Lucy’s number. He stalked to the maple tree and hauled himself up onto the lowest branch so we could all have a little privacy.
Kieran leaned in the doorway as if he was still too weak to hold himself up. Guilt tore through me like fire in a dry field.
“I’m sorry.” I stuck my hands in my pockets because I didn’t know what else to do with them. “I’m so sorry.”
“Are you okay?”
I nodded. “Yes. Do you need to sit down?”
“I’m fine.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “What happened, Solange?”
“I don’t know,” I said miserably. I couldn’t stop seeing the way he’d slumped against the tree, his blood on my clothes, the taste of it in my mouth. “I didn’t mean to. I just … it’s animal.” I didn’t know how else to describe it. I didn’t mention the voice whispering to me. He’d really think I was crazy then. “I thought I was stronger. I’m sorry,” I said again. He’d saved me from the rogue Helios-Ra unit who’d tried to abduct me, and he’d been the one to give me his own blood so I could survive the bloodchange. I’d be dead right now if it weren’t for him. Maybe that’s why he was so hard to resist. His blood had brought me back from death.
“Does anyone else know?” he asked.
“I made it back to the camp and went straight to sleep.” I didn’t tell him about Constantine. Why make things worse? My eyes burned. “It’s all such a mess.”
Kieran reached out to touch my hair, brushing it off my cheek. I could smell the warmth of his skin, the blood just under his wrist. “It’ll be okay.”
“You don’t know that.” I turned my head away.
He didn’t say anything. He knew I was right.
“We’re going on lockdown soon at the camp,” I added. “No Internet, no cell phone reception, no humans past the guards.” Well, no humans who weren’t bloodslaves, anyway. I didn’t need to explain that; he already knew. I could tell by the clenching of his jaw. “So I probably won’t see you for a while.”
He stepped up close to me, tipping my chin up with his hand. He lowered his head until his mouth brushed mine, softly, tenderly. I tasted his lips, trying to memorize his smell of mint and cedar. I kissed him until we forgot where we were, forgot that he was injured, that I was sorry, that anyone could walk by and see us there. He kissed me back until my veins burned under my skin. I wanted more. He wanted more. His lips brushed my ear and all I could hear was his breath, like the ocean. It made me dizzy, hungry, wild. I would have swallowed him whole if I could have.
When my arms slid around his waist, my fingers brushed the unmistakable shape of a wooden stake tucked into his belt at his lower back.
You can’t protect him. And you can’t trust him.
I stilled, pulling away just enough to speak, but not enough that my lips didn’t touch his even as I formed the words. “Is that a stake?” I asked. “Were you going to stake me?”
He tilted my head farther back so my fangs were visible. “Were you going to go for my jugular?”
We stared at each other for a long, hot moment that burned through me.
“Are you still going to college in Scotland?” I finally asked.
“Yes,” he said quietly.
“When?”
“Not until after New Year’s. I can’t leave my mom alone for Christmas; she’s always worse then.”
“Maybe it’s for the best.” I couldn’t believe I was saying that, even as I was still recovering from his kisses.
“Maybe it is.” And I really couldn’t believe he was agreeing with me.
“It could be pheromones, or just everything that’s happened,” I said, desperately trying not to feel the pain I was feeling. Why couldn’t we just lose ourselves in the fire again? When passion was enough, and the questions didn’t matter. “We don’t really know each other that well, technically.”
But I was lying to myself. My chest felt hollow, and I was aware of my heart in a way I hadn’t been since it had stopped beating. I hurt everywhere. We’d been each other’s bridge. We’d survived treachery, vendettas, and bounties.
But we couldn’t seem to survive each other.
I didn’t want to say good-bye but I didn’t know how else to protect him. I was no good for him. The next time I lost control, I might actually kill him.
“Good-bye, Kieran.”
His voice was husky, as if he were just waking up. “Good-bye, S
olange.”
I choked back a sob. I wouldn’t cry. I turned on my heel and stumbled down the porch steps. The night was full of town noises: cars, dogs, radios. The wind scattered dried leaves across the empty road.
“Solange?”
I stopped but didn’t turn around. I knew we had to let each other go. But I also knew if I saw those patient dark eyes, the sun tattoo on his bicep, the regulation cargo pants, I’d throw myself at him. I only had the strength to leave if I didn’t look at him.
“You know the safe house we hid in when Hope’s unit had you?”
I nodded.
“There was an old tree there with exposed roots. Do you remember it?”
“Yes.”
“Those roots make great little hiding spots. If you ever need to send me a message,” he said, “if you need me, I’ll be there. You know that, right?”
I nodded again, my throat aching.
“I love you, Solange.”
“You don’t even know me anymore,” I said, because I barely knew myself. “I’m a vampire.”
“You were human when I met you,” he reminded me. “And you were brave and beautiful. You’re still brave and beautiful.”
I felt like crying. “I have to go.”
I ran to my bike, kicking it into gear even before I was perched on the seat.
Nicholas frowned at me, scrambling out of the tree. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing. I need to be alone.”
“I can’t leave you, Sol,” he said, jumping on his motorcycle and pulling up beside me. “You know that. Mom would kill us both.”
I leaned over, close enough that I could see his pupils even in the shadows. I concentrated as hard as I could, willing him to obey me. A bat dove down from the roof of Kieran’s house. The front door closed. “Leave me alone, Nicholas.”
He recoiled as if I’d slapped him. “Sol, don’t.”
Anger and confusion and hurt boiled inside me. “Just go away! Leave me alone!”
“Shit,” Nicholas croaked painfully. His eyes were furious and hurt. “You promised you wouldn’t ever do this to me again.” I could tell my pheromones were repelling him, as if we were oppositely charged magnets. He’d let me be tonight. He didn’t have a choice. His hands clenched, his shoulders tensed. “What the hell’s wrong with you? Where’s Kieran?”
I tossed him a fierce look before taking off down the street.
“We just broke up.”
Chapter 6
NICHOLAS
It was entirely possible that my baby sister was turning into a monster.
If anyone else had been doing this to her, I’d have staked them. But she was doing it to herself, which made it so much worse.
Because I couldn’t even stop her.
We’d been raised not only to protect each other but to protect her especially. I wasn’t just letting her down, but my entire family. The buzz of pheromones and adrenaline tingled through me, like a rash just under my skin. I wanted to go after her and shake some sense into her, but even taking a single step in the direction she’d fled made me feel as if there were spiders inside my veins. I couldn’t believe she’d done this to me.
Again.
Since I couldn’t go after her, I went back to Kieran’s. He opened the door before I’d even knocked.
“Maybe you didn’t hear,” he said bitterly. “We just broke up.”
“Yeah, what, three minutes ago? You stop loving her yet?” I knew damn well if Lucy broke up with me I’d still love her until I turned to dust.
Kieran sighed. “What do you want, Drake?”
“You know this is only going to get worse.”
He touched the bandage on his throat. “No shit.”
“Can I count on you? Even now?”
He paused, watched me carefully. “For what?”
“I don’t know yet,” I said, frustrated. “But Solange isn’t well.” I took a small box out of my pocket and shoved it at him. “Take this. Just in case.”
He frowned at the package. “What is it?”
“You’ll know if you need to use it,” I said quickly, glancing behind me. “Someone’s coming.” I took off before he could answer. I checked my watch. Lucy wouldn’t be able to sneak out for a while yet. I put my bike into gear and took off down the road, the cold slap of the wind in my face soothing. I figured I may as well go back to the farmhouse and get some of my stuff. Music, earphones, and my laptop for movies were the only things that would keep me sane for two weeks in the tunnels and the Drake tent. And Connor, Quinn, and I were on family lockdown after tonight for at least the next few days, because of the ghost-town thing. I was surprised Mom didn’t drive right over to the academy to lecture Lucy and Hunter as well.
I remember when my life used to be boring.
Vampire or not, I’d had a pretty normal life. Despite our liquid diet, we still had chores and homework, music to listen to, dogs to walk, parents to navigate.
And then Lucy happened.
Never mind prophecies and bounty hunters, she was the one who’d really turned my life upside down. And it was worth it to have her finally see me as me and not just as Solange’s older brother. She made everything better. But the thought of losing her to vampires or vampire hunters made everything gray, as if even the trees and stars were made of ash.
She was necessary.
And infuriating.
I was glad she’d saved Kieran, but I still couldn’t believe, after everything that had happened, that she’d been out in the woods alone. After blowing up a town.
Actually, I could totally believe it.
I was still grumbling to myself when I pulled up the driveway and left my bike by the cedar trees. Since I was home anyway, I may as well take advantage of it and stop by Solange’s shed. I didn’t know what I was looking for exactly, only that there had to be something somewhere to explain the stranger she was becoming.
Broken pottery shards skittered under my boots, like beetles under a disturbed rock. Solange was ordinarily neat about her workspace. Her tools and any broken pieces were usually piled in a large bin to be reworked, but right now they were scattered on the floor, and the wall was dented and dusty, as if she’d thrown most of her work at it. The shelves were nearly bare. Something about that made my belly go cold, even more than the way she’d compelled me.
There was a guard waiting on the front porch when I headed up to the house to search Solange’s bedroom. She’d kill me if she ever found out about this.
The guard nodded politely. “Your Highness,” she said.
I missed Bruno and the way he called me “ijit.”
I smiled awkwardly at her and closed the front door.
And nearly lost an eye to an antique ivory stake when I turned around.
A woman swathed in thick black veils stood on the bottom step of the staircase, the chandelier glittering above her head. “Nicholas, is that you, dear?”
I stared at her. “Aunt Hyacinth, the hell!”
“Language.” She clucked her tongue. “Honestly, your manners are becoming positively savage. I was only gone a few weeks.”
“Is that any reason to try and stake me?”
“It’s these veils,” she admitted. “It’s a little difficult to see properly, and everyone smells mostly the same in the house if I’m not paying attention.”
“Then take them off,” I suggested quietly, while surreptitiously tensing to leap out of the way of another projectile. You developed pretty good reflexes when you grew up around Drake women. Not to mention Lucy Hamilton.
“Well.” She tilted her head, and I could feel the glitter of her eyes even through the lace. “Perhaps I could shorten them.” They were long enough to touch her fingertips. She’d taken to wearing them after a hunter had scarred her face with holy water. Vampires generally healed quickly and completely, but sometimes holy water was just stronger. And I hadn’t thought anything could be stronger than Aunt Hyacinth, not really. It made me even more scared for
Solange and my mother.
I shoved my hands in my pockets. “Is it safe to come in?”
She laughed. “Yes, it’s safe.” She shook her head before drifting away. “I’ve never known the house to be so empty. It’s rather disconcerting.”
She was right. Even the dogs were in the woods. Only guards were here patrolling with any reliability.
I stopped by my room first to get my stuff, then headed to Solange’s room. The curtains were pulled tight, the hand-embroidered coverlet was neatly tucked in, and nothing was out of place. I went through her desk first, then checked under the bed and in her closet.
I was so going to get my ass kicked for this.
And I had nothing to show for it. No diary, no weird drugs, no secret blueprints to some nefarious plot, nothing. I kicked the dresser, cursing. A bowl of the silver thimbles Aunt Hyacinth used to collect as a girl and passed on to Solange tumbled to the floor. I cursed again.
“What’s going on, miscreant?” Logan stood in the doorway, wearing his favorite frock coat as usual, but there were rips in his jeans.
I lifted my eyebrows at his pants. “Holes?” He was impeccable about his fancy goth clothes.
“Isabeau,” he admitted ruefully. “The Hounds are a great tribe, but they have no sense of fashion.”
“So she tore your jeans?”
He grinned. “No, she tore at a Hel-Blar. I just happened to get in the way.”
I grinned back at him. “Cool.” Have I mentioned? Our girlfriends are fierce.
“What are you doing in here?” Logan asked.
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
“You don’t know?” he repeated, confused.
I sighed. “It’s complicated.”
He snorted. “It always is. Solange or Lucy?”
“Solange.” I shook my head. “Let’s get out of here.”
He followed me down the stairs. “What’s going on, Nicholas?”
I nodded to his guard on the other side of the door. “Wait,” I mouthed.
We went out to the porch and Logan smiled easily at her. “We’re going to walk back,” he said. “To patrol. And to talk about girls,” he lied. “Can you hang back, Grace? My brother here’s a little shy.”