“You kissed me when you gave it to me.”
“I did.”
My heart sticks in my throat, and I blink back tears of the same fears I had this morning, what kept me awake for so long after Dante left, that niggling sense something’s out of place. “Theo, as my dragon, you can’t lie to me, right?”
Gently, he loosens my fingers’ grip on the leather cord and lays the necklace back on my skin, sliding his hands down my arms to rest his palms flat on the counter. With a deep breath, he nods. “I cannot.” His jaw clenches, and my fear grows.
“Tell me what happened last night. You and Dante, I could possibly understand acting as strange as you are if I almost died, but Smiley is positively sullen. I thought Oliver might burst into tears when he saw me in the foyer. Claaron hugged me without pretending to make a pass at me, and Falcon acted moderately less prickly when he spoke to me this morning. … Albeit, he did just have his ass served up like an unappetizing side dish at a charity buffet last night.”
He exhales heavily, hanging his head. “I take the blame, Cait. I should have remained at your side, not left your safety in the hands of another. None of this …” His voice trails off, and something inside cries out for me to touch my dragon. Unsure how he’ll react, I reach up, my fingertips brushing lightly along his stubbled jaw line to his cheek. Theo lifts his eyes to meet mine again. “You would have died, and I could not accept that fate, not for you, not for me, not for the entire brotherhood of dragons waiting unimaginable millennia for the North Star to come. There was no other choice, Cait. Dragon blood would destroy everything you are meant to be. Vampires …” He shakes his head, the confliction clear in his eyes. “Corrin is too sick. Evan and Runa do not ingest enough human blood to maintain a viable healing ability for such severe injuries as you sustained. My only choice lay in Dante, the strength of a deity’s blood, the one demigod in love with you Cait—the son of the Goddess. The abilities of his blood extend far beyond healing you, and I had no choice but to accept the consequences.”
I stare at him, my hand falling away from his face. “What are you saying, Theo?” Fear rises into simmering anger.
“Dante did not leave because the Goddess called him. He left because he came too close. Faced with that which he dared to dream becoming his waking reality, Dante fears blurring the line between the two, knowing your memories are not of your own making, Cait,” Theo replies quietly. “His blood wipes away the memory of romantic ties to all others than him. It left a clean slate for a bond formed between the love you felt for him and his deeper love and desire for you. Gifted with his mother’s blood traits, your memory filled in the path destiny would have taken you, had your choice been to marry him.” He pauses, running a finger along the dragon claw crystal at my neck before adding, “instead of me.”
Simmering anger boils into rage, and I let out a shrieking scream, slapping him hard across the face. “You stubborn fucking dragon!” I’m screaming at the top of my lungs, an incoherent, ranted string of profanities as I jump off the counter, and Theo gives me room, stepping back to watch me from in front of the sink. Pacing around the kitchen for a minute, I try to gather my thoughts, order the chaos into some logical sense. “You just thought I wouldn’t notice anything unusual? You both cooked up this grand plan to keep me in the dark as if I’m too weak, too human to know what the great supernatural beings are doing! Do you think I’m stupid?” Refusing to let him even try to answer, I launch myself at him again, pounding my fists into his chest, and he stands there, doing nothing, and I step back away, sinking to the floor. The entire house seems as though it falls into silence in my distress, giving me time to find some level of relative calm and composure. “Will I ever remember my real life? Will I want all of that again?”
“That, I cannot tell you, Cait.” He leans against the sink counter, running his fingers through his hair, holding his hands behind his head. “Your destiny is no longer clear to me as the North Star. You are far greater than a simple ward, greater than a dragon. I am your guardian, protector, everything I can be, but I cannot offer guidance in your destiny. All that you are transcends my abilities. Unfortunately, only the Goddess knows what is in store for your future, Cait.”
“And she let this happen?” I ask, pulling my knees to my chin, unsure if I want to scream again or curl up and disappear.
“Dante hopes to find out, but frankly, she is not the most forthright in her plans, not even to her own son, and I find it doubtful she would be any more so given his involvement.” Theo’s eyes remain on me, and I can feel them, unwavering. “You remember the necklace … the kiss. Have other memories remained intact?”
My face grows hot, and I’m sure he notices. “I don’t know if they’re memories or not. Apparently, I don’t know what’s real in my life, and you didn’t want to tell me.”
Theo drops to his knees, watching me. “I’m sorry, Cait. I intended to explain everything at breakfast after we were sure you’d fully recovered from the trauma. We did not expect you to recall traces of those memories.” He moves toward me, almost prowling on his hands and knees then sits on the floor across from me. “Anything you want to know; I swear my fullest honesty to you. Ask what you need.”
“You said I chose you.” I’m hesitant to ask, afraid to know. “Were we married?”
“Not yet. It was necessary we wait. We were not blood bound to one another due to your incomplete transformation. Our marriage could not be official, yet those we consider family accepted our intentions. We sometimes called one another husband and wife. … In our hearts, I believe we were.” I look up to find his eyes meet mine. “In mine, we are, Cait. You may never remember, may never love me again, but I will not forget and will love you until the end of time. I swear nothing less to you.”
“Then how could you hand me off to Dante without thinking twice?” The very question stings twice as bad as the tears it brings.
“If you believe I did not think twice, you are mistaken. I have thought of nothing else since the moment I made the choice to save you in this way, knowing the consequences I would suffer.” He reaches out, brushing his fingers across my cheek, wiping away a few escaped tears. “What I want could not matter if it were not what you desired. It was my sacrifice for the destined future of my brothers. No pain could be greater than to let you go, Cait.”
“I don’t remember being in love with you, Theo,” I admit in nothing more than a whisper, not looking away. “My mind tells me I love Dante, but something deeper inside doesn’t feel right with that. He knows it’s not. So where does that leave us?”
“His blood should continue to draw you together, but as the North Star, you are not necessarily bound to the laws of human biology, Cait. That is the reasonable explanation for your reaction, for anything slipping through as it has done,” Theo explains, not sounding convinced he knows anything. “I do not wish to lose you, but I will not demand you return to me.” His gaze falls to his hands, his voice soft and solemn. “Tell me where you want this to leave us.”
“You said I chose you. I must have loved you. Why? Tell me why I loved you.”
He intertwines his long fingers together, pulling his knees up, and rests his arms on them. “To be honest, if you were not the North Star and I was not a True Alpha, I do not know that you would have. I want to believe you loved me for all the reasons any woman would love a man and not because of a supernatural connection. I want to believe I appealed to you in a multitude of very real ways, that you enjoyed the time we spent talking and wanted me for more than a lover.” A devilish grin plays at his lips, and he laughs softly. “Our intimate compatibility lacked nothing, to my knowledge.”
“A True Alpha, and you didn’t mind how I sometimes like—” I begin.
“Oh no,” he laughs, interrupting. “I enjoyed that tremendously.” The way he eyes me, the tip of his tongue running along those perfectly white teeth, inhaling an unsteady breath, it brings a momentary glimpse of something to mind. I can’t say if it?
??s a memory or my imagination, pushing him onto my bed, holding Theo’s hands behind his head, the thrill of his submission. “You remember something. I can see it, Cait.”
Swallowing hard, I shake my head, realizing how cheated I feel, only tiny bits and pieces of the life I knew being within the grasp of my memory. “Not enough to make me fall into your arms after what you’ve done.”
In a brilliant flash of blue, the kitchen fills with light, and Dante appears, looking more than slightly confused by the sight of Theo and me sitting on the floor. “Am I interrupting something?” He glances between us and takes a deep breath. “Caitriona, you … you are feeling well?”
I jump to my feet, glaring at him. “If by that, you mean to ask if I remember my real life, not the fake one your blood fed into me, the answer would be a resounding no. However, Theo quite helpfully filled me in on what the hell happened last night. I don’t remember, Dante, but something doesn’t feel right. I may not know what’s going on, but I do know this isn’t how things are supposed to be.” My voice grows to a crescendo of teary-eyed screaming; fury and heartache intermingled into something I can’t stop from spilling out.
“Caitriona—”
“No. No. You don’t get to patronize me anymore.” I gesture angrily at him then turn to Theo, once again standing by the sink, giving me space, considering I’ve already attacked him once. “You either. Make me remember what we had, why I loved you, why I wanted to be with you the way you talk like I did. … That we were everything to each other.” Turning back on Dante, I glare dangerously at him. “And if he can’t do that, then I suggest you figure out how to make everything my blood demands I feel for you be real. Make my life real.”
The kitchen falls deathly silent as they both stare at me, unknowing what to say, how to handle my anger, what to tell me to right the situation as it stands. “Until then, leave me alone unless you’ve got a plan to fix this.” I spin on my heel to walk away, furious.
“Cait, aren’t you going to eat?” asks Theo, his tone apologetic, and I almost stop.
“I lost my appetite, and I can’t be in the same room with either of you right now,” I reply, continuing to storm off.
“I’m still your dragon, Cait. It remains my duty to protect you.”
Stopping dead in my tracks, I glare back at him, shaking my head. “I have plenty other dragons to take care of that duty, Theo. Right now, you’re the man I can’t trust not to break my heart, the man who has a lot of ground to make up if he wants to fix this. I’d advise you start figuring out a game plan before the distance between us is too far for even a dragon to fly.”
And I walk on outside to find Oliver, but the second I step out the patio door, it’s Falcon who greets me. “The perimeter remains secure. No signs of further activity at present.”
I nod. “Great. Thanks for the update.” Continuing to walk, I’m surprised to find he stays at my side.
“Are you alright?”
No immediate response comes to mind. Falcon asking a question with some humanity or hint of personal inquisition just commits some felonious offense against the laws of nature or something. “No, Falcon. In case you missed it, my life isn’t my life, and the two men I thought I could trust most decided to fix it without involving me. Maybe you haven’t been around here long enough to figure this out yet, but that is not the way I operate. Be straight with me. Play it upfront. Don’t treat me like a child.”
“You are not a child. You are a strong woman, stronger than I have known in my existence, though I have not known the North Star until you.” He speaks in a monotone, but at least he speaks more elaborately than I’d expect from him.
“Thank you,” I reply, fairly sure that was a compliment.
“Why must you thank me for stating the truth? I assess your abilities and reach a reasonable conclusion regarding the status of your strengths and weakness based on that assessment.” He stops walking, and I do too, unsure what else to do other than turn to face him, finding he’s looking at me as if he’s studying me. “You speak from the heart. In others, I would believe that to be a weakness, yet you use it in a manner that brings greater strength to yourself and those surrounding you, Cait. Given the chosen use, I cannot count it as a negative quality in the North Star as I expected, knowing the prophecy.”
“I am who I am, Falcon. Nothing changed about me just because somebody came along telling me I had this great destiny to be someone to the dragons, unlocking things hiding in my blood. No one tapped me with a magic wand and instilled some strength I never had before,” I explain, getting impatient. “Is there a real reason you’re following me around?”
“They made the correct choice in saving you; however, they erred in their decision to allow emotions to guide every response following that last night.” He stares at me, and I see something softer in his eyes than I have since I met him. “Had I held a position nearer you, I would not have permitted such a thing.”
“No offense, Falcon, but I have dragons who have earned their places, and if you want to be closer then you need to do the same.” His intense red eyes remain on me. “Now, if you would be so helpful as to tell me where Oliver is, I’d appreciate it.”
“In the front. I will escort you.”
We remain silent on the walk, but from the corner of my eye, I notice him glancing at me several times. “Oliver.” I breathe his name out in relief the second I see him, running from Falcon’s side to reach him, Oliver opening his arms invitingly, not loosening his embrace as I listen to his strong heartbeat against my ear. I may not remember who I was in love with, but I remember how I loved and needed Oliver. How I love and need Oliver.
“I gather Theo told you.” He strokes my hair, keeping me in his arms, and I feel safe. “Is my brother still in one piece?”
“More or less. I slapped him and beat the ever-loving fire out of him, not that it did much good. But I felt better … sort of.” Stopping for a moment, I admit what I didn’t want to in the kitchen. “I think his heart is broken more than anything, Oliver.”
“Indeed. I do not doubt that to be true, Caitie.” Oliver holds my arms, pushing me back to look me in the eyes. “Never did I truly believe it could be quite possible, a dragon falling in love, but I know my brother. I see how Theo looks at you. I know what he feels for you, and undoubtedly, his pain has such depth and breadth none of us could imagine. We all feel his loss, Caitie. … All your dragons.” He frowns, eyes serious, saddened. “The North Star shines over the Goddess Houses, yet in many ways, you affect every brother of the Dracopraesi. Undeniably, the North Star belongs to each of us in some small way.” Oliver softly kisses the top of my head, sighing. “Some of us more than others. … Yet we see you with Theo, and it gives us a kind of hope you do not understand. After the lives we have led, the existences that are ours, we see something new, something more to be had, though it is frightening to some, it stirs excitement in every dragon. Not one of us does not desire to see our North Star with Theo, married to our new Lord Regent. It is a sign of our future. It gives us something in which to believe.”
“Oliver, I remember pieces, glimpses of what I had with Theo, but nothing in me remembers loving him. Physical attraction isn’t out of the question.” I almost laugh as Oliver glances away, jaw set. Despite our atypical bond, he’s about as comfortable with that topic as any typical father with his daughter. “But the rest of it … I don’t know how to find my way back, and I am so furious with him. I just want to choke him senseless.”
“It would not physically harm him if you did so. … Dante either.” His tone is flat, the statement thoroughly humorless. At least he’s honest in his disapproval of their handling of last night’s events. “Not that I would suggest such a thing. Theo is our Lord Regent, but should you do it; he would suffer no lasting harm.”
I laugh and let my head fall against his chest again, feeling his large hand gently stroke my hair. “Oh, Oliver, I am glad I do remember the rest of my dragons. I’d be lost if I didn??
?t remember my family, how much I love you.”
“Our entire existences, we never considered anything other than guarding and protecting wards and innocents as important. Destroying dark souls fulfilled our duty, yet those of us honor-bound to you, we who spend time with you, we do not wish to consider what our existences would have been had we never come to you, never felt the love we share with you. You love each of us, but no more than we love you in return, Caitie.”
A loud roar from above interrupts the moment, and I search the sky for the source of the sound, finding an emerald green, black-horned dragon even larger than Oliver or Theo, careening toward us from the south, coming in to land less than ten feet away. He doesn’t shift until he’s fully on the ground, surveying everyone around him.
“Agtos.” Oliver’s face shows nothing, but his tone hints at a world of less than pleasant feelings toward this unexpected visit.
In human form, he towers beyond the height of Oliver and Theo, at least six-foot-five or maybe more, bulging defined muscles in unmatched ways I can’t miss. Oliver’s description of him as a hippie did nothing to prepare me for this. He wears a brightly colored Hawaiian print shirt, tan cargo shorts, and sandals. Dark sunglasses cover his eyes with shaggy waves of not-quite-curly black hair covering his ears, contrasting against the graying black beard that belongs on some wise Oracle I’d first ever imagined him to be.
“Man,” he lets out in a thunderous sigh, stretching his arms skyward. “That was a long flight, but damn it feels good to get away. I haven’t been off Avalon Island since that Jimmy Buffet concert in Florida.” He stares off toward something, or maybe nothing. “I think that was like 2007. Maybe 2010. Great concert. Awesome party.”
Oliver escorts me to greet the odd former Lord Regent, and I hope someone informed him of the power shift. “Agtos, may I introduce Caitriona Mary Hayden, our North Star, less formally known to us as Cait.” I want to elbow Oliver in the side for that ridiculous introduction.