It was an awesome drive down the mountain pass, with all of its intense twists and turns. It was the kind of road I had been waiting to ride for a very long time. I couldn't wait to experience it on my Harley Davidson.
At times, the shoulder dropped off to vertical, jagged-looking cliffs, while at other times it kissed a white-capped stream that disappeared and returned again in the most unexpected places. The forest was ever-present. I found it odd how in certain areas the trees had a different feel to them. On our property, they felt malicious, like they had eyes and were watching me. Through the mountain pass, they felt as though they were humbled by the rough and rowdy terrain from which they grew. And just before town, they felt mysterious and mischievous.
Addy hadn't said a word to me the entire thirteen miles down the pass, but that was fine by me. One thing I liked to share most with Addy was long intervals of uninterrupted silence.
When Addy pulled up alongside the curb in front of Mawd's Grocers, I didn't notice the brawl that was brewing in the park to my left. I was totally awestricken by the sights, the mountains, the way the earth seemed to embrace the town and make it a part of the land somehow. I had no idea Sleepy Hallow would be so cool. The stores, which were old, run-down structures that were leaning up against one another, as if needing each other's support, fringed the right side of an orange and rust-colored cobblestone street. These rickety-looking structures were backed up against a mountain side and snuggled by trees. A crooked, bubbling stream looked to be their only defense against the land that seemed to threaten to gobble them up. At the far end of town, every thing seemed to just come to a sudden stop, as if Sleepy Hallow teetered at the edge of the world. On the left side of the street, lush, green grass sprawled out around a little lake that was now glittering in the early morning light. A log sign read Hallow Park.
I was only vaguely aware of the group of girls in the park, while I took in the sights of the church grounds. A narrow, gravel road wrapped around the lake and led to one of the coolest churches I had ever seen. It was old and it looked eerily alive. I would have easily mistaken it for an ancient castle had it not been for its large, brass cross on its tall, brass steeple. The forest, deep and dark despite the sun, nudged against the church's rear, as if to say, I got your back. Here, the trees had a devious, visceral feel to them.
A loud voice finally drew my attention to the girls in the park.
"I'd get your better-than-thou-scrawny-ass away from here, if I were you," said an Indian girl. There were four girls circling a little, frizzy-haired girl.
Four against one?
That was so not cool, in my opinion.
"Isis is right, Isabelle. You need to leave. You know we're not interested in your God Spiel," said a girl who looked like Barbie Doll.
"She is not Isis!" Isabelle insisted. "And even if I was ignorant enough to believe in pantheism or animistisism, I certainly wouldn't believe that Isis, here, is actually thee Egyptian Deity, Great of Sorcery, Speaker of Spells!"
I smiled. Little Isabelle sure had some spunk. I liked her already.
Then my smile faded with the realization that I knew that voice. I'd heard it before, in my dreams.
I knew her.
And I knew that her hair would smell like baby powder.
Isis didn't seem to like Isabelle very much. She shoved Isabelle in the shoulders so hard that I could hear the sound of impact from where I was sitting. Isabelle went flying backward. Her strawberry-blond spirals sprang off her shoulders when she landed on her rump.
"How many times we gotta tell you? Stay away from us," warned a girl with big, puffy, brown hair. She stood next to a girl who looked like a pixie. But without wings.
Yup, Isabelle was definitely the underdog.
And I certainly was not going to just sit there and do nothing but watch as she got her butt kicked.
Besides, I was curious. No, I was dumb-stricken. Isabelle was Izzy from my dreams, and this was such a baffling realization that all I wanted to do was march across the park and sniff Isabelle's hair.
I got out of the Mercedes, padded across the cool cobblestone street in my bare feet and headed straight for the girls. When I reached Isabelle, I took her by the wrist and pulled her to her feet, resisting the urge to sniff her hair right then and there. Then I turned to Isis, Great of Sorcery, and without hesitation, I punched her in the nose, hooking upward just slightly. I heard the cracking sound of bone and I knew I'd broken her nose. Blood sprayed from Isis' nostrils, her head cranked sideways, and she sailed backward. I turned my back to her before she even landed on the ground and, fighting that growing urge to sniff Isabel's hair, I started heading back toward the Mercedes.
Where Addy was standing.
Watching.
And, crap, I just got my riding privileges back and now I was going to get my Harley taken away from me again. Double crap!
There was a look of shock on Addy's face, a brown paper bag that she seemed to have forgotten about in her arm. I didn't pay any attention to the commotion that was going on behind me. I had even forgotten about sniffing Izzy's hair. The look in Addy's eyes had my full attention. Of course, I'd seen this look a thousand times before, but never once had it lost its potency. Never once had it not hurt or angered me.
"Hay, Biker Chick. Meet me here tonight," Barbie Doll's voice came from behind. She didn't sound hateful, which surprised me since I had just punched her friend in the nose and whatnot. And she didn't come after me, which I found even more surprising. I couldn't help but wonder if maybe they knew Sean. Maybe they felt like they needed to stay away from me or something, like the group of teens did in Oak Park.
Isabelle caught up with me as I was crossing the street. "Wait! Don't meet Devine here tonight," she said, in a desperate sounding whisper. I looked at her through a strand of hair that had blown around my shoulder in the crisp breeze, and I just couldn't resist.
I leaned into her, took a quick sniff of her hair and then went back to pretending that I was normal. And believe me, that was a very difficult performance, because of two reasons. One: I wasn't normal. Two: Isabelle's hair smelled like baby powder.
A chill slithered through me. Contrary to what I once believed, it was evident that my dream world and my real world would collide, even if it was a slow, casual, mysterious collision.
I noticed Isabelle was taken aback by the fact that I had sniffed her hair. She seemed to have forgotten what she was going to say. I wondered if maybe she was having the same kind of experience I was having. Maybe she recognized me, too. Maybe she dreamed about me like I dreamed about her.
Or maybe she was just a little freaked out about me sniffing her hair.
"Is animistisism even a word?" I asked her. My insides began what would undoubtedly end in a riot of some sort. This girl beside me was Izzy. She was here, in the flesh, outside of my dream.
Oh, god, I did crack. And stuff has come spilling out of my head! What have I done? What have I unleashed upon this earth?
I quickly looked around me, turning three-hundred and sixty degrees, while I kept walking. Was it possible the copper angel had escaped my head too?
"I'm not sure if its really a word. It's my word, I guess. Seriously, I wouldn't meet Devine here tonight," Isabel said. We rounded the bumper of the Mercedes and I opened the passenger's door. Addy started the engine, undoubtedly anxious to start the reaming session she had planned for our ride home.
"You can meet me here, instead! I mean, at the church. For Wednesday Night Service," Isabelle said, sounding hopeful. I got in the car and closed the door. I didn't have to look at Addy to know she was grinning sarcastically. Church was the last place on earth Addy would expect me to go.
I looked at Addy. Yup, just as I'd expected, she was grinning, sarcastically.
"Church," I said, mulling that over for a moment. It was difficult to focus my thoughts on anything other than the fact that someone from my dream world was here in my real world. And what made it even stranger was the fact t
hat she was inviting me to church. I forced myself to shove that thought down and concentrate on the here and now. And here and now I had the opportunity to shock Addy. I tried to never miss those sorts of opportunities, though most of the time it just kinda came naturally. Or by accident.
"Sure! I'll meet you there. What time?" I said to Izzy, while looking at Addy. There was no way I was going to miss seeing a smirk fall off Addy's face.
"Seven O'clock! Great!" Isabelle said with glee. She clapped her hands and jumped for joy, sending her frizzy spirals bouncing. Dimples flanked her smile and even her freckles seemed to glow with happiness.
"Gee, Izzy. I can see why you get picked on," I said. I wasn't teasing either. This girl was the epitome of an underdog.
But yet, there was something about her.
No, there was something within her.
I stared at her a little closer, trying to figure out what it was. I couldn't put a name to it. But I quickly realized it was the opposite of what I saw surrounding Bane in my dreams. And it was very similar to what I saw in Doug. There was a bright light glowing in the depths of Izzy's being, similar to the light that exploded in my dream, the one that dissolved the darkness. It was a fragment of that unworldly, peaceful light, only, it was muted and faded in comparison to the one in my dream.
Izzy could have been the ugliest person on the face of this planet and this light would have still made Izzy very beautiful.
Addy took off down the road, when she realized Izzy and I were done talking. Where the cobblestone road turned into cracked, old pavement and pierced the forest, aiming North to the highway, two gravel roads forked off. I had no idea where the one heading East went, but the one heading west, Snake Road, would take Addy and I to our new home.
A frigid silence oozed from Addy. To my surprise, we spent the entire trip up the pass ignoring one another. I had expected a reaming, the moment we pulled away from the curb outside of Mawd's Grocers. I wondered if she had been taking lessons from Doug, since he seemed to know how to get it right. He had the owner's manual, after all.
We reached the top of the mountain pass, where the land stretched out before us. Aspens hugged the narrow gravel road that took us deep into the woods. Their umbrellas of brilliant green leaves caressed the rays of sunlight that shot through them. Everything seemed to sway and bend, drift and fall with its very own melody, and yet, the harmony was blended and unified in some way.
"I can't believe you, Luna! I thought things would be different. I thought that starting over would change things for us," Addy said, when she pulled into the driveway. Her feathery, auburn hair hid her face, but I didn't need to see it to know what she was displaying in her expression: Disappointment, frustration, exhaustion.
"We've been here for three days. We haven't even unpacked our belongings, and already you're starting trouble. What. . . how come. . . why? Why did you punch that girl, Luna?"
I rolled my eyes and let out a heavy sigh. There was no sense in explaining. She would have never understood anyway.
Well, you see, I had this dream about this girl named Izzy and in the dream her hair smelled like baby powder, so when I saw this same girl in the park, I got out of the car to go sniff her hair---
Ok, that really wouldn't have explained why I punched the girl, but it would have been a great start.
Addy pulled the car in front of the two car garage and turned the engine off. She seemed to have turned herself off, as well. With one hand on the wheel and the other still on the key, she went very still. She stayed like this for a long, awkward moment or two, before letting out a breath of air.
"I realize you've been through a lot, Luna. You don't have to let me in for me to know that. You're angry. I get that. I really do. But it's only because you're in pain. It's time to move on. Time to get past that. Learn how to let it go. Forgive. Forget. And move on." She looked at me now, her hand falling from the key to her boney knee in exasperation. "You're seventeen. It's time to grow up now."
"Grow up?" I glared at her, trying to figure out how a Addy could say that sort of thing after knowing what I'd been through. And I wasn't talking about Sean. Addy didn't even know anything about Sean. I readjusted my weight in the leather seat, as if it would fix the discomfort inside me, but, nope, it didn't work. Actually, I think it made it worse somehow.
"You just stood there and watched him do those things to me! You did nothing when he ripped me from my bed at night and led me to my next living hell. You turned your freaking back on me! You covered your ears to keep from hearing my screams. You told me to stop being a baby, and now you say I should just grow up?" I studied her face, looking for something, anything, that said that she was joking, that she was sorry, that she understood, despite what she had just told me, but all I could see was the disappointment, the frustration, the exhaustion.
"Who was the one who doctored your bruises and held you when you cried? Me? Who made dinners and cooked breakfasts and cleaned the house so you could fall into the bottom of a whiskey bottle and hide in the dark corners of the house somewhere? Me? Oh, here's a good one: Who cleaned my wounds? Who held me when I cried? Me?" I lifted the door handle and shoved the door wide open. "You know? I think you're the one who needs to do a little growing up, Addy." I got out of the car. "And you're wrong. You don't get it. And I am not angry. I'm royally pissed off!" I slammed the door shut so hard that it caused the entire car to rock from side to side and I stormed up the steps of the porch. What made me even angrier, was that this saddened me. I wanted to let her in. I wanted to stop right there in the doorway of our new home, go to Addy, throw my arms around her and just cry until the anger and the hurt subsided. But I couldn't. I couldn't embrace the one who allowed the ugliest monster of all to attack me. I couldn't cry on the shoulder of the one who turned her back on me when I needed her the most. Heck, I couldn't even cry for all those things, anyway. I didn't know how to do that yet. I didn't know how to succumb to such weakness without letting go of my lifeline, which was my strength. However imaginary my strength was, I held on to it, desperately, knowing that if I let go, I'd fall and fall and then splatter to my horrible death.
So, for now, I'd just be angry.
Or, royally pissed off.
I slammed the glass door on my way inside the cabin. The pains rattled in the frame, as if shivering in the wake of my mood. I thought about stopping and going back to the door so that I could do it again, just for that added effect, but I was too upset to stop moving. I moved my self through the clutter of boxes in the spacious living room, flew up the steps, into my room and dove into my bed. I pounded my fist into the too-soft pillow, until finally I failed to resist the numbing silence that pulsated in the depths of the darkness within me. It rose up with a vengeance and wrapped me in its merciful embrace the way only my Dark Angel could.
I remembered only one thought slithering through my mind before I fell into a deep sleep. There was a connection between church and the light within Izzy that made her so beautiful. And deep down beneath the anger, I wanted what Izzy had, the same light, the same beauty. My darkness was ugly. It was cruel and awful and it would never be illuminated.
I knew I could never have what Izzy had, because I was certain that light could never live in the darkness.
****