Chapter 9 Changes
Teren put off dealing with Hot Ben for much longer than I thought he would. In fact, I was well into my fourth month, with an adorably cute baby bump on me, and he still hadn't done anything about it. His optimism that his friend would come around tore me a little, especially since Ben asked him every time we all four got together, when Halina was going to see him. Ben was starting to get a little worried that the longer it went on, the greater the possibility that she couldn't help him anymore.
With a harsh swallow at the fact that Ben considered memory loss a "help", Teren assured him that that wasn't how it worked. That if she wanted, she could convince him that he didn't even know his own mother. That line didn't make Ben appear any more comfortable. He actually looked worse and worse every time I saw him. His normally gorgeous face started thinning out. Deep circles started to appear under his eyes and his skin had the sallow look of someone who woke up every ten minutes at night. He seemed to have been genuinely honest with Teren when he'd told him that he couldn't sleep anymore.
Tracey didn't understand the physical or emotional changes in her boyfriend, and had started to do what most women in her case would do. She started to think it was her. We had multiple conversations that involved me assuring her that he was still head over heels in love with her, that he wasn't liar and he definitely wasn't a cheater. I was pretty sure she didn't believe me on that last part, and it didn't help the matter any that Ben had a habit of asking Teren about Halina right in front of her. Tracey was convinced that her boyfriend was sleeping with the sensual woman. I really couldn't blame her for coming up with that explanation. Hot Ben was different - moodier and quieter, more introverted, and always looking over his shoulder whenever we went out. I was a little surprised that Tracey hadn't come up with drugs too, as he was starting to act like some paranoid meth addict.
I felt horrible about the whole thing, especially when Tracey replayed some of their fights to me. They'd never really fought before, and now it was becoming a more and more common thing. Honestly, I was getting a little scared for them, for how long they could make it through this stress, but, stubborn as always, Teren still wouldn't call Halina.
"Teren, he looks awful. I know you want his support, but you can't force this. " I sat on the bed rubbing my expanding belly as Teren calmly changed his clothes. He looked at me in the vanity mirror over his dresser, but didn't answer. I watched his jaw tighten with tension though, and knew him well enough to know that he wanted me to drop this.
I got up off the bed and walked up behind him, slipping my arms around his waist from behind. He'd just taken off his work shirt, and my body shivered a little as I clung to his, the bump of our children touching him before any other part of my torso. He smiled, wrapping one hand over the both of mine and bringing the other around behind himself to slip between us, feeling my stomach. Laying my head on his shoulder, I met eyes with him in the mirror. "You can't keep avoiding this. It's cruel to him. "
My irritation with Hot Ben's choice had faded away as the physical symptoms of his stress had started to show. He really couldn't handle knowing that the myths were true, and Teren keeping ignorance from him, really was kind of cruel. Teren hung his head, his fingers over my hands on his stomach tightening. "I know," he whispered. He looked up at me, his eyes almost pleading with me. "I just can't yet, Emma. "
He didn't say please, but I could feel the word in the air. He wanted time. He wanted Ben to know, and to eventually find peace with it. I bit my lip, resisting the urge to tell him that Ben would never be okay with the knowledge, and he should just let it go. Teren eventually had to let everyone go. . . but, right now, he needed this. Plus, as time went by, Ben had actually started talking to Teren about his life. They would sit on our couch, Teren's face animated as he went over aspects of what he could do. He wasn't bragging to Hot Ben or anything, he was just relieved to be able to finally tell him the stories he kept bottled up. Like, that one of the rainbows they'd caught last camping trip, he'd heard coming up the stream and had plucked it out with his bare hand while Ben had had his back turned. Or how he knows that the waitress at a bar we frequently go to (since Teren could fake drinking better than he could fake eating) had a major crush on Ben; apparently her heart started racing whenever Ben was near her. Ben listened to all of this with his head in his hands over his knees, looking both intrigued and freaked out.
One of my hands moving to Teren's shoulder, I rubbed his skin warm and then kissed it. "Okay, but if he keeps asking, you need to do it. " I raised my eyebrow at him pointedly. "For him, if not for you and the others. "
I kissed his shoulder again and then released him. He sighed as we pulled apart and then nodded. Merrily I said, "I'm going to go get a snack. " I grinned and he shook his head at me. I was starting to "snack" on a more and more frequent basis. I rationalized it as I was eating for three, but really, I just loved having an excuse to eat nearly a half gallon of ice cream nightly.
Massaging my protruding stomach again as I walked downstairs, I marveled at how amazing the human body is. Currently, I was incubating two lives inside my own. That was a little miraculous to me. And now that the horrid morning - no, more accurately, "anytime throughout the day" sickness was over with (I hadn't tossed my cookies in two solid weeks, so I had my fingers crossed), I was feeling pretty good about this pregnancy thing.
My clothes had tightened up on me dramatically once the wedding was over, almost like the two realized that they didn't need to hide anymore, and they were free to grow like weeds. Teren had taken me shopping for a whole new maternity wardrobe. Yeah, it was as amazingly fun as that sounds! So with a stomach that looked like I'd swallowed a cantaloupe, although Teren would say bowling ball, I reveled in my new incredibly comfortable, super-stretchy, body-concealing clothes (I still hadn't told Clarice yet).
As I made an obscenely huge bowl of peppermint ice cream and loaded up on the chocolate sauce, I was feeling really, really good about this pregnancy thing. I grabbed my bowl and sat on the couch, flipping on the TV to some reality show that didn't require any brain cells to follow. I thought enough during the day, I didn't want to have to do it while relaxing. The creamy goodness hit my tongue and I sighed contently. I smiled, knowing Teren would hear that happy sigh. I liked knowing that he knew when I was happy. And I was frequently happy. Sure, my life was more complicated now, being married to an undead vampire and all, but the underlying emotion I felt every day, was happiness.
I giggled and kicked my feet against the couch cushions like a five year old. Above the noise of the TV, I started hearing a scratching sound. Curious, I set down my ice cream and went to check it out. Walking past the table in the kitchen, I headed to a small hall that held the laundry room and a bathroom. The sharp, clicking noise was coming from the laundry room, so I stepped in there.
I flipped on the switch, but the room was empty. I couldn't figure out what the sound was at first, but then it happened again and I immediately understood. This room had a door that led to the backyard and Teren had put up a doggy door so his pup could come and go freely. A round laundry basket had been set right in front of the flap, the heavy obstacle overflowing with clothes and impossibly for the collie to push back, effectively trapping him outside. A flash of guilt washed through me that I'd inadvertently blocked Spike's entrance to our warm home, and I immediately removed the basket, vowing to do better on keeping up with that sort of thing. No one ever mentions that the signing of wedding papers, also commits you to the responsibility of doubled laundry loads. Of course, my husband did make amazing dinners for me, more often than not, so I didn't complain about it, too much.
Spike immediately bolted into the room, cowering back into a corner. Startled at his odd behavior, I went over to him, hugging the shaggy coat to me. He nestled into my side and I could feel him lightly shaking. "You okay, boy? Something out there?"
Feeling protective of my step-pet, I walked over to the door and u
nlocked it, stepping outside onto a small concrete slab. The late January air was chilly and a shiver went through my pajama clad body as I vigorously rubbed my arms, looking over Teren's sloping lawn. It was a big yard and there were hidden areas with deep shadows and dark, menacing looking trees. As something in the back corner near a garden shed shifted, my heart seized. Then Goldie the neighbor cat hopped up on Teren's fence and I nearly had a heart attack. Thinking I was beyond stupid at being alone in the backyard, investigating strange things just like Teren had a habit of doing, I hurried back into the house.
I closed the door, securely locking it, and encouraged Spike to follow me into the kitchen to get him something to eat. Teren instantly breezed into the room, a disapproving look on his face. Oh yeah, I guess if he could hear me sighing contently, then he'd also just heard me ask the dog if something had spooked him, and then he'd heard me stupidly go check on what that might be. That really wasn't too smart of me, and I wouldn't have been happy if he'd done it. We did need to be more careful than the average husband and wife.
Teren seemed about to scold me, when a strange look suddenly passed over his face and he tilted his head at me. Then he looked over to the hall where the laundry room was and his features shifted to surprise. "Oh," was all he said.
His face shifting to normal, he came over and squatted down by his dog, ruffling his fur. "Sorry to lock you out, boy. " He grinned and then kissed Spike's head while Spike thumped his tail noisily.
Confused by his weird reaction, I put my hands on my hips. I'd really been expecting a reprimand; I'd already even prepared my defense, namely that the hormones in my body had temporarily flooded my common sense. "Oh?" I said sarcastically. "That's it?"
He looked up at me, still smiling, then straightened and kissed my forehead. "Yep. "
He turned to walk away, but I grabbed his t-shirt. "Wait, you can't just say 'oh', all surprised like, and then not explain. " Shaking my head at him, I added, "That's not proper etiquette. "
He chuckled and raised an eyebrow at me. "I didn't realize you and me followed the rules of etiquette. "
I slung my arms around his waist, trapping him to me, well, not physically, but symbolically. "Yes, we do. Everyone does to a certain extent. " Smiling, I added, "That's what keeps us civilized. "
He grinned and leaned in to place a cool kiss along the vein in my neck. "Was I being civilized then, when I bit you last night in that spot that makes you-"
I cut him off, smacking him in the chest. He straightened and chuckled while I sputtered out, "What was 'oh'?" My cheeks heated from the memory he'd just given me and his thumb traced the flush of color.
"I felt you," he whispered.
I cocked my head, confused. "You. . . felt me? What do you mean?"
He slung his arms around me, actually trapping me, and shrugged his shoulders. "When you went outside, I knew it. At first I thought I'd only heard it, but when you came back inside, I realized that I was wrong. " He shrugged. "It was faint, but I'd also felt it. "
I sighed, not understanding his meaning. "I don't. . . "
He grinned, twisting me back and forth a little in our embrace. "Like I can feel my family. . . I felt you. I sensed where you were. I'm doing it right now. I see you, I feel you, I smell you, I hear you. . . and I can sense you. "
My eyes widened as his meaning hit me. His entire family, well, the vampiric part of it, could sense each other's locations, like they'd all been low-jacked, or bugged or something. And now apparently, he could sense me too. "How. . . ?"
His eyes drifted to my stomach, bulged between us. "Them. " His eyes went back to mine, joy clear in the pale depths. "I can sense them. Their blood is my blood, my family's blood. " He squeezed me tighter, a huge smile spreading over his face. "Now that I know what that faint feeling is, it's very apparent to me, and I think that will only get stronger as they grow. " He chuckled a little. "As long as they are inside you, I'll know where all three of you are. "
Shocked silenced me. I'd forgotten about that vampiric trait. Well, not necessarily forgot about it, but I certainly never considered that he'd have a bond with the children like that before they were even born. A tiny part of me was jealous at his connection to them, and a tiny part of me was irritated that even more of my privacy was lost. He'd always know where I was now. My mind spinning, I focused on what his bloodline tracking ability meant for our children's future. "Well, I guess we'll never have to worry about losing the kids at the mall. . . "
He chuckled, and held me as tight as my GPS-spouting stomach would allow.
A couple of weeks later, nothing had changed. Well, nothing had changed in the Teren vs. Ben standoff. Plenty of things were changing in my world. For starters, I felt the twins move. At first I thought it was just gas or my stomach rumbling, but one night, when Teren and I were snuggling on the couch watching a movie, I felt a definite and profound kick. Teren looked at my stomach at the same time I did, both of our hands shortly following.
I glanced up at him. "Did you hear that?"
He grinned and nodded, his eyes returning to my tummy. "Yeah, I've been hearing movement for awhile now, but that was really distinct. "
A second kick greeted our awaiting hands and we both started laughing, and then I started crying, Teren scooping me into his lap and laughingly kissing away my emotional tears. Once I knew what it felt like, I started feeling those little kicks and squirms all the time. I started to feel less jealous of Teren's ability to bond with our children pre-birth, and started relishing my connection to them. He may be able to sense them and hear them in ways that I couldn't, but I was the one keeping them alive.
Teren started becoming more conscious of that too. In a move that actually didn't please me, he stopped feeding off me. A week after we'd both felt them kicking, I'd tried to get him to bite me. I'd never had to really try before, not since that very first bite, and it was a little irritating to me to have to beg for it. He worried his lip as he stared at his favorite vein in my neck that I was offering him, and slowly shook his head, his eyes betraying the fact that he wanted to be piercing my skin more than anything.
"Why not?" I said breathlessly. "I can wear that nice turtleneck you bought me for a few days. "
With a sigh, he sat back on his heels, still kneeling over me, just below my hips where my growing belly didn't get in the way. He shook his head, his eyes instantly going to that belly that was getting larger and larger as I now rolled into the halfway point, the 20th week. The doctor said they were growing wonderfully, and every blood draw or pee test I'd taken had showed no inherent dangers to them. Personally, I wasn't worried about me passing anything dangerous to them, I knew exactly what condition they were going to end up with, but it was a comforting thing for a doctor to say anyway. We had an intensive ultrasound scheduled in two weeks - the big one - the one where they could tell the sexes. We hadn't decided if we wanted to know or not.
Teren put a cold hand on my naked belly, his chilly fingers automatically eliciting a response from the twins. I don't know if they sensed his temperature, even through the layers of skin and fluid separating them, or if they just sensed that Dad was near, but they almost always kicked or moved when he touched me like that. A slow smile broke out on his face, a face full of wonder and love, as his hand circled the now watermelon-like stomach.
"I can't. I shouldn't," he whispered. I tried to sit up, but failed in getting around my belly. He looked back up at me struggling to get closer to him, and shifted his position to lie beside me. I rolled onto my side and put a hand on his bare, silent chest, still subtly exposing my neck to him. His eyes drifted over to what I offered, but he shook his head again. "It's not mine anymore, Emma. " His eyes came back to mine, content and committed. "You are supporting three lives with that precious blood. " He took my wrist and placed a kiss along the crisscross of veins just under the surface, his eyes closing as my pulse vibrated across his lips. "I won't let you support a fourth. " He
opened his eyes and smiled at me. "I have plenty of other ways to get fresh blood. "
I frowned at that, but knew full well he meant an animal. Teren would never bite another human, and not just because he couldn't erase the event from them like Halina could. No, he would never bite another human because that would almost be like he was cheating on me. The act of drawing blood was a surprisingly intimate one, and I'd be devastated if he ever touched another girl that way. He knew that and would never hurt me like that. So no, my frown wasn't over fear that he'd "stray", my frown was because. . . well, I liked it.
He smiled as he followed my thought process. "After they are born, I will drain you until you pass out, but not right now, okay?" He grinned playfully and squeezed my bloated body tight to his.
I sighed, then smiled and kissed him softly. "Fine. . . but you better. "
He laughed and then rolled me on top of him. I had to bend over my stomach to still kiss him, but I managed. "You're so kinky," he whispered through increasingly heated kisses. I laughed huskily, my hormonal body quickly igniting at the seductive, half naked man pinned underneath me.
"You haven't seen anything yet," I whispered right back at him, a low groan escaping him at hearing my words. Then I proceeded to show him just how "kinky" my hormone driven body could be.
After those changes, the next biggest shift in my life was work. Eventually my expanded body was too much for me to hide, especially since my clothes before had always kind of highlighted my figure; me switching to baggy clothes had tipped off some of the more observant girls that worked there. Not Clarice though, she didn't clue in until she caught me absentmindedly stroking my stomach one day. Then her jowly jaw had dropped, and I swear her face went a ghostly shade of white.
"God, are you pregnant?" She asked that like I had some sort of infectious disease. She almost looked like she wanted to put her hand over her mouth and nose as a precaution.
Stopping myself from rolling my eyes or laughing at her response, I threw on a bright smile and calmly said, "Well, I was going to tell you this when I was a bit further along, (say, nine months along), but I guess you should know as soon as possible. " Just to see her reaction, I lifted my shirt and showed her my stretched beyond natural tummy. "Yes, Teren and I are expecting. Twins, actually," I tossed in for good measure.
Her reaction was pure gold. Her mouth dropped even wider and she went slightly green. Shaking her head, she backed away from my stomach like she was witnessing that scene from the movie Alien. You know, the scene where the creature bursts out of the person's body, leaving a bloody, gory mess behind. As she stared at my skin in horror, I swear that's what she expected to happen. "Why would you do that, Emma?"
Her shocked eyes lifted to mine as I frowned and covered my body again. "We want children," I said, a little defensively.
Shaking her head, her eyes looked at me like I'd just set a match to a winning lottery ticket. "Oh, you had such potential here. I was really thinking you'd take over for me, one day. " She shook her head sadly, her thick neck barely allowing the movement.
I bristled at that. "I'm not leaving. I can have children and a career. "
The corner of her lip lifted in a smirk. "That's what they all say. " She sighed. "When is D-Day?"
My lips turning down, my momentary high dulled, I sullenly said, "June 26th. "
She sighed, mentally ticking off how much time she had left with me, then she turned and waddled back to her office, probably to call the temp agency and have them start looking for my replacement. Irritating woman. Once again I thought Tracey was on to something, and Teren's family should just buy the company for me. Clarice wouldn't seem so high and mighty if this pregnant chick was suddenly her boss.
The last biggest change in my life happened not long after Clarice discovered my secret. The last biggest change sort of changed a lot for me, especially how I looked at my husband. In one day, he was brought down a peg in my eyes.
Tracey and I were having a leisurely cup of coffee at a local shop in town. Well, she was having coffee; I was still sticking to hot chocolate. It was mid-morning on a Saturday and the place was starting to pick up. We sat on luxuriously padded chairs in deep crimson and gold fabric. They could have just as easily been in a medieval throne room as a coffee shop. I sighed and relaxed back onto the exquisite chair and glanced around the space while Tracey went over her Hot Ben woes. Contemporary music played softly in the background as dim lighting was suspended over other groups of plush chairs, most in sets of two or three, just perfect for relaxing with a friend or two.
Most of the people who already had their beverages, were sitting in those fancy seats, looking as comfortable as I felt. An older man with a head of thick, dark hair, that any twenty year old guy would die to still have at his age, was having a pleasant conversation with a woman who looked about half his age. Yet again, something twenty year olds would probably love to have at his age.
Just behind where the older man was resting his hand on the woman's knee, I could just make out a pair of forty-something women, eyeing the man contemptuously. They whispered heated conversations as they glared at the woman, not the man, and I thought that perhaps they had each lost a beloved to a younger woman. I hoped that when I reached their age, Teren didn't come to regret his decision to marry me. I immediately discounted that though. What we had went far beyond physical looks.
Tracey's sigh pulled me back to our conversation, well, her conversation. As she sipped her frothy coffee treat, I sipped my cup of hot cocoa, savoring the chocolaty goodness hitting my tongue while she continued on with her theory that Hot Ben was diddling Halina.
After hearing this theory for so long now, I wasn't sure what to say to it anymore. I'd already told her that there was no way it was true (and there really was no way it was true. . . Hot Ben was terrified of Halina), but she never believed me, so now I just listened. As one of the twins kicked my ribcage, I brought a hand to my stomach, soothing the youngster and massaging the spot that he or she had been kicking repeatedly all morning. They generally rotated and twisted, kicking and squirming in different spots, but things were getting tighter in there as they, and in turn me, got larger, and they had started concentrating on one spot more often. That wasn't as much fun for me.
As Tracey started debating whether or not she should hire a private eye, her hand absentmindedly stroking out a piece of her blonde curls, I fixated on the slightly swaying lamp hanging over a table behind her. It was a deep red shade, the bulb inside just visible under the porcelain, making it glow from within. The shade reminded me of Teren, and the fact that he still wouldn't bite me.
When Tracey mentioned a name and an address of a detective, I fully concentrated on what she was saying. She wasn't just randomly joking around that she should have someone trail her possibly straying beau, she had actually researched it.
"What?" I said, a little startled that she'd seriously do that.
She set down her coffee, the smell wafting up to reach my nose, making my mouth water a little; I did miss my caffeinated coffee fix. "Well, what else am I supposed to do, Emma? Ever since the wedding, he's been so weird. " She worried her lip and shook her head, her hair swishing over her shoulders. "I know he's hiding something. "
Her eyes watered and guilt filled me. I knew so much that I couldn't tell her. I knew exactly what was wrong with Ben. I knew exactly why he was being weird around her and what secret he was keeping from her. I knew. . . and I couldn't tell her. There was nothing about the situation that I could share, no comfort that I could bring her. Nothing I knew would make her feel better anyway. She'd just be as freaked out as he was, even worse. She'd be beyond terrified, and would scream to the world that vampires existed. She'd probably end up in a straight jacket.
Doing the only thing I could, I extended my hand out to her, placing it on her arm sympathetically. "I'm sure it's not you, Trace. He loves you, adores you even. "
She looked at me
doubtfully, her beautiful face held in a frown. I set down my cocoa and grabbed her arm with my other hand. Letting my face brighten and look hopeful, I exclaimed. "Why don't you and Ben, and me and Teren all go-"
A woman walking past us, brushed up against my shoulder and stopped walking. The place had been picking up pace and several people had walked back and forth as Tracey and I sat on a main path to the counter, but those people, even the ones that had inadvertently touched us on their journey for more beverages, had only apologized briefly before continuing their journey. This woman stopping and facing us, made me cut off in my conversation and stare up at her.
She was my age, seemingly, with straight, shoulder length hair. She wasn't a drop-dead beauty like Tracey, but she had a certain girl-next-door quality that made men take notice of her, including the male barista that I could see checking her out from the corner of my eye. She was slim and tall, with small features to match her small curves. Her eyes were a grayish blue color and were narrowed in confusion as she looked at me.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly, as Tracey finally took notice of her and twisted her head to look. "Did you say. . . Teren?" I nodded, confused as to what this woman wanted. Her eyes widened and she sputtered on her next sentence. "Teren. . . Adams?"
My eyes narrowed as someone I didn't know, a female someone I didn't know, mentioned my husband's full name. "Yes," I said slowly, curiosity nearly killing me.
Her mouth dropped open as her entire posture relaxed. "Oh, wow. There's a name I haven't heard in awhile. " Her hand came up to her mouth for a second as she looked between the two of us. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I just heard you mention that name, and it's so unusual, I just thought, what are the odds, right?" She shrugged as a bright smile lit her lips. I sort of hated thinking that my husband made anyone else smile like that.
"Yeah, it is. . . different. " Curiosity eating me alive, I finally managed to say, "I'm sorry, who are you?"
The woman shook her head, her face becoming apologetic. "Oh, I'm so sorry, how rude of me. " She extended her hand to me and I lightly took it. "Carrie, Carrie Davids. " She smiled brightly again, like I should know exactly who she was now. Glancing at the ring on my finger she added, "Are you Teren's wife?"
I smiled that I indeed was. "Yes, Emma Adams. " I stressed my new last name, just to make absolutely sure this strange woman knew who I was. "And. . . how do you know Teren?" I added as casually as I could. Tracey beside me was silent, but when I flicked a glance at her, I could tell her pessimistic mood lately had already labeled this woman standing before me as Teren's side action. I ignored Tracey, focusing on the girl again. Teren wasn't cheating. . . I was certain of that. Pretty certain, anyway.
She flushed a bit, her hand running through her hair nervously. "Oh gosh, I'm just being all sorts of rude today, aren't I? Sorry, you just caught me by surprise with that name. I mean, I never expected to hear that name here, of all places. " She shook her head. "The odds, really?" I threw on a barely contained smile, since she still hadn't answered my question and noticing, she quickly said, "High school. We went to school together in Virginia. "
I immediately relaxed as the relationship to my husband became apparent. Tracey beside me snorted, clearly she didn't buy that, but I still ignored her. Brightening, I threw on a genuine smile. "Oh, I've never met anyone who grew up with him. It's nice to meet someone from his past. " A part of me was a little surprised this girl even remembered who he was. Didn't they say that most people would only vaguely remember him? She'd picked up on him by only his first name.
The woman smiled at me, her face clearly rewinding back into that past. "Yeah, we had some great times. You're very lucky. . . he's a great guy. " She said that last part wistfully and that tension came back to me. Just how had she known my husband? Before I could ask, she added, "Do you live around here?" She looked around like Teren might be here too. I mentally smiled that he was visiting his family at the ranch. Bringing her eyes back to me, she said, "Do you think we could all get together while I'm in town?"
Relief flooded through me that she didn't live here. Sighing with a fake reluctance, I said, "I'm not sure. He's very busy with his work. "
She brightened at that. "Oh, did he become a writer? He was so brilliant in school. "
My smile left me that she knew him so well. "Um. . . yes. He writes for a magazine here. " Not knowing how I felt about meeting this woman, I slapped on a friendly smile, my hand automatically going to my stomach, as yet another child knocked me from the inside. "Well, I'll be sure to tell him you say hello. " You can be sure of that. I had many questions for that boy.
She didn't react to my clear dismissal. Instead her eyes went to my stomach and I swear her face paled. "Are you. . . is that. . . ?" She looked up at me, her eyes unnecessarily moist. "Are you expecting . . . Teren's child?"
My brows furrowed at the look on her face. I couldn't even speak. Luckily, or unluckily, Tracey answered for me. "Yep. He knocked her up good. . . twins. Right around the time they got married. " She stressed married, like she was trying to warn away this could-be home wrecker.
As the woman's eyes filled with tears, I still didn't think that that was what this was about. Her eyes went back to my stomach and as the tears filled to flood level, she hastily brushed them aside. "God, I'm sorry. I'm being so inappropriate today. I just didn't expect to hear about him again. . . and here you are. . . and you're. . . " She looked at a smugly smiling Tracey and then to me. "I should go. Congratulations. . . to both of you. "
She hastily turned to leave and I reached out and grabbed her hand. She looked back at me, more tears falling, and the sympathetic side of me kicked in. "Are you okay?" Tracey snorted again and I ignored her again. This woman was hurting for some reason, and it couldn't just be because some boy she'd known in high school had gotten married and started a family.
She sniffled as she looked back at me, another tear falling, her blue eyes glistening. "I'm sorry. It shouldn't still affect me after all this time, and we were so young, it really was for the best. " She bit her lip and shrugged. "I guess you just never really get over that kind of loss. " She shook her head, more tears falling.
She was really starting to lose it and I had no idea why. Then her words started filling in my head, and over the music piping through the room, I started to piece together what she meant. Loss. She didn't mean losing Teren. She hadn't seemed much more than curious about him, until she looked at my stomach. That was when pain had brought her to the blubbery mess she was now. Pain, over my pregnancy. Loss. . . over her own?
She stared at my stomach, her voice sad and reminiscent. "I wonder if they will have his super dark hair and beautiful pale eyes. " She stopped talking and looked back up at me. "Such a great combination, isn't it? The darkness and lightness. So perfect. " Her hand went to her stomach in a familiar move, a move I did daily. My eyes widened as I watched her, my suspicions confirmed.
My mouth dropped wide open. "Were you pregnant?" I whispered.
She looked terrified, like I might strike her, and backed up a step, pulling apart from me. She looked over at a startled Tracey and then back to me. "God, I'm so inappropriate. I shouldn't be bringing this up with you. " She shook her head and started to leave. "Please, tell Teren hello. It was nice to meet you. "
She turned to leave again and I stood up quickly. Well, as quickly as I could get out of the throne room-like chair. Tracey understood, and helped me to stand up quicker. The woman paused as I desperately grabbed her arm again. "Please," I begged. "I need to know. Did Teren get you pregnant?"
She sighed, looking horribly apologetic. "It was a long time ago. Please don't be angry. " She shrugged off my hand and took a quick step back. "I'm so sorry I said anything. " She looked at my stomach again. "You just. . . surprised me. Brought back a lot of. . . memories. " Backing up another step, she muttered, "Please, give Teren my best. "
I only nodded. I planned on giving Teren my bes
t as well. I couldn't even comprehend the fact that this woman vividly remembered him, right down to the hair and eyes and the fact that he loved to write. Her admission over what their relationship had been was so beyond startling, that I was a little numb from it, and Tracey had to physically help me walk to my car, for fear I might pass out at any moment. I wasn't the first woman to have Teren Adams' seed growing inside her. I felt like my world had just shattered.
I managed to separate from Tracey after we left that fateful coffee shop, convincing her that I was fine, and it was in Teren's past and didn't concern me in the slightest. She eventually bought that, and left in her own car to go home and visit Hot Ben, maybe now even more concerned over what he may be hiding from her.
I couldn't worry about them any longer, as the hole punched through my gut started to ache. He'd gotten someone pregnant and never once mentioned it. You would think that was the sort of thing he'd mention while we were trying. And what happened to the baby anyway? Carrie had only mentioned loss. She never actually said what kind of loss. Did she not make it through the full pregnancy or did she give the baby up? I couldn't imagine Teren's family letting an heir go, so I tended to think it was the first part. She'd lost the baby. Willingly or unwillingly? How far along? While they were in school? How often had they had sex to get her pregnant?
As I automatically started driving to the ranch to confront my husband, that's the direction my mind went. I knew I shouldn't, I mean, neither one of us were virgins going into this relationship, and I'd had my fair share of dalliances, but as I sped along that highway, the only thing running through my head was the various positions he and that woman had possibly been engaged in. I pictured them in her car in the school parking lot, under the bleachers during a pep rally, and even up against the wall in the girl's locker room. I doubted any of those scenarios had actually happened, but I pictured them anyway. I also wondered if I'd just met Teren's "first". My stomach felt sour by the time I got to the ranch.
Alanna greeted me at the door, opening it right as I walked up - she could now sense me too, since the blood in my babies was a homing beacon to all the vamps. She smiled widely at seeing me. "Emma, I didn't think you'd be by today. " She cocked her head as I strode into the entryway. "Are you alright, dear?" She could probably hear my hammering heart.
"Where is he?" I bit out through clenched teeth.
She looked over her shoulder to a place outside, where he must be with Jack. "He's coming. He sensed you approaching. "
I nodded and started pacing the room, my fists clenched tight. Alanna stopped me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "What is it, Emma?"
I started to answer her, to ask her if she knew about any of this, and how could she not tell me, and what else did she know, when suddenly Teren breezed into the room. His pale eyes took in my body language - my heart, my smell, my stance - everything about me was pissed off. He scrunched his brows as he walked over to me, his cool fingers coming to my cheeks while his eyes looked for clues. "What happened?"
Grabbing his hands and pulling them off my face, I clenched his fingers in mine. He made no indication that I was hurting him, which I probably wasn't. "I met someone today, someone who knows you. . . very well. " I said it calmly, but an undercurrent of seething anger was there, and he sensed it.
His body stiffened as he searched me. "Okay," he said slowly, his face horribly confused as to why I was such a different person than the woman he had tenderly made love to, just this morning.
Remembering all of the intimate moments we had shared, and unfairly mixing them with all of the intimate moments I'd imagined him having with another woman on the drive over, I shoved his chest away from me. He took a step back, looking hurt. "Carrie," was all I said, seeing if he'd instinctually know what I was talking about.
I glanced at Alanna, but she looked hopelessly lost. That made me feel a little better. Maybe I wasn't alone in my ignorance. Teren looked hopelessly lost too. . . at first. "Carr-" His eyes widened and I knew the exact moment he realized he'd just been busted. "Oh god, Emma. " He shook his head and walked over to me, putting his hands on my upper arms. "I can explain. "
I shoved him away from me again, as if he'd just confirmed every intimate act that I'd imagined of them. "You can explain getting another woman pregnant!" Teren took a step back, a hand going up to his mouth while the other ran back through his hair.
"What? Teren?" Alanna came over to stand beside me, her cool hand over my arm as she stared incredulously at her son. I put my hand over hers, grateful that not everyone had kept this secret from me, just my husband apparently. Jack walked into the room, now filled with a horrid tension, and stood still in the hallway that led to the kitchen. He looked between me, his wife and his son, and seemed unsure if he should stay or not. As I was still fuming, I really didn't care which choice he made.
Teren looked at his mother when she questioned him, then upstairs to where Imogen was probably questioning him too. Keeping his eyes up there he finally said, "I'll explain. " He brought his panicked eyes back down to me. "Just let me explain. "
I crossed my arms over my chest and nodded. I wanted to tap my foot too, but felt that was a little dramatic, so I stood as still and rigid as I possibly could. Teren made a move towards me, but seeing my clear tension, sighed and stopped where he was, next to the crying woman statue. His face sort of matched hers.
"We were young, Emma, just kids. " He shrugged and glanced at his mother before returning his eyes to mine. "We dated a few months and then. . . she got pregnant. " He whispered the word, like him saying it out loud was somehow more horrid than me yelling it. And in a way, it was. I cringed as the words left his lips. I bit my own to keep back the tears stinging my eyes. He took in my turmoil and sighed. "She lost it, Emma. She didn't even make it eight weeks before she miscarried. " He shrugged his shoulders. "There is no baby. "
My arms crossed over my chest flew to my sides, my hands clenched so tight my fingernails dug into my palms. "Why did you never mention this to me?"
He shrugged again, his face looking sad and unsure what to say. Shaking his head, he repeated, "There is no baby. "
I looked away from him as my anger ebbed and surged. I couldn't control the waves of emotion and looking at his torn face was only making the sensation worse. I needed to ride out this tidal wave of anger before speaking again, or I may try and tear off that secretive mouth.
Alanna took my silence to speak to her son. "Carrie?" she said slowly, stepping up to him. "Who is Carrie?" I turned to watch her as she walked up to him, hands on her hips.
He sighed, looking up at the ceiling and closing his eyes for a second, looking for all the world like he was about to have a conversation that he had never intended to have with his family. He opened his eyes and looked back down at her. "We dated in high school. "
Alanna scrunched her brows. "I don't remember a Carrie in high school. I don't remember you being serious with anyone, not until college. "
Teren looked at the ground while Jack stepped up to his wife's side, grabbing one hand from her hip and holding it. Her entire posture relaxed. Without looking up at her, Teren said, "I didn't tell you about her. I didn't want any of you to know. "
Alanna looked like Teren had just slapped her. He guiltily looked up at her and spoke a long Russian sentence. Her face turned mildly softer and she shook her head and put a hand on his cheek.
Irritated that her irritation was leaving her, I spat out, "You should have told me, Teren. "
His eyes came back to mine. "I know, I'm sorry. "
Alanna turned to look at me, her eyes pink with unshed tears. "You saw her today? In town?"
I nodded. "She's visiting or something. She won't be here long, but she wanted to see Teren once she found out he was here. " My eyes shifted to him as my tone dripped with venom. "She says hi, by the way. "
He closed his eyes at that but opened them immediately when Alanna spoke again. "We'll need to t
ell Halina, she'll want to see the girl. "
"No!"
The heat in Teren's tone when he said that shocked Alanna and me. We both turned to look at him, his dad giving him a puzzled look as well. "Teren, she can't be allowed to know-"
Teren shook his head and grabbed his mother's arms, cutting her off. "She doesn't know. She never found out. "
Alanna raised an eyebrow at him, surprised. "You didn't tell her what you were, when she got pregnant?"
He shook his head again and anger surged through me at hearing that stupid p-word again. "I thought you wouldn't bring anyone into this unknowingly. Isn't that what you said to me?"
He cringed and stepped away from his mother to finally step up to me again. Cautiously he put his hands over my arms, sliding them all the way down to my fingers, trying to relax me. All it did though was remind me that he'd probably slid his hands down that woman's arms in this exact same way, comforting her when she realized she was with child - his child. I bristled at the contact and he sighed.
"She's why, Emma. " He stepped up to me and my belly brushed his stomach. He clenched my hands as he spoke softly. "When she found out, I realized how dangerous what we'd just done really was. She was the only one that I wasn't cautious with. She was the only one that I didn't make sure one of us was protected. And I just couldn't tell her what she was really carrying. If she had given birth. . . " He sighed and rested his head against mine. "I was sixteen, Emma. I was stupid. . . please don't hate me for that. "
I started shaking as I held in my conflicting emotions. Anger still boiled in me, but so did understanding and compassion. Lord knows I hadn't made the smartest choices, especially at sixteen. I'd just managed to dodge the proverbial bullet. Teren hadn't been so lucky, and it had certainly woken him up as to how hard relationships were going to be for him. Even the first few times we were together, he'd been diligent about protection. Come to think of it, he'd been diligent until the day he watched me pop a pill. Feeling the truth in the hard lesson he'd learned, I relaxed slightly in his grip, finally letting his fingers interlace mine. He sighed again and rocked his head against me as he whispered that he was sorry.
Alanna came up to him, resting a hand on his back. "You should have told us, Teren. "
He looked back at her, his eyes sad. "It didn't matter. She didn't know and she lost the baby. " He shrugged, looking like a sixteen year old that had just gotten caught doing something really stupid.
Alanna shook her head at him. "No, you should have told us, so you wouldn't have had to go through that alone. We can't start lying to each other, Teren. We're all we have. We need to be honest. Here, if nowhere else, we need to be honest. "
He swallowed and looked down, a tear finally dropping to his cheek. "I'm sorry, Mom. I just. . . I wanted her left alone. " He looked up at her. "It was hard, not to tell you, but I wanted her. . . to remember. " He spoke another Russian sentence to her and Alanna sighed heavily and lowered her hand from his back.
"I have to tell Halina, Teren. I can't keep something this big from her and mother won't. " Her eyes drifted upstairs to where Imogen was hiding out the sunshine in her room. I thought that if there were more curtains in the entryway, Imogen would be right down in the middle of this conversation, putting in her two cents worth. As both vampires still had their head turned to the upstairs room, I thought maybe she was anyway.
Teren started shaking his head as he looked back down at his mom. "Just give it a few days. Emma said she was only visiting, just wait until she's left town before you tell Great-Gran. Please?"
Teren's hands tightened in mine as he begged for his ex-girlfriend's memory. Thinking back to her tears in the coffee shop over their lost child, I had no idea why he wanted her to remember that tragic event. Alanna seemed equally as confused as she looked at him.
"Teren, we removed the memory of your face from every other person in that school. " She blinked as she thought about that. "I don't know how Grandmother missed her, really. "
Teren interjected, his face sheepish as he twisted to face his parents. "Carrie's mom removed her when she discovered what had happened. She pulled her, and took her to another school, to get her away from me. Since you weren't aware how close she and I were, I never told you that she left. "
Alanna's eyes widened. "Teren, we rely on you to tell us everything, so we can get everyone. It was the only reason we let you attend a regular school in the first place. If you've held back. . . " I could see Alanna's eyes calculating all the people they'd have to track down. It was daunting, even to me.
His head hung down under the weight of her words. "It was just her, Mom. . . she was the only one. " He raised his head, his pale eyes pleading. I found myself squeezing his hand in encouragement. "And her parents never met me either. It was just her, I promise. "
Jack finally stepped into the conversation. "Halina went to a lot of trouble to blur you out of the students' memories, to make sure that no one specifically remembered you. That was very foolish of you, Teren. "
Teren seemed to crumble at his father's words. I think they crushed him more than his mom's. I put a hand on his chest and he looked over at me, grateful for the comfort and looking like he felt he didn't deserve it. I kind of wanted his parents to ease off, my own anger gone at his clear repentance. He honestly had only made a mistake that thousands of teenagers made every year, and I suppose for all parties, this one had worked out for the best.
Alanna wasn't quite done with her reprimand though. "I will give you time, but she has to be wiped. Her especially, since you are such a strong memory. " She shook her head. "She knows too much, Teren. "
"She knows nothing, Mom. " He tried again.
Alanna firmly shook her head, not budging on the issue of her family's isolation. "She remembers you, that is too much. " She raised an eyebrow as she gazed at him sternly. "What if you run into her in sixty years, Teren? She will be old and frail, but you, you will be the same man she knew, young and strong. What then?"
He frowned. "I was a kid. I look nothing like I did then. I should be allowed to keep my childhood. " He frowned and sounded a little petulant. Alanna sighed, sounding like she'd had this argument with him before. He bristled at hearing a sigh he'd probably heard before. "Besides, she'll be older; she'll assume I'm a grandson or something. "
Alanna looked down and shook her head. "That would probably work for some. . . " she lifted her head and sadly shook it, "but you've left her with too strong a connection to you. She'll look in your eyes, and see you looking back at her, and she will have no doubt over who you really are. "
He shook his head, but she cut him off when he opened his mouth to speak. "It's part of your nature, Teren. It's part of what makes you a vampire. You have a strong magnetism that humans respond to. In small doses, it's fine. . . but you bedded this woman, repeatedly. " She raised an eyebrow. "You were each other's firsts?" Teren looked embarrassed, but nodded. Alanna nodded in response, his answer seeming to solidify her point.
Alanna glanced at her husband and then back at Teren. She gave him a look that a parent gives a teenager when they are about to speak about something that will horrifically embarrass said teenager. "Your sexuality is also part of being a vampire; it's more in your vampiric blood than your human blood. It's just a vampire's nature. " Teren flicked a quick glance at me and I flushed horribly, just as embarrassed as if I was young again, and my mom was trying to explain to me where the "boy" part went. Alanna quickly continued to the finale of her point. "This human, that you've let get so close to you, will always remember you, if that is left unchecked. Even ninety and senile. . . she will remember you, Teren. " She shrugged. "Your nature. . . makes you unforgettable. "
She smiled softly and squeezed Jack's hand, Jack looking a little embarrassed too, but giving his son a look of fatherly support. I tried to ignore that Alanna was basically saying that sex with a vampire was so good - no one would ever forget it. I knew that that was true, bu
t I didn't like some strange woman out there also knowing that was true.
He hung his head and then finally, nodded. She put a friendly hand on his shoulder and spoke too softly for me to hear. He nodded again and finally lifted his head to look at her. "Why don't you take your wife home, dear?" Alanna looked over to me sympathetically. "I'm sure you have a lot to discuss. "
He nodded a final time and then gave her and then his father a swift hug goodbye. Then he took me back to our home and spent the rest of the evening telling me about his greatest childhood mistake. By the time he was finished with his story, my anger was sapped and I held him and consoled him, finally feeling the experience through his terrified, teenage eyes instead of my own jealous ones. Experiencing it that way, I found I could let the horrid images of them having sex go, and could feel his fear, both at the thought of being a father so young, and at having the mother possibly go into hysterics if she ever found out what he was. And she would have, once the baby was born. Now that I was beginning to understand just how rare my initial reaction was, I couldn't imagine how frightened and alone young Teren must have been.
I couldn't forgive him for not telling me (that really should have been something he mentioned while we were trying) but I could understand why he didn't like talking about it. And after we spent an entire night talking about it, I let it go. Well, I tried to anyway.