My gaze moved to the IV that I’d assumed was some sort of medicine. “What are you giving him? What is that?”
Declan looked up at me, his brow creased. “It’s poison.”
15
WITHOUT THINKING, I MOVED TOWARD THE IV, KNOWING I had to get it out of his arm. Before I could touch it, Kristoff’s men pulled me back. I fought, but one was all it took to hold me in place.
Kristoff looked grim. “Declan agreed to this.”
“He agreed to let you poison him?” My throat hurt as panic raced through me.
“Yes. The most humane way to deal with a dhampyr is to euthanize them. Declan is a danger to everyone around him now, and there’s no going back. In return for your safety, he agreed not to fight me on this. I could have let my men kill him last night. It would have been faster, but much more painful and there would have been no guarantees when it came to you.”
I felt as if I was going to be physically ill. My entire body went cold and still and I felt the blood drain from my face. “Declan, is that true?”
He turned his head toward me. “There’s no other way, Jill.”
“There’s always another way.”
His jaw tightened. “No other way I’m willing to accept.”
He knew. What Matthias told me about how to save a dhampyr was something Declan already knew from his research.
“Declan, no. Please.” I shook my head so hard it hurt my neck. “Don’t do this.”
“It’s already done.”
“You can’t leave me again. Not like this.”
His expression grew pained. “Kristoff said he’ll release you. He won’t hurt you.”
“And you believed him? You know who he is. You took him at his word?”
His eye closed before he could say anything else. I heard someone let out a ragged sob and realized it was me.
“He wanted to say good-bye to you, Jillian,” Kristoff said softly. “It was the least I could do for him.”
I shook my head. “He’s not going to die.”
“The poison will only take a couple more minutes to work.”
“No. No, it’s not going to happen. Declan’s not going to die. I can’t believe he’d agree to this, for what? Just thinking he was saving me? It doesn’t make sense.”
“If you’d seen him last night—there was no reasoning there. He was a raging beast who wanted to destroy. His mind isn’t working as it should. This is the only way to deal with a dhampyr like that.”
The vampire behind me held me firm in his viselike grip. A glance at him showed that the signs of hunger were readily visible on his strained face, but he didn’t even attempt to bite me.
I felt like I wanted to give up, but part of me knew I had to keep fighting. I was in deep trouble, in the house of a vampire king who was putting his dhampyr son down like a rabid dog. And the rabid dog had agreed to it.
He didn’t think he deserved to live. He didn’t want to hurt me.
This hurt.
There was one thing I believed in, apart from everything else. I’d just never realized how strong my belief was. I wasn’t religious. I wasn’t spiritual. I basically lived one day at a time, grateful for any day I didn’t wallow in the depression I’d felt that made me take a razor blade to my wrist five years ago.
I believed in one thing, and that was life. If I was breathing then there was still hope for everything to turn out okay. Death was forever and there was no coming back from it. Life meant there was still a chance.
I believed in life. That was my religion.
Kristoff might want me to believe that he was a nice guy—one who didn’t deserve the bad rep Matthias had given him. It would be easier if I did believe that. But he didn’t fool me. He was self-involved, power-hungry, and willing to kill to get what he wanted, even if it meant he had to slit the throat of a harmless sixty-year-old woman in her kitchen. A smile and a kind word afterward didn’t mean shit to me.
But I needed him right now. More than anyone else.
“You want me to go kill this enemy of yours,” I said. “This leader of the Amarantos Society who wants to take you down.”
“That’s right.”
“I’ll do it. And I’ll succeed at it.”
He raised an eyebrow. I saw it out of the corner of my eye even though I hadn’t taken my attention away from Declan for a moment. “You really think you can?”
“Yes, I do. But you have to do something for me.”
“I’ll release your nieces if you’re successful.”
“You’ll definitely do that.” I swallowed. “But I want something else.”
He nodded at his thug. “Let her go.”
Only a second later, the vampire let go of me. He watched me warily as if expecting me to launch myself at Declan’s IV again, but I stayed right where I was.
“What do you want?” Kristoff asked.
I licked my dry lips and finally looked directly at him. “I want you to sire Declan.”
Surprise slid behind his gray gaze. “That’s impossible.”
My heart sank. “Why is it impossible?”
“Dhampyrs are too unpredictable and prone to turn more monstrous and violent if they’re sired. It’s against vampire law to take that chance, both for the safety of the dhampyr and for everyone else.”
“Who made that law?”
He raised an eyebrow. “I did.”
“Then you can break it.”
“My son hates vampires, I’ve seen how much through my brother’s mind. He kills them whenever possible. You’d have him made into something that he despises? You’d take the chance this act will turn him into more of a monster than he was to begin with?”
Declan had freaked out at my decision to have Noah turned into a vampire to save his life. If he found out I made the same decision for him—
Kristoff approached me and pressed his hand against my cheek. For a moment he looked so much like Matthias I almost forgot who he really was. “Jillian?”
Declan would choose death over becoming a vampire without a second thought—in fact, it looked like he already had. My overlapping thoughts and dark pain inside of me at the rush of information became too much. I tried to breathe, tried to figure this out.
He’d hate me for doing this to him. If he’d been furious with what I’d decided with Noah, it would pale in comparison to how he’d feel about it happening to himself, especially if this backfired and he became even more violent.
He’d be a vampire who wanted to rip out my throat. And for the rest of his life or mine, one taste of my blood would be able to kill him in seconds.
“There’s not much time left before he’s gone,” Kristoff said very seriously. “What do you want me to do?”
I looked up at him and a hot tear slid down my cheek. “Sire him.”
16
I DIDN’T SEE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT. I WAS TAKEN out of the room and back upstairs feeling stunned and ill by what just happened.
I was eternally bonded to a former vampire king.
I’d asked Kristoff to turn Declan into a vampire.
In return, I’d agreed to assassinate the leader of the Amarantos Society.
And to think, it was only ten o’clock.
Meyers was there and he knew what to do to get me ready. It involved a short black dress, stiletto heels, a case of makeup, and about a half an hour, twenty minutes of which I simply paced back and forth in the ensuite bathroom of a large bedroom they’d locked me in like a rat in a luxurious cage.
I tried not to think, but that was impossible.
My decision about Declan had been a hasty one, I knew that. And I’d made it selfishly and without much thought to how he’d feel about it. But I couldn’t let him die. Not like that. When he’d agreed to let Kristoff euthanize him, he hadn’t been thinking right. Jade was insane from being a dhampyr of her age. It was possible Declan wasn’t dealing only with the violence, but the beginning stages of insanity as well.
I tried to justify
my actions any way I could, but I knew there would be consequences.
I got dressed and pulled myself together as much as I could. I applied the makeup as if I was going out to a club with some girlfriends, going heavier with the eyeliner than when I was a blonde. When I was satisfied with the results, I knocked on the bedroom door.
“I’m ready.”
When the door opened I was surprised by who was waiting for me. Noah stood there in the hallway, his arms crossed over his chest.
“Oh shit!” He clamped his hand over his nose as veins branched over his cheeks.
I tensed. “Good to see you, too.”
“They want me to go with you.” His words were now muffled.
“You?” I swallowed hard and looked over at Meyers, who stood patiently to the side, leaning against the wall. “Why him?”
Meyers shrugged. “Kristoff wants to do an experiment. See if Noah has any worth to him as an assistant. If he can’t handle being with you, then it’s decided.”
Noah looked dismayed. “It’s a job interview.”
“Great.” More complications for me to deal with. The thought that being near a hungry fledgling was the least of my worries at the moment didn’t help much.
Noah’s eyes were black. “You look kind of hot right now in that dress. You smell even better.”
“Is that going to be a problem for you?”
“Oh, yeah.”
I slipped into the high heels and eyed him cautiously. “Is it a problem you’re going to be able to handle?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s not a very good answer.”
His face showed his stress. “Even though I know it’ll kill me, all I want to do is drink your blood.”
“That’s even less of a good answer.”
This was what Declan would be like—but worse, much worse. Noah wasn’t angry with me, he didn’t hate me, and he hadn’t been a dhampyr to start with. And he still wanted to bite me. I shuddered to think what was in Declan’s immediate future. All I remembered was how Noah was in the beginning—zombielike, uncontrollable, and ravenous.
I’d made a horrible mistake. But there was no going back now, only forward.
Noah drew closer, closing his eyes and inhaling. “Holy hell. I’m so fucking hungry.” His lips curled back from his fangs and I felt his breath on my skin.
I slapped him. “Stop it.”
He held his hand against his face. “Shit. That hurt.”
“I don’t want you to die. I need you too much.”
His brows drew together. “You do?”
I nodded. “Declan’s being sired.”
“Oh, shit. Really? Why? How? Who?”
“I asked Kristoff to do it.” At Noah’s look of shock, “There was no choice. He was dying—being poisoned. It was the only answer.”
His mouth fell open. “He hates vampires.”
“I know.”
“He’s going to kill you.”
I cringed. The reminder only made things worse.
“I mean . . . uh, he might not even want to kill you, but I’d stay about a million miles away from him until he gets his shit together. As a dhampyr to start with—” He grimaced.
“What?”
“I wouldn’t want to be in the same room with him. And I’m already a vampire.”
I didn’t think my stomach could sink any lower than it already was, but I was wrong.
“And Kristoff’s going to do it himself?” Noah asked. “You know what that means, right?”
I looked at him with concern. “No. What does it mean?”
“As both Declan’s father and his sire, he’ll have total control over him. They’ll have the ultimate blood bond. No wonder Kristoff agreed to do this. After all, it’s against vampire law to turn a dhampyr.”
Noah was a wealth of knowledge about all things vampire, especially now that he was one.
I felt ill. Kristoff had agreed pretty quickly to this, considering he was the one who’d created the law in the first place. Kristoff saw the benefits, and it was similar to what Carson had done with Declan, only much worse. Over six feet of mindless muscle who obeyed every order. The ultimate bodyguard to protect the new vampire king from those who might not share his vision. I was just surprised he hadn’t thought of it himself.
All I knew for sure was that whether Declan had died or was turned into a vampire . . . he was now lost to me forever. It hurt worse than I ever would have thought, but I had to put it out of my mind and focus on my task tonight. Doing the exact thing I’d tried to avoid from the beginning—kill someone purposefully with my blood. The safety of my nieces depended on me succeeding. Kristoff could say he loved children and that they were in no danger, but I didn’t trust him. Actions spoke much louder than words.
I shook my head and tried to ignore the pain in my heart. “I’ll deal with all of this later. Right now I have to do something and it looks like you’re coming with me.”
He looked grim. “They already told me all about it. You agreed to this? Really?”
“I had no choice.”
Instead of questioning me more about it, he just nodded. “Okay, then let’s go. There’s a car waiting outside.”
Meyers watched me as we passed him, a small smile twisting at his mouth. “Good luck, Jillian.”
I smiled back at him. “Fuck you.”
I had to take my frustrations out on someone.
THE DRIVER TOOK US TO A NIGHTCLUB CALLED THE Silver Cross that was an hour away from Kristoff’s home.
“Man, I’ve heard of this place. Really? This is it?” Noah looked up at the sign.
I eyed the exterior guardedly. “What have you heard? That the leader of a secret vampire society owns it?”
“Actually, that didn’t come up. It’s a sex club. Very elite. Only for the richest and horniest in Southern California.”
Kristoff better not be messing me with me right now by sending us here. “But you heard nothing about vampires being here?”
“I think I would have remembered something like that.”
I couldn’t say I was all that surprised. Vampires enjoyed mixing blood and sex, and where better to feed off both desires than a sex club?
Be strong, Jill, I told myself when I found it difficult to force myself toward the front doors. I couldn’t lose it now, I had to stay strong. For the kids. For Noah. For . . . Declan.
Even for Matthias—wherever he’d been taken. I’d be more worried about him if I didn’t know he was immortal. He wouldn’t be killed only because he couldn’t be killed. It didn’t set my mind at ease very much. There were many things Kristoff could do to his brother that didn’t include murder.
Our life forces were bound together. Maybe I’d know if something happened to him. All I knew was that despite my circumstances and stress, I physically felt better than ever. Even better than before I’d been injected with Nightshade in the first place. I felt stronger, more alert, and full of energy. There was no pain. The bruises I’d had yesterday were completely gone. For the first time in two weeks I didn’t feel like I was going to die.
He’d given me a second chance at life. But I could still be killed.
“Game plan?” Noah asked, breaking through my thoughts.
I pulled my long hair over my left shoulder. “I’m open to suggestion.”
“He’s expecting you. He thinks you’re a gift from Kristoff.”
I grimaced. “I love blind dates.”
“You ready?”
I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. “Yes.”
“Then let’s do this.”
We approached the front doors to The Silver Cross. The bouncer eyed us.
Noah nodded at me. “This is Jill. Alex is expecting her.”
The bouncer’s fat face didn’t change, but his light gray gaze scanned me and his nostrils flared. I smelled good to him thanks to my Eau du Nightshade.
I tried my best to look at ease, as if I was accustomed to being sent from one va
mpire to another like a slutty blood servant. It was a struggle.
Thanks to my brand-new bond with Matthias, the fang marks on my neck from the last bar I’d been to had faded completely. I was fresh and unblemished meat. I bit my bottom lip, tasting the thick red lipstick there, then adjusted the front of my low-cut dress that barely covered my breasts and left my entire back bare. And I focused on not being afraid.
I didn’t think about Declan and how he’d react to becoming the very thing he’d hated all of his life. I didn’t think about Matthias and wherever he’d been dragged away to. I didn’t think about Sara, the dhampyr baby with very valuable blood who was completely and utterly helpless right now. And I didn’t think about my sister’s kids, who had no idea they were in horrible danger while their mother had no idea what had really happened.
Or . . . I tried not to think of these things.
What I needed to do was focus on Alex, the leader of the Amarantos Society—someone who sounded horrible and greedy and manipulative. He was a vampire who deserved to die and one I would feel no guilt about killing.
The bouncer spoke into his earpiece, then nodded and opened the door for us. Someone else was waiting there—tall, big, bald, and ugly.
“Follow me,” he said.
After exchanging a glance with Noah, we followed him. Despite Noah’s initial reaction to seeing me again, I was impressed by how in control he seemed right now. His survival instincts had kicked in. Between death and becoming Kristoff’s reluctant vampire assistant, he’d chosen door number two.
The interior of the club was dark and loud pounding music assaulted my ears. At first glance, it looked like any other club I’d ever been to. There was a long black bar along one side of the expansive room. A dance floor. Dozens of couches like domino tiles spread in front of me. Silver and black were the main colors, and a sparkle of light from a mirror ball scattered across the faces of the dozens of people here tonight.
At second glance I saw more details of the patrons of The Silver Cross. Varying degrees of nudity, bodies pressed against each other, the smell of sex and sweat, and the heavy cloying scent of perfume.
“Only humans out here,” Noah whispered to me.