CHAPTER VI.
A TALK ABOUT OUR BOYS.
Mrs. Carpenter, who was President of the Christian Mothers' Society,delivered a most entertaining lecture on "Our Boys." A subject in whichevery mother is always deeply interested.
OUR BOYS.
It is an acknowledged fact that many a boy who has had the advantage ofgood training at home and at school, fails to avail himself of hisopportunities and grows up careless in dress and language, and, whilenot absolutely vicious yet, looking leniently upon much that his parentsand friends regard as reprehensible.
Among the various causes that lead to such physical, mental and morallaxity, none is more potent than companionship with dirty, idle orimmoral boys. Many a lad spends hours with comrades whom he despises, atfirst, then excuses, and finally associates with on terms of closeintimacy.
We all desire that our sons should keep good company, and we cannot andshould not deprive them of outdoor companionship with boys of their ownage. What we most desire is that they themselves should choose theircomrades among honest, studious, manly boys, and avoid the society ofthe mean, idle and vicious; yet at the same time they should treat allwith the courtesy due from one human being to another.
We can scarcely understand the character of our boy's companions by hisown description of them; since like the rest of humanity our boys regardtheir favorites with eyes that see only their good qualities, forgettingthe coarse language, the vulgar jest, the cruel trick, the truantplaying: "He is such a jolly fellow, plays such a good game."
Although we may notice occasionally that our boy is coarse in speech ormanifests an unusual spirit of rebellion at school regulations still wedo not often associate these effects with "such a good fellow alwaysready for fun." But if we occasionally saw this "good fellow" thenindeed the cause would not be far to seek. Our boy himself would feelashamed of his acquaintance, if he saw him in the home circle; he wouldsuddenly discover that his friend was not ashamed that his hands weredirty, that he "talked to mother" with his hat on.
These boys of ours are apt to be very chivalrous about "mother," andthen they learn not to care about companions of whom they are ashamed.
I once heard a mother say to her son, "Harry, I wonder at you to be seenon the street with that Murray boy. Why he is dressed like a beggar."
Now, I too, had seen Harry and the "Murray boy," and while the boy'sclothes were old, they were whole and clean too, and I knew him to be anupright manly lad, more so indeed than Harry was ever likely to be withsuch training.
Provided a boy is truthful, clean and careful in his language we shouldnot let the pecuniary circumstances of his family enter intoconsideration; for our desire is to build up a noble manhood in ourboys, and how despicable is that man who esteems his friends accordingto the length of their purses. There is only one way of judging ourboy's companions, and that is by knowing them ourselves. This we can doby encouraging him to invite his friends to visit him not alwaysformally, but now and then, as it may happen. We can pleasantly welcomethem, but let us be careful not to entertain them too much, for there isnothing a boy hates more than to have a "fuss" made over him.
An occasional taffy pulling is not an expensive luxury and a little hotwater removes all traces from the kitchen, to which it should belimited. Some time when it is convenient, let us tell our boy to invitesome of his friends to spend the evening, and use the best china and thepreserves and cake he likes the best.
Do not say, "It is only those boys." Let him feel that his guests arewell treated, and he will be the more anxious to have friends worthy ofthe treatment they receive.
I think that the clownish behavior of boys arises from the only-a-boytreatment they experience; feeling slighted they instinctively resentit, by being as disagreeable as possible.
Nor is it necessary that one's house should be turned into a barn forboys to carouse in. On the contrary, our boy should always tell motherwhen he wishes to invite a friend, or, if he knows that his friends arecoming; not as a rigid rule, but as a courtesy due a lady in her ownhouse; no matter whether the home consists of one room or twenty, themother is always the hostess, and she can train her son into a well-bredman, or allow him, even though well educated to grow up a boor.
Many men owe their success in life to their observance of the minorcourtesies in which they were trained by a good mother. These habits andthat of correct speech should be insisted upon by every refined mother.There is another, and to me the most important point in the education ofour boys, I refer to their religious training. Merely sending them to ashort service on Sunday, will never impress boys with the respect theyshould have for God, and if they are not taught love and reverence fortheir Heavenly Father, they will disregard the authority of theirparents and in after life, defy the laws of the land.
Above all things see to your boy's religious training, see that he doesnot associate with people who make flippant remarks about sacred things.Give a little time in the evening to conversations with your children.As I speak, one little mother comes to my mind, she always made it aduty to sit with her boys and talk over the incidents of the day, sheinquired what new ideas they had received, etc.; they laughed andchatted together, "Ma dear" had their entire confidence. This motherwarned her sons against vice, showing them the horrid pitfalls of sin.
Judicious advice coming from a loving mother will keep boys from sins,the memory of which even when repented of, would haunt them forever.
After Mrs. Carpenter's address she introduced Mrs. Blondell, who gaveher thoughts on the duties of mothers towards their children.
We often hear severe criticisms on the manners of young people of thepresent day and contrast them unfavorably with the manners of ageneration ago. No doubt much of this criticism is warranted. The greatmass of young people of today are lacking in deference, courtesy andrespect. But the fathers and mothers who complain of these faults rarelyquestion themselves if they are not wholly or in part to blame for thebad manners of their offspring.
I have known parents who sit at table or in the home circle, and in thepresence of their children freely criticise or comment on the conduct oftheir neighbors or friends, permitting their children to tell all theyhave seen or heard in a neighbor's house.
Such parents must not be disappointed if those children grow up with thehabit of gossiping and commenting just as freely on themselves. Nowthere is no one thing more destructive of good manners than thegossiping and tale-bearing habit.
If urbanity were persistently taught and practiced in the home therewould not be so much to learn, and especially to unlearn with regard tointercourse with the world at large.
People would not then have two manners, one to use in public and one inprivate. There would be less self-consciousness and less affectation,for these arise from trying to do a thing of which we are uncertain, toassume a manner which we have imperfectly acquired.
Sometimes one meets with children who seem to lack the idea of truth,then it must be developed, and great exactness is demanded of themother in every statement.
In describing a garden with five trees, say _five_, not five or six orseveral. Go to extremes in accuracy of detail, for the sake of givingthe child the habit of telling only the exact truth.
If a promise has been made to such a child there is more than ordinarynecessity for keeping it to the letter.
Some time ago I heard of a gentleman who promised his little son that heshould be present at the building of a stone wall, while the boy wasabsent the wall was built. Coming home he was greatly disappointed."Papa you promised I should see it." "So I did my child." And the fatherordered the wall to be torn down and rebuilt. Being expostulated withregarding the expense and time which he could ill afford, he replied: "Ihad rather spend many times the amount than have my son feel that Iwould be knowingly false to my word, or that it mattered little if apromise was broken."
Though truth and faithfulness might have been taught and the wallremained, because all accidents of life are not under our co
ntrol, noone can doubt the impression made upon that boy's mind.
A mother speaking to me about two of her children said that they tellher most wonderful stories of school life and play time. She hears themquietly and says: "That is very interesting; now, how much did you seeand hear, and how much do you think you saw and heard." They stop,think, and sift out the actual from the imaginative, sometimescorrecting each other. One day the little boy said: "I really thought,Mamma, it was all so, but I guess only this part was."
Much license is commonly allowed in order to tell a "good story," andmany a child thus unconsciously gains a light conception of the value oftruth, or they think their elders are privileged to use prevarications.I will give an illustration of this.
One day a group of ladies seated on the porch of a hotel wereentertaining each other, among them was one notorious for her habit ofexaggeration. We were all listening to one of this lady's "good stories"when her eldest little girl, a child of seven, came towards us, leadingher small sister of four. Going up to her mother the child said in amost serious tone of voice: "Mamma, Elsie told a lie. You said it wasnaughty for little girls to tell lies; they must wait until they are bigladies; musn't they?"
The laugh that followed was joined in by the mother, who seemed quiteunconscious of the reproof contained in the innocent speech of herlittle child.
Another point to which I would call your attention is showingpartiality; sometimes severely reproving a fault in one child, which youwould pass over in a favorite. Children feel this keenly while childhoodlasts, and sometimes resent it when they grow up. I have here a littlepiece which I am sure will appeal to you.
The lady who wrote it evidently understands child-nature.
SOLILOQUY BY MISS ETHEL M. KELLY.
Now I lay me down to sleep-- Don't want to sleep; I want to think, I didn't mean to spill that ink; I only meant to softly creep Under the desk and be a bear-- 'Taint 'bout the spanking that I care.
'F she'd only let me 'splain an' tell Just how it was an accident, An' that I never truly meant An' never saw it till it fell. I feel a whole lot worse nor her; I'm sorry; an' I said I were.
I s'pose if I'd just cried a lot, An' choked all up like sister does, An' acted sadder than I wuz, An' sobbed about the "naughty spot." She'd said, "He shan't be whipped, he shan't." An kissed me--but, somehow I can't.
But I don't think it's fair a bit That when she talks an' talks at you, An' you wait patiently till she's through, An' start to tell your side of it, She says, "Now that'll do my son; I've heard enough, 'fore you've begun."
If I should die before I wake-- Maybe I ain't got any soul; Maybe there's only just a hole Where't ought to be--there's such an ache Down there somewhere! She seemed to think That I just loved to spill that ink.
Dear Christian mothers, permit me, a very, very old member of yoursociety, to offer this advice. Be on the alert always to give goodexample to your children. Remember you are teaching them spiritualtruths or errors from the day of their birth. You cannot help it, ifyou would. Your daily conduct tells its own story influencing for oragainst your beliefs.
If you are a consistent Christian, your life before your child isteaching him to believe in the Christ whose example you follow. If youare not practicing what you profess no amount of teaching will bringyour children to respect your beliefs.
Let us take for our model dear Mater Admirabilis, and as near aspossible imitate that divine Mother, making for ourselves a charmedexistence by blotting out as far as possible the disagreeables of life;they will come, but they will only grow larger when we remember them,and constant thought of acts of meanness makes us more familiar withthem. Obliterate every unworthy thought from your heart and soul, thenyour children will retain only sweet memories of their mother.