In the hallway outside, he licked the blood away from the corner of his mouth as he imagined kicking the door in and gutting his uncle on the floor.
One more day.
Yeah, this was going to be the longest thirty-six hours of his life.
But after tomorrow...
Zarya would be his. His uncle would be dead. And he'd finally be free of the utter hell he'd been living in for more than half his life. No more torture. No more bruises, broken bones, or scars.
No more lies.
And yet, in the pit of his stomach was a bad feeling he couldn't shake. Something was going to go wrong.
He could feel it.
You're just paranoid. Arturo would never check the location of his mother or brother. He didn't care enough to do so.
Annalise was safely ensconced in her dorm room and currently guarded.
What could go wrong?
Still, he heard Hauk's voice in his head. Never underestimate fate's ability to screw any plan to the wall.
But fate owed him this. All he wanted was one single chance to be happy, just once in his miserable life. It really wasn't asking too much, especially given his past.
He slowed as he entered the hallway that led to his bedroom. As always, his uncle's guards were waiting there for him. Yet another degrading routine his uncle insisted on whenever Darling was home, and it was one Darling would die before he told anyone about.
If only I hadn't had to come home tonight to complete my plans...
Rage clouded his sight. I hate this shit.
As bad as it would be just in principal, the guards lived to make it as demeaning for him as possible. They loved having power over an aristo. Of being able to use Darling as their personal scapegoat. Even now, he could hear their laughter as they mocked him.
Damn them for it.
One more day...
Yeah, what was another night compared to all the ones he'd already survived?
Still his stomach churned on bitterness as he met the guards' smirking and gloating gazes, then headed into the bathroom across the hall from his room. He turned the water on to brush his teeth. Needing something to comfort him, he pulled Zarya's ring out of his pocket so that he could kiss it and think of the only person whose smile made his life worth living.
How he wished he was with her now...
He slid the ring onto his pinkie and remembered the way she'd opened herself up for him last night. In her arms, he felt like he could fly. He didn't know how she did it, but whenever he was with her, he didn't hear the voices of his past or the ones in his head that constantly derided him. She expelled every demon inside him and made him forget the past. With her, he only saw the future.
Zarya was his haven even in this miserable hell.
Staring at himself in the mirror, he despised what he saw there. He always had. All of Arturo's insults rang in his ears. But the ones that hurt most were from his own mother's lips.
"You will never be what your father was. You're just a pititful shadow of him. May the gods help us if you ever inherit."
He flinched, then pushed those ghosts out of his memory.
Please let tomorrow work out the way it's supposed to.
Don't worry, Dar. You've been on missions before that went bad and yet turned out fine. Whatever happens, you will adapt and you will survive.
For Zarya, he would walk through the fires of hell just to make her smile. And if everything went through tomorrow, he'd make sure she never cried again.
Look on the bright side. Either you'll succeed tomorrow or you'll die.
One way or another, he'd finally be free.
3
Darling lay on his "bed" alone, going over all the plans for tomorrow. He mentally checked and rechecked every single second of the day. There were so many details. So many things that could get royally screwed.
It won't.
He didn't believe that for a minute, which was why he was making himself insane going over every variable, planning for the unexpected. No matter how ludicrous the thought, he prepared for it.
Even the highly unlikely possibility of a mechanical failure on his fighter.
The link he'd smuggled into his room past his guards vibrated under his hand. He glanced down, then smiled as he saw Zarya's photo. Now that was enough to reverse even the worst mood. Turning the video output off, he clicked the channel open to see her looking tired, but nonetheless breathtaking. "Hi, beautiful."
"Hey, sexy. I wasn't sure you'd be able to pick up."
Yeah, he didn't want to think about what Arturo or his guards would do if they found out he had the link with him. The least would be he'd have to postpone his try for freedom by a few days as his body healed. "Only for you."
She laughed. "I'm so glad you're not taking fire and that your voice sounds relaxed. What are you doing?"
"Relaxed" was not the word he'd use for himself right now. He was wound tighter than a cat in a dog kennel.
"Wishing I was with you." Probably not the manliest admission. But then, he'd been pretending to be effeminate for so long that sometimes those lines got blurred. Although to hear Maris berate him, he was never effeminate enough.
"I swear, Darling, you're way too masculine for your own good. I don't know how anyone buys the fact that you're gay. They'd have to be blind or stupid. Both actually."
But no one had ever guessed the truth.
Except for possibly his friend Caillen's wife, Desideria. While Desideria hadn't questioned him about it, he'd caught her looking at him strangely a few times when other women were around, as if she suspected the fact he was straight.
But she was the only one.
And Desideria wasn't the woman he wanted to think about right now.
That was reserved for an amber-eyed goddess who made his blood catch fire. He traced the line of her cheek on the screen, wishing he could feel her skin under his hand. "Did you eat anything?"
"Why do you always ask me that?"
"Because I know you. You get so wrapped up in other things that you forget all the time. It's not good for you, you know."
Her eyes were filled with love. "You're the only one who's ever noticed that."
Only because she lived so deep under his skin that he noticed everything about her and her habits.
Like now. He saw the dark shadow in her eyes and it worried him. "What's wrong?"
"I just have a bad feeling that I can't shake."
"About the Resistance?"
"No. We're making good strides there. Two of our patrols were able to turn back Caronese troops from the colonists on Arhan III, and save their homes from being burned. Clarion has something planned for tomorrow. He hasn't told me what, but he swears it'll strike right at the heart of Counselor Cruel."
"The counselor doesn't have a heart. Trust me."
"Yeah, I know. It was my mother and sister he gutted in the throne room when they went to beg for clemency for my father."
Darling winced at the pain in her voice, wishing he could take it away. It was the same agony he carried whenever he thought about his uncle killing his father--in a room he'd been forced to walk past almost every day of his life.
The worst part... Zarya's father had been not only a personal friend to his own father, but one of the royal advisers back in the day. First under his father, and then under Arturo. For that matter, one of her ancestors had been instrumental in placing his family in power back during the early days of their empire. Because of that, the Starskas and the Cruels had been allies for centuries.
But when Zalan had protested Arturo's laws that would allow his uncle to seize the assets of anyone he deemed a threat to his rule, with or without proof, Arturo had declared him a traitor.
In one single heartbeat, Zarya's family had lost everything. Their money, their titles, and ultimately, their lives. Because her mother had known Darling's father and Arturo for so many years, she'd stupidly thought she could bargain with Arturo for her husband's life.
; But there was no bargaining with the devil.
Zalan had escaped as soon as he heard what had become of his wife and oldest child. He'd taken Zarya and her other two sisters and brother into hiding, and there he, along with several of his friends who'd also been targeted by Arturo, had set up the Resistance that had been plaguing Arturo ever since.
Thrown into a life of crime against his will, Zalan had been instrumental in helping to limit Arturo's power through well-placed counterassaults. And he'd trained Zarya to lead and take his place should anything happen to him.
But after years of fighting Arturo and his own allies who argued inside the Resistance, and the death of his only son and another daughter, Zalan had lost his fire. He'd decided to leave politics behind and to take his two remaining daughters far away from the horror he'd raised them in. To get them to a better place where they could finally be children and not soldiers for what appeared to be a never-ending cause.
Six years ago when Zalan had been on his way to their safe house to pick up Zarya and her sister, his best friend had murdered him.
It'd been Zarya's eighteenth birthday and Zalan had planned for their new life to be his present to her.
To this day, she couldn't stand celebrating the day of birth. Something Darling had discovered the hard way last year when he'd thrown her a "surprise" party for the two of them. The surprise had been on him more than her. Instead of being happy, she'd almost taken his head off over it.
He'd felt like a total ass when she explained to him why she hated the date so much, and why the last thing she wanted to do was celebrate it.
In the end, after her tears for her family had been spent, they'd decided to move her birthday to the day they'd first met as adults. He could still see the fire in her amber eyes as she looked up at him like he was a hero for thinking of it. "I love that idea. I never had a life worth living without you, anyway."
Tomorrow, he was going to make damn sure that she never had a reason to regret her decision to marry him.
Zarya set her link in the stand on her desk, then smiled. "Clarion wanted me to ask if you'd be back in time to help us liberate the prisoners on Baltael V, on the first."
Another example of Arturo's cruelty. Those prisoners were innocent business owners whose companies had been deemed government property and their assets and revenue seized.
Darling clenched his teeth in anger, but he didn't want her to hear it in his voice since it wasn't directed at her. "If what I'm doing tomorrow works, you won't have to worry about that. They'll already be free."
"What do you mean?"
"I can't tell you, Z. It's Sentella business."
The worry in her eyes increased. "And that's what I have a bad feeling about. I can't shake it no matter what."
"I'm going to be fine, baby. I'm not your father."
"I know. I just... I need you to be all right. You know?" Tears glistened in her eyes, but she blinked them back. He had to give her credit, she rarely gave into them so he knew whenever he saw her tears just how deeply she felt. "I love you too much to lose you now. I couldn't stand to bury you."
God, her words never failed to weaken him. "Same here. It's why I have to do this tomorrow. Not just for the cause, but for you. I want to make sure no one ever threatens you again. You're wearing the tricom I left for you, right?"
Leaning back, she lifted her shirt to show that she had it clipped to her waist. "Thank you for this, by the way. I'm not sure how it works, and I haven't tested it, but I have faith in your abilities. No one makes better tech toys than you do. What caused you to think of it?"
Darling's throat went absolutely dry at the sight of her exposed skin.
She scowled. "Kere? Are you there?"
"Um, yeah. Sorry. I was momentarily distracted by the flash of your breast you just inadvertently gave me. All the blood has now left my brain and I really can't think. What did you ask again?"
Laughing, she tsked at him. "You're so bad."
"Can't help it. Have you looked in a mirror? Damn, woman, the things you do to me."
She wrinkled her nose at him before she playfully started unbuttoning her shirt.
"Ah, now that's just wrong."
"What?" Her tone was one of complete innocence as she stopped at the last button that held her shirt closed right between her breasts. "Guess I need to go then... Last thing I want to do is torture you."
"Nuh-uh. You can't leave me now. That would be cruel."
She flicked her finger back and forth over the final button, tormenting him with expectation. "You told me it was wrong."
"Wrong is what you're doing to me right now."
"Boy, you need to make up your mind. You don't want me to show you anything. Then you do... I just can't figure you out. After all, I'm not in your head."
No, she was some place much worse.
His heart.
"You know what I want, baby."
Biting her lip, she popped the last button and opened her shirt.
Darling's entire body erupted with fire at the sight of her bare breasts. If that wasn't bad enough, she lifted her legs and propped them up on the desk. Oh yeah, he was so hard now, he could barely think straight.
She ran one hand over the top of her breast, circling the nipple, which puckered instantly. "You still alive, baby?"
"No. You've killed me."
She laughed. "Have I told you today how much I love you?"
"I love you, too. And I can't wait to see you again." Darling heard his uncle's muffled voice on the other side of his door as he interrogated Darling's guards. "I have to go."
Her features sobered instantly as she leaned forward. "Please be safe."
"You, too."
She blew him a kiss before she disconnected.
Darling had barely hidden the link he wasn't supposed to have under his cover before his door crashed open.
Arturo glared at him.
Biting back a curse, Darling forced himself to appear nonchalant. "What did I do now?"
"First, you know better than to cut the feed to your room. How many times have I told you to keep it live?"
Yeah, Arturo couldn't stand it if he couldn't spy on him. Pervert. But for obvious reasons--like plotting Arturo's death--Darling had pulled the feed hours ago. "Sorry if, unlike you, I prefer to masturbate in private."
Growling in fury, his uncle closed the distance between them to shove an electronic ledger in his face. "What's this?"
"A ledger."
Arturo slapped him with it.
Darling clenched his fist, but stopped himself before he struck back.
"Were you feeding that other butt monkey with my money?"
His rage snapped into place and it took everything he had not to crush Arturo's throat... one hit and he could end all his problems.
Don't do it. You won't die alone...
So he struck back with words. "Last I checked, it was my father's money, not yours."
That got him a vicious punch to the jaw. Pain exploded through his head.
Damn, that hurt. Good thing he was used to it.
Arturo kicked at him. "Do you know what your father would think of you if he could see what you are? He'd be even more repulsed by you than I am. If he were still alive, you'd have been thrown out on the street years ago. Something I should have done the first time I caught one of your butt nuts coming out of your room."
But they both knew why Arturo couldn't really throw him out. Only a full-blooded, legitimate governor could disinherit a full-blooded heir. That had been one nuisance law his uncle had been unable to overturn. No matter the threat or violence, the CDS refused to budge on the original thirty-five Unification Laws that had been drafted and ratified when the Caronese Empire was first founded 3,408 years ago. Those laws were the bedrock of all others and deemed to be sacred and above contestation or revocation.
Thank the gods for that.
Not to mention, if Darling was thrown out, his uncle couldn't monitor him.
&nb
sp; Or kill him under mysterious circumstances.
Even if Arturo did manage to toss him out, once Darling turned thirty, as a full-blooded heir, he could return and overthrow the bastard.
And all because his uncle was the by-blow of a prostitute Darling's grandfather had elevated to royal mistress status. Arturo could only rule so long as Darling and Drakari lived, and were deemed by law to be minors or incompetent.
Should both of them die as things currently stood, Arturo would lose all power, and the ruling family would be chosen by the CDS (probably after much bloodshed) from one of their primary full-blooded male cousins.
The only other way Arturo could hold his current power was if they were dead, and he could produce a son with his blue-blooded wife, but only if the CDS ratified that son's inheritance.
That being said, Arturo's rule would end the moment his son turned thirty.
It was why Darling's father had made the mistake of trusting his much older half brother. Since Arturo couldn't rule for the whole of his lifetime, his father had never conceived of the treachery it would take for Arturo to kill him and then seize control of his sons.
That had been his father's greatest act of blind stupidity.
Arturo grabbed Darling by the neck and pressed him against the floor.
Darling locked his hands around his uncle's wrist as he glared up at him. He could break his uncle's arm so easily.
A single punch to his throat or nose and he could kill him...
It would take so little pressure, and Darling had killed enough men that way to know exactly how easy it would be.
One punch. He wouldn't even feel guilty about it.
Stand down.
You can wait one more day.
Keep your temper.
Think of Maris, Lise, and Drake.
Hating himself for loving them, he loosened his grip and wheezed, forcing himself to stay limp while Arturo choked him.
"I should do your mother a favor and kill you. Then she wouldn't have to cringe every time your name is mentioned by others."
Little did Arturo know his mother didn't cringe. She was so grateful he was a protective idiot that she was more than willing to live with the shame of a gay son than to be dead from her numerous affairs.
"Really, Darling, how dare you complain. Am I not entitled to one single moment of pleasure in this horrible life I was shoved into? I was only a child when I was forced to marry your father and only twenty-seven when I was widowed. And after all I've done for you, is it too much to ask that you do this one thing for me? I don't understand why, since you're gay anyway, you get so upset about claiming my lovers as yours. I can't believe I raised such a selfish, thoughtless brat. Your father would be as disappointed in you as I am."