dance all over the stage. PROF. LEXATHOR dances to the beat, but stays on top of the soap box. ZSUZSANNA and TINDAL move a little to the beat as THEY stay seated. One of the black figures exits and returns with a very tall podium for PROF. LEXATHOR to rest HIS book upon.
PROF. LEXATHOR
Silence!
All goes silent except for organ music. The black figures return to their positions, and RENE stays sitting in place. PROF. LEXATHOR opens the book.
PROF. LEXATHOR
(clears throat) Rule number one of the 10,000 Rules of Living Harmoniously...
SFX: Black figures sing "Living Harmoniously".
ZSUZSANNA and TINDAL
(singing) Living Harmoniously.
PROF. LEXATHOR
Interact with other individuals as you would have them interact with you...(monotone) unless you have been forced in a situation of life or death, in which case you must react in a manner that means your survival, but does not betray rules number two through ten thousand in an unforgiveable or unfounded manner.
SFX: Black figures repeat what PROF. LEXATHOR said in a manner of a singing choir. If the words break the natural flow of a choir's singing capacity, then good.
ZSUZSANNA and TINDAL
(monotone, quickly) Interact with other individuals as you would have them interact with you, unless you have been forced in a situation of life or death, in which case you must react in a manner that means your survival, but does not betray rules number two through ten thousand in an unforgiveable or unfounded manner.
PROF. LEXATHOR
Can I hear a "Thank You"?
SFX: Black figures sing, "Thank You!"
ZSUZSANNA and TINDAL
Thank you!
PROF. LEXATHOR
It feels good to hear the truth. Don't it?
SFX: Black figures sing, "Yes, it does!"
ZSUZSANNA and TINDAL
Yes, it does!
PROF. LEXATHOR
Ready for more?
SFX: Black figures sing, "Yes, we are!"
ZSUZSANNA and TINDAL
Yes, we are!
PROF. LEXATHOR
Good. Goooood! Alright, alright. Here we go, rule number two: Repeat rule number one nine-thousand, nine-hundred and ninety-nine times. (Beat.) And that's all there is to it.
Music returns. PROF. LEXATHOR stands at HIS podium with a spotlight similar to sunlight shines down upon HIM. The black figures dance even more passionately than last time, acting like they are possessed by the Holy Spirit. ZSUZSANNA and TINDAL join them; ZSUZSANNA repeating HER earlier Spirit Possession dance, and TINDAL dancing the robot. RENE stands and looks around HER, but does not join in the celebration.
RENE
But what about things like revenge?
PROF. LEXATHOR
Doesn't matter!
SFX: Black figures sing, "Doesn't matter!"
RENE
And what about hate?
PROF. LEXATHOR
Doesn't matter!
SFX: Black figures sing, "Doesn't matter!"
RENE
The world can't be a continuous place of happiness. To ignore all the negative things in this universe would be like ignoring what makes happiness all that more special. Are you saying nothing but happy thoughts and kindness has no meaning?
PROF. LEXATHOR
Doesn't matter!
SFX: Black figures sing, "Doesn't matter!"
ZSUZSANNA and TINDAL
Doesn't matter!
RENE
It has to matter! If it didn't, then nothing would. Everything has to matter, or nothing does. You can't focus on only one part of the whole and build a whole belief system on it. Science is nothing without life, and life is nothing without faith, and faith is nothing without science. It's all connected. You're all wrong! This doesn't make sense! This doesn't make sense! None of you are right! None of you! None of you!!!
Slowly, ZSUZSANNA's music from before overlaps the choir music, and the black figures bring in the fruits and drums from HER scene. Soon after that, TINDAL's music overlaps the other two, and the black figures bring in the tazer and the dry eraser board from earlier. The multi-color flashes from TINDAL's scene also return, and the natural sunlight dims except for the spotlight on PROF. LEXATHOR.
As this goes on, RENE is confused by the odd mixture of everything. HER ears hurt, HER voice is muted, and no one seems to want to pay HER any attention. Even the LEMONADE SALESMAN ignores HER, but that's mostly because HE enters and exits very quickly while doing the "worm" dance move.
RENE faces the audience and out of desperation screams at the top of HER lungs. SHE falls down to HER knees and covers HER face with HER hands. All three music tracks quiet down, eventually turning off. The black figures slowly gather everything onstage and exit. PROF. LEXATHOR, ZSUZSANNA, and TINDAL exit along with the black figures. The lights dim, but a spotlight shines down upon RENE. Eventually, all is silent..
Beat.
RENE looks up and realizes everyone's gone.
RENE
It doesn't make any sense. I don't understand any of it. (to audience) It was all too much. One thing leads into another, but the other thing doesn't lead into anything else, and then nothing makes sense when compared to something other than itself, and I don't know what to do with it. (half-beat) Tell me. You tell me how to understand this. I didn't create these philosophies, beliefs, religions, or anything else. You did. You created these very different things, very different and confusing things, and you don't even know how to make any of it work. How am I suppose to make any sense of it all? Where do I fit in? One choice excludes all others, and they each say all others are wrong. I only need one answer.
RENE suddenly realizes that SHE's forgotten something very important.
RENE
What was the question? What was the question? What was the question? What was the question!?
COGITO
(offstage) Why?
COGITO enters the spotlight and stands statuesque beside RENE.
RENE
You! You did this to me just as much as they did. Responsibility needs to be taken, and you're the appropriate offender! Why did you ask me such a low, simple, unanswerable question as "Why"? Are you some sort of cruel, evil persona trapped in my brain with the sole purpose of asking the most annoying question ever? Did you do this on purpose? I don't know how to take this all in. It doesn't make any sense! Why are you doing this to me? Why? Why-why-why-why-WHYYYYYYYY!
Beat.
RENE
Why?
KIERKEGAARD
(offstage) I believe he asked you first.
COGITO exits. Music like that of Johann, Strauss I slowly rises, and the lights come as if from a comfortable fireplace in a mansion. The only item onstage is the comfortable chair that KIERKEGAARD sits in. KIERKEGAARD is dressed in an expensive robe, dress shirt, slacks, and sports an unlit pipe in HIS hand.
In a world of illusions and half-truths, KIERKEGAARD is the master at the controls. HE knows all, is all, and is a bit of a pompous ass about it.