Chapter 11
The Good Fight
Sabrina was on a mission as she dragged me away from Lucus and the guests. I knew she was furious, the grip she had on my wrists was going to leave a mark of some sort. When satisfied that we were far away from the crowd, she stopped in front of a slave cabin and pulled me inside.
“How could you!” she instantly exploded. “You know that I like Lucus and you’re throwing yourself at him.” I tried to take her seriously, but since she was still in her bikini, it made it just a bit more difficult.
“What are you talking about? I’m throwing myself at him, how exactly am I doing that?” There was no way I was going to let her get away with her accusations.
“I wanted to spend time with him today. I brought this stupid bikini, so he would notice me, but instead he’s sitting under a tree with you, stroking your hair,” she huffed.
“Stroking my hair, what the hell are you talking about? I fell asleep. That’s it,” I spat back. Had Lucus been stroking my hair while I had been asleep? I wasn’t sure if that was sweet or just plain creepy. Maybe he was a serial murderer after all. Whatever the case, I hadn’t felt him stroking my hair. I suspected that Sabrina was exaggerating a tiny bit.
“How convenient, that you just happened to fall asleep on his shoulder!”
“Maybe the reason I fell asleep is because I’ve been doing double the work I’m supposed to be doing, while you’re off chasing some guy.”
“Some guy, Lucus is not some guy.” Sabrina’s fair skin was getting blotchy like it usually did when she was angry.
“What is he then? You’ve known him for what two days and you seriously think you’re going to marry him. Get real. You don’t even know if he has a girlfriend, or who knows, he might be gay.”
Sabrina looked as if I just had slapped her across the face with a French baguette. From my experience at Lola’s, I knew those loaves of bread could be utilized as deadly weapons.
“Who cares if he does,” she shrugged. “I know he’s falling in love with me and you’re just ruining it by sneaking off with him whenever you can.”
“I haven’t been sneaking off with him. He’s the one who wanted to talk to me.” I justified my behavior even though I didn’t have to.
“Sure, blame him. I know you want his attention; you even blow-dried your hair and wore tinted moisturizer and mascara today. Why else would you do that?”
“I can’t look decent? Only you can load on globs of crap on your face. I don’t get you. You always tell me that I need to put in a little bit of an effort, and when I finally do, you think I’m competing against you.” I felt my blood starting to boil and my fingers starting to clutch, as a means of controlling my rage. “You’re such a hypocrite!”
“Oh, please, Arelia. I’m sick of you always playing the victim card. Poor me, I don’t have any parents, I’m not pretty when you know you have it all.”
“Really?” I crossed my arms. “Tell me Sabrina, how exactly do I have it all? Go ahead, please enlighten me. I’m dying to know.”
“Just like you to be sarcastic,” she mumbled bitterly.
I ignored her comment. “I’m waiting, please do enlighten me.”
“You always claim that you don’t care about boys or the way you look, but you know you’re gorgeous. Your skin doesn’t get blotchy, and your eyelashes are way longer than mine even when I have fake ones on with clumps of mascara. You know that any guy at school would go out with you in a heartbeat.”
“I don’t care. You know all I want to do is get out of my shitty apartment and go to college, not become some kind of Stepford wife like you.” I knew that statement was below the bikini line, but at this point I just couldn’t help myself. My words were spewing out like venom, and it felt exhilarating.
“Have you ever thought that maybe some of us aren’t as smart as you and that the only hope of happiness we have is becoming a so-called Stepford wife? Not all of us have to work, my mother never had to, so why should I? I’m not guilty about being privileged. Besides, from what I can see, you’re treading in Stepford-land given the attention you’re giving Lucus.”
“You’re insane, do you hear yourself? How am I giving any attention to Lucus? You’re the one who stayed up all night talking to him, and dancing with him.”
“Shut up Arelia, you know I was lying about that.”
“What are you talking about?” I pretended I was clueless.
“I passed out, but woke up when you came in the room.”
“Why didn’t you say anything? I was so worried about you and you were awake all along eavesdropping into our conversation?”
“I didn’t want to spoil your little flirtation. I heard it all. I see the way you look at him. I may be stupid, but I’m not blind.”
“You’re not stupid.” I felt bad for her, staying awake there listening to us talk. Shit. Had she heard the part about the snake bite and the swamp too, if she had she hadn’t mentioned it yet. “You are delusional though.” I hid my fear by continuing the argument. “We’ve known him for two days.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she replied with confidence. “After you left last night, Lucus and I had sex.”
“Good for you.” At this point, I really didn’t care.
“It was magnificent,” she wickedly taunted. “He told me how beautiful I am and swore that he was falling in love with me. He was rather insatiable. We did it three times- or was it four?” She tapped her finger against her forehead making it seem like she was trying to remember. “He may have given you chocolates, but he gave me something much better. Yeah, I know the chocolates weren’t for me, I read the card. You left it on the table.”
“I couldn’t care less,” I maintained.
“Sure you do,” she continued. “You shouldn’t be surprised though, men do prefer these,” she pointed to her boobs, “over those,” she pointed to mine trying to demonstrate the considerable difference in their size.
“That’s so mature. I thought we were past junior high school.”
“We may be, but boys will never be.”
“If you’ve already had sex with him and know that he prefers you over me, why the hell are you telling me to stay away from him? We’ve been best friends all of our lives. When have we ever let a stupid boy come between us?” It was the truth, this was the first time we had an argument over a guy, and it was getting very ugly.
“Because this is the first time I know you like the same guy as I do, so I’m just warning you if you compete against me, you will lose. That’s a promise. Besides, guys don’t like freaks, they like nice, normal girls who won’t complicate their lives.”
“What do you mean by that? Are you implying that I’m some kind of freak?”
“Cut the crap, Arelia. Like you said, we’ve known each other our whole lives. You really think that I’m so self-absorbed that I never noticed the spirits that you’re always mumbling to? Now Lucus knows it too, given your little show in the swamp last night and all.”
“You knew. You knew,” I repeated trying to come to grips with what I had just heard. “All of these years you knew about that and you never said one word. Not a single peep came out of your thin, little lips.” I knew she hated the fact that her lips were so thin. Hey, if she took a jab at my boobs, I had a right to take one at her lips.
“Why should I have? I don’t want to get involved in that freaky crap and neither do you, apparently.”
Now she had hit a soft spot, and I could feel tears starting to form. I rarely cried, but knowing that Sabrina had never lent me any sort of support knowing how hard it had been for me all of these years pretending to be normal was too much.
“Then don’t.” I fought my tears. “Don’t be involved, I don’t need you.”
“I have no intention of being pulled into your world,” she screamed cruelly. She left me standing alone in the cabin.
Upon her exit, I fell to the ground and started sobbing. I let the tears stream down my face freel
y and didn’t care if anyone overheard me. This whole situation was so confusing to me. I couldn’t believe that my best friend had just classified me as a freak. Sure, I knew I was different, but up until this point no one had called me a freak. I knew that I wasn’t supposed to care what others thought, Grand-mere Bea had taught me to be proud of myself, but it was Sabrina, she was family. I thought we were sisters. Despite our differences and fights over the years, it had never gotten this dirty before.
Why was she so threatened by me and what she perceived as my relationship with Lucus? I had never done anything to betray her trust, but all of a sudden she was acting like I was the enemy.
I sat on the dirt floor for what seemed like hours, when in reality it was probably only a couple of minutes. Around me, I could hear what sounded like the beating of drums and chanting. It was savage, rhythmic, and at the same time absolutely tantalizing. The drumming put me in a trance, and for a few minutes, I was able to connect with the ghosts of the slaves visiting the cabin. They whispered in my ears stories of tragedy, death and betrayal. Their wails were woeful and full of turmoil. They cried about their plight as slaves and the cruelties they endured to attain freedom. I could feel them giving me strength and trying to comfort me with the knowledge that if they had the power to go on, then so did I. They told me, they sometimes chose to come back to Darkwood because the oak trees were so peaceful. They were happy and at last finally free from oppression. They spoke of destiny and how sometimes we were chosen to do things that others were too weak to do. Despite the hardships they had faced and the wounds that had left them scarred, not all of them were bitter. They told me that everything would be alright, but I did need to be careful, because after this summer, life would never be the same for me. Eventually, the drumming stopped and I was left alone. I felt silly, sitting there and crying my eyes out over an argument when life could be so much crueler than it was, but I was hurt, so I allowed myself to cry.
I thought about Mad Marie, and for the first time, I could see why she had done what she did. All the people that she ever loved were taken from her and she was left alone. Was I capable of turning into a Mad Marie? Was that the reason I was so afraid of what I really was? I must have been there for an hour reflecting and trying to stop bawling like a baby when I heard someone approaching the cabin door. It was Ben.
“Arelia.”
“Ben, what are you doing here?” I quickly adjusted my voice to make it sound like I hadn’t been crying and wiped the tears from my eyes.
“I wanted to see if I could catch a glimpse of the ghost.” His voice was excited until he saw my tear stained face. His squinty eyes looked at me in confusion as he walked towards me. “Why are you crying?” He sat beside me on the dirt floor and put his chubby arm around me.
“I’m not crying,” I lied.
“Yes you are,” he accused. “Your face is all puffy. It looks weird, and your eyes are all red.”
“It’s the air, I have contacts on,” I continued the act.
“It’s okay to cry if you’re sad. Are you sad because there’s no more cheesecake?”
I had to laugh at his comment. “No, that’s not it,” I admitted. “I’m sad because I had a fight with Sabrina. She’s my best friend.”
“It’s okay, Arelia. I get sad with my mom and dad too.”
“Like when?”
“When they spend too much time with Mary or watching hurricanes and forget that I am there.”
Hearing Ben talk about his problems made me forget my own. “I know they love you very much Ben; sometimes people make mistakes, though.”
“Like your friend Sabrina,” he reasoned.
“Yes, like my friend Sabrina. I guess.”
“I bet she’s just jealous because you’re prettier than her.”
“Thanks, Ben.” I gave him a little nudge. “You’re going to be quite the heartbreaker one day. Why don’t you go and see if there is some cheesecake still hidden somewhere. I’ll be there in a minute.” I really needed that minute to compose myself and get over the nasty scene that had just played out.
“Sounds awesome!” He leapt up from the floor.
As soon as Ben left, Ivan rushed in. “Peace at last.” He was unaware that I was in the room. When he did notice me, he looked surprised. “Don’t tell me you’re crying over Prince Charming and Barbie. I really need a break. I’ll pass on the pity party.” He lit up a cigarette and sat down next to me.
“Leave me alone. It’s none of your business anyways.”
“Do you want a drag?” He held out his cigarette.
“No, I want to be left alone.”
“What do you see in that guy?”
“Seriously! Again? How many times have you asked me that question and how many times have I said nothing. Don’t you have anything better to do? I’m sure that you can find another hobby besides annoying me all summer.”
“Trust me, if it were only that simple,” he muttered under his breath, but it was still loud enough for me to hear.
“I don’t have to put up with this.” I got up to leave.
“It looks like someone’s annoyed,” he mocked. I felt like punching him, I really did. How could one human be so annoying? I was beginning to think that his sole purpose in life was to make me want to kill him. I was about to leave when I heard Ivan start to sing:
When the sun comes up and the first quail calls, follow the drinking gourd.
For the old man is a-waiting to carry you to freedom,
If you follow the drinking gourd
The riverbank makes a very good road.
The dead trees show you the way,
Left foot, peg foot, travelling on
Follow the drinking gourd
The words sent a shiver down my spine, his voice was oppressively gloomy. His eyes were full of torment as he sang. I couldn’t help but be mesmerized. “Where is that from?” I was curious.
“What do you care?”
“Never mind.” I was an idiot for even trying to ask him a serious question.
“It’s a slave song,” he informed me while taking a deep drag.
“Why do you have a slave song memorized?”
Ivan threw his head back and laughed. “Do you have some sort of monopoly over the slave songs in the area? Is there some sort of law that makes it illegal for me to sing one?”
“No, I just think it’s weird.” Well it was.
“I’m in a band.” He was obviously lying. “Since our songwriter died last month, and I’m tired of doing shitty covers I’m trying to explore some fresh material. You know, trying to think outside the box.”
“You’re lying,” I accused.
“What if I am? Are you the moral police?” His voice had a ruthless ring to it.
“It’s pointless trying to have a conversation with you,” I stated.
“I’m sorry I don’t captivate you and make your heart pound, I’ll try harder to be much cuter. Would you share some sweet tea with me, Arelia? I would be honored if you did,” he imitated Lucus.
“You’re an idiot.” I turned my back on him and left him sitting on the cabin floor.
Back at the picnic area, everyone was still lounging around enjoying the afternoon sun. Ben went to get himself some Coke, and I promised to find us some cheesecake. Sabrina and Lucus were sitting under the same tree that I had fallen asleep under. They weren’t kissing. Sabrina appeared to be rambling on about something, while Lucus listened intently. When Lucus saw me, he excused himself and made his way towards me. Of course, Sabrina was pissed.
“You disappeared.” His smile vanished once he saw my tear stained puffy face. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” I replied in a cold voice that I hoped would discourage him from talking to me.
“Where did you go?” He continued cautiously.
“Look, it doesn’t matter where I went. Why do you care, anyways?”
“I just…”
“Please, leave me alone.
I want to be left alone” I cut him off. He looked a little shocked and unsure of what to say next.
“Of course, I understand.” He didn’t press or demand that I tell him what was wrong which made me feel relieved that I didn’t have to explain myself, and the fight that Sabrina and I had. I walked away, fully aware that he was watching me, but I didn’t care; or so I told myself.