The series I wanted to do was more sexualized than these pictures. They would delve deeper into the life I kept private, and I knew I would have to expose that part of myself to Sine if I wanted her to trust me enough to do the series. Doing that would make it difficult to keep seeing her in a platonic way. If she was another model, it wouldn’t have been a problem, but there was something about her...
I didn’t believe there was anything wrong with my sexual preferences. I was of the belief that anything was permissible as long as it occurred between consenting adults. So, introducing Sine to my world wouldn’t corrupt her, but I wasn’t certain Jean would agree. And I certainly couldn’t tell her that I knew Sine wasn’t a virgin because the ensuing conversation about how, exactly, I’d come to learn that particular little tidbit wouldn’t lead anywhere good.
“She inspired me,” I said finally. “I’ve been...adrift for months. You know it. You’ve seen what I’ve tried to work with, but as soon as I started taking Sine’s photos, it was like I could see everything.”
Jean’s eyebrows went up. “I’ve never heard you talk like this before.”
“Because I’ve never met anyone like her before.” I drained the last of my wine. “Sine is my muse. She’s my inspiration, Jean. I can’t explain it, but when I’m with her...”
I let my voice trail off before I said something I couldn’t take back.
The expression on Jean’s face, however, suggested that she didn’t need words to see that inspiration wasn’t all that Sine meant to me, no matter how much I was trying to deny it.
12
Sine
Since Alix hadn’t said anything to me yesterday about wanting me to model for him again, I decided that going into work early this morning would be the best way to avoid an awkward conversation. If I was already working when he came in, I could control the conversation, or at least look busy while he talked. If I looked into his eyes and saw that, for some unknown reason, he still wanted me, I couldn’t say I was confident in my ability to say no.
I told myself it was because he was good-looking, and that it was due to how he made me feel physically, but deep down I knew I was lying to myself with those excuses. I didn’t have the ability to fully explain what it was about him that drew me in and made me lose focus, but I knew I needed to get ahold of it if I could ever make this work.
Which brought me back to wanting to be in the office by the time Alix arrived.
The moment I reached the studio door and found it unlocked, however, I realized my plan already had failed. As I walked inside, Alix pushed off the table he’d been leaning against and walked toward me.
“I figured that since you bring me coffee all the time, I’d return the favor.” He raised his hands to show cups from the same bodega I’d purchased the two cups I held. “One can never have too much caffeine.”
I nodded dumbly. He’d caught me off-guard, showing up early, offering me coffee. If it hadn’t been for the fact that we’d already said no more sex, I might have thought he was trying to get me into bed again. Or that he felt guilty about us already having slept together.
“I have a proposition for you.” One corner of his mouth twitched. “A business proposal.”
“Okay. Will the office work?”
Alix nodded and led the way. He sat down in the chair in front of the desk and set one of the coffees on the desk. I put one of the drinks I bought in front of him and then walked around behind the desk. It felt strange, us sitting like this, as if he was the employee and I the employer, but I wasn’t going to do anything to change it. I needed the desk between us for both distance and perspective.
“I have a contract for you,” he said, gesturing to the papers on my desk. “Two, actually. The first is to move your assistant position from temporary to full-time. Jean is taking care of things on the temp agency side, so you don’t have to worry about that.”
That one was on top, I saw. He fell silent as I read through. It was fairly straightforward for a contract. A set salary – which was higher than I expected – as well as working hours, which holidays I’d have off, my new insurance provider, and a week’s worth of paid leave gained every two years up to six weeks off total. When I got to the part about how the first week would be available as soon as I signed, I stopped and looked up.
“This is too much.”
I waited for him to admit that he’d given me such a generous contract because he and I had slept together, but he just shrugged.
“I don’t really know what it says. I had Jean write it up so I wouldn’t be tempted to try to bribe you.”
My eyes narrowed. “Bribe me for what?”
He smiled. “Bribe you to sign the second contract. It’s the same as every other model contract I have, so you don’t have to worry about favoritism there.”
I set aside the assistant contract and started going through the other one. I managed to keep my expression neutral even as my brain struggled to accept the numbers I was reading. He set it up for me to be paid per session, as he’d said, with the first two ‘test’ sessions I’d already done being only a little less than any future sessions would be. With each session, I’d have a release form to sign, which gave me a bonus. A bonus that made each session worth more than I made at the temp agency in a month. If I declined to sign the release forms, any photos from that session would only be available to Alix to use privately, unless I wished to purchase them.
The way my stomach tightened told me that the idea of him hanging my photos on the walls of his apartment, or wherever he lived, was almost as nerve-wracking as having them on display.
The contract also allowed for the option to release only photos that didn’t show my face. I’d receive a smaller bonus than if I agreed to allow them all to be used, but it also kept me from having an all-or-nothing decision to make.
“This is the same contract all your models sign?”
Alix stiffened, making me wonder if it was me questioning, or if it was the fact that I said all your models.
“I’m not treating you any differently,” he said, the muscles in his jaw clenching. “I want you to model for me and be my assistant. If you would prefer one over the other, that’s your choice.”
I was struck by the strange impulse to reach across the desk and touch him, reassure him. I curled my hand into a fist.
“It just seems like a lot,” I said carefully. “I didn’t come to the States to be a model, or to make a lot of money.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You’re hesitating because I’m offering too much?”
When he said it like that, I felt pretty foolish, but I had to know. “Why me?”
Alix stood, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. “I thought we talked about this.”
I shook my head. “I know you think I don’t see myself clearly, but it’s not about that. We’ve done a couple sessions, but this contract says that you want me to do a whole new line. You mentioned it before, and I asked a similar question. You didn’t really answer me then, and I would like an answer now. Why do you want me to pose for a whole new line instead of hiring a professional?”
I was feeling pretty good about how matter-of-fact I sounded, but the piercing look Alix shot me made me think twice, and his gaze didn’t waver as he walked around to stand in front of me.
“I want you to be the model for my new series because you’re the inspiration behind it. The only one I can see in my head when I picture it.”
I stared at him. I didn’t know what the new series was, but how could I have been an inspiration for anything?
“Alix, I–”
He crouched in front of me, putting us at eye level. He reached out, tucked a curl behind my ear.
“Hear me out about it, at least?”
Dammit.
I nodded. How could I say no to a job that could give me enough money that I’d never again have to worry about failing here and having to return to Ireland? A job that would allow me to have a savings account for emergencie
s, something to fall back on if I needed it.
He pulled his chair around the desk so that we were sitting on the same side of it, our knees almost touching.
“You already know that I enjoy bondage.”
That sentence shouldn’t have made me need to press my thighs together.
“Well, I like doing more than that.” He kept his eyes on my face as he spoke, and I got the impression that he was waiting for me to freak out. “I’m into the whole BDSM package, and I want to do an entire series on it.”
I held up a hand. “You want me to pose for even kinkier pictures than me in my underwear with my hands tied?”
Alix chuckled. “When you say it like that...”
I crossed my arms and leaned back, waiting for him to realize I was only half-joking.
He ran his hand over the dark stubble on his chin. “Sorry. I’m just not used to having to explain it. Usually, the...people I’m talking to already know about the lifestyle.”
I was grateful he didn’t go into detail about just who those people were. Even though I wouldn’t be sleeping with him again, that didn’t mean I wanted to hear about the women he’d been with before me. Or the women he’d be with in the future. The ones who already knew what that lifestyle was already about.
“You want to do a series of photographs showing the BDSM lifestyle. With me.” I had to say it out loud to see if it freaked me out or not. Judging by the rush of arousal that coursed through my veins, I would have to say...not.
“More or less,” Alix said. “The conditions the contract spelled out stay the same. No nudity. And what you said before, about things staying professional between us, that’s still there too.”
I knew if I took the time to think through it, I’d find a dozen reasons why I should tell Alix that I’d be his assistant and nothing more. I didn’t ask for time, but I did have a question.
“Before I can yes or no, I need one thing.”
“What’s that?”
I pressed my hands against my stomach, wishing they could calm the butterflies. “I need to know exactly what you’ll be expecting from me.”
He was quiet for a minute, then stood. “Take the rest of the day off. Tonight, I’ll take you somewhere for research.”
I may not have been overly experienced sexually, but even I could guess that wherever he was taking me, my work clothes wouldn’t cut it.
This was going to be...interesting.
13
Alix
Deciding to take Sine to Gilded Cage felt right in a way that made me more than a little nervous. My friends and I didn’t bring girls to the club, but after Erik had broken the ice and brought Tanya, we’d assured him we didn’t mind.
Which meant it wouldn’t be an issue for any of the rest of us to do the same. Not that this was the same. This was just business, I’d promised myself.
That promise lasted until I knocked on the door and Sine opened it.
Shit.
Fuck.
I hadn’t told her how to dress because I honestly hadn’t thought of it, but if I had, I never would have imagined this.
She wore no make-up, but the fresh-faced look worked for her. Her curls were as wild as they ever were, and I liked that she hadn’t tried to tame them. Comfortable-looking flats kept her at five feet, which made me remember how delicate she’d felt underneath me. Then I processed the rest of the outfit.
She was wearing shorts, but not some dressy khaki kind of things, or the baggy gym shorts she’d worn the last time I was here. They were short, ending just below her ass, but so tight that she could bend over without flashing anyone. Her shirt was made of the same clingy material, molding to her slim frame and those firm, high breasts. The neckline wasn’t low, and where we were going, she’d be one of the more conservatively dressed patrons, but she would, without a doubt, draw attention. Men like me – or women like me, for that matter – would be enchanted by her.
Shit.
I didn’t want anyone else looking at her. She was mine to look at.
No, not mine, I reminded myself. We’d made that clear. We weren’t together. This was research so she’d feel comfortable doing the series.
Employer-employee. Photographer and model.
No matter what happened at the club, I would keep it professional. Even if that meant I had to threaten to beat the shit out of a few people. Professionally, of course.
“Is there something wrong with the way I’m dressed?”
I jerked my head up. “Why would you say that?”
“Because you’re staring at me.” She crossed her arms, drawing attention to her breasts, and making me suddenly need to adjust myself.
“Trust me,” I said with a wry smile, “where we’re going, I won’t be the only one staring.”
We went in the middle of the week, partly because I figured the chances of the guys being here was smaller than it’d be on a weekend. I didn’t want to try to explain to them who Sine was. I’d seen what happened when Tanya had come to the club when she had been Erik’s editor. Erik had claimed her, right then and there, and nothing he said after that mattered. She was his, even if he hadn’t been willing to admit it yet.
I wasn’t sure what I would do if faced with the same situation, and I didn’t think I wanted to find out. Sine and I had an understanding, and I didn’t want to jeopardize that.
Still, as we made our way through the club to one of the tables at the back, I found my hand hovering over the small of her back, my instinct to protect more than guide. And hidden under that, my need to let everyone here know that she was with me.
Okay, maybe not so hidden.
“We’re going to sit back there,” I said, leaning down so I could speak in her ear without having to shout. “Let you get a good look at things.”
She was already looking, I knew. From the moment we walked inside, she hadn’t stopped looking. She didn’t seem freaked out by any of it, not even when Eloise and her partner, Big Cindy, walked by in their matching leather corsets and nipple rings. Most first-timers were easy to spot. They either came in all wide-eyed and blushing, or were all swagger and arrogance.
Sine was neither.
It wasn’t until I settled into the booth next to her that I realized what it was. She was paying attention. To everything. As a photographer, I knew what it was to observe, to see the world without getting involved, but I hadn’t seen it from someone else. She was mentally taking notes, filing away whatever she found interesting.
“Is there anything specific you want me to focus on?” She leaned closer to speak, but didn’t look at me. “Something you have in mind for your photo line?”
Right, the photo series. The reason we’re here.
“I have a few things in mind,” I admitted, shifting into work mode. “Nothing with the clothing.” I glanced sideways at her. “I prefer what you wear.”
A faint flush spread across her cheeks. “You said you didn’t want to only explore bondage, right?”
I nodded. “I’m thinking of this as a sort of juxtaposition between the stereotypes of BDSM and how things really work.”
She turned to me at last, curiosity rather than desire in her eyes. “Show me.”
I stood and held out a hand. She took it, and I kept my fingers curled around hers. We moved around the edge of the dance floor, and I swiped my VIP card across the card reader next to the door.
When we stepped into the room and closed the door behind us, the music faded, and I was made painfully aware that we were alone. In a room with a bed. Again.
To distract myself from how tight my jeans had become, I walked across the room to the wall where a series of whips, floggers, and crops hung.
“Every Dom who uses these has to know exactly how to use them and what sort of damage they each inflict, as well as what their Subs need.” I ran my fingers over a couple of the items. “Subs aren’t the only ones who need to be trained. Doms need it too. A man or woman who picks up one of these things without thoroughly
understanding the responsibility they have can hurt someone.”
“So, where society sees abuse and a loss of control...”
I turned as she walked toward me. “The reality is about power, pleasure, and being in control. About knowing what someone else needs, and the two of you coming together to find a connection that provides you both with what you require.”
Even as I said it, I could see the way the light in her eyes flared, the hunger when I talked about power and pleasure and control. I felt it in her body when we were together but hadn’t completely recognized it as the counterbalance to what I needed for myself. Not until now.
I watched her as she approached the wall, as her hands traced along each item, her eyes studying every line. With the same dedication she’d shown as my assistant, the same scrutiny she’d had in the main room of the club, she looked at and cataloged everything. She would approach being a Sub the same way.
Dammit.
I didn’t want to follow her rules. I wanted my photos, but I wanted her too.
I needed to be smart about it though, or I’d lose everything.
14
Sine
I told myself to be clinical, to separate what I felt when I was close to Alix from the sexual energy in the club. We’d agreed to be professional.
That hadn’t stopped me from taking the time after work to scour my favorite thrift stores to find the outfit I’d worn last night. It had been a nice compromise of sexy while still being me. The shorts had been a bit shorter than I normally liked, and the top more form-fitting, but the expression on Alix’s face had been worth it.
If he’d been paying more attention to my own face, he would’ve seen a similar appreciation for his attire. Jeans that hugged his thighs and ass without being obscene, and a short-sleeved shirt that left no doubt to whether or not he had a six-pack.
He did.
He’d been careful at the club not to touch me, but I’d felt the heat of him as if we’d been skin to skin. A part of me had wanted to lean into him, not only so I could enjoy his touch, but also to stake a claim. He was there with me. It didn’t matter if I’d put down rules to prevent us from crossing that line again. He’d come with me, and he’d leave with me, even if it wasn’t for the reasons I wished.