I also knew he was being cool, a nice guy, because that was who he was.
But I couldn’t let this go on.
So I pulled my shit together, unclenched my hands and smoothed the shirt before I dropped them to his waist and tipped my head back.
“Sorry.”
Lamentably, he took my cue and let me go.
Incredibly, he didn’t do this completely.
He put his hands on either side of my neck and bent close so his face was a couple of inches from mine.
“Think, from what you’ve told me, you get that times get bad. Hope, Jussy, you also get that those times pass. Whatever’s happening, this will pass.”
Jussy.
Shit.
I nodded because that was all I could do.
“Sorry, I…well, your shirt’s all wet,” I said, taking one hand from him to wipe my face.
“It’ll dry.”
I nodded again.
His fingers curled around my neck gave me a gentle squeeze.
“You good?”
I was not.
I gave him another nod anyway.
His eyes moved over my face and I knew he knew that nod was an inaudible lie but he didn’t call me on it.
He just said quietly, “Good,” gave me another squeeze and dropped his left hand.
But with his right, he lifted it up and I held my breath because I thought he was going to touch my face, dry a tear, something.
Instead, he raised it to the top of my head and tousled my hair before he gave me another close look, turned and walked away.
Shit, Deke comforted me then tousled my hair like I was his little sister.
Shit.
I didn’t like that.
But it was kind and it was sweet and it came from Deke.
So as was becoming my lot, I’d take it.
* * * * *
Deke
He had a screw loose, he knew it and fuck him, he couldn’t stop himself.
This was why, the evening the day after Jus got that call that set her off (and he kept a close eye on her yesterday afternoon and all that day, saw she’d pulled it together enough to fake it, but she couldn’t hide something haunted her eyes), Deke was in his truck on his way to her place.
He’d left work there, gone home, showered, changed, hit the grocery store, and as night was quickly falling, he was heading back.
It was whacked. It was stupid.
And it was dangerous.
With all of that, the fact remained she wasn’t sharing and she also wasn’t hiding that shit in her life was clearly extreme. She’d lost her dad. Her brother was being a dick. And something was going on with a woman she called Joss. Deke had no idea what it was but he heard Jus’s voice raise on the deck even if he didn’t hear what she said and then he’d watched her through the windows, knowing by the line of her body she was agitated.
Fuck, every phone call she got set something off in her or sounded fucked.
But Jus, she pulled it together and faked it as best she could.
She was new in Carnal. As far as he could tell, she had no one close. And the one she should have should not be him.
He still had a brown paper bag filled with hot dogs, buns, condiments, a tub of macaroni salad, a big bag of chips and the makings of s’mores. Next to that bag he had a six-pack of cold beer. He’d also tagged a bunch of wire hangers from his closet. And he’d brought his wire cutters.
Now he was heading to her place because he was a dumbfuck.
It wasn’t early. It was getting late.
Maybe she wouldn’t be there.
This would be good.
Maybe if she was there, she’d eaten.
If she had, he’d eat, he’d listen if she talked and she could drink beer while he gave her someone to be with, such a fucking moron, not able to cope with thinking of her in that fucked-up house all alone with shit bearing down on her that was extreme.
Oh yeah, fuck yeah, he had a screw loose.
“Shit,” he muttered, rolling up to her house and seeing her granddad’s truck there.
She was home.
“Fuck,” he sighed.
But he didn’t turn around. He didn’t leave. He parked, got out, moved around the truck and got the shit.
She’d heard his approach and he knew this because the door was open and she was standing in it by the time he started walking to it.
“Is everything…uh, what’s going on?” she called.
He didn’t answer and stopped in front of her, feeling his mouth tighten.
Sun almost gone, the space behind her was dark.
The next day, he needed to finish some outlets. Get her some light in that area. It was dangerous, her moving around that space in the dark.
And Max had told him that she’d contracted with some man the name of Callahan, a hotshot in the security business, probably the kind of guy only people like Jus could afford. This he knew because Max told him she was flying Callahan in in a couple of weeks to install her security system.
He was going to talk to Max to talk to Callahan to speed that up. Callahan wouldn’t need walls and floors set in to give her security.
“Deke?”
His eyes dropped to hers.
“You eat?” he asked as greeting.
“Generally, yes, as you know since you’ve seen me do it and likely are aware all beings need some form of sustenance to survive,” she sassed. “Tonight, not yet. I was about to go out because I’d heard there was a Mexican place in Chantelle that can’t be beat.”
“Rosalinda’s. Hit that, hit jalapeño heaven.”
Even that deep into dusk, he saw her pretty face light with a smile.
Total dumbfuck.
“Tonight, though, we’re breaking in your fire pit,” he told her.
At that, she beamed.
“Please say hot dogs,” she begged through the rays.
He shoved the six-pack her way and gave her what she wanted.
“Hot dogs.”
“Far out!” she cried, too fucking cute for any man’s peace of mind, especially his, grabbing the beer from him, turning and moving into the dark space.
“Light the pit, Jus. I’ll go get the chairs.”
“You got it,” she said, hustling to the back door.
He followed her, dropped the bag by where she’d put the beer on the decking and left her lighting the pit. He came back with one of the chairs that sat on her other deck to see the pit dancing but she was gone. He took off to go get the other chair and when he returned, she was back.
“Napkins,” she declared, waving some in the air. “No plates, dude. Sorry. And only plastic cutlery. So sorry again.”
“I look like a man who gives a shit about plastic forks?” he asked.
“Not really,” she answered.
“That’s ’cause I’m not.”
“That’s good, Deke, but I have no plates either.”
“You got some flesh-eating virus I’ll get from sharin’ a bag of chips and a tub of macaroni salad with you?” he asked.
“Not that I know of,” she answered.
“Then we’re good.”
She said nothing and he didn’t look at her face because he could actually fucking feel she was smiling.
He squatted and reached into the bag. “Open a beer for me, yeah?”
“I live to serve.”
Deke wanted to test that but do it when they were both naked.
Fuck him.
Total dumbfuck.
She got him a beer while he clipped the hooks off the hangers and straightened them out. In no time, they were both opposite each other at the pit. Jus sitting on her chair but leaned in with her dog on her wire roasting in the flames. Deke had sat back, feet up on the edge of the pit, soles of his boots warmed by the fire, his dog also in the flames.
He was thinking there was probably one place on earth he’d like to settle in for a time that wasn’t his place by the lake.
It was here.
/>
Total dumbfuck.
She started it.
“So, Max called tonight. Says scaffolding is being delivered.”
“Need it to drywall the upper areas and get started on laying the wood ceiling.”
“And we get Bubba a couple of days,” she went on.
“Yep,” Deke confirmed. “Not smart to work alone on scaffolding.”
“I could spot you.”
Deke amended.
“Not smart to work alone two and half stories up laying a ceiling on scaffolding with a five foot five woman in baggy overalls spotting your ass.”
He heard her soft giggle.
He liked it.
“I’m five six,” she corrected.
A foot shorter than him.
She seemed smaller.
He said nothing.
She didn’t either.
They roasted dogs.
Finally, she ended the silence.
“I’ve got a friend coming to town end of next week.”
He looked through the flames to her and said quietly, “That’s good news.”
And it was. When times were bad, she needed someone close who meant something to her.
She caught his eyes also through the flames and he saw her expression change, the feisty went out, nothing but sweet left.
He could not do this.
And he couldn’t not do it.
He was totally screwed.
“We’ll be trying jalapeño heaven,” she shared.
“You can thank me when you do.”
“I hope so.”
“You will,” he affirmed, taking his dog from the flames and reaching out for the bag to get the buns.
“I know you’re a manly mountain man, Deke,” she suddenly stated and that weird statement made him look from the buns to her. “So I’ll get this out of the way so you can be done with it. But this means a lot.” She indicated him, the fire and the night by circling her dog. “You’re right. The crap Mav is pulling will get sorted and life will go on. But right now, life sucks a little bit. And it feels nice you give a shit enough to bring some dogs, beer and marshmallows to make it better.”
Wood had been right. Nothing about Jus suggested she was a rich bitch of the variety he knew.
She wasn’t Emme either.
She was all Jus and aside from not liking mornings, there wasn’t much to her that wasn’t good.
He still was not going to go there. She had cabbage and a lot of it and he was not that man who could be down with that when he’d not only never earn as much as she had, he didn’t want to.
He was also not that man who was down with settling. He’d lived a life with significantly limited options up until he was twenty and his mother was solid enough he could take off. He needed endless options now and not many women were good to go on the back of the bike whenever he was ready to roll. Jus, he was certain, considering she was laying roots in Carnal in that house, being one of that many who wouldn’t be good to go.
But he knew a lot of people in a lot of places that meant something to him. Some of them were women, taken and not.
So they couldn’t go there.
That didn’t mean they couldn’t have something.
So as much of a dumbfuck as it made him, wanting her, knowing he wasn’t going to let himself have her, knowing she wanted him and he wasn’t going to let her have that either, he also knew she gave every sign she’d take what she could get.
So he was going to give her that.
To that end, he asked, “You wanna talk about it?”
“Buns,” she muttered.
He tossed them to her. She dug for one, they prepared their dogs and she opened up.
“Suffice it to say, my brother is a douche.”
“Got that.”
“My dad cheated on my mom with his mom when I was around six.”
“Christ,” Deke murmured.
“Mm-hmm,” she agreed and kept on, “She got pregnant. My mom was way not down with the cheating thing, the pregnancy thing was just salt in the wound, so she ended things. Dad did right by his unwanted baby mama which I think was more an effort to do right by my unborn brother. It didn’t work out and by that I mean it spectacularly didn’t work out. She was terrible to Dad. To me. To everyone. And unfortunately, although there were brief moments of glorious respite, time passed and she kept finding ways to be terrible. It’s her that’s steering Mav into doing stupid shit. My dad…he had some, uh…money.”
Deke took a bite of hot dog and just nodded to her through the flames.
That had not been lost on him and she had to know it.
She nodded back. “Luna wants her share of it.”
“How long they been divorced?” he asked.
“Think now it’s about twenty-six years,” she answered.
Deke’s chin jerked back. “Serious?”
She nodded again. “Dad remarried…yeah, again.” Her last words sounded on a sigh. “Good woman this time. I like her. Luna wants Dad’s last wife’s share. Dana was a lot younger than Dad but she wasn’t a gold digger. She really did love him and they were together for over a decade.”
“Not seein’ she’s got call to get your dad’s wife’s money,” he noted.
“She doesn’t and Dad wasn’t stupid so his wishes, I’m told, will eventually be carried out. But Mav is going for it for himself, not Luna going for it. It’s just that he’ll give it to her.”
“So what you’re sayin’ is, this is a headache you just gotta wait out.” Deke lifted his hand when she opened her mouth. “Not sayin’, Jussy, that that headache doesn’t cause pain, ’specially now when it’s not long after you lost your old man and shit’s obviously still raw. Just sayin’, you can find it in you to put that in its place, you can move out from under the emotion it’s making weigh on you.”
“I know that logically, Deke, I just don’t know how to get to that place.”
“Over beer, dogs and eventually s’mores,” he replied.
Her head tilted, making the shadow of her hair sway over her shoulder. He felt his groin tighten just at that and tighten more when she grinned at him and took a huge bite of her dog.
Through a not-anything-like-a-petty-rich-dainty-princess, her mouth being full, she said, “Good idea.”
“Slide the dogs over to me, Jus,” he ordered.
She slid the opened package across the flagstone.
He ate his last bite and loaded up another dog.
She finished hers and did the same.
They drank beer. They ate the food Deke bought. They made s’mores. Eventually, she cleared everything up, taking it undoubtedly through that dark to her utility room, which was now her makeshift kitchen, and came out with another two brews for them, where they sat, both their feet up on the ledge, chairs turned to the night.
And through this they talked about Krystal and Bubba and their baby.
Deke told her the whole story about Dalton, Carnal’s now incarcerated-for-life serial killer, including the fact that Jim-Billy helped saved Lauren’s life when she was taken. News at getting, Jus informed him she wasn’t surprised about, making it clear she’d gotten to know Jim-Billy and the good soul he carried.
He also told her he had a bike and Max’s “travelin’ man” comment she’d mentioned meant he didn’t stay put for very long and would probably be on his bike again by April, heading out and only coming back for short stays before he took off again.
Jus told him she played guitar. She further shared she was born in Kentucky, “…but my dad was kind of a travelin’ man too, and he liked his family with him, so he almost always took us along.” News Deke did not like to hear because she said it not like she missed having roots while growing up but like she liked being a tumbleweed as long as she was tumbling close to someone she loved.
She also told him her friend’s name was Lacey, they were tight and she was looking forward to the visit because they used to spend a lot of time together, but didn’t get much of t
hat anymore.
Deke had no problem giving to her what he gave.
Jus seemed hesitant, careful and sometimes even uncomfortable sharing all of hers, doing it all like she was protecting herself.
He got why.
She wanted to give more. It was just that Deke was making it clear that wasn’t where this was going.
It cut, way deeper than he expected, and he wondered at the wisdom of his play.
But when the time had come for him to go home, she walked him to the door and purposefully fell into him sideways, her arm hitting his. A show of friendly gratitude. An indication she dug the closeness. A communication she was still good with taking what he could give.
“’Night, Jus,” he said at the door.
“’Night, Deke. And thanks again. Beer, dogs and s’mores work wonders. Good company, though…”
She let that hang and Deke did what he was making her do.
He took what she could give and left it at that.
* * * * *
Justice
On my belly in the dark in my warm, snug bedroom, on my bed, one vibrator in me, my hips hitched up slightly, my other vibrator in my hand aimed hard and twirling at my clit, I was going for the gusto. My mind filled with Deke’s voice, his face, his hands, and all the rest of him. My imagination soaring with all he could do with them, doing all of it to me.
I came hard, gasping against the sheet, grinding into the toy until I could take no more.
I turned it off and shifted it away, letting the one inside me keep going until I was fully sated. I reached down, twisted it to off and rolled to my back.
I stared at the dark ceiling.
Then I slid it out in the close confines since I was still wearing my panties. I got off the bed, went to the bathroom, cleaned the toys and took them back to my nightstand.
I got in bed, pulled the covers over me—and filled with beer, dogs, chips, macaroni salad, s’mores, good company, satisfied with the orgasm Deke gave me (but didn’t)—alone in the dark Colorado night, I fell asleep.
Chapter Seven
Pleasure and Pain
Justice
“You did not,” I declared, staring at Bubba who’d just taken a huge bite of the turkey sandwich I’d bought him (and I’d bought another for me and another for Deke).