“I think so, too!” I say with false cheer. I sit down on the bed and reach out to touch him on the arm.
“Well, hello,” he groans, sounding really fucking sexy.
Because I didn’t grab his arm! His penis is in my hand. He took his shorts off and it’s all penis. In my hand.
And, wow. Nice work, McAllister family genes. I pat him on the super-tight abs. “I thought, you know, we’d just experiment a little.”
“With a blindfold?” he asks.
“Yup!” I climb onto the bed, though, because he feels so good, and I might need a few more of those kisses. For courage.
I straddle him and I...he’s...Right. There. I’m still wearing clothes, but he is bare. And hard. And I rock just a little bit, feeling how good he is, how hard.
“Sadie,” I hear a chuckle in his voice. He’s laughing at me. I knew it. This was a terrible idea. He thinks I’m a joke. “Hot stuff, I know this is scary, but you’ve got to trust me here, okay. Do you trust me?”
I think about it and then I nod. I do trust him.
“Are you nodding or anything because I literally can’t see anything.”
“I’m nodding.” So hard I think I might pass out.
“Then let’s try this my way,” he says.
I’m actually really relieved. My lizard brain is in complete freak-out mode, so it would be nice to calm that little beast down. “Okay,” I say. “I’m all yours. Or at least I want to be. But I just, need to talk it out first. Is that okay?”
It’s funny because as a therapist, I’m usually the one who listens, but right now, I need words.
“Talk?” he asks, but not in a disappointed tone. “Of course.”
“Let me grab my robe. Just give me a second.”
I stumble into the bathroom. In a burst of optimism, I take off my bra and panties and pull on a robe instead. If I locate my courage, at least I’ll be ready. I do some deep yoga breathing to calm down. I splash some water on my face.
I am who I am. This is my body and I need to honor it. This is a body that has grown two children at the same time and if Liam isn’t attracted to me, then he isn’t. I don’t need him to be attracted to me. I want him to be, but I don’t need him.
All right then.
I take one more deep breath of courage, open the door, and there’s Liam waiting for me. Only things have slightly changed.
10 The Luckiest Guy in the World
Liam
I can tell Sadie is a little uncomfortable. I’m not sure if it’s because of me, or it’s something about herself, but I have a feeling her divorce is probably at the root of it somewhere. She’s adorably awkward and unsure right now. I can’t believe I’m finally in her bed, naked; fourteen-year-old Liam might pass out from excitement. But older, wiser Liam knows this is not a sprint. With Sadie, I actually want the marathon.
When she high-tails it to the bathroom, I put my boxers back on and then make a few changes to the room. I turn on a lamp to its lowest setting. I part the curtains enough to let in some dusky light. And then I open the windows. There’s a lovely cross-breeze bringing in the scent of wildflowers and pine from the woods surrounding her home. A couple of taps on my phone and I’ve started some soft music playing.
When Sadie comes out of the bathroom, she has a floral robe on. The fabric is silky and falls over her skin like water. I honestly don’t think she realizes how stunning she is, but man. She is. Like a goddess stepping from the shadow into moonlight.
She stands in the doorway of the bathroom, illuminated by the light behind her. Her shape is curvy and divine and I just want to wrap my arms around her. So I do. I just walk over to her, and surround her with my arms. She fits perfectly against me, like her body was somehow meant to curl up next to mine. We’re a regular yin and yang.
I can actually feel her start to relax. “You want to talk? We don’t have to do anything tonight, you know. This is a long-standing offer. No quick decisions.” I’m about to tell her I’m in this for the long haul, but I catch myself just in time. If I say that out loud, I’ll startle the both of us.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “I’m feeling really vulnerable right now and it’s scary.”
I nod because I get it. “Come on.” I lead her to the bed. I crawl in, and sit with my back against the headboard. She curls up next to me, snuggled in, her head on my chest. And as much as I want to make love to this woman, this other kind of closeness is pretty great, too.
“My ex...Decker,” she starts, and I don’t say anything. She needs me to listen. “He did a number on me. I thought we had the perfect life. Nice house, great relationship, healthy girls. And while I had a kind of rosy glow about how nice our world was, and while I was enjoying motherhood, he couldn’t join in. For him all the fun was over.”
I make a rude noise, and then clap my hand over my mouth. “Sorry.” But neither fourteen-year-old Liam nor twenty-nine-year-old Liam likes where this story is going.
“Decker couldn’t see me as a sexual being anymore, but just as a...breeder, for lack of a better word. I waited. I thought he was giving me space. But he wasn’t. It was like the plot twist in one of those horror movies we loved to watch together. Decker was busy falling in lust with our nanny, and banging her on our living room sofa.”
The upset noise tries to escape me again, but I tamp it down.
“It’s so cliché and embarrassing. And I just think that maybe, if I had been more...” She pauses here and I feel her tense. I stroke the top of her head, my hand lacing through her soft hair. “If I had just been more he would’ve been happy.”
We just sit with that for a second. I’m trying to process what she said. Finally, I ask, “Were you happy?”
“Yeah. I mean…” She bites her lip. “Parenting is hard, and I was willing to power through the rough patches. But he didn’t want me anymore. And the result is that now I can’t take off my clothes with you. Because I can still see the look of revulsion on his face when I suggested that eleven months was too long to go without sex.”
Ouch. “So maybe you’re not ready.” I run a finger down her cute nose. “Maybe you don’t need the stress of forcing yourself through it right now.”
“Yeah,” she says quietly, and part of me is disappointed. The erect part. “Yeah. Except… Then he wins.”
“No.” I shake my head vehemently. “I’m positive he already lost. The minute he walked away from you and your girls.”
“Maybe.” Her face says she doesn’t believe me. “But he took my self-esteem with him.”
“You’ll find it again,” I promise.
“Sure, someday. But in the meantime I won’t get any more of those kisses from you.”
Her pretty eyes lift to study me, and I can’t help but smile. “That is a risk.”
“Can I have one more? As a consolation prize? A party favor?”
“I’m right here.” It takes all my willpower not to crush my mouth to hers again. But it has to be her choice. “Come and take it.”
She props herself up on an elbow and studies me. “You’re so beautiful. It’s sort of shocking.”
Back at you, babe. I’m dying right now as she runs her fingertip along my cheekbone.
“…Especially right here.” She leans in and places a soft kiss at the corner of my eye. “And here.” I get another kiss at the edge of my mouth. “And here, too…” She kisses my jaw.
I let out a groan, because I can’t help it. “If I kissed you everywhere you’re beautiful, it would take all night. Maybe two.”
Sadie’s eyes widen with surprise. And then she kisses me for real. Soft lips fit against mine.
And I’m drowning. She kisses me again, sliding her body onto mine. I kiss her over and over again. I wrap my arms only lightly around her, because I don’t want to overstep. But the silk of her gown is slippery over her curves, and my body is on fire. I’ve never been so turned on as our tongues stroke and meld together.
I don’t think I will ever get enough
. Because Sadie isn’t just beautiful, she’s passionate. She kisses me with the same intensity she had fifteen years ago when she used to tell me her thoughts. I saw that same fire in her every time she explained a movie scene or urged me to read one of her favorite books.
This is the same Sadie—pure joy and all focus. Our mouths are nothing but pleasure and heat. Our tongues dip and stroke in time with my heartbeat.
I’ve won some kind of karmic lottery. The woman of my dreams is kissing the hell out of me. Her hips have begun to undulate against mine, like she can’t get close enough.
I skim a palm down the silk of her gown until her breast is heavy in my hand. I stroke a thumb over her nipple and feel it pebble under my touch. “Liam,” she pants into my mouth, and I wonder if I’m about to be reprimanded.
“Yeah?”
“I’m so wet.”
“Are you sure?” I mumble against her lips. “Maybe I’d better check.”
Smooth! my fourteen year-old-self cheers as I dip a hand between Sadie’s legs.
But Jesus lord—men are wired to respond to a turned-on woman, and my body has a swift and powerful reaction. Because she’s drenched. Like Hurricane Katrina level flooding. She moans as I coat my fingers in her desire, and slowly stroke her.
“So good. So good,” she chants against my lips. Sadie eases her body on top of mine and kisses me. The weight of her is everything I’ve ever wanted. Then she rolls her hips. And I’m not prepared for the molten-hot bliss of Sadie Mathews doing a slow grind on my dick.
I need to come now. Sorry, says fourteen-year-old Liam.
“Oh no you fucking don’t!”
“What?” Sadie asks, breathless.
Whoops. “I said, uh, maybe we need a condom. But it’s totally your call.” Meanwhile, I have to shove a hand into my boxer briefs and squeeze the base of my dick to keep myself in control. I bring up a mental image of my sixth-grade teacher’s turkey-wattle neck skin while I try to calm down. It’s been years since I needed that trick. But nobody thrills me like Sadie.
“Get the condom, Liam,” she whispers. “Do it.”
There are lasers that can’t move as quickly as I do now. I kick off my briefs, grab the condom off the table where a left it earlier, flick off the wrapper, and roll it on. “Go,” I wheeze.
YES! fourteen-year-old Liam screams. Hide my salami!
That’s when I mentally drag him into a closet, toss him onto the floor, and then kick the door shut. Later, buddy. This is a job for a real man.
Sadie’s trusting brown eyes bore into mine as she lines herself up above me. I cup her smooth cheek in one hand and smile at her as I tug her down for a kiss. Then she rocks my world by sheathing my dick with her sweet heat. “Oh, fuck yes,” I gasp. “Ride me, honey.”
She moans into my mouth as her hips begin to move.
I try to take in every movement, every second. I don’t want to forget anything about this moment. The way her lips taste mine as we kiss, or the breathy little sounds she’s making as she slides against me.
With a pounding heart, I ease my body into her rhythm. When I lift my hips, she moans. When I stroke her breasts, she lets fly a breathy sob. “You’re so beautiful,” I whisper. “I’m the luckiest guy in the world tonight.”
She looks at me with wonder in her eyes. And I need more, suddenly. I hold her close and roll onto my side, fucking her in short, purposeful strokes.
“Oh, Liam,” she chants. “So good.”
I roll us further until she’s spread out underneath me like a goddess. Her generous breasts look like a feast to me, so I dip down and tongue one of her nipples, then suck it into my mouth. My hips pick up the pace.
Sadie moans. “Don’t. Stop.”
Oh boy. I’m living out my fantasy right now. But every guy knows that “don’t stop” means the stakes are high. So naturally I feel a tightness in my balls, letting me know I’m approaching the point of no return.
I clench every muscle in my body to try to stave it off. I think about my teacher. I think of the periodic table of elements. I think about thermonuclear war.
No! A bomb going off is not the image I need right now. “Oh, fuck,” I gasp. “Honey.” I close my eyes and focus on her.
Then I hear it—a sharp intake of breath. And then another one. I open my eyes just in time to see a look of pure bliss cross her face.
And then it’s all over for me but the moaning and the shaking and the sweet nothings that fall from my lips as I unload my entire soul inside her sweet body.
“Thank you,” she whispers as I collapse beside her. “I needed that so badly.”
“Garrummmph,” I agree. But I’m not capable of forming actual words. I just hold on to her beautiful curves and kiss everything I can reach. Her hairline. Her nose. Everything.
11 Oh Honey.
Sadie
Two weeks, now. Two weeks of Therapist By Day, Sex Goddess By Night. (And mom twenty-four/seven.)
I’m not saying I’m a sex goddess, exactly, but Liam certainly makes me feel like one. Night after night, he seduces me with smiles and kisses that make me feel like I’m twenty again and not cough-cough thirty-five.
And, wonder of wonders, now we’re going to have a whole weekend together alone.
It’s Decker’s weekend with the girls. He used to take them every other weekend, but now because of his “hectic schedule” it’s only once a month. He’s the one missing out. But I’m still jazzed up for just a short break from being a mom.
For forty-eight hours I’m going to be just a woman.
And Liam has a surprise for me. I know this because he literally said “I have a surprise for you.” It involves the weekend. I’m not even sure where we’re going. When I asked what to pack, he said it didn’t matter so long as I brought along that silk robe he likes me in.
So I packed one of everything. And then I did the same for my girls.
At home after work, I’m trying to be Zen about handing off the girls to Decker and his girlfriend. I liked the girl fine as our nanny. She seemed attentive. And Decker certainly needs help handling the twins.
See? I can do this. I’m as calm as a breezeless summer day. And I can stay that way, so long as she doesn’t smirk at me with that smug little smile as she leads my girls away from me.
Yikes.
Honestly, handing them over to anyone for the weekend is hard. Even their father. I just have to trust that Decker has our girls’ best interest at heart. I’m not sure I can ever trust him again, though. I did before, and look how that turned out?
Also, I’m worried about the girls getting too attached to The Nanny. She has an actual name, but I don’t want to speak it. Like Voldemort. If I don’t say it aloud, it can’t hurt me.
So where the heck are they, anyway? He was supposed to be here at four, and I’m on a schedule. Liam and I have taken great pains that the girls only see him at daycare, and not at our home. I don’t want them to start relying on him when he’s only a temporary fling.
Liam has said he’d be happy to hang out with the girls and me together. But I haven’t taken him up on it. They love Liam, and that’s the whole problem. I don’t want him to become a fixture in their home when I can feel in my gut that our fling will be short.
I check my watch. Again. Decker should be here by now, and he isn’t. I’ve packed two enormous bags for the girls stuffed with everything they might possibly need. Extra bedding, spare pacifier, diapers, wipes, the ever present Neosporin, yogurt snacks, and outfits for every season.
I may have overdone it. But Michigan weather can be awfully unpredictable.
And Liam will be here to pick me up in less than an hour. I planned for some alone time after the girls leave, so that I can take a shower and shave all the parts that will be visible or touchable to Liam, which means basically all the parts.
I can’t show up for our date weekend with Chewbacca legs. I just can’t.
Right now, Liam is probably in the shower, too, water sluicing ove
r his toned muscles, stroking himself while he thinks about our weekend activities…
At least I hope he is.
The next time I check my watch, Decker is officially fifteen minutes late. My prep time is down to forty-five minutes. That’s okay. I can do a quick shave. A quick moisturize. I’ve got plenty of time. “Girls!” I call. “Who needs a drink?”
* * *
Half an hour later, I’m about ready to lose my shit. Decker promised he’d be here at four p.m. It’s almost five. By 5:30, the girls are going to start clamoring for dinner. If he doesn’t feed them, they’ll be in full meltdown mode by 5:31 and all hell will break loose. Kate has developed the peculiar penchant for climbing doorways and biting things. Usually she bites a toy, but I could see her gnawing on Decker’s leg if he isn’t careful.
That’s actually tempting. Maybe I shouldn’t try to fix everything. Let him experience the twins in their full meltdown glory.
Gah!
Where the fuck is Decker? What if he doesn’t show up at all? I’ll have to cancel my sexy weekend with Liam, and I really want this. I need it. It’s been ages since I’ve had some time for me. I want my time with my lover man and wherever it is that we’re going and I want to drink a cocktail without worrying about it and I want to sleep in, please, for just once, I want to sleep in and…
There’s a knock on the door. It’s still a little weird that Decker would knock. This used to be his house and…
Wait a minute. That’s a knock at the back door, not the front. It’s not Decker at all. I look at my watch. 4:58! That knock is Liam.
I’m not ready for Decker to meet Liam. It’s too soon for that. It shouldn’t happen at all because Liam and I are just a fling and…
I open the back door. Liam is showered and shaved, and he is holding a bouquet of wildflowers. My heart begins to quiver at the sight of him. My heart, plus a few other parts. “Hi,” I say, and my voice is a little breathy.
“Hi,” he says, a little breathy too. “Do you think you could open the screen door and actually let me in?”