yet?”
I shook my head. I was taken. A smile slid across my face at the thought of kissing Dixie. What I felt was pure euphoria.
“Good. Don’t like dipping my wick where you’ve already had your candle.”
“Drive careful,” I told him as the truck door closed. He was cranked up and pulling out before I even made it to the house.
Stepping into the kitchen, I saw Momma in her housecoat putting away the clean dishes. She glanced over her shoulder at me. “That hellion left, didn’t he?” She asked, already knowing the truth.
“Yes, ma’am. He’s gone. Bolted.”
“He’s gonna be my wild card. The one to make me go gray too soon.”
“He thought you’d gone to bed.”
She laughed. “No, he did not. Boy walked out that door knowing good and well I was in here washing the dishes. Son, that lie was for you. He better not knock some girl up. I’ll make him raise the baby. I might not be able to do a lot with him, but I’ll for sure make his ass be a daddy if he creates a life.”
We all knew that to be true for all of us. Bray was careful. We all were. Had to be.
“Where’ve you been all evening?” she asked.
“With Dixie.”
She put her towel down and turned around. “Well, it’s about time. That poor girl has loved you long as I can remember. She’s turned into a real beauty.”
That surprised me. Not sure why. Nothing much ever got by Momma.
“She’s young.”
Momma shrugged. “Your daddy was five years older than me. We were just fine.”
“Yeah, but you were seventeen when you started dating. Almost eighteen.”
“Does she make you happy?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“That right there is all that matters. You will be good to her. Treat her with respect and love her the way she deserves to be loved. That’s what I know. That’s what she knows. You do that and the rest will fall into place. Most of the time anyway.”
“What about her dad?” I asked.
Momma chuckled. “Well, now you might have to run for cover before he takes a gun to you.”
Great. Even Momma thought that might be the outcome.
“Oh, Asher, don’t look so worried. Anything worth having comes with a price.”
This time it was me who laughed. “My life may be the price.”
She shrugged. “You got to figure out if she’s worth that or not. I left you a plate in the microwave. Eat something and get your homework done.” She kissed my cheek, then headed to the living room to watch her evening shows. She’d stay up until Bray got home. Then he’d get an earful, before doing it again tomorrow.
Dixie Monroe
STEEL HADN’T CALLED last night and he hadn’t come by today. I could’ve gotten angry with him, but then again, yesterday I hadn’t been able to put the ring he’d given me back on after taking it off. Before seeing Asher again, wearing that ring wasn’t so hard. But now, it felt wrong. Like I was betraying Asher, even though he’d been the one to turn away from me.
I walked out to my car and glared down at the Sutton house. Why’d I let Asher affect me so much? Would I ever stop caring that he tossed me away after I gave him everything? I jerked the door of my red Jeep open while at the same time my phone started ringing. I stopped and pulled my phone from my pocket.
It was Steel.
Finally.
But I didn’t want to answer.
It continued to ring. On the fourth ring, I gave in and said, “hello.”
“Hey,” he said, then paused. With just one word I knew something was off. His tone was tense. Controlled. “We need to talk,” he said on an exhale.
Asher. This was all because of Asher.
“Why? Did you talk to Asher? Is he not okay with . . . us?”
Steel didn’t reply. His silence spoke volumes. This was about Asher. But why? Why did Asher care? And why was I letting a sliver of hope into my heart?
My knuckles turned white as I gripped the car door. He hadn’t spoken to me in three years, yet he still managed to rip me to pieces every time he was back in town. I needed my closure, some form of finality between us so that I could move on.
“Fine, we’ll talk later, but I have somewhere I need to be. I’ll call you? Is that okay?” I said it not caring if it was okay or not. I wouldn’t talk to Steel again until I found Asher first.
“Uh, okay, yeah,” he replied, sounding nervous and uncertain.
“Good. I’ll call you later.” I quickly ended the call before he could say more. Climbing into my Jeep, I chose not to think about what I was going to say. If I did, I would’ve talked myself out of this. I turned my Jeep down the hill toward the Sutton house instead of going to town. Asher had been running from me long enough. He needed to face this once and for all. He needed to face us. What he did and what he threw away.
Steel’s white truck was gone when I pulled around the house. I made my way to the barn. Asher’s blue truck was parked where he had always parked it, just to the right of the pump house. He could see it from his bedroom window whenever he parked it there. That kept his brothers from sneaking off with it.
I stopped beside his truck and turned off my Jeep, but that was as far as I could get. Facing Asher was terrifying. His rejection and refusal to look at me had always felt like a knife plunging right through my heart. I needed a moment to mentally prepare. I knew I couldn’t do this with him and walk away unscathed. I knew what lay in store for me afterwards.
The knock on my window startled me. Bray was standing there frowning. Taking one more deep breath, I closed my fingers around the metal latch, opening the door and stepping down.
“Steel ain’t here, but then I’m guessin’ you know that, seein’ as how you’re parked next to Ash.”
Bray’s tone held a warning. He thought I was here to cause trouble. I wasn’t, not any more than Asher had caused when he drove into town and sent my heart into a tailspin again.
“Bray, it’s past time I got some closure. Back off and let me go get it. He’s had three years to get his head from his ass. Now I’m ready to move on and I need to finish this . . . thing . . . what was left unsaid between us . . . when it ended and your brother did the ending.”
Bray stood there a moment, then sighed, stepping back so I could get past him. “You’re right. This shit needs cleared up. Momma’s gone with Brent to get some feed and some flowers for the front pots. Asher is . . .”
“ . . . right here,” he said, that deep familiar voice that still taunted me in my dreams interrupting Bray’s. Asher had seen me drive up. I expected that. It’s why I parked here. I wanted him to know I was coming.
“Fix this shit,” Bray said, glaring at his older brother, before turning and walking away, leaving us standing there alone for the very first time in years.
I’d come to demand closure and now that I had his complete, undivided attention, I couldn’t move a muscle. I couldn’t form any words. I felt paralyzed. Asher stood a few feet away, only wearing a pair of worn jeans hung low enough on his hips that his v-cut lower oblique were in clear unhindered view. Where the hell was his shirt?
As if he could read my mind, the black cotton fabric of his tee shirt suddenly draped over all those muscles, the same muscles I used to think were made for sex, back when I was the one Asher was having sex with. Lifting my eyes, I took in his wet locks and freshly shaven face, realizing he’d just showered.
“You talked to Steel?” he asked, and my knees went weak. Why were my knees going weak? Why was being close to him like this as insanely all-consuming as it had been three long years ago? Before he tossed me out like trash.
“Not exactly. We’re meeting up later to talk. Before I talked to him, I wanted to talk to you.” It had taken all my strength to speak calmly. I wanted to scream at Asher. Demand to know why he hated me.
“You need to talk to Steel, not me,” he replied, then he turned to walk away.
Ju
st like before, he was blocking me out. Refusing to acknowledge me. I hated him again, how he used me, and then could so easily forget me. I hated that I still loved him. A scream tore loose and I lunged, grabbing Asher’s arm to stop him. He wouldn’t leave me again.
This time I wouldn’t stand here and take it. I would tell him what a horrible person he was. I roared “no!” as my hands wrapped around his bicep, which once used to curl around my shoulder back when I was something precious to him. Pushing those memories aside, I squeezed his arm and jerked him toward me, as hard as I could.
Asher stopped. His body tensed. Asher Sutton was not a small guy. He was all hard lines and muscles. Broad shoulders with a narrow waist. Thighs that made women drool. Yet, here I was screaming at him, and yanking on his arm like a kid, throwing a temper tantrum.
“Not this time! You won’t walk away from me again!” I tried to fill my voice with determination but I was fighting back tears inside.
Asher slowly turned. I let his arm go, suddenly realizing I was touching him. When his eyes met mine, I was unprepared for the pain I saw in them. It took my breath away and I had to take a step back to recover.
“Haven’t I done enough?” he replied. “Can’t this be all I have to endure? Do you want me to continue killing us both? Reduce us both to nothing?”
He didn’t try to hide his pain, that hateful mask of relaxed indifference he’d used with me for so long now replaced by unchecked, raw anguish. It took all I had in me to stop myself from taking him into my arms, to make that look in his eyes go away.
“Why? I need to know why,” I spoke softly. I stood where I was because I knew Asher would push me away if I went to him. He wouldn’t let me touch him. There was too much emotion running through him.
“I can’t be who you need me to be. I can’t be who you deserve me to be. I thought once that I could, but I found out that I made a terrible mistake. One I can’t take back.” He tightly closed his eyes, muttered a curse, before opening them again and leveling them on me. “If I could erase the past, our time together, I would take it all back. Every single moment, Dixie. I would wipe out every goddamn moment. Then you could move on and forget me. You were never meant to belong to a Sutton boy.”
A week had passed since he first kissed me. Walking out my front door every single morning to find Asher Sutton standing at his truck, with his arms crossed and that smile on his face, still seemed unreal to me. Like I was living in a dream. But it wasn’t a dream. This was real. I was Asher Sutton’s . . . girlfriend? I then realized I wasn’t sure I should call myself that. We hadn’t discussed it yet.
He kissed me. He walked me to my classes. Had me wait on him until practice was over so he could drive me home. But we didn’t go anywhere together. He wasn’t asking me out on dates. Maybe I was making more of this than was actually there. My heart sank at the mere thought I’d been imaging all this.
“Mornin’,” Asher said as I reached him. He always waited leaning back against the passenger side of the truck.
“Good morning,” I replied, trying to smile. The joy I’d felt at stepping outside and seeing Asher was quickly fading. Maybe I was misunderstanding this thing between us.
Asher took a step closer. His hand cupped my face. “What’s wrong? I’m used to seeing a smile. Not a big fan of that frown.”
I tried harder to force a smile.
“Dix, that ain’t a real smile,” was his response.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Guess I’m not awake yet. Stayed up too late reading.”
He didn’t look convinced, but he bent his head and pressed a kiss to my temple, looking behind me before moving back. “Not brave enough to kiss you the way I like with your daddy watching us. I can see his figure in the window.”
That did make me smile a little. I knew Asher was being funny because Daddy wouldn’t be standing in the window. Then again, he was probably watching from somewhere.
Asher opened the truck door and held out his hand. Like I always did, I slipped my hand in his and climbed into the truck. This part was real. He was here taking me to school. I should be happy about this. I was being greedy wanting more.
When he was inside, he patted the seat right next to him. “Why don’t you slide over here?”
I moved my book bag to the floorboard and slid over a little. This was a first.
“You know I don’t bite, Dix. Come on, get closer, up against me.”
I continued to slide over until Asher’s hand rested on my left knee. “There. That’s better. I like that.”
I agreed, it was better. Much better.
“I got my smile back,” he said, sounding pleased with himself. “Tell me what you were reading last night.”
I didn’t imagine that Asher was a reader. “Lord of the Flies for literature class. I have to write a report on it.”
Asher nodded. “I remember that. My favorite book we read that year was The Old Man and the Sea.”
“That’s next month’s required reading.”
“You’ll have to tell me what you think of it.”
This conversation wasn’t one that people in a relationship had. Or was it? I had no idea. But I was sitting beside him with his hand on my knee, which was making my heart beat faster. I knew that had to mean something.
“After the game tonight, will you go with me to Jack’s? The team will be there because the food is free. I’d like to have you with me.”
That was a date. He was asking me on a date. Daddy wouldn’t let me go inside Jack’s. But I wasn’t going to worry about that. I would do it anyway and hope Jack didn’t tell, which was obviously a friggin’ long shot.
“Okay,” I agreed.
He squeezed my knee. “Good. I’m glad.”
To me, it was more than good. It was wonderful. Stupendous. Groundbreaking. Even though I could end up being grounded for the rest of my life. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.
When he pulled into his parking spot at school, I could see people, mainly girls, turning to watch his truck approach. They saw me sitting there close to him. Not a single female looked happy. It wasn’t my first day arriving in his truck, but it was the first time I ever rode right beside him.
He parked the truck, leaned down, until his lips captured mine. He then kissed me. Really kissed me. The toe curling kind of kiss that made you forget to breathe. My right hand reached up to grab his shoulder. His face tilted and the kiss deepened. The minty taste of his toothpaste was the most delicious thing I’d ever had touch my tongue.
A banging noise stopped us and Asher sighed, pulling back just a little so that he could look directly into my eyes. “Ignore them. Anything they say. Especially Bray. He’s a smartass.”
Before the last word left his mouth, Asher’s door was jerked open. Bray and Brent Sutton were standing there grinning like we were the funniest thing they’d ever seen.
“I’m tired of having to get a fucking ride to school. You can do this shit with us in the truck. Dix don’t care, do you, Dix? Hell, I’ll even drive and you two can suck face the entire way to school.” Bray Sutton was dangerous, sexy and dark. Very different from his friendly, good-natured twin. You’d think they were born on different continents, if they didn’t look exactly alike.
“Move out of the fucking way,” Asher snarled.
“I’m serious, I’ll drive and make comments. We can throw the other three dipshits in the back and let them air. You two can then go at it. Just give me a warning before any sexy shit starts. I might have to pull over and watch.”
“Jesus! Shut the hell up!” Asher yelled, reaching over to squeeze my hand. “I’m sorry, Dixie, but you already know there’s not an excuse for him. He has no filter.”
I was smiling. Giggling, really. These boys had been in my life for as long as I could remember. I knew them all. Every single one. Though I’d only loved Asher from the start.
“It’s okay,” I assured him.
Asher briefly kissed my lips. He got out of the truc
k, pushing Bray back, then held out his hand for me.
“Always knew it would be you two. Steel makes more sense, but she only noticed you. Ain’t that right, Dix?” Brent asked, with his friendly smile in place.
I blushed and Asher pulled me against him. “If you two assholes don’t leave my girl alone, you’ll all be walking to school.”
They went back and forth with each other. I could hear them, but their words weren’t registering at all. Nothing mattered. Nothing but the fact that Asher Sutton had just called me his girl. I didn’t stop smiling all day.
Asher Sutton
HER BEAUTIFUL FACE crumpled from my words and I hated myself for that. I hated the air that I breathed. That all I knew how to do was hurt her. When all I wanted was to cherish Dixie. Love her. Make her happy.
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “No,” she repeated, tears flowing freely down her face. “I don’t believe that. You’re pushing me away. Trying to hurt me again. I won’t listen to you. You’re lying. This hurts you, too. I just can’t figure out why you’re doing this. Why you’re destroying us both.” She then took a step toward me. I took a step back.