breathed in relief. I didn't know why I felt like Brady's presence was so oppressive, but it was. I shook my head and tried to clear my thoughts. I couldn't think like that. It was no good.
"Rayna, are you awake?"
I opened the door to my grandpa dressed in flannel pajamas, ready for bed. He extended a plate of steaming mashed potatoes with grilled chicken toward me. "I heard voices and thought you might be hungry."
"Sorry, Grandpa. I'm not hungry." My stomach growled. "Is she…?"
"She went to bed again, same damn migraine."
I saw the lie and chose to ignore it. "What about you, Grandpa? Are you disappointed in me, too? How come you'll talk to me and she won't?"
"It ain't like that, Rayray. It's not you that she's avoiding."
"Then what is it? Why couldn't she talk to me last night? Why couldn't she wake me up to talk today? Why'd she go to bed early?" My voice hitched on a sobbing note.
I searched his eyes, looking to see some answer that gave me hope, but he gave me a sad smile. "Your situation just sits real close to something else that happened. It ain't even about you, not really."
"But what? What do you mean?"
"You should eat your food and maybe take something to help you sleep. You have a busy week ahead. It's your graduation and you have lots to finish up with school."
As he left, I felt a small balloon of hope had been burst with a sharp needle. I'd been given a brief reprieve that maybe I hadn't disappointed my grandma so much that she couldn't bear the sight of me, but then with his abrupt departure I knew it wasn't so. It really was me that she couldn't see.
When I shut the door and stood there with the steaming plate, I thought over the coming week. I had one paper to finish. It wouldn't keep my attention and it was almost done.
I left the plate of food on my desk and went to the bathroom. I wouldn't need anything to help me sleep. I felt almost numb from lack of energy. When I finished getting ready for bed, I curled under my blanket and closed my eyes to fall asleep again.
When I woke the next time, it wasn't to darkness. I saw the familiar peeking of light through my windows and even heard the birds again. Unlike the last time, I wasn't disoriented at all; I knew immediately what had happened over the last few days. I quickly rolled over and smothered my face with a pillow. After I screamed into it, I didn't feel any cathartic release, only more agitation. I knew the day was not going to be a fun one.
Later, as I got to school and walked through the parking lot doors, I was right. Instead of everyone not noticing me, everyone noticed me. I felt my face get hot and ducked to shove it into the bag that I was clutching.
"If you take one more step, I'm going to flatten you."
Clarissa stood an inch from me holding a huge cake covered in clear plastic. Her eyebrows were arched in a warning.
"Are you getting married?" The cake was covered in white icing with pink flowers around the foundation. A figurine of a kissing couple was on top with a giant pink bow at the bottom.
"Hell no!" Clarissa scoffed and rolled her eyes. "This is the final project in my home economics class."
"I thought we had to sew our own bag. Wasn't that in seventh grade?"
"I'm in the advanced class. I wanted to get a jumpstart for college next year."
My eyebrows shot up. "We have home economics in college?"
"No, but it's going to be my degree. I'm doing a self-declared major. I want to be a wedding coordinator."
"Really?"
"Really." Her eyebrows went flat. "And before you make some smartass comment, it's not because I want to get married or anything. I just really enjoy weddings. I've never dreamed about my own wedding. I don't even know if I want to get married, but I really like them. I helped plan my sister's and then my other sister's. It stuck for some reason."
"Okay."
"Sorry. I get heated when I think people are making fun of me." Clarissa blew out a breath to cool herself off. Some strands of her hair billowed upwards for a moment before they landed gently and perfectly back into place.
"You'd be great at that job."
Clarissa raked a shrewd eye up and down me, but didn't comment. I thought I heard a slight "huh," but wasn't sure when she turned and went down the hallway. After awhile I followed and saw she was at my locker. The cake was gone.
"How'd you know this was my locker?"
She snorted in laughter. "Are you serious? Brady might've been done with school for a year, but he comes around. Trust me. When Brady Remington hangs out around a locker, everyone notices. He liked to wait at your locker."
"Really?" I hadn't realized how much attention we'd drawn.
"Uh huh," she remarked dryly, waiting.
As I exchanged my bag for my books, I watched Clarissa. She pursed her lips in a flirtatious smile at two athletic guys as they walked by. Both of them turned and looked over their shoulders until they were out of eyesight.
"I love boys. I love men. I love anyone with a penis," she declared, laughing to herself as she tucked a strand of hair over her shoulder. It seemed to bring out the golden tan of her shoulders. Of course, her halter-top tank top might've helped since it was black and sexy. Well, it was actually simple, but it seemed sexy and really sexy when it was paired with her ripped miniskirt. I sighed in wonderment at Clarissa. She knew how to always look so beautiful whereas myself…I cringed when I looked at my pair of jeans and white tee shirt.
"But you probably knew that, right?" Clarissa distracted me.
"Why are you saying that?"
She narrowed her eyes for a moment, stared at me, and then laughed abruptly. "I'm starting to get why Brady likes you so much. You have no clue what's going on, do you?"
I gulped. Images of a firing squad came to mind.
"Okay. Not that I think you care or are even curious, but I love males, and because I'm in a sharing mood, I want to tell you why I love males."
I waited, unsure if I asked for this or even wanted to know this information.
"Because they're simple. Some girls won't agree with me, but it's because they're stupid. Males or anyone with a penis are very, very simple. They like what they like. They want what they want. And they don't care if other people have an opinion about it. Case in point, if a guy likes you, he doesn't care if other guys either think you're hot as hell or as unattractive as a pig rolling around in mud. Well, most guys. The narcissistic ones care."
I frowned.
Clarissa kept going, "The truth is that they don't want other guys to like you. You're theirs. They've pissed on you. They've marked their territory. The funny thing is that Brady marked his piss on you fifteen years ago. It's not even new to people, not like Kid, who should've known. He should've come back, known what was going on, and stayed away, but he didn't. He talked to you. That's why Kid is not simple and that's why I think I'm so attracted to him."
Wait—what?
Clarissa laughed throatily. "Those two guys that just walked by us, they are simple. They are the most simple of what males can be. They see a girl they like; they want the girl they like. Girls aren't like that and Kid isn't like that. He cares about you, but he doesn't think you're hot. I know that."
I bit my lip as I frowned even more.
"I think I'm in love, Rayna. Is this what's it like? Does your whole body tingle for his touch? Do you want the entire world to stop moving if it means you could see Brady?"
My mouth dropped open. How was I supposed to know that? Did I…was this love? Was that what I've been feeling for Brady? And I only thought I had my pregnancy to worry about.
"What?" Clarissa barked out.
"Huh?" I blinked at her.
"Are you pregnant?" she hissed.
I clamped a hand on her arm and jerked her into an empty classroom. As soon as the door shut, Clarissa whirled on me. "You guys did it and didn't use protection? Are you stupid? Is Brady stupid?"
"Why does everyone keep saying that?"
"Brady's smart. You're no
t. Did you guys have sex?"
I swallowed tightly. "Maybe you're Viola's real granddaughter."
"What?"
"Nothing." I wet my dry lips. "We had sex."
"I knew it!" Clarissa snapped her fingers in the air and grinned in triumph. "Brady didn't use anything, did he? That a-hole. It's like he wants you pregnant or something."
I was fed up. "Why does everyone blame Brady? I was there, too. I was a part of it."
"Yeah, but you're you. Brady knows about this stuff. Hell, he would use two rubbers if he could." Then her eyes went wide again. "But you can't do that—that does the opposite, but if he could, Brady would do it. He is anal, no pun intended, about that stuff. But he's just so freaking blind and selfish when it comes to you. He wants you all to himself. I'm guessing your grandmother blew a fuse, huh?"
"I should've known better. I was there too. It's my fault too."
An unnamed emotion swept through Clarissa's green eyes and she murmured, "You're right. You always protect the one you love."
Wha—huh?
Then she flashed a bright smile and grabbed my arm. "Come on, Rayna. I'm really hoping you aren't pregnant yet because this is the last week of school. We've got too much partying to do."
"What are you talking about?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to know.
"We're going on the senior tubing trip. You're going to get drunk because it might be the last time in two years if you go the whole breast feeding way."
I stumbled when she tugged me behind her. My feet were not a part of my body then and all I could think was…breast-feeding?
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Two hours later, I found myself self-conscious in a barely-there pink bikini and holding a mug of wine in one hand while I tried to balance a black tube with the other.
Not fun.
"Brady's girl! How are you?"
A sudden surge of water pushed my tube left while I slipped right. Someone jolted their way through the river to my side, but I couldn't look to see who spoke as I scrambled to keep from falling off my tube. Just as I was going in the river, I closed my eyes and gripped the mug tight, but a strong hand steadied me at the last second. When my legs were spread-eagle and my arms held the side, I peeked to see who'd come to my rescue.
Matt Krone stood in the water with his own foaming mug of beer. Instead of holding onto his tube, it looked like it was holding onto him.
"I'm not real good with the water sports stuff."
Matt blinked and then flashed a perfect smile. "Oh right. It was nicely done."
I frowned. "I have no idea what you're talking about." I gripped my mug tighter.
"Nothing," Matt chuckled. "What are you drinking?"
"I'm not drinking," I said quickly.
He looked at my hand.
I'm an idiot. "I mean, it's wine, but I haven't drunk anything. I'm not really a drinker."
"Sure about that?"
I opened my mouth to convince him of my normal boredom when I caught the grin at the corner of his mouth. "Oh. You're joking."
"Yeah," Matt laughed outright. "Trust me, Brady's girl, you've come around once and we all saw what a few drinks could do to you. Wine, not something you should be drinking. That stuff will go straight to your head."
I muttered, "I'm just holding it to fit in." A second passed and then—"I mean, I don't normally drink and Clarissa wanted me to…I'm just holding the mug. I'm not…I might, I don't know. I—"
Matt patted me on the shoulder. "It's okay, but does Brady know you're here? I saw him at Nellie's before school and he seemed worked up about something. You and him aren't my business, I shouldn't be saying anything."
I sat up straighter or tried. The tube started to slip away again. "What do you mean? What are you talking about?"
Matt frowned and glanced to where Clarissa lounged on her tube. She looked like she did it every day as she idly held her own mug of wine and laughed with a guy. I recognized him from the hallway earlier that day.
"What?" I asked again.
"Look, Clarissa's after Kid. She likes challenges especially if they're male. We all saw it at the party, but you're here. Is Brady okay with this?"
"This what? What are you talking about?" I frowned as I remembered Clarissa raving about Kid, but I wasn't too concerned about it at the time. Now I was starting to be.
"Do the math, Brady's girl."
"I have a name. Learn it," I retorted as the feeling of being used was starting to settle in my stomach.
I turned, or the best I could with the tube, and twisted my neck to see Clarissa. She looked the same as she had a few days ago. She liked Kid. I knew this. Kid liked me. I knew this too. Brady really liked me since he was my best friend. I knew that Brady wouldn't want Kid around me…so… I asked, "What are you saying?"
Matt had been staring at me while I pondered between the lines. Now he just laughed and then laughed some more, but then he quieted while his shoulders jerked sporadically. When he hadn't regained control within a few seconds, I got impatient. "I'm not good at this stuff. I know that. Brady's usually around to help me, but he's not here. So don't think I'm dumb, just tell me what you're saying."
Matt's chuckles lessened enough so he leaned forward. "Look, just be careful. Brady might show up later."
"You think Kid will come too? Is that what you're trying to warn me about?" I leaned closer. The tube started to slip, but Matt shot out a hand and held it firm. "That would be disastrous."
He stared down at me.
The feeling that I needed to do something was starting to grow within me, but what? I had no idea. "Brady usually takes care of this stuff."
"He's not here. You gotta do it."
I squinted upwards. "Why not you? You figured it out. Could you do something?"
Matt backed up and shook his head. "Oh, hell no. You're Brady's girl."
"What am I supposed to do?"
"I don't know, but you gotta figure it out."
My mouth fell open.
"Rayna," Clarissa shouted and waved towards me. She grinned, looking a little too happy. "Come here. I want to introduce you to Derek."
The guy next to her grinned as he held a clear John Deere mug filled with green liquid. I wasn't knowledgeable about drinks, but I certain that was hard liquor. I knew I wasn't about to find out because there was no way I was going to ask. With wavy chestnut curls and chocolate eyes, something about Derek was screaming for me not to talk to him…at all.
"Come on," Clarissa called out again.
I looked over my shoulder, one more last ditch effort to see if Matt would help, but he'd already moved to another group of girls. I recognized some of them as the mean ones, Angela and what's her face.
I was on my own.
I moved towards Clarissa and Derek at a slow pace with only one hand in the river and my legs still spread-eagle over the tube. Then I squeaked when I saw Clarissa motion for Derek to help. He stood up and showed off a lean, slightly defined, body as he walked towards me. I breathed out in relief when I saw his reluctance. He had no interest in me. He wanted Clarissa and he was only trying to please her. When he got close enough and reached out to grab my tube, my voice squeaked, "Is there a rest stop on these things?"
He froze and studied me for a second. "Why? You have to pee or something?"