Everyone knows what he’s saying. They don’t have the manpower to get them all out. They’re more concerned with disabling the guards during the main assault. Everything else is on the back burner.
I try my best to focus after that, but my hands shake with anger. I don’t agree with this, but there’s nothing to do. I’m powerless to change anything. I can’t even communicate with Sutton and hesitate to try. I remain silent the rest of the night, holding in my thoughts.
We return to our bunks, exhausted, and I curl up with Zeus and open my map. The commander’s residence looks huge. Dread permeates my soul as I trace the hallways with my fingers like I’m painting. Late at night, someone turns off the lights. I fall into a fitful sleep while twirling the ring around my finger.
Two days pass, full of training and tactics. Electricity flows through the atmosphere due to the party directly after the evening training session. We’re all ready to blow off steam. All the late nights, concentration on maps, and combat has worn us down. Looking into the mirror, the reflection staring back at me is ghastly. Deep, dark shadows rest beneath my turquoise eyes, but I try to hide them with makeup. I let my hair spill over my shoulders and glide mascara over my lashes.
“Do I look all right?” I say.
“Girl, you know you’re sexy. Shut up. I shouldn’t have lent you that mascara. The guys won’t be able to stop staring at your eyes,” Veronica says as she pins up her hair. “You’ll have first pick, that’s for sure.”
“I have no interest,” I reply while handing her mascara back.
“Oh really? Then tell me why you’re worried about how you look?” She laughs and it echoes off the walls of the bathroom.
“I don’t. This is me just freshening up, and plus, I never wear makeup. My mother never allowed me to. So I don’t have the slightest idea if it looks all right. That’s why I asked.” I lean against the wall and watch her as she lines her eyes and curls her lashes.
“Well, makeup or not, you’re a heart stopper,” she says. She stops and looks at me directly. “I don’t know your story. But I want you to loosen up a little and have fun tonight!”
I shrug. Maybe I should let go for a little while. Maybe I should try to have fun.
We enter the main training room, which has been decorated. I laugh out loud when I see the training ammunition from the machine guns strung across the ceiling. A good-looking, red-branded sinner offers free tattoos in the well-lit back corner of the room. People mingle with tiny plastic cups in their hands. Two long tables sit with a banquet of food laid out and drinks for all.
“Drink, ma’am?” I turn and a man offers me a clear cup with something sparkling inside. My eyes meet Veronica’s, and I nod my head. She smiles, and Keegan joins us.
“Cheers, ladies! To insurrection and our last party!” Everyone is relaxed and laughs while toasting. I down my drink and get another.
Pretty soon, people fill up the room. The music blasts from an old-school, beat-up piece of crap boom box that Keegan somehow managed to rebuild. Everyone dances even as their drinks spill. I laugh out loud as Keegan pulls me around, introducing me to others and giving me more to drink.
“Ryder, want to give Lexi a tattoo?” Keegan shouts.
I smack his chest. “I told you I don’t want one.” I can’t stop smiling. Even Zeus gives up following me and takes a post by the door.
Veronica’s hair falls out of her pins and flings around in wild circles as she dances. Sheldon relaxes at a table with a girl I don’t know. Keegan begins kissing a woman with long dark hair, and they disappear for a while. The music slows, and people partner up. My inhibitions are dulled, but I still refuse to dance with anyone. I sit next to Zeus and lean on him.
“Dance with me.”
I look up and Cole stands there, hand outstretched.
“Baby, please. This is about you and me tonight—not anyone else. I need to hold you, and I know you need that too. Come here.” He begs with his eyes, and I can’t refuse him.
I take his hand, forgetting everything around me, and follow him onto the floor. He holds me close as we dance. I press my head against his chest to keep from talking or looking at him. Just being this close is enough. Just feeling his heartbeat is enough. His hands rest on my lower back, and my skin burns at his touch.
“When we get out, I’m not leaving you no matter what you think is best for me. Without you, I’m already dead, and each day I get to be with you is one more day we didn’t have yesterday. It’s my choice and I choose to be with you—no matter what the consequences. I’ll fight for us because nothing else brings me happiness except loving you,” he whispers in my ear.
“I love you too. And I couldn’t agree more.”
“You’re the most extraordinary person I’ve ever known.” He takes my face in his hands. “Without a doubt, I’ll die to protect you, but you have to promise me something.”
“Stop. Don’t talk like that.”
“This is something you need to hear. We all aren’t going to make it out of this alive.” I shake my head, trying to fling away the words, but he presses on. “If I don’t make it, you owe me and you owe it to yourself to live your life the best way possible. Now I know you don’t want to hear this part, and believe me, it kills me to say it, but I have to. I want you to fall in love again, but only if he loves you as much as I do. Get married, have kids.”
“Stop! Don’t talk like that. Please, just dance with me. Don’t ruin this.” The lights around us glow and blur as tears fill my eyes.
He remains silent, as if agreeing with me. I glance up at his sharp jawline and his full lips. How I want to kiss the scar that runs through his lip. I reach up and touch his face, and he leans down, breathless. I begin to pull him in, my heart beating faster, and the music stops.
“I hope everyone’s enjoying the party. This could very well be our last night together. I want to thank all of you who have joined the revolt… Do you remember the first party we had? Our force was so small, smelly, and Sutton helped me to the toilet because I barfed all over the—”
The loudspeaker cuts off, and no one dances anymore.
“I do believe Keegan’s wasted,” I hear someone say.
I see Keegan pushing his way through the crowd with a different girl on his arm. I push Cole away, shaking my head. He looks confused and hurt, but I can’t think about that. Keegan stumbles up and grabs my shoulder.
“Are you hanging out with him?”
Sensing danger, I step between them and put my hand on Keegan’s chest. “No, I’m not. Calm down, okay? We just ran into each other and started talking. He was just leaving.” I feel instantly sober, like someone threw a glass of cold water into my face.
His eyes squint, and he leans left into the girl, who laughs. We stand opposite, and I wait for a fight to break out, but Keegan abruptly turns away. After I’m sure he’s gone, I turn back to Cole.
“You should probably go,” I say while glancing at the floor. I don’t want him to go, but the last thing we need is another fight to break out between them. Plus, alcohol makes Keegan even less predictable than before.
“Look at me, I’m just as much a part of this group as he is, and I’m risking my life as well,” he says while grabbing my hand.
The very thought makes me sick. “That’s not what I meant. Of course you can be here. I just think it’s best for both of us if you don’t hang around me.”
The comment stings him, and he pulls me in. “Please don’t do this. If something happens to you—”
“I don’t want to argue. Not tonight. You never asked me why, but I’m going to tell you anyway. I need to do this for myself, for my father, and for us. Not once in my life was I given the opportunity to fight for anything I believed in. Now here I stand, ready to break free.” I pull away my hand, regardless of how much I want him to hold it. “Just promise me you won’t die, because losing you would—”
“Shh. Baby, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll fight with everything I have
to make it out of here alive, with you by my side.”
My heart breaks into tiny pieces. It’s hard to even imagine what life would be like without him. “I love you. I still have a brother to think about. I don’t want to lose him again.”
“I only respect your brother because I love you. No matter what.” He kisses my forehead and then leans down to my awaiting lips.
“Dude, we’ve gotta bounce.” Bruno places a hand on Cole’s shoulder, interrupting our moment. “Sorry, man, I’ll give you a minute.” Bruno winks at me and I smile.
Before I know it, Cole’s lips press against mine as he pulls my body against him like it’s our last time. And it might be.
“I don’t want to let you go,” he says.
“We’ll see each other soon.” I put my hands on each side of his face and pull his head down until his forehead rests on mine. “I promise.”
Bruno taps Cole’s shoulder. “Come on, lover boy. Time’s up.”
Cole releases me without taking his eyes off mine. “Till then.” Then he turns and follows Bruno out.
Instantly, I want him to reappear. I feel all twisted inside, like someone’s wringing out my soul. My head hurts and I suddenly feel out of place.
Everyone’s drunk and I’ve had enough, so I don’t feel bad leaving. I whistle for Zeus and he follows me back the long winding way to wing C. As I sit on my bed and pull off my boots, I realize I’m the only person in the room. It’s eerily quiet, but I’m comforted with Zeus lying by my side.
Early morning, someone pukes on the floor. I hear a groan and watch a shadow crawl to the bathroom. Lifting my head slowly, I wait for sickness to overtake me, but it doesn’t. Instead, a hammer pounds away at the back of my skull. Ugh. My muscles creak as I sit up. I must’ve slept through everyone coming back last night, and I’m strangely okay with that. Zeus hops off my bed as I stand. I slept in my makeup and didn’t change my clothes because they smell of Cole. It wafts to my nose like heaven—and my personal hell.
“Everyone up. We have training in fifteen minutes,” a voice shouts into the room.
A collection of groans reply. After removing the oily stuff from my face, I’m first to arrive in the training room. I start running to warm up and gradually others appear.
They look awful. They reek of alcohol and their eyes are red from lack of sleep. Veronica shuffles in as she munches on some crackers. Sheldon throws up in a trash can on the edge of the room. What a bunch.
“Where’s Keegan?” I ask.
They look around and shake their heads. “Hung over. He was so wasted last night he shot an apple off the table and laughed so hard he started projectile barfing,” Isaac says.
“Fabulous. I’m pretty sure he kissed me right after that.” Veronica laughs.
“Oh, don’t you worry. You weren’t the only gal he kissed last night,” Sheldon interjects while cleaning up.
We begin running sprints to warm up and then sit down to stretch when Keegan arrives. His eyes are blood-red and sunken. His face is pale, and he carries a bottle of water.
Sheldon heaves again, making a God-awful retching sound. It almost makes me puke just listening to him.
“Seriously, if you’re that sick you need to go lie down and rest,” I say.
“No. If you party like an animal, then you train like one,” Keegan says.
I don’t even know how he can function. He looks like the walking dead.
“Unless you’re dead, you train,” he says.
Sheldon stands at attention, yet he looks miserable, along with everyone else.
“Let’s start with a ‘knees to the core’ workout,” Keegan shouts.
We all choose partners and begin kneeing each other across the room. My poor partner looks green. The session ends with most of the group puking in the trash can. It smells deplorable so I hold my nose before I get sick.
“I think we all enjoyed ourselves a little too much last night. I know I did,” Keegan says. “Wait until we overthrow the commander. That party will be insane.” The others smile through the haze. “Go back, rest, eat, and I’ll see you tonight. Tonight we make our final plans and rest, because come tomorrow, the revolt will show its ugly head,” he says.
I might be the only person that isn’t barfing, but I’m tired. I can’t shake Cole’s face from my memory, beckoning me to stay behind.
“Hey, wait up. Who was the amazingly handsome guy you were dancing with last night?” Veronica asks on our walk back to the room.
“Just a friend,” I say. The only reason I’ve survived the last few months. My head rewinds the night. I didn’t think anyone noticed Cole and me dancing together since most of them were pretty sloshed.
“Are you blind? The way he was looking at you… I would’ve assumed he was in love,” Veronica replies. She doesn’t say anything else, and I don’t elaborate. Lying in my bunk with Zeus after training, I relive the night over and over in my head.
Training in the evening is light, but the meeting afterward is heavy. All the groups from Keegan’s sector meet in the command center again and details of the operation are laid out for all to inspect. Sutton points to areas of strategic importance while the leaders ask him questions. Then he moves to speak to all of us.
“Timing is everything. If even one group is late, the whole operation could suffer. Coordination is imperative. It’s risky, but it’s how we must do it in order to disarm the guards. If not done properly, the guards could rearm or reinforce themselves for a stronger assault. We want to have control before that happens,” he says. “Keegan’s group will assault the main compound and take the commander into custody. My group will assist in blowing the main gate open and backing up Keegan’s group. Bruno’s group will lead the main assault on the headquarters.” Sutton continues speaking, but I look around for Cole and Bruno.
They sit in front with maps sprawled out before them. Cole marks his map using a red pen, and Bruno compares their routes.
I wish I could hear what they’re saying. By chance, Cole glances up at me and then back down at his map. His lips form a frown, his face heavy with concentration. Sutton’s voice becomes background noise as I watch him.
Keegan rubs the snake tattoo that wraps around his head and cracks his neck. He’s antsy, his hands constantly busy. In fact, his posture mirrors that of all the citizens. They shift their positions and whisper questions to their neighbors as Sutton pulls up another hologram of the Hole. At the conclusion, we break into our small groups. Spying on Cole, I see him rendezvous with his squad.
“We’ll begin at 0300. Now try to get some rest. You’ll need it,” Keegan says as we huddle. His words fall upon solemn faces. The joy experienced by all at the party fades as we contemplate tomorrow.
Trying to snatch a glimpse of Sutton and Cole as I leave is impossible. Too many people embrace and say their good-byes in the control room. I’m not tempted to cry. I’ve been through so much that the thought of my own death numbs me. The one thing I do care about is accomplishing our mission tomorrow and getting out of here to begin a new life with Cole. I pat Zeus’s head. At least I have him to comfort me.
No one sleeps. Whispers of prayers echo throughout the room. Sniffling occurs somewhere, but not one person closes their eyes.
I lie under my blanket, peering at the map of the commander’s quarters. It looks impossible to breach. I sigh and fold it up while rolling onto my back. I wonder what Cole is thinking right now. I didn’t get to say good-bye, but maybe that’s better for both of us. I just wish I could tell him I’ll be waiting for him afterward. I wish I could tell Sutton I’m not angry with him and that he’s incredible—for keeping the letter and making sure it got to me.
Most of all, I wish for peace. If I survive this, all I want is to live with Cole and to live in peace for the rest of my life, knowing I made the right choice.
CHAPTER 21
Loaded up with guns and ammunition, we trek the silent streets. The moonlight glints off our equipment, and another squad
moves away from us toward the hospital. Their figures fade into the early hours of morning. Hours seem like minutes as sweat drips down my nose.
An array of assault rifles stolen or bribed from the guards mingles within our group. Some people, like Keegan, have M16s while others, like myself, carry handguns with knives as a secondary weapon. They also issued extra ammo, jackets, and helmets before we left. Mine latches uncomfortably tight under my chin, so I leave it unbuckled despite Keegan’s harsh words. He says I tempt fate with my stupid decisions. But I think fate could’ve taken me long before now and told him so. Now my strap hangs free.
I look left, right, and then left again. We need to get to our destination before the rest of the groups proceed.
Sutton set it up so each team would assault various points of strategic importance at the same time with the hope of causing mass confusion within the guard structure. I hope with all that’s in me that it works. We’ve all witnessed the havoc the guards can wreak when prepared. Now, we’ll find out how they act when assaulted. For a change.
My mind drifts to Cole—where he is, how he feels, if he’s thinking of me too. I carefully wrap the memory of his face inside my heart and close it for later. I need to focus on each step and thinking of him only draws my attention away from my mission.
Sheldon leads. For all his bulk, he moves with finesse and motions us to advance forward. I can barely hear the sound of his footsteps on the cement, even with all of his equipment strapped on.
Keegan follows Sheldon across the street and then turns to wave me on. I can tell he’s tense by his rigid movements. For a brief moment our eyes meet, and his give nothing about his feelings away. I’m sure mine are wide with fear, anticipation and anxiety. His finger rests on the trigger of his gun, ready for the slightest change of plans. In front of us, in the distance, looms the stark outline of the main wall surrounding the Hole. Almost there.
The thick cement blocks grow larger and more intimidating as we converge on them. They tease us with their steadfast reputation and their unwillingness to allow our freedom. No one has ever escaped the Hole. Either the guards caught them, shot them as they attempted to slip away, or they weren’t strong enough to climb out.