I had prepared for Alex to be upset about this fact all day so when he didn’t get angry, didn’t hold his breath, didn’t react in any way I expected, I wasn’t sure how to respond. His face remained calm, the same concern it held before was still there.
“I’m so sorry. I wish I had known,” he said soothingly.
The shock of his reaction clouded my thoughts and all I could do was nod my head.
“Why don’t you come over to the couch?” he said, no hesitation in his voice like he was trying to hold back some frustration. “You’ll be more comfortable.” Again I only nodded my head and followed him silently to my tiny couch.
“So what changed?” he questioned once we were settled, my head resting on his chest. He held the ice pack gingerly on the back of my neck for me, his other arm wrapped securely around my shoulders. “Why are the scars so different today?”
I knew that it was wrong, the way I had drug him into this whole mess of things, a mess that was becoming more messy and tangled by the day. But I was selfish. I wanted someone to talk to about all of this. I needed him to know everything.
“There is more to this whole mess than I told you before,” I began. My heart raced in my chest as I feared what his reaction might be to what I had to tell him. Again, fear of rejection and of him thinking I was crazy filled my head. “Things have been changing a lot the last little bit with the nightmares.”
Alex gave no negative reaction as I carefully explained the things that had been changing. I confessed what had actually happened the morning of Valentines when I mysteriously passed out at the sight of him with the angel wings in the snow. I still couldn’t explain the dozens of hands that had covered me nor the voice that had spoken to me in the darkness.
I explained how my one defense of the sack over my head during the trials had been ripped away and how their leader had seen my face clearly. I told him of how the council had changed and the leader of the condemned was missing. I still couldn’t understand why my vision was so bizarrely clear and enhanced ever since I had woken up from this last nightmare.
And I finally wrapped everything up by explaining how I had gotten so violently sick today. I didn’t get sick. I had never been sick a day of my life. It was the same as how I had never broken a bone, never gotten a scratch or bruise. I couldn’t explain any of it.
While Alex seemed concerned and confused over the things I told him, he took this the same way he had taken everything else. In stride and appearing to be unruffled by it. He didn’t call me crazy, didn’t pull away or loosen his hold on me.
“Something big is happening, Alex,” I whispered into his chest. “I don’t understand what is going on.” I felt him press his lips into my hair as he gave me a soft squeeze. “We will figure this out,” he whispered. “I will do whatever I have to to help you figure this thing out.
And I will be here no matter what happens.” CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Things were about the same for the next nine days.
One minute I felt fine and the next my world was spinning and my body would shake with violent chills, despite the high temperature I was running. I tried to eat but was managing to keep nothing down for more than an hour at a time. My body was starting to feel the toll of it all. Every joint in my body ached and all curves and padding were quickly disappearing from my body.
Sleep was unavoidable for more than about fifty-two hours. In all my life it had never been too much of a struggle to get to at least the seventy hour mark. I was also sleeping for longer amounts of time than I ever had in my life. Three, maybe four hours was the usual norm, now six and seven hours seemed consistent.
Things remained bizarrely clear. My vision did not return back to normal and it was disorienting. Another strange thing it took me a while to notice was that I could hear everything. The same bizarre sharpness that had altered my vision seemed to have done the same to my hearing.
Alex wanted to take me the doctor the second day I was sick. I quickly pointed out that this was impossible.
There was obviously something beyond normal scientific reason going on. Besides, how was I supposed to explain where my scars came from? They would likely assume I was into extreme body marking and assume I was on some sort of drugs. Alex quickly saw my reasoning but did not exactly like it.
I had been right in my thinking that should Alex have to take care of me, he would be much more pleasant to deal with than Cole had been. Alex never left my side for more time than it took me to shower, though after the fourth day, he insisted on waiting in the bathroom for me when I had become too dizzy and crashed to the floor. He was patient, never seeming to mind that I was becoming the absolute center of his attention.
Despite how terrible the entire scenario was, I couldn’t be completely ungrateful for this unique time we were given. With so much time spent just one on one, it provided a very intimate opportunity to get to know one another better.
It started just as light conversation. As I would lie on the bed, usually with my eyes closed so the world would not spin so crazily, I would drill Alex with simple questions about himself. His favorite color was green, though blue was a close contender. Classic guy answer. His favorite holiday was Thanksgiving, no surprise there. He didn’t really have a favorite kind of music, he liked just about everything. His favorite season was fall. His favorite movies were of course anything comedy. He shamefully admitted he preferred science fiction books, though I didn’t understand why he was so ashamed of this fact.
When I finally ran out of simple questions I moved on to asking about his high school years. He told me how in his sophomore year his grandmother had gotten very sick and since his grandfather knew nothing of cooking, Alex had taken over the kitchen. That was when his obsession with food began. He claimed it was a miracle he didn’t weigh four hundred pounds.
With his grandfather’s encouragement, Alex had tried out for the high school basketball team and found he was quite talented at it. He was on his way to earning a college scholarship for it when he broke his leg his senior year, crushing that possibility. He didn’t seem saddened by this and I got the impression that basketball had never been that important to him. It was simply something fun to do.
From the way he talked, it sounded as if Alex had been friends with every single kid in school and was one of the most popular kids there was. I couldn’t help but wonder, had we gone to school together, if Alex would have ever noticed me. I wanted to say that of course he would have but I wasn’t so sure. I felt so plain and simple next to this extraordinary man.
Without my prompting, Alex told me of his past relationships which were surprisingly few. He’d had one girlfriend his senior year, who he quickly broke up with when he found her making out with the athletic director of the school. He had dated another woman for only a few months while he was in school in England but it had never developed into anything very serious. When Alex decided he needed to do some more traveling, she decided she didn’t want to go with him and that easily ended the relationship.
Alex’s hidden ability at the guitar was quickly revealed as he would sit next to me on the bed and play for me for hours on end. He was skilled in many different genres and at times it was hard to believe that just one set of hands and one guitar were playing. He also didn’t have too bad of a voice either as he sang me songs both familiar and not. Some of them I felt quite sure he had made up, either from how specific to the two of us they sounded or by how silly and nonsensical they were.
If I had to spend so much time feeling like my body was being put through hell, this certainly wasn’t a bad way to spend it.
I received a call from the hospital the day after my episode with Cole. They informed me that Sal had been moved into the more permanent facility and that she was doing well. She wasn’t talking to much of anyone but her psychiatrist felt she could make some real progress with Sal.
Unfortunately, they thought it unwise for Sal to have any visitors for a while, as they were afraid it might hind
er her progress.
Despite how persistent and forward Cole had been thus far, he remained oddly distant. He called once, the day after he had come over, just to make sure I was doing alright and to see if I needed anything else but I had not heard anything from him since. I could only hope he had given up on the idea that there ever might be something that would happen between us in the future. I did however truly wish that someday we might be able to be friends. I could always use more of those.
Due to the fact that I could barely walk across the room most days, I missed an entire week of yoga. I longed to talk to Emily, to demand that she explain herself further but I did not want to push her completely away. Finally, Monday morning, I was feeling almost my normal self and insisted that Alex take me to my class. He wasn’t thrilled about the idea but seemed to realize that I needed to get out of the house and get some fresh air.
He dropped me off at the doors and waved as he pulled out of the parking lot. He was on a mission to get groceries and some basic supplies we were in dire need of. Just as soon as he was clear of the parking lot, Cole’s shiny black sports car rolled in. I tried to keep a cheerful expression on my face as he pulled into a spot and stepped out of his car.
No man should look that perfect in sweats and a muscle shirt.
“Good to see you, Jessica,” he said as he flashed a dazzling smile that stopped the breath in my chest for a moment. “I’m glad to see you are feeling well enough to get out and about.”
“Thank you, Cole,” I said as I tried to make my smile seem normal. “I…feel…better?” I hadn’t meant the last part to come out as a question but I suddenly wasn’t so sure.
Cole hesitated for a moment as if gauging what I said.
“Well, let’s get inside,” he said with another blinding smile.
“No need to stand out in the cold.”
He held the door open for me and I was indeed grateful to get in out of the wind that was picking up. I quickly scanned the room and realized we were the last two to arrive. Emily was just pulling out the bin of mats. When she laid eyes on me she froze for a moment before she started handing them out to everyone.
She met my eyes and I tried to gauge what her reaction to me was going to be as I reached for my mat. Her expression looked surprised, almost concerned.
“Are you ok?” she whispered. “Cole told me you’ve been sick. You look like you’ve lost at least fifteen pounds.” I glanced down at myself absentmindedly. She was right, I looked scary almost. My skin clung to my bones in an unhealthy looking way.
“Um,” I hesitated. “I’m not sure. I really need to talk to you. Something’s wrong. With the whole…well you know. Something’s happening.”
Emily stared up at me wide eyed and I saw a million questions flash across her face. After a few moments she finally nodded her head. “After class. I can’t promise I will give you any more answers though.”
“I know,” I said, my voice obviously depressed.
She tried to manage a half smile then broke her gaze as she walked back to the front of the room. “Alright, everyone get into a seated position.”
I was certainly feeling the effects of next to no food and being sick as we got into the routine. I frequently had to stop and rest, feeling like I was spending half of the time in child’s pose. I had luckily chosen a spot at the far back of the room so thankfully the only person who saw my weakness was Emily. Mercifully, despite the fatigue, my body cooperated the entire session. No fever ate me up and even though my stomach was empty, the dry heaves that constantly attacked me stayed subdued.
I heard the dull roar of Alex’s truck pull into the parking lot just seconds before the class ended. He walked in just as everyone was rolling up their mats. A few of the younger women in the class gave obvious drooling stares as they left the building. I didn’t miss the cold, hard expression Cole kept on his face as he walked out without saying a word to anyone.
“You feeling okay?” he asked, his voice low as he gently placed his hands on either side of my waist.
I nodded my head and rested my forehead against his.
“Tired, but okay.”
It was so strange, the effect Alex had upon me. Like he was the sun and I was a solar panel, anxious to soak up the warmth and comfort that came from him. Like he made me work, brought life back into me. I couldn’t imagine how I would survive this traumatizing time without him. He was a drug I couldn’t ever live without now.
Realizing Emily was watching and waiting for me, I stepped away from Alex, though keeping a firm grip on his hand in mine.
Emily gave Alex a firm look before turning a questioning glance on me.
“It’s okay,” I explained, realizing what her expression meant. “Alex knows everything. He should know anything you can tell us, too.”
She gave him a slight look of surprise that changed into an impressed look quickly. “Wow, you really are Mr.
Right for our girl here.”
I blushed as I did not miss the double meaning behind her words.
“So you said something is happening. What exactly is going on?” Emily got right to the point.
“A lot has been changing with this whole messed up situation,” I began. It was difficult to even know where to begin and it took me a moment to sort out everything I needed to say. I began by telling her about the time the bag had been ripped off my head during a trial and how the leader of the condemned had looked at me so intently. I considered telling her about the time I had passed out and the terrifying experience of the voice in the darkness saying
“you shall be mine” but I couldn’t bring myself to admit to it out loud. That seemed too crazy, even if Emily had gone through the same experiences I had.
Next, I proceeded to tell her how the council changed, how the leader of the condemned was replaced by a lesser council member and someone new had been appointed.
Emily’s expression was beyond shocked at this.
“How is that even possible?” she demanded. “I suffered through those nightmares for almost ten years and the council never changed.”
“I know,” I said with a sigh. “I’ve dealt with them for even longer than that and it’s always been the same.”
“What could that mean?” she mused, almost to herself.
“I mean, they’re dead. It’s not like they are going to really be going anywhere. Although, outside of the trials I have no idea what angels do.”
I nodded my head. That was an interesting point.
What did the angels do when they were not at trials? I didn’t want to think about that too much.
“And then I’ve been really sick,” I said, finally catching up to the present. “I mean sick, throwing up, fever of like 103, chills, sick. My brand has been much more painful lately and something’s off with my vision and hearing. Everything is way stronger than it should be. So sharp.”
Emily’s brow creased as she considered this. “I kind of thought Cole was making it up that you were sick at first.
You know, just to avoid him, or me more likely. And then I saw you today and I had to believe him. No matter how impossible it is.”
“We don’t get sick,” I stated as I stared intently into her face.
“Even though they’ve stopped, I still don’t get sick. I haven’t been sick since I was twelve.”
“Like I said, something’s wrong.”
At this Alex clutched my hand a bit tighter and took a step closer to my side.
We were all quiet for a moment as I let them process what all had been said.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” Emily finally spoke.
“As terrifying as the dreams were they were always consistent. I can at least be grateful for that. I…I don’t even know what to think could be happening. You’re the only other person I’ve met who has the nightmares.” I simply nodded. I had a feeling this was all she was going to be able to give me. “And you still won’t tell me how to make them stop?” I already knew what her answ
er was going to be.
“No,” she said firmly. “Jessica, it’s not worth it. I can’t let you do that to yourself. You’re too good. You’re such a good person.” With that she suddenly stopped talking, as if she felt she had said more than she should have already. I hadn’t gotten anything out of that, whatever it was she felt she divulged.
Frustration flowed through me, giving my stomach an uncomfortable lurch. I could feel that exhaustion was not far off from completely consuming me. “Okay then,” I sighed, taking a step closer toward Alex, closing the gap between us and resting lightly against him for support. “Call me if you think of anything.”
Turmoil churned in Emily’s eyes but she simply nodded her head. She was going to give away no secrets today. “I will, I promise. And call me if anything else happens or changes.”
We said quick good-byes as the group of Pilates women who followed us started coming in. I felt embarrassed and weak that I had to lean on Alex for so much support just to make it back out to the truck.
“Well that was frustrating,” I huffed as he closed his door and started the engine.
“I’m not exactly surprised,” he said as he looked over his shoulder and backed out of the parking space. “This isn’t exactly a normal thing. You can’t really blame her for not knowing what to tell you.”
“I can blame her though for not telling me how to make the nightmares stop,” I hissed. I could feel the frustration boiling just under my skin.
“It sounds like she has a good reason for not telling you,” he said quietly, keeping his eyes on the road.
For a brief moment I wanted to be angry with Alex for siding with Emily but the emotion was gone as quickly as it surfaced. “I’m sorry,” I quickly apologized. “I shouldn’t judge her like that.” I still felt frustrated though.
Alex only glanced in my direction with a sad smile and reached for my hand, wrapping my rather frail looking fingers in his giant ones.