For most, sleeping under pressure would be impossible but when you slept as little as I did this wasn’t difficult. My body may not need as much as everyone else but it still needed some.
I had never so willingly fallen asleep. The comfort that I might be able to hide the truth of what I experienced eased me into the darkness in just a few short moments.
My heart was beating painfully fast as I sat on the floor of my cell, my hands holding onto the cold, steel bars with every ounce of strength I had. After only a moment, I heard footsteps and saw Adam come into view. His face was expressionless as always and he walked at a slow, steady pace toward me, the gold chain hanging limply in his left hand. His wings nearly drug on the floor. They were beautiful and menacing all at the same time as the light danced off them.
He reached the end of the tunnel and drew a silver key and unlocked my prison. My heart hammered and I was certain he could hear it. I drew in short, labored breaths as he bound my hands. Fourteen… fifteen…sixteen…
He tugged me down the tunnel and I restarted my count. Soft whimpers escaped my throat and I felt a tear roll down my cheek but Adam did not turn and offer comfort.
He stared forward, his expression solid as stone.
The count to sixty-two ended all too soon and I was brought to my place in the center of the stone catwalk. I closed my eyes tightly under my white covering and tried to block out the sound of rustling wings.
“Crystal Daniels,” the leader of the council began. It was a female today. My name is Jessica, my name is Jessica, I chanted in my head. My ears started ringing.
“The deeds of your life have been accounted for and judgment will be passed. Your actions must be made known.”
A soft whimper slipped from my lips and tears started rolling freely down my face as the sound of wings filled the air and the demented laughter began. I was ever grateful for the sack that covered my face. It would only make them laugh all the more to see my tears. It was almost impossible to hear the beautiful voices that descended from above. It seemed there were far more that came from below.
“Crystal Daniels, your deeds will now be revealed,” the beautiful man before me said. I could not help but lift my head as the scrolls were produced and unraveled. To my slight relief they seemed almost equal in length.
By this point I should have known better than to hope.
Crystal had obviously been some kind of prostitute and had done many unladylike things in her lifetime. I already sensed the few good things she had done in her life would not be enough to save her, or me.
When the end of the list was read, my breathing picked up to double. A strange wheezing came from my throat and my head spun. It was time.
The condemned council members were to cast their votes first.
“Down,” the first said with a demented chuckle.
“Down,” the second.
“Down,” the third and fourth.
There was a pause and I turned to the man who was the leader of the condemned. His hesitancy was surprising.
Normally the condemned voted for everyone, even the ones who didn’t deserve it, to be cast down. The leader was the occasional exception.
He seemed to be studying me, debating what the fate of Crystal Daniels would be. There was something in his black eyes that made me shudder more than normal this time. I knew he could not see my face as it was covered but something made me feel exposed and vulnerable under his intense stare.
“Up,” he finally said after what felt like an eternity.
My heart fluttered and I turned hopefully to the blue eyed angels.
The first shook her head, her mouth in a tight line.
“Down.
“Down,” the second.
There was a slight pause before the third said, “up.” There was an even longer pause and I could tell my face was soaked with tears. There had already been enough votes placed to grant me a branding.
“Down,” the fourth finally said.
“Up,” the fifth, and leader of the exalted said, the sadness in his voice evident.
I could not force a scream from my lips as the deranged laughter exploded from the walls. I heard Crystals name screamed until the name itself seemed a condemned word.
I looked up at the council and my eyes rested on the leader of the condemned. He stared at me with that strange expression on his face as if trying to understand something.
He seemed to be searching for the answer to a question he had been asking for a long time. It only lasted a fleeting second though before the wicked grin spread on his face and his powerful wings projected him toward me.
I dropped to my hands and knees, both shaking so hard it was difficult to retain my position. I swept the hair from my neck.
The all too familiar searing white hot pain began in my neck and shot through my body. I could smell burned skin and hear it sizzle as the rod was pressed into my neck.
I was tugged to my feet and my eyes couldn’t focus as I looked ahead to the council again.
“Crystal Daniels,” the leader spoke again, his face still downfallen. “Judgment has been placed.”
The terrifying sensation began crawling under my skin. It moved as if new bones were growing and rearranging under the surface. I heard my flesh tear and my own pair of wings burst forth.
The black eyed ones burst from their position on the wall and leapt at me. Hands covered every surface of my body and just before I thought I would pass out, the darkness came to met me with mercy.
I was slightly disoriented when I woke, unsure of what time of day it was. I searched frantically for my clock on the nightstand. Ten forty-six. I’d been asleep for over three hours. This was longer than I had hoped for. I listened intently, searching for any indicators that Alex might have returned. When only silent walls answered, I lay back on the bed with a huff. If he had been home I had no doubt he would have heard me scream. I knew I had, I always did.
The trial came back to me and something disturbed me. I had stood hundreds of trials but this one was different.
Just slightly. The leader of the condemned had acted strangely. Almost as if he wanted to see the face under the sack. My face. I shuttered at this thought. The sack was my only defense or protection in the nightmares. I did not want to think about what might happen if they were to see the person on trial was not in fact the face behind the mask.
I shook my head, trying to clear these thoughts. I was overreacting. I was over thinking this. What did it matter?
It was supposed to be just a dream.
If only it was just a dream.
I heard the door open upstairs and I sprang from the bed. I wouldn’t let him find me supposedly back in my bed at almost eleven o’clock. I ran into the bathroom and started the shower. After closing the door I quickly undressed and after a brief glance in the mirror at my reddened scars, I stepped into the scorching water.
I tried to listen for sounds of activity above me but couldn’t make anything out over the sound of the water running.
Washing so much hair took time and it was a menace sometimes. I really needed to get it cut. It always took almost five minutes just to wash and rinse it.
“Hey, Jessica?”
A scream escaped my throat as I jumped and frantically wiped shampoo from my eyes.
“Alex?!” I screeched. “What are you doing in here?”
“I needed to ask you something. It’s not like I can see anything.”
I would have thought he was trying to be like most perverted guys who would try and sneak a peek but his voice sounded so innocent and almost hurt, I couldn’t tell him to get out immediately like I initially wanted to.
“You could have knocked first,” I said. I was immediately grateful the shower curtain was a solid white vinyl instead of the common clear.
“I did but you must not have heard me,” he said and I heard him take a seat on the toilet. “Sorry for scaring you. I seem to be doing a lot of that.”
I found m
yself half smiling. He was right. Every time we had talked thus far he had scared me half to death first.
“I was wondering if you’d like to come up and have dinner with me tonight?” he asked. “I like to cook but it’s not a whole lot of fun to cook just for yourself.” A small laugh almost escaped my lips but I managed to hold it back. From first look at Alex I would have never thought he was the chef type. And that this question was important enough to him that he felt the need to barge in here while I was in the shower.
“Ya,” I said. “I guess that would be okay.”
“Great,” he said as I heard him stand and could almost feel the grin the beamed from his face through the shower curtain. Somehow I was sure it was there. “I hope you like Thai food. It’s my specialty.”
“Sounds great,” I chuckled. Thai? Even more not what I would have expected.
I heard the door click shut and then faintly heard my bedroom door close.
I shook my head in slight disbelief as I finished rinsing and turned the water off. The man knew no boundaries. He was incredibly presumptuous but seemed to be completely oblivious to this fact.
I wasn’t going to admit to myself the extra amount of care I took in getting ready for the day. I did not even realize I was putting a little bit of make up on until it was already done. I had even chosen my favorite pink sweater to wear.
I shook my head at myself as I walked out the door. I was pathetic.
Part of my everyday routine was to check on Sal. She was reading one of the books I had bought her and she seemed to be near the end of it. She wouldn’t say much, just a few mumbles and nods when I asked her questions. She was rather unsociable the last few days. But that was normal for Sal. She seemed to have cycles of either being a nonstop chatter box or almost completely mute. I wasn’t going to pressure her. She’d already been through enough in her life; I wasn’t going to add any stress.
I returned to my apartment and sat back at the table.
Knowing I was only trying to pass the time until dinner, I pulled my laptop out and pulled my email up. There wasn’t much in there as I didn’t keep in touch with the very few friends I had in high school. I didn’t belong to any social networking sites, for the same reason. Most of the messages in my inbox were junk but one caught my attention. The monthly newsletter from Stanford that I still continued to get, despite the fact that I had never actually made it to the university.
Having nothing else to do, I clicked on the message. I skimmed it quickly, my eyes freezing on a short announcement half way through it. The notice that one Jason Walker would begin teaching psychology in the summer. I knew that name all too well.
I had run away from home when I was sixteen and found myself in central California. I lied about my age to get an apartment, found a job, and learned to grow up very fast. Somehow I managed to stay in school too. Soon after I turned eighteen, my senior year of high school, I met Jason.
He was handsome and charming. He was older than I was, 24 and already almost finished with his masters. But neither of us seemed to care about the age difference. He looked younger than he really was; I looked slightly older so people never really asked questions.
Jason was attentive and did not seem to mind my strange idioms. He was a great listener and I told him everything about myself. He told me he loved me often and I did the same. I had even allowed myself to think of the possibility we might end up being married at the end of the year.
After six months of the happiest days of my life the world exploded.
“Hey,” I said with a smile as I placed a quick kiss on Jason’s cheek. He only gave me a stiff smile and set his backpack on the grass. I tried not to worry about the crease in his forehead that only made an appearance when he was worked up or the way he kept his distance from me.
The California air was warm, perfect for this time of year. I had survived graduation three weeks earlier. I was proud of myself for making it through all four years.
Working a full time job to support myself wasn’t easy, add to that the pressure of finals and keeping up a perfect 4.0, it had been hard. But I had done it. Jason had been in the stands cheering me on as I received my diploma.
“Do you want to go to the club tonight?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood that was already darkening, despite the fact that he hadn’t said anything yet.
Jason looked at the ground, his lips pursed together in a tight line. His jaw was set hard as he seemed to be considering his words.
“I can’t do this anymore Jessica,” he finally said. He couldn’t even meet my eyes. “I can’t handle it anymore. It’s just not normal. They aren’t real.”
“Jason,” I whispered, my brow furrowing with the hurt that was only going to get ten times worse over the next few minutes.
“This is what I’m going to be doing, Jess,” he said as he finally turned hard eyes on me. “I’m a psychology major for crying out loud, I should be able to spot when someone can’t handle reality when I see it. I can’t do this anymore.
Good-bye, Jessica.”
And with that he picked up his backpack and walked out of my life forever.
It was as harsh and dry as that.
I would never attend Stanford despite my acceptance.
Without even really realizing what I was doing, I had packed my few things and driven aimlessly north and ended up in Washington, almost to Canada. I spotted the lake to the west of the freeway and thought it was one of the most beautiful places I had ever seen. It looked so peaceful, a feeling I was desperate for. After driving to the west side of it I saw the sign in front of the house advertising the need for a house sitter. I secured the job the next day and had been there ever since.
With a deep sigh I deleted the message. I had gotten over Jason long ago. It had been difficult but I realized that someone who was going to throw me away like that wasn’t worth pining away after.
I pulled open the search engine and typed Jasper Wood’s name again. The obituary popped up in less than a second. There wasn’t much there. He was forty-eight, had worked at a mill for years and did not seem to be leaving any family behind. I retrieved my leather bound notebook and transcribed his name as well as Crystal Daniel’s onto the page. I did not have a reason for doing so but I had done it since I realized the names I stood trial for were real people.
I suppose it seemed barbaric to simply forget them, no matter how the deeds of their lives haunted me.
CHAPTER FIVE
The rest of the day passed by in one slow swirl of anticipation and nerves. There wasn’t much to do around the house and so there was little to fill the time with till I went upstairs to see if there was anything I could do to assist Alex.
I stopped in my tracks for just a moment when I saw him in the kitchen. He was barefoot, wearing jeans and a red polo shirt. His entire front was covered with a faded white and pink checkered apron. Despite the ridiculous covering, he looked absolutely stunning. I often heard women talk about the attractiveness of a man who cooks but I had never been witness to that till just then.
“Oh, hey!” he said cheerily as he looked up from his work.
“Uh, hi,” I said stupidly as I just stood at the top of the stairs.
“Everything is almost done,” he said as he turned back to the steaming pots. “Just give me a few minutes.”
“Could you use any help?” I asked as my senses started to come back to me.
“You could set the table if you’d like,” he said as he wiped his hands on the feminine apron.
I just nodded my head before walking to the cabinet where I knew the dinnerware was and grabbed two plates and two bowls. I grabbed silverware and glasses as well and got the large oak dining table ready.
“That smells really good,” I said as I laid napkins down.
“I hope you’ll like it,” he said with a grin as he poured something into a serving dish.
I stood to the side of the table and twisted my hands.
After my year and a ha
lf of almost complete solitude, I could tell I had lost a lot of social skills. I wasn’t sure of what to say or how to act. Being around Sal was one thing but being around Alex was completely another.
“You want to grab this?” he said as he took the apron off and held out a large silver bowl. I lurched forward just a little too quick to take it from his grasp and that little smile tugged at the corner of his mouth again. As I set the bowl of rice on the table I hoped I wasn’t blushing horribly but had the sinking feeling I was.
Alex followed me and set two dishes down. One contained strange, triangle shaped noodles and the other a steaming, spicy smelling bowl of vegetables and beef.
“It’s not got a lot to it but trust me, it’s going to taste great,” Alex said as he pulled out a chair. It took me a second to realize he was holding it out for me.
“Thanks,” I said as I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and sat.
Alex took his seat and reached for my plate. “Do you care?”
“No, go ahead,” I said shaking my head, feeling silly that he was dishing up my food.
He scooped a large pile of the noodles and the rice onto the plate and topped the noodles with the vegetable and beef mixture.
“Oh, hang on,” he said as he set the plate in front of me and stood up. “Forgot something.”
He went to the fridge and came back a moment later carrying a bottle of soy sauce.
“Oh, thanks,” I said stupidly, nearly dying from how awkward I felt. I hadn’t had dinner with a man in a very long time, much less a man who looked like Alex did. That was never.
“I’m glad you agreed to eat with me,” he said as he piled food onto his own plate. “I hate eating by myself. I find it depressing.”
I silently agreed with him despite the fact that I did it every day. I hesitantly scooped some of the food onto my fork and shoved it into my mouth.
“Wow!” I said as I chewed. “This is amazing!” He chuckled as he took his own bite. “Glad you like it.”